| One And The Same |
| Alexis stepped off the elevator. She could hear things being broken. She closed her tired eyes and took a deep breath. She knew that he was trying his best to wipe Carly from his memory but his heart refused to let go. That was something she understood. She had been trying for months to let go of Ned but he still invaded her dreams and she was filled with a sense of failure. She turned to go into her penthouse, knowing that when he got like this it was best to leave him alone. So scream you, out from behind the bitter ache Heavy on the memory, you need most still want love, ugly, smooth and delicate not without affection, not alone She jumped when she heard gunshots and she rushed to his door, fearing he had harmed himself. "Sonny, are you alright?" Alexis pounded desperately on the door. The only thing that greeted her was an eerie silence. "Sonny, please!" Alexis whispered, as she opened the door, her hands and stomach trembling with anticipation. She breathed a sigh of relief, when she saw him sitting on the couch. "Sonny?" Alexis called from the doorway. He didn't move or look at her. Alexis' relief was short lived, when she noticed the gun he still held. "Are you alright?" Alexis asked, moving cautiously into the penthouse. And instead of wishing that it would get better man you're seeing that you just get angrier "Go away," Sonny finally whispered. "Not until you look at me and tell me you're alright," Alexis said, her voice shaky with uncertainty. He looked at her now. His eyes were burning with such sadness and the intensely of it was heartbreaking. "Don't you know by now, that I'm never truly alright," he replied. Alexis swallowed hard, understanding that feeling all too well. "What can I do to help?" Alexis asked, moving closer to him. "Nothing," he deadpanned, as she sat down on the coffee table in front of him. She slowly eased his fingers from around the gun and placed it carefully on the table, out of his reach. "Sonny." She spoke his name with understanding, that same understanding was shinning in her eyes. "Please don't," Sonny pleaded, rubbing his tired, unshaven face. And it's good that I'm not angry I just need to get over, I'm not angry, anymore "You once said that we had a lot in common and I laughed at very thought. Remember?" Alexis reminded him. He didn't reply and he didn't look at her, so she continued to speak. Not sure why she felt this need to comfort this man but the desire was too strong to be denied. "Sonny, we are the same in so many ways. We are both survivors. I know what it's like to be a frightened child, feeling alone, unwanted and unloved. You and I carry some fo the same battle wounds," Alexis whispered, taking his hands in hers and giving them a gentle, reassuring squeeze. "This isn't about my childhood Alexis!" Sonny yelled, violently yanking his hands from her grasp. He wasn't going to get into his childhood with Alexis. He had enough current problems to deal with, without opening old wounds, as well. Alexis was taken aback by his sudden withdrawl. She wasn't quite sure how to react but after a tense moment of silence, she resigned herself to the fact that she needed to get him to talk, no matter what. She couldn't let him shut down. "Isn't it?" Alexis challenged. "No, it isn't!" Sonny yelled. "This is about her!" He couldn't even bring himself to say her name. She had hurt him too deeply, maybe beyond repair. Cry when you cry, run when you run love when you love represent the ashes that you leave behind "I know this is about Carly, the fact that you love her and that she hurt you. And as hard as you tried, you can't muster up the hate that you want feel for her. The only reason I mentioned our childhoods was because I want you to know that you're not alone. That I understand." Sonny was now looking critically at Alexis but she didn't give him the satisfaction of showing him her fear. She knew Sonny was a man, who lived his life, protected by self-erected walls and very few people were able to break them down. When he allowed someone in and if that person disappointed him, like Carly had, the walls went up higher and stronger than before. "You're wrong. I hate her!" Sonny said coldly. "That's what you want me and the rest of the world to believe but you don't hate her Sonny." "Don't you dare tell me how I feel," Sonny spat angrily. "I'm sorry. That's not my intention," Alexis said, shaking her head before meeting Sonny's gaze again. "Then what *are* your intentions, Alexis? Why are you still here?" Sonny questioned, his tone harsh. He rose from the couch to fix himself a drink. He had to escape her scrutiny. He felt as if those dark, soulful eyes could peer right into his soul. He didn't want Alexis to help him. He didn't want anyone to help him, at least that's what he kept telling himself. He didn't deserve anyone's help. And instead of wishing that the road had shoulder man you're seeing that you're sinking over time "I'm here because I think you need a friend right now. I think you need someone to talk to. My God, Sonny, you had a gun in your hand. You were shooting at things. You could have hurt yourself and I couldn't just ignore you and pretend that everything was alright!" Alexis explained, pleading with him through her eyes to let her in, to let her help him. "Well, you've disarmed me and I'm finished shooting things, so you can leave now!" Sonny turned away from her, ignoring her silent plea and walked towards the door, effectively dismissing her. "You are such a bastard!" Alexis exclaimed suddenly, causing Sonny to stop in his tracks, his hand poised above the doorknob. "You push everyone that cares about you away until they are so desperate for your love and affection they will do anything to make you love them." Alexis finished, taking a deep breath. She was starting to understand some of Carly's frustrations. Alexis wasn't sure she had the strength to agrue with him any longer and was prepared to leave him to his own devices. She walked to the door, pushing Sonny out of the way on her quest to get out of his penthouse. If he wanted to feel sorry for himself, then he could do it without bringing her down with him! And it's good that I'm not angry I just need to get over I'm not angry it's dragging me under I'm not angry Sonny grabbed her arm before she could open the door. "What are you going to do? Turn on me too?" Sonny shouted, hurling his glass across the room. Alexis started at the sound of the glass shattering against the wall behind her. She knew she had hit a nerve. At least now he was reacting to what she said, instead of ignoring her. Maybe now she could get through to him. "No, Sonny, I would never turn on you. I would never deceive you or lie to you," Alexis said. She took his chin in her hands and forced him to look at her. He had to know that she was telling the truth. "Then why did she?" Sonny asked, helpless. "I don't know. I think she was just scared and she panicked. I'm not saying that's an excuse for her behavior but maybe an explaination. But Carly made a mistake. She betrayed your trust and that was wrong," Alexis stated firmly. "Thank you," he said, his face relaxing and his lips curving into a small smile. He released her arm, noticing that he was holding her a little too close to his body. "What for?" Alexis asked. She was confused by his sudden mood change. "For understanding me." "Is that a good thing?" Alexis asked, a smile beginning to form. He returned her smile, his dimples showing. "It's a very good thing." "You know that you can always talk to me, don't you?" "Yeah I do. I think I've always felt a closeness to you," Sonny admitted. "So do you want to tell me why you shot the mirror?" He sighed. "I saw her face. She was gorgeous and she was begging me to forgive her..." Sonny paused. "And it made you angry because you don't want to forgive her?" Alexis surmised. "Yes. She betrayed me, Alexis. How can I forgive her for that? But when I saw her face tonight, there was a brief moment when I wanted to. And I hate myself for letting her get that close to me. I promised myself that I wouldn't be hurt like that again," Sonny replied, disgusted with himself. "I'm sorry," Alexis whispered. "That's what I get for not listening to my head," Sonny reasoned. Alexis offered him an understanding smile. "Listening to your heart isn't a bad thing, Sonny." "It is in my case. Every time I have, it's ended in either death or betrayal." Alexis didn't know how to reply. Sonny's sadness was overwhelming but at least he was talking to her. She looked at her watch. "It's getting late, I better be getting home," Alexis said, reaching for the doorknob. "Alexis." Sonny grasped her hand. "Yes?" She looked down at their joined hands before meeting his gaze. "You were right. I didn't want to be alone tonight. I'm so tired of being angry. Will you help me? Please." Alexis nodded "In any way that I can." "Stay with me," he requested softly. "Sure. At least for a little while." "Thanks for being here for me. I don't know what I'd do without you. I think you and I are cut from the same stone." I'm not angry it's never been enough it gets inside and it tears you up I'm not angry but I've never been above it you see through me don't you "Strong stuff." Alexis smiled. "The strongest." He smiled. He pulled Alexis to him, suddenly, and leaned toward her, claiming her mouth. It was their first kiss, chaste, tentative and unsure. But they were both sure that it wouldn't be their last. They were one and the same. Both were afraid to truly let themselves be loved completely, probably because they didn't feel as though they were worthy of it. It was like their pushiment for being born and surviving all the angst of their childhoods. They were strong, in fact maybe too strong, since it was hard for either of them to express their feelings and admit weaknesses. Something special was awakened in them at the simple joining of their lips and they knew in that instant that they would always be a part of each other's lives. They were destined to save each other from themselves. Song used was "Angry" sung by Matchbox 20 ~The End~ |
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