|But maybe this is why I am a girl - - - so I can live more safely than the boys I have known and envied, so I can bear children, and instill in them a biting desire to learn and love life which I will never quite fulfill, because there isn't time, because there isn't time at all, but instead the quick desperate fear, the ticking clock, and the snow which comes too suddenly upon summer. Sure, I'm dramatic and sloppily semicynical and semi-sentimental. But in leisure years I could grow and choose my way. Now I am living on the edge. We all are on the brink, and it takes a lot of nerve, a lot of energy, to teeter on the edge, looking over, looking down into the windy blackness and not being quite able to make out, through the yellow, stinking mist, just what lies below the slime, in the oozing, vomit-streaked slime; and so I could go on, into my own thoughts, writing much, trying to find the core, the meaning for myself. ... And I have too much conscience, too much habit to sit and stare at snow, thick now, and evenly white and muffling on the ground. ... And so the snow slows and swirls, and melts along the edges. The first snow isn't good for much. It's a sentimental prelude to the real thing. It's picturesque & quaint.
|your skin makes me cry|
|i want a perfect soul|
|So much of what I had believed to be true has burned along with the ashes of my past. Those who showed me faith when I loved them with my smile and my open arms, and then told me it was best for them to leave when I was at my greatest moment of need.... those are the people I hope to never see, not even from the corner of my eye, ever again.
Those that kept me in their embrace when I needed to cry... because I had done too much giving and I couldn't hold up strong anymore... because all I needed was someone to tell me everything was going to be alright and that one day, I would flourish from all this pain... those are the ones that I would do anything for, travel across the world, stay up for 3 hours with the light of the descending moon just to comfort them... those are the ones that will hold my children one day, and who will be welcomed into my mind, and my soul.
|Something magical happens when you find that person you never really thought existed besides in your dreams and your wishes.
everything I dreamed of when I was a little girl and I would smile in my sleep.
all the wishes that would develop when my heart would be broken by the boyfriends that would make me cry with the recognition of my half empty being.
the person I dream of at night and wake up to his sweet embrace and good morning kiss every day.
the owner of the most beautiful eyes I could have ever imagined, and the sweetest words when he says he wishes for his children to have my same eyes....