| Chapter 5 Alexis lay on her side, knees drawn up to her chest, crying. No matter how hard she tried to stop the tears they continued to flow. She wasn't sure if it was a result of her hormones or the nightmare or Jax's words that triggered the river of tears. But regardless, she was helpless to stop them. “Alexis?” You're beautiful, that's for sure You'll never ever fade You're lovely but it's not for sure That I won't ever change And though my love is rare Though my love is true She closed her teary eyes at the sound of his voice but slowly raised her head off the pillow. When she opened her eyes again, she saw Jax at the door, waiting for her permission to enter. “I'm sorry,” she whispered, sitting up in bed and wiping her eyes. Jax slowly left his spot at the door and moved toward her. “No, I'm sorry.” He sat down on the edge of the bed. Alexis shook her head quickly. “I shouldn't have yelled at you.” Jax smiled. “And I shouldn't have opened my big mouth. I knew you weren't ready for that...” Jax stopped when he noticed how pale her face had became. “Are you okay?” “I'm fine,” Alexis answered too quickly and smiled nervously. Jax’ words played over and over in her head. I love you. “That terrified you, didn’t it?” he whispered. “What?” Alexis asked confused by the question. “My love. The fact that I love you, frightens you,” Jax whispered. Alexis closed her eyes. His words were hitting too close to home for her. Once again tears filled her eyes. I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away I don't know where my soul is, I don't know where my home is (And baby all I need for you to know is) I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away I don't know where my soul is , I don't know where my home is All I need for you to know is (And baby all I need for you to know is) “I don't deserve your love,” Alexis said in shame-filled voice, Jax didn't understand. “Why not? Everyone deserves to be loved, Alexis.” “I don't. I have done so many terrible things.” “What happened to you wasn't your fault and it doesn't make you a terrible person,” Jax said, his voice full of compassion not pity. Your faith in me brings me to tears Even after all these years And it pains me so much to tell That you don't know me that well And though my love is rare Though my love is true “Please, you don't understand,” Alexis said desperately. “You’re right. I can't pretend to know how you feel but I want to help you. And I'm not going to let you push me out of your life!” he vowed. “Jax..why...do you love me?”Alexis stammered. He looked at her in surprise and didn't speak for a few moments. “I love you because you’re a beautiful, intelligent woman. You’re confident and you’re strong, yet compassionate and funny.....” Alexis stopped him. “You’re in love with an illusion. I'm not that person,” she admitted. Jax looked at her as if she was speaking a foreign language. So she continued on. “I spent my whole life trying to be something that I'm not. When I was younger, I wanted to be accepted and loved by Helena and Mikkos. But that never happened. Stefan was the only one that loved me and even his love came with conditions,” she said bitterly. Jax was going to say something but something told him to wait. He knew she needed to talk about this, so he kept quiet and let her continue. I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away I don't know where my soul is, I don't know where my home is (and baby all I need for you to know is) I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away I don't know where my soul is , I don't know where my home is All I need for you to know is “I learned that education was the key to my freedom, so I studied hard and made good grades. My studies made me feel important and the more I learned, the more I wanted to know. Sometimes when....” she stopped. Jax looked at her sad eyes. He wanted to hold her and make everything all right but he didn't have that power. Only Alexis did, hidden somewhere under all the pain and shame. “When, what?” Jax asked softly. She shook her head. She couldn't tell him about all the times when Stavros was raping her. How she would think about the things she had read and how one day she would be more intelligent than him and then she would be able to keep him away from her. She wouldn't have survived Stavros’ brutal attacks without her imagination, her mind taking a long journey to someplace safe and perfect. No she couldn't tell Jax that. “It doesn't matter,” Alexis stated flatly. “Alexis..” “The only thing that matters is that I'm not the person you need,” Alexis said forcefully but not without regret. It's not that I wanna say goodbye It's just that every time you try to tell me that you love me Each and every single day I know I'm going to have to eventually give you away And though my love is rare And though my love is true Hey I'm just scared That we may fall through “You don't get to decide what I need or who I need in my life. I love you and you’re not going to make me stop loving you. Nothing you could say could make me leave you,” Jax said with determination. “You can't fix me Jax! I don't need you holding my hand and telling me that you love me. I just want to be left alone!!” Alexis yelled. “I'm sorry but I can't do that. And I don’t think you want to me to. You have feelings for me too. If you didn't, you wouldn't have kissed me back that night.” He reminded her of the kiss they shared before she left Port Charles. The one she had been trying hard to forget but wasn't having much luck. “It was only a goodbye kiss. Besides we’re friends, right?” “Yes we’re friends but we could be so much more. I know you’re scared. You’ve been through a lot and I know you’re trying to start a new life for you and your baby,” Jax said with a sorrowful smile. Alexis closed her eyes, once again reminded of the life growing inside of her. I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away I don't know where my soul is, I don't know where my home is (And baby all I need for you to know is) I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away I don't know where my soul is , I don't know where my home is All I need for you to know is (And baby all I need for you to know is) “That’s right. Moving back to New York was about starting a new life and leaving the old one behind. Jax, I do love you, I just can never be what you need me to be. I'm not even sure if I can be a good mother to this baby,” she said honestly. “You will be a great mother because you’re a great person. But you don't have to do this all alone. I want to be here to help you. Please let me,” Jax tried again desperately. Alexis looked at him with uncertain eyes, giving him a glimmer of hope that maybe a future with her wasn't out of his reach. I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away I don't know where my soul is, I don't know where my home is (and baby all I need for you to know is) I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away I don't know where my soul is , I don't know where my home is All I need for you to know is (And baby all I need for you to know is) “Mr. Jacks is in New York with Miss. Davis,” the man said into the phone. “Thank you,” Helena said, before hanging up the phone. “Ari!” she yelled. “Yes Madame.” “I need someone on Mr. Jacks at all times. I want to know every move he makes, especially when he’s with my step-daughter,” Helena ordered. “I'll take care of it right away, Madame,” he assured her before leaving her alone. “Oh Natasha, you never learn, do you?” Helena asked, looking at a picture of Jax and Alexis sitting in the park. She ran a finger over Jax's handsome face and smiled. Song used was "I' Like A Bird" sung by Nelly Furtado |