CBS NEWS SPECIAL REPORT MUSIC AND VIDEO PLAYS ON SCREEN

NARRATOR  (off screen)
This is a CBS News Special Report.  Live from our studios in New York, this is Dan Rather.

CUT TO DAN RATHER IN NEWSROOM

DAN RATHER
Shocking developments tonight as the terrorist known as Akbar Asheq has issued a threat to WWE star Steve Austin, saying and quote “If Austin steps one foot in a ring on national TV, I will personally rip his arm off and eat it.”  Steve Austin has been asked to stay off of tomorrow nights live “Raw” broadcast from New Orleans.  Asheq has been on a streak of personal killings and he is believe to be somewhere here in the U.S.

FADE AWAY TO WWE RAW MUSIC VIDEO INTRO

FADE TO CROWD (Raw theme music still plays)
(fireworks go off as camera pans around the screaming fans)

EXT. CUT SHOWING NEW ORLEANS ARENA WITH SUPERDOME LIT UP IN BACKGROUND

JIM ROSS (off screen)

This is Jim Ross, along side Jerry "The King" Lawler, and we are coming to you live tonight from the Big Easy.  We're inside the New Orleans Arena, right next to the historic Louisiana Superdome!!  Welcome to RAW!!!
KING: (off screen)

 That's right JR, New Orleans may never be the same after tonight.  I can't wait to see if Austin actually has the guts to show up here tonight.
 

CUT TO JR AND KING

ROSS

(as talking, camera backs up to show Jessy Ventura sitting with them)

If I had to bet on it King, I would bet that Texas Rattlesnake, Stone Cold Steve Austin is going to be here tonight!  And king, tonight, we have a very special guess with us here.  He's running for President in 2008, he's the former governor of Minnesota, he's none other than WWE Hall of Famer, Jessy "They Body" Ventura!

VENTURA:

(In that classic Ventura voice)

Ha haaa, it's great to be back JR and King!  Come on now, what would a cartoon be without "The Body" here.  JR, King, it's a pleasure to be here and I hope Stone Cold rips out the heart of Akbar Asheq right here tonight!!! That's if Asheq has the guts to show up!

KING:

Show up? I think Austin would be the one who's crazy to show up here tonight.

RAW THEME MUSIC STOPS

CUT AWAY TO RING WHERE PARIS HILTON IS STANDING IN RIGHT WITH MICROPHONE

Normal Raw ring, ropes are red, apron is black, mat is white

Paris is wearing pink dress

NOTE: Commentating is done by Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, and Jessy Ventura; and is off screen

ROSS: (commentating)

And now we begin tonight with none other than Paris Hilton!!"
KING: (c)

It's her JR!!  Whoooo-hoooo!!!

PARIS:

Hi everyone.  In case you are wondering why I'm here, I'm here to talk about.....

SUDDENLY INTERRUPTED BY THE SOUNDS OF BROKEN GLASS

(Stone Cold's music hits; crowd gets very excited and loudly screams with arms in the air)

ROSS (c)

(very excited)

Ohh ohhhh!!!  Here he is!

AUSTIN COMES OUT ON 4-WHEELER

Austin is dressed in shorts and wearing his "F*ck Fear, Drink Beer" shirt

ROSS: (c)

Austin's not wasting any time!  That Texas Rattlesnake is already out and we're not even 5 minutes into the show!!

KING: (c)

(complaining voice)

He didn't let her finish JR.

(Austin goes through his normal entrance routine.  Gets up at every corner and gives the crowd two big arms ups with his middle finger sticking out.  The "Stone Cold" Salute as the crowd goes crazy.)

VENTURA: (c)

This shows you what kind of guy Austin is, I like his guts, he isn't afraid, just read his shirt if you don't believe me.

(Austin is finish saluting crowd. Austin turns to stare down Paris with his trademark look of fury)

KING: (c)

Ohhh no!! Paris you may want to get out of there, he's crazy

ROSS: (c)

Paris Hilton probably has no idea just who Stone Cold is!!!
VENTURA: (c)

We got the spoiled little rich girl here and the big blue collar Texan about to go face to face.  This should be good JR.
PARIS: 

Uhhh, I beg your pardon.  You rudely interrupted my announcement, so now that you are finish trying to get attention by stealing my spotlight, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
 

(Austin simply walks up and gets in Paris' face staring her down)

KING: (c)

Ohhh no, Paris
ROSS: (c)

This is can be a highly, highly, highly, volatile situation.

(Austin stares for a while.  Then suddenly, Austin violently snatches microphone away from Paris.  Austin turns around and walks towards ropes with head down; a typical Austin gesture)

AUSTIN:

(begins laughing) (classic Austin voice)

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Miss Paris Hilton, the hotel porn star!
KING: (c)

Ahhhh!! you heard that JR?

(Crowd goes crazy as Paris is vividly upset)

AUSTIN:

Look at me with your little beady eyes!  I think you suck, I think your little show, the simple world, the simple life, whatever the f*** it's called sucks.  I even thought your little internet video sucked!!! To sum it all up, I think you are nothing but a pathetic little rich spoiled brat.  They got a son of bitch that wants me dead so I aint got time to fool with you, so why don't you do what you do best, get out of here, get your ass to Bourbon Street, find you a nice piece of trash for a guy, and F*** the damn night away!!!!
KING: (c)

Ahhhh!!  I can't believe he said that to her!!!!  Is he crazy JR, he can't say that to Paris Hilton!!!"

(Paris begins to leave, very upset and ticked off.  And she gets to the top of the ramp, Austin  has this message for her.)

AUSTIN:

Oh yea, and I almost forgot, here's to you!!!"

(Austin flips Paris off and crowd again goes crazy.)

AUSTIN:

Now that we can get back to business, some guy from the CIA told me that they believed that Akbar Asheq has been involved with a little group that hangs out in the French Quarter.  Well, that son of a bitch, Asheq said that if I would come out here, he would rip my arm off!!!  Well, I'm not a hard man to find, and it obviously doesn't look like he's coming, so I'm going to get on my 4-wheeler, drive it down to Bourbon Street, and I'm going to open me up a cajun hot sauce flavored can of whoop ass!!  (very intense voice) And that's the bottom line!!! 'cause Stone Cold said so!!

(Austin's music hits, and he gets on his 4-wheeler and revs it up for the crowd and he leaves.)

VENTURA: (c)

Unbelievable JR, Austin's going find Asheq himself
KING: (c)

Poor Paris JR, what about her
ROSS: (c)

The hell with Paris Hilton!!

CUT TO STACY KIEBLER WALKING DOWN HALLWAY BACKSTAGE

(Stacy runs into John Cena)

STACY:

Haha, Austin sure ran her off quick, you know John, I don't really like her.  So John, what you think of all this terrorist stuff?
JOHN CENA:

 (freestyle rapping) 

Yo, Stacy Kiebler.

How about my boy Austin, haha, Paris, I wouldn't want to be her. 

This is my first time in this cartoon,

no JR, I'm not goofy like a pet coon.

I'm John Cena, I'm hear to thrill,

after all, I got lots of girl's dreams to fulfill. 

Haha, we got Austin heading to Bourbon Street,

destin to send those terrorist down in dee-feat. 

They all hate us, the good U-S of A.

They better get back, or we'll show them the f****** way. 

Threats, violence, they trying to put us into a scare. 

Bring it all, we don't f****** care!

Grab some popcorn, sit back and relax. 

Damn Stacy, that ass, I would love to wax. 

This is John Cena saying expect the unexpected and enjoy the show. 

You may even see Sting, haha, dressed up like the crow. 

It's going to be rowdy,

now I take it back to JR, King, and Jessy "The Body.

CUT TO PARIS WALKING OUT THROUGH HALL

(Paris looks extremely upset)

VENTURA: (c)

That's some good stuff by John Cena.

(Paris runs into the Coach)

COACH:

Hey, hey, Paris, I seen that crap Austin just pulled on you.  He is such an idiot, Paris, do you have anything to say before you leave?
PARIS:

Yes I do! I don't even have a clue who this "Austin" is, but he's bitten off more than he can chew.  No body, and I mean no f****** body tells me what to do!!!  I'm Paris Hilton damn it!!!  That son of a bitch will pay big time, remember punk Austin, ... I always have the last laugh!

(Paris gets into her car and leaves very fast.) 

CUT TO JR, KING, AND VENTURA

ROSS:

What a night this has been so far.
KING:

She didn't sound very happy JR.
ROSS:

That young lady doesn't even know what she's in for.
VENTURA:

Like I said before, we got the spoiled little rich girl that always gets what she wants against the Texas blue collar hell raiser.  This is going to be interesting, but honestly King, JR is right, she has no idea who she is messing with, my money is on the Rattlesnake.
ROSS:

We got to go to a break, we'll be right back!