flashback
They were on the beach, running on the warm golden sand. The sun was preparing to set over the calm sea, painting the horizon orange.
“Stefan!” he heard her breathless voice behind him. She was getting close. She reached a hand to grab him but he was too fast for her. He turned around to enjoy the sight as she lost her balance and fell with a loud splash.
Stefan erupted with laughter. She cursed loudly.
“Alexis! It is not becoming of a young woman to use such language,” he said mock seriously.
She moaned. “Stop laughing, you jerk. I hurt myself.”
He came closer to her, concerned. With a calculated movement she grabbed his ankle and pulled hard. He fell, giving out a loud cry. She got up laughing and got away from him as fast as she could.
“You little…” Stefan stopped himself from calling his twelve year old cousin a little whore. Stavros' every second word was a curse and he could see how easy it was to pick up on that. He wanted to be, and was as different from Stavros as possible. He was always careful with his language, especially around Alexis. Though only two years her senior he felt he had a responsibility to raise her properly. He knew she looked up to him even though she didn’t always show it.
Stefan opened his eyes. The beach was deserted. All he could hear were seagulls calling each other and the monotonous song of cicadas. He wasn't a child anymore. Alexis was at the other side of the ocean in a different timezone, probably sleeping know. Yet he expected her to show up any minute now in her yellow swimsuit her wet hair going down to her waist. When he'd started "exploring" the island with Chloe he though he would be overwhelmed by memories of Lasha but it had been mostly Alexis and Nikolas he had been thinking of. And Helena. Always Helena.
She looked at her bedside clock. It was almost 2. She had a long day ahead of her tomorrow but no sleep would come. She felt strange. It was as if there was someone else in the room with her. She closed her eyes again so tightly she saw stars. "There's no one here Alexis," she whispered to herself sofltly. "You told Ned you needed your rest tonight."
She looked at the phone on her bedside table. She wished it would ring so she would have a reason to get out of bed. Maybe one of her clients would get arrested in the middle of the night. Maybe Stefan…
The thought of Stefan cut through her like a knife. Stefan. Stefan was gone. "Stefan is dead," she whispered. She was now in a state between consciousness and sleep. It was as if she was on a boat rocking gently. She swore she could hear the ocean. Or maybe it was the waves crashing against the shore at her beach. That's what Stefan and her always called it because she had been the one to discover it. She hadn't been there in twenty years or so but she could still recall everything about it to the last detail. She turned and buried her face in her pillow. She wept silently until sleep was merciful enough to take her.
Alexis took another sip of her steaming hot coffee and read the same line on her file again. She was finding it particularly hard to concentrate. She hadn't slept well and it was showing. She hadn't bothered with the dark circles under her eyes but she certainly would before going out. She scanned the whole file again trying to understand what had made her accept the case in the first place. Scott Baldwin had asked her to help him out because he was swamped and she had agreed knowing that Scott was the sort of person to return a professional courtesy.
The harsh sound of the doorbell nearly made her spill her coffee all over her file. She put on a robe and went to answer the door not bothering to disguise her sour expression.
"Sonny Corinthos," she stated.
"Hello neighbor," said Sonny cheerfully.
"To what do I owe the dubious pleasure?"
"Just wanted to see how you're doin', anything wrong with that?"
"Come in," she said wearily. "I don't understand, do you feel the need to fill Luke's shoes now that he's locked up?"
"Ouch, you're hurting my feelings Counselor. Show some kindness to a man who thanks to your well paid advice has ended up married to Carly." Sonny sounded half serious though his last comment was laced with such bitterness that Alexis tensed.
"Have a seat," she said simply.
He sat heavily at the breakfast table. She sat opposite him giving him a tight smile.
"I'm not a marriage counselor," she said in a matter of fact tone. "I'm not that exceptional human being who might be able to understand how Carly thinks. I'm not your friend. I might have shown evidence to the contrary but it was a momentary lapse of reason…"
"Are you done with the wisecracks?"
His tone shocked Alexis. He got up to leave. It was a while before Alexis managed to find her voice again. "I'm sorry, Sonny," she said quietly. "Last night wasn't an easy night for me."
Only now did Sonny notice how drown her face was. He wasn't sure what had prompted him to come to her but at the same time it had made perfect sense.
"No need to apologize," he said gruffly. "I assumed too much."
"I'll exchange a very sympathetic ear for a decent cup of coffee. Please, I have no idea how to operate my capuccino machine."
Minutes later they were sipping their java out of silly cups with pigs on them that Nikolas had brought as a housewarming present. They were the only clean cups she had.
Sonny was surprised out how relaxed he felt around her. They were both silent but it was a friendly, comfortable silence. Sonny was the one to break it.
"Carly is trying," he said thoughtfully. "She really wants this to work."
"Then why shouldn't it?"
"I'm not sure I want it to. There's been so much between Carly and me. We tear each other apart. I'm not an easy person and she… she…"
"Defies description?" offered Alexis with a smile.
"You could say that."
"Then maybe you should stop trying so hard. Both of you. Just let things come naturally. I'm really not an expert on relationships but everything happened so quickly with your marriage.."
He smiled bitterly. "She butts in. Like with my… like with Mike…"
"Your father."
"Yes."
"I'm hardly an expert on that subject," she said drily.
Sonny looked up at her sharply. "You never knew you father, did you?"
Sonny's question took her by surprise. It was a while before she answered. "He was there. I knew him, just not as my father," she said slowly.
"What was he like?"
"He kept to himself. He was working most of the time locked up in his office or he would leave for long trips for work or to be with his mistresses." She paused. "He would sometimes take one of the boys with him, usually Stavros. Even when he was going to one of his mistresses," she added with a rueful smile.
"How was he with you?"
"He didn't treat me in any special way. He never lifted a hand to hurt me. He never lifted a hand to protect me from Helena either. But it wasn't just me. He never did anything to protect Stefan either. In a way he didn't treat me any differently than his other children," Except maybe for those nights, she thought, nights when I could hear the door open on its well-oiled hinges and I could feel eyes on me and his asthmatic breathing would fill the room. He just stared at me and it didn't happen very often but it had scared Stefan when I mentioned it to him. Poor Stefan. He had gotten the wrong idea about those nightly visits making me swear Mikkos hadn't touched me. But all those were secrets she kept well locked even though some nights the door would open on its well-oiled hinges, no lock would stop that door from opening and long dead Mikkos walking in or even worse, Stavros…
She closed her eyes drawing in a shaky breath. A tear escaped her closed lids and run down her cheek. She wiped it briskly then opened her eyes looking away. "I'm sorry," she muttered.
"For what?"
"I'm usually in control of my emotions." She took a deep breath. "So what was it you wanted to tell me about your father?"
Sonny was speechless. In those few moments Alexis had seemed to him more like a flesh and blood woman than ever before. Up to then it was as if nothing could touch her. She would seem neurotic, on edge but he knew she had an inner strength and that all the rest was in the surface, almost an act. But for a moment there she had looked like a lost, frightened child. He fought an urge to get up and put his arms around her.
"Sonny, you're staring at me," she laughed in embarrassment.
"Remember what I was telling you about Deke?"
"Your stepfather?"
"Yes. I didn't realize it at the time but you could understand me perfectly. In a way our stories are very similar."
"I don't see…"
"We both had a father who deserted us and a stepparent who abused us."
"Great, now what? Do we get to exchange sob stories about how they used to beat the crap out of us and lock us up in cold, dark places?" The sarcasm in her voice was razor-sharp.
"Has it occurred to you, Counselor, that maybe you're not as tough as you pretend?"
"Every day, Mr Corinthos. But I have to survive somehow. How do you think it feels to run into the woman who slit my mother's throat and murdered my brother? She's out there, unpunished and I go on! I can't take my revenge, hell I don't even try…Damn!" She buried her face in her hands, sobs shaking her slender body.
Sonny was shocked at the violence of her outburst. He leaned closer to her cautiously and put his arms around her. Her body was rigid at first but after a while she relaxed in his arms. She wept for what felt like ages for herself, her mother, Stefan, even that sick bastard Stavros who she had never brought herself to hate. She cried for everyone whose life had been plagued by Helena.
Sonny ran his fingers through her soft hair musing at the absurdity of the situation. After a while he felt her hands pushing his chest gently. He let go of her. She stared at him as though she was seeing him for the first time.
"Why did you really come here, Sonny?" she said softly.
"I don't know. I needed to talk to someone, you live close by…"
"Why this morning of all mornings?"
"Are you mad at me? Because I saw you cry? You're human, Alexis."
"When I'm alone, most nights I cry myself to sleep. I can't believe he's gone. I kept thinking he would be there on my wedding day to give me away… God, I know how silly this sounds. But Stefan and I survived through hell together. Even though we had our ups and downs I thought I'd always have him in my life. That we'd have all the time in the world to get close again." She had come dangerously close to tears again. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't dump all this on you… "
"Don't worry about it. I know how it feels. When Stone died… I knew it was coming but I didn't want to believe it. It's been so many years and I still can't." Alexis nodded abjectly then glanced at her watch.
"For what it's worth", she said quickly, "I'm glad you came. I was feeling very low. But now your really must leave. I have five minutes to make myself presentable, study this poor guy's case and make it to court!"
Sonny laughed at the panic in her voice. He didn't know how much of it was true but old Alexis was back.