I wanted another daughter from China, but I couldn't stop thinking about India. Whenever I tried to think about that girl from India, though, she always had an 8-year-old brother. Over the last year or so, I've been getting more and more anxious to get the adoption process started, but I didn't see how I could afford it. When I could not wait another minute, I signed up for an India adoption e-mail group and asked for agency recommendations. I sent notes to every recommended agency. The first one I inquired about sent me their waiting children pictures. No descriptions, just a few pictures of serious or smiling little boys from 5 to 8 years old, and one smiling waiving little boy with a light in his eyes. Well, I thought, it couldn't hurt to ask. And so, a couple months before I told myself I could begin the process, I was already jumping in with both feet. I'd found my son, and he was in Mumbai India, a.k.a. Bombay.

I believe that I was intended to be this child's mother and that if I had listened to my heart a little more attentively, I would have found him when he was first orphaned a year and a half previously. As it was I felt like someone had taken my hand and lead me to him.

I also believe that at the moment of my daughter's conception, I knew that I had a daughter in China, and that sent me off to the nearest adoption agency, despite the fact that I knew absolutely nothing about China adoption or any other adoption, for that matter. But that's another story. DO visit China if you have the opportunity.

June 10, 2004

I sent in the rest of my agency fee last week. The packets from the adoption agency and from the home study agency arrived in the mail last week, also. The referral papers arrived in the mail yesterday. I signed them, wrote the check for the India fee and brought them to the post office today, so I could track them back to the adoption agency.

I have some serious work to do on the home study application. They need 5 unrelated references, 1 relative as a reference, my pastor, and my doctor - all for references. They need to know every iota of my current finances, what kind of insurance and how much, a letter from my employer confirming my employment and salary. A DFS check, fingerprinting for a police check, a physical, blood tests, chest x-rays, my doctor's approval of my adoption, my daughter's pediatrician's approval, birth, death, marriage and divorce decrees for every member of my household (certified), etc. In other words, I have to satisfy all of the adoption requirements for the state of Missouri.

Multiply that times three, for Missouri, India, and US immigration, and I think you get the picture. My journey of a thousand steps has just begun-I am ecstatic.

July 29, 2004

I have everything in for my home study except for my financial statement. I just have to figure out how much insurance coverage I have, and figure out what I paid for a down payment on my house ten years ago. I will work on the financial statements for home study and for my dossier for my adoption agency together. I actually don't know if the home study agency has gotten all of the references, either. I know that IFS says they have not gotten anything, which makes me a little nervous, since I had my physical and I'm pretty sure they mailed in my physical form, and Felicia and Ginny told me they sent in their references. I better confirm where they sent the references. I better do it before Kim leaves for Pensic. Ok, called Kim. She says she'll write her letter today. I'll see Ginny at the zoo on Saturday, and I'll stop by Felicia's sometime.

Now, I'm going to write a note to payroll to send employment confirmation to IFS. I should have had them send a letter to IFS when I asked for a letter for CHSM.

Okay, I just stopped by Benefits. Linda H. typed up confirmation of health insurance. I have my letter ready for payroll. I'll print it and stop it by on my way to lunch. Then on to CHI to see if they'll copy, translate and notarize Phoenix's birth certificate and adoption decree.

Yesterday I sent in my I-600A, the day before I went to the pediatrician and gave her a request for a letter to IFS confirming Phoenix's health. The day before I stopped by county police to request a record check. And last Friday I faxed in my birth certificate request to Texas. I am going to work hard to get all of my paperwork in ASAP. I was a little overwhelmed by work, homestudy and adoption agency all at the same time. I'm glad I concentrated on home study and work, first, but now I'm going to really get going on my remaining documents.

September 27, 2004

Put my dossier in the mail to IFS on 9/21, it arrived on 9/24, and was sent on to the Consulate today.

October 18, 2004

Jennifer at IFS just sent me an email. She had expected my dossier back from the Consulate, but they have misplaced it. Luckily she says she only sends a copy of the dossier, and retains the original (Yay!). She is sending out a new copy today, and says this usually takes about 10 days. As soon as she gets it back from the consulate, she will send it to India.

I still have to send my home study to Immigration, so they will do my fingerprints and start the FBI check. I will try to do that sometime this week.

Reading the email lists, I can see people getting upset about delays, and looking for someone to blame for the delays. I have decided that whatever happens was meant to be. I don't like the delay, mainly because each day in an orphanage puts my son farther and farther behind in school and in getting acclimated to a new life. From what I have learned of the orphanage, I think he's in a good environment, but there is no substitute for being a member of a family, with love and ties to extended family and educational resources and the hope of building a good life for yourself as an adult. I don't think there is a lot of discipline in the orphanage. I don't know what to expect as far as behavior, but I know he will have a lot to learn, and probably a lot to unlearn. He's been there for two years, which is a lifetime for an 8-year-old. Imagine trying to unlearn a life of leisure and to learn a life of discipline. I hope he thinks the rewards are worth it.

September 15, 2005

It has been a bumpy ride. My documents arrived in Mumbai, India at the orphanage only to languish for months. The adoption agency had been waiting six months for their India license to be renewed. Apparantly these must be renewed every five years. This was renewed exactly in time for the orphanage license to run out. They finally resolved this around February of 2005.

The next step in the process is to get NOC, the no objection certificate from the Central Adoption Resource Agency (central adoption agency for all foreign adoptions in India). The slowdown here was the fact that many, many dossiers had built up at the orphanage. The orphanage director sorted them out and began to take them to CARA in small groups of three or four. NOC came for me in Feb/Mar 2005.

The judges who hear adoption cases in Mumbai rotate every few months. At the time I and my fellow adoptive families were getting our NOC clearances, the current resident judge for adoptions was insisting that adoptive families actually go to Mumbai for the hearing. Of course, the child could not come home after that, so this would make families travel to India twice. The cheapest airline tickets I'd seen for India were $1,200 round trip with a Saturday stay. Court only took place on Wednesdays. At $100 a night hotel, and say $50 for food, taxi, etc, from Tuesday through Sunday, that's about $2,100 to go in and say, "Yes I would like to adopt this child." Clearly if we went through all of the work to get this far, that is a given.

I could not bear to leave my daughter for a week to go to India for five minutes in court. I also did not want to subject her to all those immunizations (including the live typhoid pills) for the trip. Luckily I did not have to worry about it. The orphanage sat on the dossiers until a new judge came through. I was on the docket for one week, but the judge asked for a physical for Ravi, which had to be faxed over to me to sign, and then mailed back to the lawyer in Mumbai in time for court the next week. This was pretty pointless since my son had absolutely nothing wrong with him.

I now have legal guardianship of my son.

February 15, 2006

Today my son turned 10. Some friends of mine and my sister threw him a big welcome/birthday party. Everyone gave him wonderful gifts, and gift certificates. He had fun running around and playing witht he other children, even though he didn't know the language.

If you are given the option of either getting your new child's visa here in the states, or picking him up in India and flying to New Delhi to get his visa -- FLY TO NEW DELHI!!! Just do it. Families who had guardianship around the same time as I did, travelled around Thanksgiving. I did not get my son until February 2.

When I stepped out of the airport in Mumbai after travelling from freezing February, it was like stepping out into a tropical paradise. It was midnight or so, warm, a couple of palm trees in the parking lot. I don't think it seemed like that when we returned to the airport. A driver was waiting to take me to my hotel. My guide's train had been delayed, so he found someone to pick me up.

The hotel was nice. It had two twin beds and a couch-like thing that could be used as a third bed. It had a kitchenette with running potable water, and a small bathroom.

That was Wednesday night. Thursday, February 2, 2006, my guide picked me up and took me to the orphanage. His name was Iqbal, and he was the nicest, kindest man. He charged $50 a day for his services, but he used that money to build a school for his village. He knew the ins and outs of the orphanage, having taken many families to pick up their children, finish their Mumbai social worker interview and take them around town.

When I me my son, I went into the office of the orphanage and spoke with a social worker associated with the orphanage. She talked with me about my son, and Iqbal translated as necessary.

My sister had made a scrapbook for my son. I had photocopied the pages and sent the photocopies to India in November with another family that had been travelling. The book had pictures of my parrot in it. My son had made me a picture of a parrot, which the social worker gave to me. I treasure this piece of artwork. It is hanging on my kitchen cabinet, now, but I intend to frame it and hang it.

Then she brought in my son. He was so nervous, he could hardly sit in the chair. I talked with him, Iqbal translating, and then we went out to a picnic table in the yard and I gave him some paper and colored pencils. When he seemed to be calm and somewhat more relaxed, we got into Iqbal's car and went to our social worker interview.

The social worker interview was nothing. They asked me one or two questions, which I answered. One of them was, "Are you happy with the child," which I said I was. Then we were free to go.

Iqbal took us shopping a little. We went to a tailor, and I had a shirt made for my son, and a little pink dress made for my daughter. I told Iqbal that I wanted to take my son to some fun children's activities, so we went to an amusement park/water park on Friday. On Saturday we went to the zoo. On Sunday we boarded a flight home.

My son is crazy about airplanes. He was wonderful for the whole trip. He was awake from Mumbai to London, but slept most of the way from London to Chicago. In Chicago we had to go through customs and then take a train to the domestic terminal. Luckily our flight home was delayed and we arrived in plenty of time.

A short hop to St Louis, and out to get our luggage, and despite the fact that it was about 11pm Sunday night, most of the family were there.

We went home and had cake. My son roamed around the house exploring everything, opening every door, drawer and cabinet in the house (he did this at my parent's house later, too).

Soon everyone left and I put the kids to bed. My son fell asleep instantly and slept all the way through til morning.

We had some time together before he had to start school and I had to return to work. Shortly after he came home, it snowed. We went out and made a snowman. I started to make one, and jumped right in. He did not really have a lot of culture shock due to the pervasiveness of the TV. When we were in the hotel room in Mumbai, he was familiar with all of the shows on the Disney Channel -- which we watched in Hindi. So he was already familiar with how to make a snowman, even if he had never been out of the tropics. It's a small world, sometimes.

September 6, 2006

Woohoo! My son's adoption was finalized today. We waited a long time in the family court waiting room as families went into the courtroom one by one. They went through quickly, though, and then it was our turn.

They went through it so quickly, speaking as fast as they could get the long legalese out of their mouths, and then it was done. The judge let the kids each grab a handful of suckers. My daughter, six years old, grabbed seven. My son managed to get 23 in his hand -- a record!

We went to school, which was in session. I had taken the kids out of school for the day. We went to my son's fifth grade classroom, announced that he was officially adopted, officially a U.S. Citizen, and then handed the suckers out to all of his classmates. It was a really good day for him.

I am on several e-mail lists. I have heard of a lot of kids who come home and work hard to make the lives of their families miserable for years to come. My son has adapted to every change with amazing ease. He is a joy to be around, and very orderly, too. He is smart, atheletic, and does not hold a grudge, as far as I can tell.

School was maybe a little frightening for him, at first, and certainly it was at least six months before he started to feel comfortable with his English (he knew his numbers and colors in English, but that was it). Luckily there was a Pakistani boy in the class whose language was similar enough to Hindi that they could talk with each other. I think this helped him and his teachers with communication in the early days.

He is settled in well in school and is doing well with modified programs, ELL, etc. Next year he will be in sixth grade. I hope that it isn't too stressful for him when he gets to the middle school. I have a feeling the kids there will not be as nice as the kids in the grade school. He does have eleven more months to work on English, reading and math before he gets there, though.




Mumbai