| The Gift Of Safety |
She is there, I know before my eyes open that it's her not Carly. Her hand is in mine. I wanted to tell her what she means to me. But I could not. She hates me now that Kristina is death. It should have been me. It always should be me. I have no idea why everyone around dies and I'm left behind. "Sonny wake up... I know I said I wanted you dead -- I didn't really mean it." I heard her say. I wanted to break out into a huge smile, as those words settle on my heart. She didn't want me to die, I knew that if I did it would only be what I deserved. "Sonny." She leaned in close to me; I can feel her warm breath hitting my face. "You can't die... I haven't gotten the chance to tell you -- how much I hate you for killing my sister." I knew in my heart that she no longer adore me. I had known that her loyalty to me was slipping, with each passing day. I had hurt her badly by returning to Carly. It was not my intention to cause her pain. I truly believed that my heart belonged to Carly. I now know that wasn't the case. My heart belonged to her, and it was too late. She hated me. I felt tears running down my cheeks. I wanted to open my eyes and looked in to hers, but I didn't have the strength. "Kristina is dead because of you. Another person has died in your place Sonny. I won't let you get off that easy. You're going to pay for the pain you caused me!" She whispered in my ear. I knew that she was right. Dying would be too easy for me. Nothing in my life had ever come easy. My heart ached for the pain I had caused her. "Do you hear me Sonny? Wake up!" She yelled in my ear, her hand gripped mine harder. Her voice was high with emotions I could tell she was on the verge of another crying spell. "I can't believe that I didn't listen to Jax. All those time he told me you were nothing but trouble and people around you end up dead." Damn this was serious she was taking Candy-boy's advice again. I struggled to open my eyes, once again they refused. "You're freaking coward Sonny, laying here in a coma. You want everyone's sympathy right? Everything has to be about you." I could tell by her voice that she is crying now. "Well you're never getting mine again. There was a time when I thought I knew and understood you. Hell I even thought that I loved you." She whispered to me bitterly. She was right no one had ever understood me the way she does. I had truly thrown away the best thing that had ever happened to me. I'm so sorry about everything Alexis. "I was so naive about who you really are. I never believed that loving you would cost so much. I HATE YOU!" She is screaming at me now. My heart starts to race at the sound of her voice. I not only heard the hatred in her voice, but also felt it in every inch of my bruised and burned body. "Wake up and look me in the eye damn it!" I wanted to see her face again; even it was full of hate. My body and mind were at war and at the moment my body was winning. My eyes remained closed; I could hear the sound of my heart monitor racing. "Please open your eyes Sonny." She sobbed. I was shocked by change in her voice. She almost sounded sincere. I would do this for her. I was determined to look into her eyes and give her what she needed and deserved. I pushed thru the fog and pain. Slowly her beautiful face came in focus. Her eyes were bright with tears, her lips trembling slightly when she noticed my eyes on her. "Alexis." I didn't recognized my own voice. It sounded raspy and dry. "Sonny." She said my name again, tears ran down her face. "I opened them for you." I managed to get out before I was overtaken by a coughing spell. "Good I've waited to say this for so long." She said, wiping her tears away. "You will never see me or your child again." I was shocked the baby was mine; I wasn't sure why the news was so surprising. I had suspected that the baby was mine; not Ned's all alone. But hearing it filled my heart with joy. I was going to be a father. Wait -- she said she was leaving. I frowned, she noticed and smiled at me. "That's right the baby is yours Sonny. That is reason Kristina was at the warehouse that night. She knew that I lied." I didn't speak, I couldn't. Kristina had died trying to tell me the truth. I now understood why she hated me, she felt guilty about lying to her sister. Her sister had died thinking that her sister and boyfriend had betrayed her. Sure Kristina had learned that the baby was mine. But not why her sister had covered up the truth, I knew why. My heart ached for Alexis' guilt. I knew about guilt. "Alexis." I said her name again, reaching for her hand. She pulled it away and stood up and walked around my room. "I hate you -- everything about you sickens me. You lie, steal and murder. And you have never been punished for any of your crimes. She stopped and laughed-- Hell I helped you get off for them most times. Well this is one time you will pay for what you have done." "Please." I begged her. I couldn't stand seeing her so upset and angry. It wasn't good for the baby. "Don't -- say please. I will never forgive you Sonny. My only sister is dead and it because of you and who you are. You're just as guilty as the person that set that bomb." She was right about this. I was guilty of many things none of them pained me more than this. "I'm leaving town, I wanted you to know about the baby. That is your punishment. You're going to be a father, but this baby will never know the kind of man it's father is. You won't be there for the birth, or when she says her first words or takes her first steps." Tears were running down both of our faces now. I knew she meant every word. And that she was also right. I didn't deserve to be anyone's father. "Good bye Sonny. Have a nice miserable lonely life. We both know that it's just a matter of time before Carly betrays you -- again." She was right about that too. Hell Alexis had been right about everything. I was just too blind to see it. Now it was too late. She was walking out my life. I let her go. It was my gift to our child. Safety. The End |
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