need

WHAT DO I NEED?

· To know that my partner has control of things, and yet will listen to what I say and give me enough control over my own life. No arbitrary power-taking. Especially out of insecurity or posturing.

· To know that my input will be welcomed and expected, that he will not be expected to do all the work. Yes, we have a power-exchange but we are still together in this.

· To know that choices left to him will always take my mental, physical, and emotional well-being into consideration.

· To know that he has enough self-confidence to negotiate and re-negotiate when things are not working. No absolute blind obedience demanded in life/relationship matters if I am seriously uncertain or uncomfortable with what is being asked. (During play is another matter…I will attempt to obey with unquestioning trust whenever possible.)

· To know that I am allowed to follow, and not have to take the lead. But be given some lead when appropriate.

· To know that he is more disciplined, more patient, more focused than I, so I can borrow those things from him when I am in short supply…which may be often!

· To know that he will expect, and help me, to communicate my wants, needs, fears, hopes and limits…and that he is strong enough to communicate his too.

· To know that I will continue to be loved even when I am expressing negative emotions like unhappiness, anger, or discontent.

· To know that I will never be told to Calm down or Be quiet. These are bad triggers for me, causing me pain, anger, and a fear of disapproval and rejection.

· To know that he understands that I have a passionate nature not a hysterical one.

· To know that I can give lavishly, expressing my devotion in physical and non-physical ways spontaneously, and that it won’t be interpreted as insecurity and smothering. Instead, he will help me make sure it is done in a way that pleases him too.

· To know that I have the right to assume I belong to him, and won’t be discarded on a whim, or expected to handle difficult things by myself, alone.

· To know that he trusts and expects that I will always do my best not to put that ownership at risk by betrayal or failure to adhere to the rules of our relationship.

· To know the rules of our relationship.

· To know that when I cross a line by accident or on purpose he will deal with it honestly, openly and directly. No hoarding anger, hurt, annoyance, or disapproval. In return expecting me to do the same.

· To know that he will not use withdrawal of affection as punishment, nor allow me to withdraw and hide from him in hurt or anger.

· To know that he will take an interest in my writing and other pursuits and will encourage and push me, and expect me to do the same for him in all his pursuits.

· To know that we stimulate each other in ALL ways. Sexually, emotionally, intellectually. This includes stimulating each other to grow forever as human beings and partners. And to encourage the relationship to evolve and grow as well.

· To know that I will be desired, used, and enjoyed as a sexual object for both our pleasure. To know my sexual limits will be challenged and pushed, but not broken.

· To know that I am loved and desired passionately, and to know I am allowed to love and desire passionately in return.

I’ve been exploring the journals of other submissives lately, as I struggle to get a picture of real life D/s relationships. So many variations on the theme.
From the micro-management I saw on one site where the submissive’s whole day was set out in schedule and her every move tracked by her master, to the one that seemed like any marriage, with the addition of a little D/s spice.
slaves, subs, pets…Masters, Doms, Sirs…Kneeling, serving, taking pain…giving over paycheques, wearing only what you’re told…curfews, diet/exercise restrictions…
It seems endless.
How does one decide what they want and don’t want in a D/s relationship? What they need? How does one know what is not enough or too much for them?
Make a list?? Okay…I’ll attempt that…

I WANT AND NEED:

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