title

To Title Or Not To Title
That Is The Question!

Master? Sir? Daddy?
O Exalted Perfect One?
A rose by any other name would smell as sweet, Juliet claimed…or rather, Shakespeare suggested. And yet in the BDSM community it seems that titles are a constant form of controversy. Each dominant seems to have a specific title they feel is their due, as well as one they feel fits you as their….
Slave? Slut? Submissive? Pet?
Hey you object-undeserving-of-a-name?
I haven’t found it comfortable at this point to call anyone master, or sir. It seems contrived, ritualistic, pompous. Yet for some it feels right. They crave calling someone by that title and only that title (unless a co-worker or family member is within hearing distance, I guess).
Part of me feels that desire too. But it has to mean something from my heart, not from obedience. Maybe I have to feel mastered to call someone master. Not feel mastered BECAUSE I am calling someone master.
A case of which comes first, the chicken or the egg?
I did call my first dominant Daddy a few times, when it was pulled out of me in subspace by a Domly voice brooking no refusal. (Didn’t feel all that bad – kind of sweet, really).
Is it shyness on my part? Is it rebellion?
I’m not sure. I just know I have never been one for blind obedience. (Yes, I’m SURE I’m a submissive…just never said I was a perfect one!) Never flirted with organized religion, never was great at following all the tiny politics of a workplace, either.
I’m a quiet rebel. Got a tattoo…but waited until I was 35. Hid it from my mommy for a long time. (My REAL mother, by the way – never had a Domme.)
I’m independent, nonconforming, and still I love following orders and obeying and using a title on command should fall easily into that. <sigh> Contradiction, thy name is subbie.
Here’s the thing. I hate hypocrisy in myself. Loathe it, fear it, constantly try to exorcise it….And calling someone my lord and master who just really ISN’T seems hypocritical to me somehow. Dishonest. At the very least, lacking credibility and therefore value.
That’s how it works for me, anyway.
In many ways I feel that the tone in which one uses a name is what imbues it with power. If I only ever use my partner’s name with respect and submissive intent, doesn’t it sound like a title? It feels like one to me. Right now it’s the only way I can express my submission verbally with a clear conscience.
I hope he hears it that way.
Master to me, means to master something. Become adept at its usage. And to me the ‘it’ in that definition is me.
To some I guess it’s just role-play, or fun, and maybe being expected to do it anyway feeds that submissive place in them. Maybe they're just less shy? Whatever, I have no problem with that. Works for them? Go, subbie, go.
One day I hope that title will slip past my lips in an unconscious moment, when my heart and soul are all in accordance that yes, this man HAS mastered ME. I AM an instrument he knows how to play. Well. A virtuoso disciplined in the operating of this one little independent subbie. Who is as unique and treasured as a fine Stradivarius violin should be.
Until then, I’ll work on my blind obedience, I’ll work on my patience…even work at begging (Oh PLEASE, not THAT!!) and I’ll try to be the best non-title-calling sub I can be.