Johnny was walking back home still sniffling from time to time and wiping his eyes.
"4 cats," he muttered under his breath.
Coral had been hot. Her nose was bit big but with a body fit for a centerfold some things were secondary. They'd taken things to her apartment "for a drink" fairly quickly. She didn't even bother with pouring a drink before jumping on him. Johnny had found it difficult to enjoy the kiss since he felt a tingling feeling at the back of his throat. His eyes started to water and with his blurry vision he noticed a small white sofa cushion that had raised its head and was staring at him curiously.
"You have a cat," Johnny stated pulling back from Coral.
"Oh, Snuggles, you know you're not allowed in the living room!"
She picked up the fluffy creature and kissed its head.
That's it, I'm not touching her again, thought Johnny.
"Come on, I'll take you back to your Mommy and your brothers."
"There are more cats?"
"Three more. What's wrong?"
She got no answer. Johnny had bolted out the door.
He enjoyed the soothing cool breeze as he was walking. The night was still fairly young and he could try his luck at another bar assuring there would be no cat complications by taking the girl to his apartment. But it felt almost like an obligation to him and since he didn't suppose he'd have to share with anyone exactly when was the last time he'd had sex he could just go home and climb into bed. He just hoped that fantasies of Carly scantily clad as she'd often allowed him to see her would not assault him tonight. He couldn't understand why Carly acted the way she did. Maybe she was naturally provocative or was trying to test his loyalty to Sonny. She might even genuinely have the hots for him though Johnny didn't want to contemplate the last option. He wouldn't risk his friendship with Sonny for anything. Strangely, Alexis soft hair against his cheek came back to him stronger than all the times Carly had answered her front door in a bathrobe. He couldn't understand how that happened since Ms. Davis was definitely not his type. She reminded him of a teacher he'd had in high school all serious and stuffy in her business suits and her fancy lawyer talk. Yet part of him wondered what it would feel like to undress her and jump into bed with her. Would she be as frigid as she looked or was there a volcano under the stuffy exterior? He felt the result of his thoughts, grateful that the road was deserted. He'd entertained similar thoughts about Mrs. Pearce - amazing that after all these years he remembered her name - but he'd been 17 at the time, hormones raging. Now he was going to need a cold shower because of his boss' attorney.
A movement on the pavement got him out of these thoughts. A man was steeling past Sonny's building. Johnny recognized Luke Spencer's tall lean form. What business did Spencer have there? Johnny hid behind a car. The other man passed him by walking briskly. Apparently he didn't notice him. Johnny hurried home to check with the night guard. He wasn't at his place.
"Jos?!" he called out.
He didn't think Spencer would have a reason to hurt the bodyguard, he'd probably diverted his attention somehow. Johnny didn't have a good feeling about this.
"I'm here," said Jos?. Even in the dim light of the lobby Johnny could tell his face had a greenish hue.
"Is there something wrong?"
Jos? shrugged. "I just had to use the can that's all."
Johnny's eyes caught the coffee machine. There was still some coffee in it and there was a cup of coffee at the front door desk. Laxative in the coffee machine, he recognized Spencer's MO.
"I'll wake up Reynaldo to replace you. It's what you should have done in the first place."
The other man opened his mouth to protest when another cramp sent him running for the bathroom.
------------------------------------------------------
Sonny's Penthouse, early next morning
"I have no dealings with Luke Spencer anymore," said Sonny quietly. "If I did you'd know about them."
"Judging by what he did to poor Jos? I gathered it wasn't a social visit."
"Fire that clown."
Johnny felt a twinge of regret for having told on the bodyguard but he understood that the way things were lately with Sorel Sonny had to be extra careful.
Alexis, thought Sonny. I thought I heard voices and it turns out I was right. He knew that Luke and Alexis had an odd relationship. Luke had alluded to him at some point to "Natasha" and him having been partners in something. Luke had been drunk at the time but still careful enough not to reveal much. Alexis rushing to defend Luke for her beloved brother's apparent murder also didn't add up well. And now he'd snuck in to see Alexis and snuck out at around 2 am. Sonny run his fingers through his hair.
"There are no signs of him breaking into your place, are there?" asked Johnny.
Sonny shook his head. "Don't worry about it," he said thoughtfully.
Johnny could see there was something Sonny wasn't telling him. He'd obviously made a connection to Spencer's visit that was eluding Johnny. He decided against asking Sonny about it. Maybe he'd tell him anyway. Maybe not.
---------------------------------------
The light coming in from her window woke up Alexis. She'd forgotten to close her bedroom blinds. Little pains and stiff muscles, her clothes strewn all over the room and the state of her bed reminded her of last night's activities. There was no sign of Luke but she could smell his aftershave on his pillow. She didn't know how long he'd stayed after… Guilt run through her like ice in her veins. What had she been thinking? Luke Spencer? Of all the men in Port Charles. She sat up on her bed keeping her head low.
"Oh God!" she moaned. "Make it go away. I'll never drink again in my life, I promise!" Her headache kept hammering away at her temples. God probably knew she wasn't likely to keep that promise.
She walked unsteadily to the bathroom and turned on the shower. Grinding her teeth she stepped under the freezing water. She discovered new marks as she lathered her whole body, teeth clattering. The inside of her nails and her lips had turned blue when she finally decided to add some hot water. She heard a clinking noise and realized her necklace had fallen. She turned off the water and kneeled in the bathtub searching for it frantically. She caught it at the last minute. The clasp had broken. Holding the necklace to her chest Alexis doubled over, her dry sobs echoing around the bathroom.
She stood in front of the mirror and started brushing her hair carefully. She thought back to a time her hair reached down to her waist. She always brushed it at night and tied it in a loose braid before going to bed. She remembered when she was eleven and she'd taken a tumble off Stefan's horse. They had both gotten too big to be able to ride the same horse easily. She'd sprained her arm badly. She had been lucky she didn't break it since Helena only allowed Martha and Stefan to take her to Athens for an X-ray a week after it had happened. Stefan had been coming in her room to brush her hair and tie her braid at night. He was always careful not to hurt her. He wanted to save her from Martha's impatient strokes of the brush that made Alexis bite on her lip to avoid crying out. Martha would get in the room eventually to shoo him out so he would let his little cousin undress and go to bed. Alexis always found this strange, Stefan and her never bothered with a swimsuit when they were sneaking away for a swim. But since Martha preferred it that way she'd kiss her cousin's cheek and whisper goodnight to him whether they would be meeting later for a night swim or not. Alexis smiled bitterly at the memory feeling her throat constrict. Stefan was with her always no matter how hard she tried to convince herself that she wanted nothing more to do with him. It's my punishment for letting Chloe die, she thought. I have to give him up.
She dressed very carefully. It was an uncommonly hot day but she put on a long sleeved dark blue pantsuit. She inspected her neck. No makeup would be likely to hide for very long the love bites Luke had left. She tied a beige scarf trying to avoid looking at her reflection as much as possible. Her fingers were shaking and she only managed to tie a knot at her third try. She forced herself to look at the woman in the mirror. Too much makeup on her face to hide puffy eyes, a harsh expression, she hardly recognized herself. She added some blush feeling even stronger that she was wearing a mask.
I am, she thought. I am wearing a mask, lying to everybody, pretending I'm someone I'm not. She gave out a short hysterical laugh. It was definitely one of the benefits of living alone she could go into hysterics if she wanted. It's time to take off the mask, she thought. Ned deserves that much.
An ominous feeling washed over her as she went to answer the phone. It's Ned, she thought.
And she was right.
She arranged to meet him for breakfast. She wanted a public place where Ned would have to act civilized. She didn't apologize to Ned about her behavior the previous day. Ned had wanted to talk about it but she cut him off. That shocked the poor man who had obviously expected an apology.
She was around ten minutes late. Ned's face lit up when he finally saw her come in. She came closer to him taking in his tired features. Ned got up and put his arms around her. His palms pressed on the scratches on her back and Alexis winced. Ned and her were together for 4 years, she'd never even looked at another man with the exception of one night when she and Jax got carried away in the whole husband and wife charade. But it had meant nothing to either of them and they continued as though it had never happened. The sex had been good though not exactly memorable and it was simply for the best for them to get it out of their system. Was the night she spent with Luke also that? A way to get him out of her system? She didn't know.
She was holding the necklace Ned had given her in her palm. She set it on the table.
"It's broken," she said in a voice so soft it sounded almost childish.
Ned stared at the jewel remembering vividly the day he'd picked it out for Alexis. He took it in his hands.
"It's just the clasp," he said. "We'll fix it."
"I'm afraid we can't fix it."
Ned looked up at her sharply. "You're not talking about the necklace anymore."
"No, I'm not."
"I don't understand you, Alexis. I don't understand why you've been pushing me away since Chloe…. I mean, what happened to her should bring us together, not tear us apart! I loved her just as much as you did."
"This is not about Chloe, Ned." she said steadily. "It's about me. I need a break."
"A break? Alexis, we're getting married in a… in less than a month!" The pain and confusion in Ned's eyes cut through her yet she couldn't stop herself from adding to it.
"You don't know me, Ned. You never did and I don't think it would be fair for you to marry a stranger. I loved you, I really did but I wasn't thinking straight when I agreed to marry you. I can't let you try and built a relationship, let alone a marriage, on lies."
"Alexis you can't… all these years, you can't throw everything away!" Ned raised his voice, oblivious of his surroundings. He took a hold of her hand and brought it to his mouth. "You're just in shock. You didn't let Chloe's death sink in…"
"Ned, you're not listening to me," she interrupted him. "You were safe. I loved you in my own way but I know it's not enough to marry you. You deserve better, you really do. If I could only tell you what sort of person I am… but I never did and now you're in love with an Alexis that doesn't exist. And I loved the idea of being in love with you. I saw you as a person similar to me, a fellow gatekeeper ready to go to whatever lengths necessary to protect his family… I fooled myself into believing I could be myself with you but all you got was a woman who buried herself in her work, a woman who always put you second… you've said these things yourself, Ned. They're true. They're true because I never loved you enough."
There were tears in the corners of Ned's eyes. "I don't want you to love me more," he said swallowing hard. "Nothing you may tell me about yourself would scare me. I know you didn't have an easy childhood, I know you've needed to do questionable things to cope with your insane family. I know you Alexis, you're the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with."
Alexis buried her face in her hands. Maybe the public place had been a bad idea. She thought of taking off her scarf and showing Ned the marks Luke had left on her. Maybe that would be the only way to make her point. She decided against it.
She looked up to him. "Have you no self respect?" she said coldly. "I clearly said to you that I don't want to marry you. Not in a month, not in two months, not ever. I won't change my mind if you grovel I will probably lose the little respect and the good memories I have of you." She kept a stony expression on her face ignoring the upheaval in her stomach. If Ned didn't leave soon he'd see her run to the bathroom, betraying that she's more upset than she's letting him think. "We're through, Ned," she said pushing the broken necklace to his side of the table.
Ned's face was white as a sheet. He took the necklace in his hand and fingered it softly. He got up stiffly without looking at Alexis and left. Alexis waited until he was out the door before running to the bathroom. She made a horrible retching sound but there was nothing to come out of her stomach. It was empty just like the rest of her.
Nikolas stared at the door of the ladies room where he had seen his Aunt enter but not come out. The fight he'd witnessed had looked intense and he was afraid Alexis wasn't too well in there.
He rapped on the bathroom door. An attractive shorthaired blonde in her twenties opened it. She smiled at Nik's uncomfortable expression.
"I'm sorry," said Nik. "My Aunt came in here a while ago and she hasn't come out."
The blonde looked back quizzically to a well dressed fiftyish woman who shook her head with an embarrassed smile.
"Oh no," said Nik quickly, "my Aunt is…" he bit on his lip. He was about to say "young" but that would mean calling the woman who was washing her hands, old. "My Aunt is… erm a brunette."
"Oh," said the petite blonde with a smile that would have dazzled the pre-Gia Nik, "I think she's in here," she said pointing to one of the doors of the stalls. As if on cue, the door opened and Alexis walked out slowly. Her face scared Nikolas it was livid and drawn as the face of death.
"Nikolas. What are you doing in the ladies room?" she asked in a matter of fact tone.
"I… I was worried about you," said Nikolas suddenly very self-conscious as an elderly lady who had just walked in eyed him with disapproval. "I'll wait for you outside," he murmured and hurried out the door.
Alexis splashed some water to her face. She examined the remains of her make up and fixed it as best she could.
Nikolas smiled when he saw her come out. She was looking better already. "How long have you been here?" she asked.
"Since before you and Ned came."
"I didn't see you," she said thoughtfully.
"I don't think the two of you would have noticed if the Pope had walked in here and bought everyone a drink."
"Did we make a spectacle of ourselves?"
"People made a big production of looking the other way," he said kindly.
Alexis gave out a heavy sigh. "I thought a public place would be the best…" her voice trailed off.
Nik led Alexis back to her table. Her plate lay untouched. Nikolas took Ned's place opposite her.
"Are you here alone?" asked Alexis with a frown.
"No, I was with Liz and Lucky but they left. I stuck around because I was worried about you."
Alexis nodded. "Thank you," she whispered.
"Ned and you…?" he made a questioning movement with his hand.
"It's over," Alexis said flatly.
Nik's eyes widened. "Are you sure?"
"Isn't it what it looked like we were doing? Breaking up, I mean?" she said shaking her head ruefully.
Nik run his fingers through his hair distracting Alexis with how messy it looked. She focused her gaze on his warm eyes instead. "Alexis, not too long ago you asked me to give you away. What changed sine then?"
"I can't explain it to you," she whispered, "I couldn't even explain it to Ned."
"He took it hard."
Alexis swallowed hard remaining silent.
"I think you didn't take it too well either," he said neutrally.
Alexis made a dismissing gesture.
"I wanted to talk to you anyway, to both you and Ned actually."
She looked up at him, intrigued. "What about?"
"I'm leaving L&B," he announced.
Alexis gave him a bitter smile. "There isn't much of it to leave anyway," she said dryly. "Juan left us, Chloe is dead, Ned is too busy with ELQ to keep up Eddie Maine and in view of the recent developments between Ned and myself I'll be resigning from the position of legal advisor shortly."
"You make it sound as though I'm abandoning a sinking ship," said Nik shifting uncomfortably in his seat.
"Why are you leaving? What are you going to do?"
"I think it's time to concern myself with my inheritance," he said simply.
Alexis gave a start. She would be less surprised if he'd told her he was planning to join the circus.
"I want to help Uncle with Cassadine Inc. business. My 25th birthday is only 4 years away. I haven't bothered with Cassadine business for way too long but… I think I'll cope. And it would be good for Uncle to have me around."
Alexis studied his face carefully. "You're doing it for him," she said, pride swelling in her chest. "Stefan has waited very long for this."
Nik nodded. "When we though he was dead," he said with difficulty, "I had time to think. I want to be part of Cassadine Inc but not just because it's what Uncle wants. I want to make a difference, Alexis. I want the Cassadine name to be remembered in a good light."
Alexis smiled at him and took his hand in hers.
"I plan to announce my decision to Uncle tomorrow. I was thinking of a family dinner," he looked up at her expectedly.
Alexis looked away from him. "I can't come," she said softly.
"Alexis… he needs you. Ever since the funeral, even before… he hasn't been the same. He drinks, he locks himself up in his room and he won't eat. He doesn't even hassle me about Gia anymore. I don't want to leave him alone in that big house but he's pushing me away. I saw him yesterday… he was looking at old photo albums from when we came to New York to visit you… do you remember?"
Did she remember? Stefan's phone call in the middle of the night… in his excitement he'd forgotten about the time difference. Helena had been neutralized. Alexis had pinched herself to make sure she wasn't dreaming holding the receiver with both hands eagerly listening to Stefan's voice as he recounted to her what had happened. A week later she'd met the shy 6 year old so different from the chubby baby she remembered. The happy memories washed over her leaving her with a warmth that flooded her being. She felt her eyes sting.
"I'd never left the island before," said Nik. "It was my whole world. I remember you and Stefan holding me… I'd never seen Uncle so happy, or rather, I don't think I'd ever seen him happy at all."
"You were only six…"
"And it was the happiest time in my life. Everything felt right, Alexis. I've never told this to anyone… " he said quietly looking away from her, "but in that visit and in others I pretended you two were my parents. I thought that people looking at us wouldn’t know so they would guess we were a family… father, mother and son," his chin quivered. He cleared his throat noisily. "I know how silly this sounds."
Alexis shook her head. "No, it doesn’t sound at all silly," she said gently.
"I didn't see you very often but I certainly saw more of you than Laura. And now that Laura is in my life it doesn’t mean that I don't want you to be a part of it too. I know you missed Stefan, you were the only one who could understand and comfort me when we thought he was dead."
"I want to be a part of your life Nikolas regardless of the status of my relationship with your Uncle.” Or what I think of Laura. "I'm happy you decided to assume your responsibilities as the heir. I'm sure this will help Stefan take an interest in the world again. He adores you, he'd do anything for you."
"He needs you too. How can you be so selfish in your pain, Alexis? Don't you owe it to Stefan to stand by him?" Nik felt bad the moment the words left his mouth.
Alexis smiled bitterly. Nik's words had stung her so she stung him back. "Is this the same Nikolas who accused Stefan of kidnapping Lucky?"
Nik recoiled from her as if she'd just slapped him. "That was…"
"What?"
"That was a mistake. Uncle knows I didn't really believe that."
"Does he? Did you ever apologize to him? About that, about all the times you treated him like an accountant fit only for taking care of your estate? Were you there for him when Laura ripped his heart from his chest and chewed on it?"
"You hate my mother," Nik whispered.
"As a matter of fact, I do. But that's beside the point. Your behavior is what I'm talking about here, not Laura's. Stefan had to die for you to give a damn about him!"
"Why are you attacking me like this?" Nik said through gritted teeth.
"I want you to treat him with the respect he deserves," she said steadily. "I know what I owe Stefan I was wondering whether you know too."
"He's not a Saint, Alexis." The glint in Nik's eyes reminded Alexis so strongly of Stavros she instinctively pulled back. The boy had a point though. "I will forget what you said," he said magnanimously "I guess you feel bitter about what happened between you and Ned though it isn't fair to take it out on me."
Alexis laughed out loud attracting the attention of everyone in the place. Her laughter was just on this side of hysteria. "Always the Prince, Nik," she said softly. "You're willing to forget and invite me again?"
Nik just stared at her at a loss of what to do with her erratic behavior. "I didn't deserve those things you said to me," he said defensively.
Alexis laughed again. "Oh, you did. You deserved that and more but Stefan would never say them." She got up. She looked down to Nik, her eyes misting over. "Be good to him, alright?"
"Alexis, why don't you come? I'm going to invite Gia too, Uncle was gone when I met her and I think it would be nice for the two of them to get to know each other…"
"You mean that you're going to take advantage of Stefan's state to get him to accept your girlfriend."
Nik released a deep breath. "I resent that."
"You're serious about this girl, aren't you?"
"I care for her very much."
"Don't announce your decision at dinner. There are things you and Stefan will need to discuss alone and you'd make her feel like an outsider."
Nik nodded. "But if you came…"
Alexis raised her hand to stop him. "Give it a rest, Nikolas," she said wearily.
Nik stared wordlessly at her departing figure. A hint of guilt tugged at him as he thought about the time before Stefan's disappearance. Alexis had said the truth, harsh as it was. No one had ever spoken to him the way Alexis had just had yet through it all he could feel her love. It's what happens with family, he thought. They say things as they see them, they hurt you but that doesn't change the love that binds you to them.