But when you hate cats, you're not allowed to wear makeup in public, and the captain of the basketball team is a homophobic prick, it makes it difficult to see the good in anything, let alone your own life.
"Brian! Get down here, breakfast is almost ready!" Brian groaned and pulled his pillow up over his face wishing against hope that his mother would forget and let him sleep for another four hours. "Brian!" Well so much for that...Brian rolled over and raised himself up on his elbows to gaze at the alarm clock. 6:45. Brian rolled his eyes and then grumbling to himself slid off his bed nearly tripping in the bottomless pile of dirty laundry littering the floor.
"Fuck." He muttered darkly. He picked his way across his room and wrenched the door open. Blinding light from the hallway streamed into his semi dark room, burning with the intensity of the sun. He could hear the sound of the TV playing from downstairs, and the faint smell of bacon cooking. He stumbled across the hall and slammed the bathroom door shut behind him.
As soon as the water reached the right temperature, Brian stripped off his shirt and boxers before submerging himself in the steaming shower. The water felt almost medicinal, as it washed away all of the stress and exhaustion that had remained when he had trudged out of his bedroom. Brian closed his eyes and let the water run over him, watching the droplets slide down his white skin, pooling around his hips, and then raining to the floor.
Wiping his sopping hair out of his eyes, Brian stared at his black metallic toenails, bitterly thinking about what his mother's reaction would be if she ever found out. If being the key word. Steam swirled around his legs fogging up the mirror. The water felt so good, tracing patterns across his skin and allowing him to relax for the first time in ages.
Finally Brian reached up and turned the faucet, stopping the flow of water. His eyes scrunched shut, Brian groped for the towel and then wrapped it around his waist. He stepped out of the shower and wiped off his face. He merely stood in front of the mirror staring at him self for a moment, watching the water drip through the condensation. His blurred features made it appear as if his face was melting. It was funny--that was exactly how he felt on the inside..."Brian!" His mother's shrill voice cut through his pondering. Rolling his eyes in irritation, Brian swiped his hand across the mirror, leaving a wet streak across his face.
An endless parade of bells, beatings, meaningless shags, and homework: Brian's school routine. He was on the outside of the world looking in and attempting to not fall apart as his life spun out of control. Brian poked morosely at his lunch, subconsciously rubbing his shoulder where the latest bruise had sprouted. He had told his mother that he had tripped over a bag in the hallway and hit the lockers, but his father had seen straight through his lie, earning Brian a matching bruise on the opposite shoulder for being a "spineless coward".
"Hey Bri." Brian hardly looked up as the tall gangly girl sat down batting her eyelashes at him. "I can-t help thinking about last week..." She blushed and giggled. Brian tried not to roll his eyes. "You were so--you know--experienced." At this Brian let out a scoff. This particular girl--Brian racked his brain trying to remember her name--had been one of the school outcasts. She was in Brian's theatre class, but had never been popular. One of those girls the guys laughed about in the locker room while changing, talking about how she would be the last one they'd ever shag. Well Brian was different. The girl was obnoxious, unbearable even, but she wasn't that bad looking by Brian's standards, and besides--he had needed the release.
"Look Sheryll--"
"Sharon." The girl blushed again.
"Sharon--last week was great because I needed to fuck. But now it's over, so we can resume our normal lives and never speak to each other again." Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped, forming a little 'o'.
"But--"
"You're not my type--not even close, so do yourself a favour and go flaunt your newly lost virginity somewhere else." Sheryll--or Sharon--stood up abruptly, her face crimson, and her eyes brimming with tears, and flounced away leaving behind her lunch.
"Do you have to be so mean to them, Brian?" Brian glanced over at Gyp, the one friend he possessed.
"If I'm nice it gives them false hopes." He said darkly.
"Yes but it also crushes them." Gyp poked Brian gently in the ribs, noting the wince.
"Well I promise to stop crushing the moment you fuck me, Gyp." Gyp ignored this latest comment.
"When are you going to tell someone Brian?" She asked softly. Brian's face shut down, and he turned away pretending to be interested in his food. Gyp slid closer to him, putting her hand on his leg. "Brian, you can't go on like this. Between the Basketball team and your dad, you're going to lose it completely.
"What do you want me to do, Gyp?" Brian asked scowling. I stand up to the Basketball team, and I get even more bruises. I stand up to my dad the same thing happens. Don't you understand that if I were to tell someone, it would be like suicide?"
"But Brian living like this, is suicide!"
"Gyp." Gyp stopped at the meek sound of his voice. "Gyp I can't--please." Gyp swallowed, looking at Brian's chalk white face, and his helpless features. Carefully, she put her arms around Brian's shoulders and held him as he hid his face in her shirt.
"Alright, Bri. But one day, we're gonna leave all of them behind. It'll just be you and me, and I won't let anyone get anywhere near you ever again." Brian said something, but as his face was currently covered, all Gyp heard was a muffled "Jurimedslchew?" Gyp frowned. "What?" Brian lifted his head slightly, his eyes red.
"Just me and you?" Gyp nodded.
"Just me and you. We'll be famous. Maybe a rock band or something exciting and exotic like that."
"Hey, you want exotic you just gotta come over to my house while my parents are out..." Gyp rolled her eyes and grinned.
"I've never met anyone pushier than you Brian." He looked pleased only to be interrupted by the ringing bell. Groaning, Gyp swung off the bench, picking up her lunch and dumping it, tray and all, into the nearest trashcan, earning a scowl and a reprimand from one of the lunch ladies. She ignored the irritable lady and turned back to Brian. "C'mon Bri Pie. We're gonna be late for math." Brian crossed his eyes in disapproval and then stood up, ignoring the remains of his lunch completely.
"Alright fine." He muttered.
"Hey cheer up. You can come over after school and wear your favourite skirt. We can go to the mall." Brian beamed.
"Really?"
"Yep."
"Alright, cool." Brian linked arms with Gyp and they moved out of the cafeteria.
Stefan Olsdal towelled off his hair, looped the towel around his neck, and pulled on his jeans. Sighing, he yanked on his t-shirt, stuffing the damp towel in his locker. "Hey Stef I gotta study for the History test on Friday..." Stefan slammed the locker. "You wanna go out?"
"Marcus, when you have to study, aren't you supposed to stay in?" Marcus shrugged picking up his basketball.
"No. I need to go somewhere, man." Stefan rolled his eyes.
"Fine. Where do you wanna go?" Marcus shrugged again.
"Mall's always got some hot chicks around." He grinned. "We might actually be able to find you a girlfriend." Stefan turned so Marcus couldn't see his facial expressions.
"Yeah, sure, whatever."
"Cool." Stefan closed his eyes briefly and snatched up his bag. They moved out of the locker room, meeting up with two more of their friends from the basketball team.
"Ben! Ian!" Marcus yelled jovially. "Wassup, guys?" He came around them, slinging his arms around their shoulders.
"God, you're such a fucking fag." Ben joked shrugging away from Marcus. Stefan remained silent, wishing not for the first time, that he had the courage to reply in kind. They strode down the hall, four wide, taking up nearly the entire hallway.
"We're going to the mall after school." Marcus said, dribbling the ball as they went. "You guys in?"
"Yeah, deff." Ian said staring down a small girl as she shuffled past, her eyes averted in terror.
"You're scaring the first formers." Stefan said stoically. Ian glanced at him.
"So what?"
"So--you're being a prick." Ian cocked his eyebrow.
"Yeah, whatever Stef." Stef shut his mouth, swallowing his retort. The bell rang, reverberating through the hallway. Countless first formers scurried across, running into random classrooms. The four lead basketball stars pushed their way past the students nearly half their size and then Ian swore loudly.
"Fuck!" The other three looked around as Ian whirled around, grabbing a small figure as it tried to squeeze past him. "What the fuck are you doing, Molko?" He demanded, pulling up the tiny boy by the back of his jacket.
"Let go of me, you fucking bastard!" Brian demanded furiously swinging his fists in a desperate attempt to escape. Ian laughed cruelly, joined by Marcus and Ben.
"Little faggot's late for class." Ben taunted grabbing Brian's notebook from him.
"Fuck off!" Brian panted, reaching for the notebook as Ben passed it to Marcus. Ian yanked Brian closer to him.
"You know what happens to stupid little queers who run into us, Molko?"
"You fuck 'em?" Brian snarled. Eyes widened, and mouths dropped open in fury.
"Why you--" Ian reared his fist.
"Let him go, Ian." Stefan said quickly. Ian turned in furious surprise.
"What?" He asked astounded. "Why?" Stefan froze for a fraction of a second before he spotted a teacher coming towards them.
"O'Brady's coming." He said, relief flooding through him. Ian immediately dropped Brian and stepped back scowling.
"Fuck off Molko." He hissed. Brian glared at him and then shoved past the four Basketball players, snatching back his notebook from Marcus.
"Just face it guys!" He called as he reached the corner. "You're all just queers in denial!" And then as they turned furiously, Brian disappeared grinning to himself.
Brian flopped down on Gyp's bed, giggling madly. "You should have seen their faces!" He gasped. Gyp rolled over, laughing.
"Fuck, Bri! How did you survive? I mean why didn't they kill you?"
"O'Brady was coming down the hall, so they had to let me go..." He shrugged. "It was fucking hilarious though." Gyp grabbed the short black skirt that was lying on the chair and held it up.
"Alright, Bri." She grinned mischievously. "Make up time!" Brian clapped excitedly.
"Yes!" She tossed him the skirt, and Brian immediately stripped off his tight jeans. "What about my top?" He demanded.
Gyp put her hands on her hips. "Alright, alright!" She laughed. "You're not even wearing the skirt, and you're already a bitchy drama queen!"
"I'm always a bitchy drama queen." Brian said smugly. He wriggled into the skirt and strode over to examine himself in the mirror. "So does your mother ever wonder why you have a pair of heels too small for you, and a shirt that wouldn't fit even one of your tits?" He asked turning this way and that. Gyp laughed shortly.
"My mother has no idea what goes on in my room." She said darkly. "I could shag some random guy in here, and she'd never know." She picked herself up off the bed and trundled over to the closet, pulling out two small shirts. "What'll it be Bri-pie?" She asked grinning. "The pretty pink flowery one, or the tight sluttish black one?"
"The slut top for sure." He said grinning. Gyp tossed him the top and hung the other shirt back up in her closet.
"Alright, now do you want the platforms, or the stiletto heels?"
"Stilettos." Brian said nodding to the pair of black heels.
"Cool." She tossed the deadly heels onto the bed and lugged out her heavy box of makeup. "So are we going for the slut theme today, Bri?" She teased.
"Of course, Gyp. You can be the shy one. Today I want to have a bit of fun." Gyp scoffed.
"Shy? No thanks." Brian giggled as he slipped out of his shirt and pulled the tight black lace top over his slim chest.
"How do I look?" Brian asked fluttering his eyelashes. "Completely fuckable?"
"More than that, Bri-pie. You're fuck-a-licious!" Brian fell onto the bed laughing.
"Perfect." He wheezed. "Now toss me the eyeliner." Gyp rummaged through the box and threw the black liquid bottle to him.
******
Gyp and Brian clattered through the mall on their high heels, tarted up beyond recognition. Gyp had done Brian's hair so that it flipped out elegantly, framing his perfectly made up face, piling her own under a hot pink cabby hat. Gyp kept choking back giggles as several tall muscular boys passed by sending very pointedly sexual glances at Brian. Brian just fluttered his lashes and played hard to get, passing by without a backward glance.
"They have absolutely no idea that you're a boy!" She wheezed. "Oh that's priceless!"
"It's just because I'm so fuck-a-licious, Gyp." Brian purred, smiling deviously at several boys who passed. Gyp coughed.
"I always feel so ugly when I'm out with you Brian." She said good-naturedly. "You're just so gorgeous."
"Well, right now, gorgeous is hungry. Let's go up to the food court."
"Sure thing, babe."
Several minutes later, the two were seated at a table slurping at Smoothies, while Brian eyed a chocolate chip cookie. "Just eat it Brian." Gyp scolded. "It's not gonna hurt you. You're already too thin. One cookie is not going to make you gain weight." Brian wrinkled his nose.
"Are you sure?" He whined. Gyp rolled her eyes.
"Completely, Brian."
"Alright." He sighed. "But only half--I'm only going to eat half!" Gyp grinned.
"Say that after you've had a bite, love. 2 Quid says you can't stop--" She stopped abruptly, her eyes wide in shock. Brian froze, the cookie halfway to his mouth.
"What is it, Gyp? It's not my parents?" She shook her head, speechless.
"It's the Basketball Brigade." Brian swivelled around so fast he cricked his neck, the cookie dropping onto the table forgotten. Coming towards them, laughing and chatting obnoxiously, were the four lead stars of the Basketball Team. For a second, Brian's heart seemed to stop--but then two seconds later it jumpstarted as a delicious thought occurred to him. He turned back to Gyp, with an evil smirk.
"Uh-oh." Gyp said warily. "What're you going to do, Brian?" Brian giggled maliciously.
"Just play around with them a bit." Gyp's eyes widened.
"Brian--"
"C'mon Gyp, it'll be great! Please? Just play along?" Gyp sighed sounding as if it were against her better judgement, before nodding.
"Alright--but you owe me!" Brian nodded vigorously.
"Absolutely!" He turned back again, spying the four insanely tall boys moving towards him. Brian stood up, smoothed out his skirt and made his way towards the napkin dispenser, swaying his hips, and lowering his face demurely. He snatched up two napkins and turned around, intentionally colliding with the nearest player--Ian. The boy swore violently and then looked down to see whom it was that he had hit.
Brian brought his hand up to his mouth, his eyes wide, apparently aghast. "Oh my god!" He said in a voice several pitches higher than his own. "I'm so sorry! I didn't hurt you did I?" Ian swallowed and shook his head quickly.
"N-no! Not at all, I'm fine! Are--are you okay?" He stammered.
"Splendid." Brian giggled, beaming, and batting his heavy lashes. "I'm Clarise."
"Ian!" Ian said with great gusto. Brian's eyes flickered over Ben and Marcus who were eyeing Brian somewhat jealously, and then to Stefan--who appeared to be quite bored and uninterested. However as his eyes met Brian's, he frowned slightly, and cocked his head to one side.
"Are you going to introduce us?" Ben hissed, jabbing him in the ribs with his elbow.
"Oh." Ian jumped. "Um--this is Ben, Marcus, and that's Stef." Brian smiled shyly at each and then paused for a fraction of a second longer on Stef, making sure that he noticed.
"Would--would you like to join us?" Brian asked sweetly, glancing at his hands and then back up with a smouldering glance. Ian swallowed.
"Yeah! Fellas?" The other boys shrugged and Brian smiled brilliantly.
"Perfect!" He pointed to where Gyp was sitting. Ben and Marcus nudged each other, winking. Brian pretended not to notice, and led the four boys to the table. Brian stifled a laugh as Gyp brought her hat lower over her eyes so that it would be more difficult to recognize her. Although, Brian mused, she had so much makeup on, that it would be very difficult to begin with. "Mia!" Brian said in mock excitement. "Mia look. I've met somebody." He giggled, and Gyp looked up, feigning surprise.
"Really--?" She faltered as she realized that she didn't know what to call him. Brian must have realized this, as he gave her a very pointed look.
"Yes." He cooed. "This is Ian." He giggled. "Um--Ben, Marcus, and--Stef wasn't it?" He asked looked Stefan directly in the eyes. Stefan frowned again, knowing that Brian knew perfectly well what his name was.
"Yeah." He grunted. Gyp raised her eyebrows. Brian gestured to the chairs surrounding the table, and then dropped into his own next to Gyp. Giggling, he leaned over to whisper in her ear, while keeping eye contact with Ian.
"Clarise." He murmured. "That's my name." Gyp rolled her eyes and then laughed along with Brian's charade. Brian pulled back and took a sip of his Smoothie.
"So boys," Gyp said conversationally. "How did you meet Clary?" Brian set down his smoothie, giggling again.
"I ran into Ian." He could see how much the Basketball Player liked it when he added the inflection to his name. "I was afraid I'd killed him." Brian said, his eyes glittering. "So what do you boys do?" He asked leaning forward.
"Um--" Ian looked taken a back, and glanced at Marcus, who in turn shrugged. There was a second of uncomfortable silence between the boys as they attempted to come up with something that sounded cool and mature.
"Basketball." Stefan muttered eventually.
"Oooh." Brian fussed. "I simply adore Basketball!" The boys looked distinctly relieved. "That must be why you're all so tall." Ian nodded enthusiastically. "Who's the team captain?"
"I am!" Ian blurted out. Brian attempted not to laugh or raise his eyebrows. Marcus nudged him, none to gently, and Ian blushed. "Um--well I was Team Captain--um--up until, I decided--that um--it was really too much for me--and Stef was kind of an outcast, so I gave--it to him." His blush deepened. "Stef's captain right now." He finished lamely, pointedly avoiding looking at Stefan who was sitting on his other side. Stefan on the other hand, looked distinctly as if he couldn't care less about this outright lie that made him appear to be the outsider.
"How very generous of you." Brian purred shooting another lustful glance towards Stef--the other's still failed to notice. Stefan scratched his head, appearing very confused and uneasy. Ian shivered, and Brian took his chance. "Are you cold?" Ian frowned.
"Are you cold?" He repeated, moving around the table and promptly settling himself in Ian's lap. Ian's eyes widened and Gyp hit her head on the table. "'Cuz I can fix that." Brian whispered, sliding his hand down into Ian's pants. Ian gasped and arched his back. "Better?" Brian murmured. Ian nodded frantically, his eyes wide. Brian smirked and then moved in, kissing him harshly, forcing his tongue into his mouth. Ian's arms came up around Brian, sliding his hands up under the back of his shirt. Brian was gleefully aware of the other three boys watching on in astonishment, but Ian appeared to have forgotten them. Brian massaged Ian's throbbing cock for several seconds before flicking his tongue up to Ian's ear.
"This must be a first for you." He whispered. Ian paused in confusion.
"What?" He asked, unsure of Brian's meaning. Licking Ian's ear, Brian guided his hand up his thigh.
"I guess I was right when I assumed that you fucked stupid little queers." Brian said in his normal voice while moving Ian's hand up under his skirt.
"Fuck!" Ian stood up so fast he knocked Brian into Stefan's lap. "Molko?" He demanded disgustedly. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" His face was red from what Brian could only assume was shame and fury. Brian shrugged gracefully inspecting his shimmering nails.
"I was about to give you the blowjob of your life in the middle of the mall, but I see that's a no go." Ian glared at him in pure disgust as if not quite sure how to react. Brian dropped his head back on Stefan's shoulder and looked up at him upside down. He batted his eyelashes.
"Hey Steffie." Stefan appeared frozen. Brian grinned. "You knew it was me didn't you?" Ian erupted.
"You knew it was that little fag, and you still let him touch me?" He screamed at Stef. Stef's mouth dropped open.
"Ian--"
"What the fuck is wrong with you Olsdal?" Ian demanded while Marcus and Ben looked on in disgust and shock.
"Nothing--"
"Whatever! I never told anyone about you, Stefan, and this is how you repay me?" Stefan's eyes widened.
"Ian I didn-t--"
"I thought you'd get over it." He spat. "But now I can see you're still just as much of a fag as Molko." Brian's mouth dropped.
"What?" He and Gyp asked simultaneously.
"Come on guys." Ian said furiously to Marcus and Ben who were staring at Stefan in terrified disgust. The three strode away, sending one last look of loathing towards Stefan and Brian.
