Alexis shivered internally as two nurses worked over her, giving her a bed bath, and changing her sheets. According to her chart, Alexis hadn’t awakened since she had been brought in to the hospital twenty-four hours before. The nurses didn’t realize that Alexis was semi-conscious after her surgery, able to hear and feel what went on around her, able to feel the terror that still filled her soul, but not able to speak or move. Alexis wasn’t afraid of the state she was in. She was only afraid. The sounds of the ICU were unfamiliar to her, the bleeping of the IV machine, the automatic blood pressure cuff taking her blood pressure every fifteen minutes, voices and footsteps outside the ICU room. They were sounds she had to assimilate to remember what had happened and where she was. The voices of the two nurses who gently rolled her flaccid body back and forth as they changed her sheets spoke in hushed voices that the other patients in the ICU couldn’t hear, but Alexis could.
“I heard Sonny Corinthos won’t leave the waiting room. He demands to sit with her every chance he gets. He’s even gotten into a fight with Mr. Cassidine.”
“He looks like hell,” The other nurse added. “I saw him when they brought her up. He was covered in blood. At least she was cleaned up.”
“She’s awfully bruised though. I’ll have to make a chart noting where she has skin tears, and bruises so we can assess the healing process. Did they do a rape kit?”
“Yeah. Dr. Thornhart couldn’t believe what that pervert did. If I was her, I wouldn’t want to wake up either.” The nurse pushed Alexis over to pull the final sheet underneath her and tuck it in. Alexis felt pain in her back, her neck and face. She moaned. The two nurses were instantly quiet.
What had he done? Alexis’s breathing grew more rapid as she tried to remember. She closed her mind as she thought of his hands touching her, pushing her down when she tried to get up, his body on top of hers. Her attention riveted back to the nurses who tucked warm blankets over her after they positioned her on her side. Alexis would have been more comfortable on her back if she could have asked. She struggled to move, but somehow the darkness pervaded her world. No matter how Alexis tried, she couldn’t open her eyes.
“If I was her, I wouldn’t want to wake up either,” Alexis heard the words over and over again. Her frustration at her current state of consciousness grew. She did want to wake up. She wanted to get in the shower. A hot, hot shower with soap would allow her to get the areas the nurses missed. She could scrub herself clean even if she had to scrub herself raw. Alexis felt as though she was clawing her way back to reality. She moaned in pain again as her side sent jabbing pains through her chest. A broad hand, a man’s hand touched her shoulder. Alexis recoiled in fear.
“Alexis? Alexis, what’s wrong?” Stefan Cassidine asked, his voice filled with concern. Alexis wanted to groan further. She didn’t want Stefan here. She didn’t need his paternal protection. She didn’t want it. She didn’t know what she wanted, but she knew it wasn’t Stefan. She grew restless, shaking her head, crying out in apparent distress.
“No, no,” her mumbled cries said. Stefan’s face paled as he believed her to be reliving the attack. He took Alexis’ hand in his, squeezing it softly.
“Alexis, its just Stefan. No one is going to hurt you here. You’re at General Hospital. You are safe now.” Alexis pushed the pillow at her back away. She wasn’t safe. Stefan couldn’t help her. Stefan couldn’t save her from the demons that invaded her psyche.
Alexis’ hand clenched Stefan’s so hard it hurt. He used his other hand to ring the bell for the nurse.
“Alexis, calm down,” Stefan ordered as if his authoritative command would have an effect. Alexis grew more agitated by the second. She didn’t want Stefan here, didn’t want her brother to know she had been disgraced, didn’t want him to feel sorry for her. She could hear the pity in his voice. Finally Alexis opened her eyes. She turned her head, despite excruciating pain. Her eyes met Stefan’s. Her anger, her rage, her fear came out as she spoke, venting all her emotions at Stefan.
“Get out!” She screamed. “Get out!” The nurse came running in. Another nurse pulled Stefan away.
“Let me go,” Stefan cried. “She doesn’t know what she’s saying.” But Alexis did know. She screamed again and again until Stefan was gone. One of the nurses injected some Ativan into Alexis’ IV line. The sedative was ordered routinely in the ICU since patient’s often became agitated, whether from the common ICU psychosis or just from their own internal nightmares. The nurse held Alexis’ hands down which only irritated her further. Alexis struggled to gain release. The nurse still held Alexis’ hands, but her touch was softer. Alexis responded by trying to gain control of herself.
“Ms. Davis, you need to calm down,” the nurse tried. “Mr. Cassidine is out of the room. If you don’t calm down, we’ll have to restrain you. I don’t think you want that, do you?” Alexis looked into the nurse’s eyes. They were kind, if a little foolish. It was the same nurse who had been giving her a bath. She may have realized Alexis could hear her even though her patient hadn’t been responsive.
“Please,” Alexis begged her brown eyes wide and pleading. She lay still. The nurse stood up, relieved that the scene was over.
“Yes? What can I do for you Ms. Davis? How can I help you to relax.” Alexis shook her head. There was nothing that was going to help her relax. Nothing…except a shower, a shower and…She grabbed the nurse’s hand.
“Sonny? Where’s Sonny?” Alexis demanded her voice barely above a whisper, but her eyes ferociously intent. The nurse patted Alexis’ hand. Alexis pulled her hand away. She could feel the sedative effecting her, taking away some of the anxiety. It felt good.
“They wouldn’t let him in,” the nurse explained. “Mr. Cassidine limited your visitors.”
“Oh, Hell,” Alexis snapped. She laid on her back. The nurse tried to reposition her again. Alexis refused in irritable childishness. The nurse sighed in exasperation.
“Ms. Davis, if you lay on your side, you’ll breathe better,” She informed Alexis. Alexis made a face.
“It hurts,” Alexis replied in a little girl voice.
“I see. Are you having pain? Can you tell me where?” Alexis nodded, feeling like a child, helpless and dependent.
“Where?” was the nurse’s patient question.
“My ribs, my back, my neck, my head. It hurts everywhere,” Alexis admitted readily.
“We’ll get you some pain medication, okay?” The nurse replied. “Anything else I can get for you?” Alexis, half awake and half asleep as the sedative continued to take effect, nodded again. She took the nurse’s hand this time.
“Sonny,” She begged. “Stefan is not my keeper. I want to see Sonny, please.”
“Mr. Cassidine is the CEO of General Hospital. His word is usually law around here.” the nurse hesitated.
“Stefan isn’t the patient. I am, and a lawyer,” Alexis returned in a dreamy self satisfied sort of tone. The nurse smiled as Alexis closed her eyes. Alexis had a point. Who was the patient anyway?
Alexis felt someone holding her hand. No, it wasn’t just someone. It was a hand that was warm, gentle and caring. He held her hand to his cheek, then kissed her palm. She opened her eyes in contentment. How she knew it was him, even she didn’t know. His presence was comforting. He didn’t expect her to be perfect, to be the fancy lawyer, to be on her toes all the time, to be on the alert for Helena. He understood her failures, and accepted them. Why hadn’t she realized it before. She stared deeply into his brown eyes, stared into eyes that were filled with their own guilt and pain. She gave him a weak smile.
“Alexis,” was all Sonny Corinthos said. His heart was in his mouth. He wanted to tell her then how much he loved her, how he realized when they found her on the roof, how much she meant to him. She was all he had ever wanted in a woman. He should have told her before, but Carly was always there. He continued to hold her hand, willing his strength to Alexis as if by osmosis.
“Don’t leave me,” She begged. “No matter what.”
“I won’t,” Stonny replied. “On my life.”
“Most definitely on your life,” Alexis replied. The demons were still out there, gunning for her and Sonny. One man was dead. Were there more? She shivered again.
“Alexis?” Sonny wondered.
“I’m all right,” Alexis assured him. She wasn’t, but she could lie. The monsters in her mind followed her as she fell into a restless sleep even with the Ativan. Sonny sat by her side wanting nothing more than to give her peace, and failing miserably. He didn’t cry. He didn’t scream or yell despite his anger at Alexis’ pain. He just sat with her, and vowed that nothing would ever hurt the love of his life again. Not on his life.
*****
Sonny woke up with a start, jerked out of a dream by the sound of the door opening to Alexis’ room. He stood up protectively as the nurse turned on the light. She looked from Sonny to the empty bed, the IV pole with it’s dripping Normal Saline Solution next to it, the tubing and needle lagging on the floor creating a puddle of water.
“What’s going on here, Mr. Corinthos?” She demanded in confusion. “Where is Ms. Davis.” Sonny, neatly dressed and shaved thanks to Johnny bringing him a shaving kit and fresh clothes just that morning, was just as shocked as the nurse.
Sonny’s initial reaction was one of complete fear for Alexis. He was certain that somehow she had been abducted right under his news. He couldn’t have been that stupid, could he?
“Yes, Corinthos, where is my sister?” Stefan growled coming into the room. “Some watchdog you are. Can’t even keep her safe in her hospital room.”
“Shut up, Cassidine,” Sonny snapped. He turned to the nurse. “My men are watching the front and the back of the hospital. If she had gone out that way, she would have been seen. We need to search the hospital itself.”
“You have men watching the hospital?” Stefan asked, clearly angry that he hadn’t thought of that himself. Sonny turned on the bathroom light as he stepped inside. He silently took in the scissors, and shards of brown hair that covered the floor in various places. Damn, Sonny swore to himself. He hurried out of the room.
“Would you call Kevin Collins. He’s been working with Alexis since…since the attack. I’m going to find her.” Sonny got out into the hallway. He wanted to throw up at the thought of Alexis snipping away at her hair, as if she were snipping away at her soul, taking out the pieces that hurt. Where would she go he wondered. Stefan stepped into the hallway. He too had seen the brown hair on the floor. Subdued for once, Stefan stood beside Sonny.
“She has to be here somewhere,” Stefan said firmly. “I told the nurse to get every security guard…”
“If someone finds her, be careful,” Sonny warned. “Cassidine, she’s been attacked. Do you understand that? Where ever she is, she’s jittery.”
“I hear you,” Stefan muttered, knowing that Corinthos was right. Damn the man. Corinthos was more in tune to Alexis than he was.
“She’s been so calm about this incident,” Stefan started. “Why now? What’s going on?”
“Who knows why now,” Sonny retorted. “It doesn’t matter, does it?” Stefan shook his head. No it didn’t. “And it wasn’t an incident. It was a malicious, sadistic attack on her.” It took all of Stefan’s honor to keep silent. He wanted to grab Sonny, to shake him and ask him what he knew about that attack. Stefan wanted to know who else was out there, ready to destroy his sister just to get back at Sonny. Stefan had asked Alexis what motivated the attack. He asked her point blank if it was Sonny’s business or anything to do with Sonny. Her refusal to answer, the tears that came to her eyes was confirmation enough. Sonny might not know it, but Stefan meant for him to pay for Alexis’ pain, one way or another.
“We’ve got her,” Kevin cried coming down the hall. “One of the security men found her. She’s on the roof.” Sonny closed his eyes for a second. The roof! Of course. It was on a roof that she was attacked. For Alexis it would be a place to face her demons before she went home, a place to try to get rid of her anger, and revulsion. She was playing with fire and she didn’t even know it.
“Let’s go,” Sonny ordered. He didn’t object as Stefan followed him and Kevin in to the elevator along with a nurse who carried a far stronger sedative than Ativan in her uniform pocket.
*****
Alexis knew she should have been cold. Oddly she wasn’t. In fact, she felt numb. She touched her hair, filtering the brown strands through her fingers, noticing they were shorter than they had been. Funny, she didn’t remember getting her hair cut. She leaned out over the edge of the building, holding on to a railing. The railings circled the perimeter of the roof, unlike the Harborview Towers where there was nothing to keep someone from plummeting to their death, just like Alexis could have if her attacker hadn’t been stopped by Johnny.
“Johnny, Johnny,” Alexis whispered to herself. If he hadn’t noticed that the elevator was stalled on the roof when he wanted it for Sonny, if the men hadn’t come upto the roof top and heard her screams, she would have fallen, and fallen and fallen until her body hit the ground in a definite terminal effect. Looking down, and down and down, she could see, she was closer to the ground compared to the Harborview Towers, but she was still high up. At first she had been glad Johnny and Sonny saved her. Now, she wasn’t so sure.
Leaning against the railing, Alexis closed her eyes. If she pretended, she could see herself laughing with Sonny as she had last winter in the snow just before they were shot at. Her fears had been for Sonny then. She didn’t know what her fears were for now. Sonny? Herself? Stefan? No, not Stefan. He wasn’t in danger. Her mind was playing tricks on her. Alexis shook herself. This wasn’t about Sonny or Stefan. It was about him, about him, and her.
“I told you not to fight me,” his voice gloated again in her brain as he carried her towards the edge of the roof. In a daze, Alexis leaned over the railing, her hair blowing in the wind, her heart hammering, her mind screaming for peace.
“Alexis, no!” Stefan’s voice cried. Sonny socked Stefan in the arm.
“Shut up,” He hissed. Sonny looked at Kevin.
“Doc, you go,” He said. “I’ll go around. If there’s two of us…”
“Stefan, you go on the other side,” Kevin ordered. “Don’t say a word. Don’t let her see you if you can help it.” Stefan nodded, grateful to be able to do something. He walked off. Sonny groaned.
“Don’t worry,” Kevin grinned. “There’s no way around. He’ll have to come back.” Sonny almost laughed. The two men split up. Alexis didn’t hear them. She had heard Stefan’s voice, but it only stopped her for a minute. As Kevin approached her from behind, she was starting to climb over the white iron railing. Her foot was on the first rung of the fence. There were two of them and then the top of the railing to keep children from falling through the fence.
“Alexis?” Kevin’s voice called as he got closer to her. Alexis’ leg froze in mid air. Then she put her foot back on the ground. “Alexis, it’s Kevin.”
“Go away, Kevin,” Alexis called back almost sarcastically. “I don’t want to talk now. I’m all talked out. You know the lawyer is talked out.” Alexis laughed. That was funny. A lawyer was never talked out.
“Alexis, you don’t have to talk to me. I was wondering if I could talk to you?” That was a switch, Alexis thought as she stared down at the cold cement below. The wind made a whistling sound. She wondered what it would be like to be the wind, to be so free, to be so clean and swift.
“You just want to trick me,” Alexis returned, her voice suspicious.
“No, Alexis,” Kevin insisted, desperate to buy time. He watched as Sonny circumvented the roof until he was only feet away from Alexis. Thankfully he remained hidden.
“And then when you’ve tricked me, the only thing you’ll do is hurt me, right?” Alexis accused. Sonny shivered. He had never heard that tone in Alexis’ voice before. She seemed to trust no one. Sonny knew Alexis would snap eventually from the strain of the attack, but he never imagined this, not when she seemed to be dealing with it so well. Of course, what else would Alexis Davis do, he thought in frustration.
“Alexis,” Kevin started. “I won’t come near you. We called the woman’s crisis center. They’re going to send over someone, but you need to wait until they get here.”
“Why?” Alexis returned flatly. “I told you I was talked out.”
“Then she can just be with you. She can stay with you until you feel safe.” Kevin walked slowly towards Alexis. Her back was still to him, but she could hear his footsteps, footsteps like in the garage.
“Stop,” She cried, her voice raising an octave, her foot climbing onto the railing, and her other foot following it. Sonny’s heart was in his mouth. He could see the side of Alexis’ face under the lamplight that lit the roof. He wanted nothing more than to kiss her, to hold her to make her feel okay again. He didn’t know what to do, and it was driving him crazy. He clenched his fists to keep from running out.
“Okay, Alexis, Okay,” Kevin answered. He froze where he was.
“Alexis tell me what I can do to help you,” Kevin asked. “What can I do to get you to come back, to let us help you.”
“Alexis!” Stefan’s voice cried out from behind Kevin. Sonny saw Alexis turn towards him as she cried out. She saw him, her eyes pleading with him just as Carly’s had. Unlike Carly, Alexis wasn’t begging for her life, she was begging for her soul to be saved. Alexis’ voice moaned in excruciating pain, breaking Sonny’s heart into little pieces. Sonny knew there was no more time.
“No, Stefan! Noooooooooo!” Alexis moaned from the very depths of her soul. She leaned over the rail. Sonny jumped and ran. Kevin and Stefan rushed towards Alexis in a futile attempt to reach her before she fell.
“Alexis!” Sonny cried. Alexis felt herself pitch forward right after Sonny’s cry reached her ears. Alexis didn’t even feel her foot as it got tangled in the railing, dangling her in midair until her ankle snapped. Her body, no longer supported by the railing started to fall. Alexis was silent as she gave in to the fog that enveloped her. There was no stopping her now. She had found her peace at last.