Home by: VanessaSky disclaimer: Joss Whedon lucky bastard distribution: my site anybody else want, take, let me know you have paring: b/a, b/other rating: r summary: Buffy's in hell. But hell isn't what it seems. an: this fic took far too long to write b/c of my wonderful writers block. This is just a fic that I wrote that I like, it's a little strange, but if you read any of my fics you know what to expect. There's a little surprise at the end, I thought I'd try something new. I hate the title. Ok I'm done now. dedication: Tygerlily, for being a wonderful friend when I needed one most. feedback: This is NOT the Zoo, PLEASE FEED the author. Thank you. Buffy opened her eyes and stared out at the streets below her. The city was endless at it's peak, spanning the countless miles of space surrounding it. A small flash of silver flickered in the distance, and Buffy knew it came from Sunnydale. From home. But most importantly from Angel. "Change it Nicky, I'm tired of the view." From the doorway a woman with golden skin came into the room. She wore a deep blood red dress that showed way more cleavage and leg than Buffy thought was legally allowed. "How many time's have I told you Buffy, it's Nichola." Buffy turned and faced the beauty, and faintly smiled. "Yeah but it makes you gleam silver." Buffy loved to see Nicky get mad. It was one of the few pleasures of being stuck in the castle. She wondered if it would be different for Angel. Hell was different for everybody. Buffy felt Nicky caress her hair, then continue the caress down her back. Nicky liked to touch what she thought was hers. Buffy couldn't say she minded. Nichola was a slayer in the early 19th century. Angelus had the pleasure of killing her. When she was brought here she was supposed to suffer for all eternity. The spell Angelus used to kill her was part of the reason she wasn't sent to heaven. The other reason I haven't found out yet. They aren't really forthcoming in Hell. I'm sure they would have been with Angel, though. My sweet Angel. Or better yet my sweet Angelus. Anyway, as she was tormented her mind grew evil, and cold. She rose to power, and now ruled over the lower half of hell. When Acathla swallowed me, and brought me here, everybody knew this was not where I belonged. They where expecting Angel, or even Angelus. Seems I wasn't supposed to sacrifice myself for him. I was supposed to send him to hell. But that's a different story. When I got here they knew there had to have been some sort of mix up. So I was taken to Nichola, and what she wanted she got. Being a slayer she treated me precious. I was dressed in only the finest of things and I was pampered beyond belief. Two hundred years passed, and I began to grow tired of the world I now had to call home. Nichola had helped some. Allowing me to view the events on earth, and even letting my spirit visit. But it wasn't enough, I always wanted more. I watched my friends go about living, missing me each day. Giles' daily movements became too painful to watch, his constant sorrow. The worst by far was Angel. He was so mentally gone I half assumed Angelus had taken over. But even Angelus seemed to grieve. I was dead to them, and they mourned. I was brought back to the present when Nichola kissed my neck. "Dinner is in an hour. Do you want to eat up here tonight, or will you be dining with the family?" I remembered tonight that all the families in the lower half of the city met up to make sure things where running smoothly, and for fresh hellsbeast. I remembered the last dinner that Nichola had talked me into. I was barely able to hide my disgust at some of the things they did. So better not to embarrass myself this year. And there was more than that reason keeping me in my room tonight. Tonight was special. Tonight was meaningful. "No, I think I'll eat up here tonight. Count the stars." At this Nicky laughed. "You know he won't count them tonight. So you might as well not even watch him." She walked out of my room, her laugh echoing in the stillness it had created. She was right. He wouldn't count them tonight, just like he hadn't counted them all the nights before. Tonight was my birthday. ~Flashback~ "Your hurt?" He grabbed me, and held me so close. I felt so loved. It had been so many months, and I didn't think I'd ever have him hold me like this again. I thought I'd lost my Angel forever. "God Buffy, everything's so muddled I-I..." He hugged me again. "What's happening?" I saw Acathla open his jaws wider, as the gate to hell grew and grew. "Nothing don't worry about it." I kissed him, something I had begun to believe I would never do again. "Close your eyes." He shut them, believing with everything he had that he was safe. I took some of the blood off his hand and put it on my palm. I kissed him so tenderly, with so much love that I began to weep. I pushed him out of the way, and pierced Acathla's chest with the sword in my hand. I heard him scream out, begging me to stop. "I love you." I screamed. And the vortex swallowed me whole. My last vision of earth was the only man I would ever love. ~End Flashback~ "Mistress your dinner is served." I was often interrupted by one of the servants during my thoughts of that night. It was almost like they could sense my pain. They knew how upset I would get, and they tried not to upset me. Not after last time. I had only 200 years left, I could make it. Two hundred years and I was out of hell. Time here in hell passed far quicker than time on earth did. That's why I was made immortal. That was the day I destroyed the castle, and almost broke through the temporal folds holding this realm together. It would have killed me but at the time I couldn't have cared. I didn't want to be in this place, and I didn't want to be made immortal so it wouldn't effect me. I wanted to go home. I wanted Angel. But as it was explained to me I had to wait until another vortex opened up, and then and only then would I be able to go through it and go home. At the time I had to wait 150 years. That's a long time to wait. I was only 200 at the time. But tonight, if I had been on earth I would be turning 18. Tonight in hell I'm turning 300. I'm older than Angel. That's almost amusing. Almost. I eat my dinner, and ask the servants to draw a bath. I open the bay window that is right next to the tub, and look over the lower half of the city. "Rain." I command it, and it does. Lightening flashes followed by thunderous rumblings until the next flash hits. I like it when it rains here. It reminds me of that special night. The night of my 17th birthday. I've been doing this routine for the past 300 years, yet I don't think it's strange or odd. I certainly would never have done this if I had been on earth this whole time. That Buffy would never have done such things. But this Buffy, the one I've turned into, does. I remove my dress, and fall into the steaming water. No, wait the water's all wrong. "Cold." There that's better. I run my hands over my body, why I start like this every time I don't know. I tug at my semi-hard nipples, and lightly moan at the sensation. While I keep one hand on my breast, the other one sinks lower into the water, and caresses my clit. Images in my mind go faster and faster as my hand speeds up and I add two fingers into my opening. I see him, clear as day that night. Holding me, loving me. Breaking down the barriers of my innocence. I continue pumping my fingers in and out while my other hand sinks down and pinches my clit. I explode into a swirl of lights and stars, as another flash of lightening graces the sky. I lay in the cold bath water, my mind hazy. "Warm." As the water warms up I slip into the darkness, and dream of being with Angel for real instead of in my mind. ~~~~~~~~~~ It had been months. He was sure of that. Maybe it had been years. Keeping up with the days was hard for him. Almost everything was nowadays. Days. Months. Years. He knew he should probably ask somebody, ask them how long it had been. But then that brought up another problem. He didn't talk. Well, at least not anymore he didn't. It was too hard. What he had seen. What he had felt. Everything he did. He never looked Giles in the eye anymore. That was just something he couldn't bear to think about. Willow had forgave him, as she always had. She and Xander no longer talked because of it. He missed her. That was a given. He didn't allow himself to say her name, or even think it, because some days it was easier to just pretend she was here. He waited for her because somewhere inside himself he had allowed himself to believe she would come back to him. It was a flicker of hope that no matter how many days passed he would never let die. He couldn't. Because the day he stopped believing she would return was the day he greeted the dawn. And the sad thing was that the dawn looked more inviting each day. ~~~~~~~~~~~ I woke up in the still warm bath water to Nicky washing me with a soft sponge. It was nice, the feel of her hands. I know what your thinking and to answer you question yes I'd felt them before. All over. Mostly because she was the reason I was in the castle and not tied to some Master's chain while being taken out for my afternoon walk. Like I said before, Nicky liked to touch what she thought was hers. "What are you thinking?" Her voice was quite and soft, something that was rare with her. "About him." She sighed as she always did when I told her I was thinking about Angel. "His pain is great. Do you believe when you return you will save him?" I opened my eyes for the first time since I fell asleep, and looked into her eyes. The portal would be opening soon and she would lose me. Something she had desperately been trying to stay in denial about. I was her favorite, and the thought of my leaving would put her into a never-ending rage when I really did leave. "Yes, I do." The silence in the room hung thick until Nicky suddenly jerked away from me. "Your a FOOL." She shouted. She was angry, I knew this. But I was not afraid. Nichola would never hurt me, no matter what. I stood up in the tub, naked and dripping wet. "My love for him is not your choice to make. I will love him no matter what, and nothing you can say will change that." She looked away from me ashamed. She knew she had crossed a boundary that had been on very thin ice. It was my turn to sigh. "Come here." She walked over to me and hugged me close to her body. I was cold, and shivering. Standing stark naked in the middle of the bathroom with the Goddess of the lower levels of hell clutching me while silent tears cascaded down her face. And I was home. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ My mind was hazy, that much I was certain of. I was hungover, or maybe still drunk. It was hard to tell these days. I walked into the great hall from my bedroom hoping against hope that there was some decent tasting blood in the fridge. The site that greeted me when I walked into that room made the ability to gasp even difficult. There she stood in all her glory. My Buffy. I had had this dream before, but something about this time seemed different. Something was changed. "Angel." She said my name like I was the answer to some prayer. Like I was what she had been searching for for so long. She walked over to me, and took in my appearance. I looked horrible I knew that, but she didn't seem to notice. I looked at her long and hard, I had to make sure she was real. "Buffy." She smiled at me, and I knew it was true. She was here. Alive. I fell to my knees before her and clutched her stomach to my chest. I held her as I sobbed out my pain onto her dress. I held her so tight that I never wanted to let go. Her name became a martyr in my head, and I found it the only word I could pronounce clearly through my sobs. I stared up at her, and she looked like an angel. Her face glowed, her eyes misty from unshed tears. Her smile as radiant as the sun. Different Ending Time. I wanted to try something new for once so for this fic you get to pick your own ending. I wanted to go both ways with this fic so now you get to see both sides of what I wanted to happen. I hope you enjoy it. Don't forget to send FEEDBACK. If you want the depressing, sad ending read the next part when you scroll down. It will be marked End 1. If you want the happy, fluffy ending then scroll further down. It will be marked End 2. Remember End 1 --Sadness End 2 --Happiness ~~~~~~~~~~~End 1~~~~~~~~~~~~~ He blinked at her for a moment. Her eyes they held so much love, so much acceptance. It stunned him. He was glad he didn't need to breathe. He watched the rays of sun come through her to scorch his flesh. The smell making his nostrils flare in disgust. He stood outside in the garden staring up at the sky that held the sun up in it's clouds. He could have sworn that she was that sun. That sun that had beckoned him out to the garden, after he woke up. He knew she couldn't have been returning. That was a dream he let die. And in that respect it was his turn. The last thing he remembered before he crumbled into ash was the sound of her voice. He could have sworn he heard her scream his name in terror, just before his world went black. ~~~~~~ I was home. Back in Sunnydale, back in California, back on Earth. I awoke to find myself in the cemetery with the approaching dawn on my heel's as I ran towards the mansion. He had to still be there, I know he did. I knew he had been waiting on me. I rushed into the great room, only to hear noises coming from the garden. I walked over slowly just to be on the safe side, and saw Angel smiling into the sunrise. "ANGEL." I screamed at him. But his form gave way to dust. I crumpled to the floor and sat unmoving, not blinking at the last place I had seen my Angel stand. End of Ending 1 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~End 2~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I clutched Nichola as she cried into my chest. Until I felt my body start to pull away from her on the inside. "It's time." She mumbled through her sniffles. "I'll miss you." I felt my body start to rise, and I released one single tear drop. "I'll miss you too." She began to fade from my vision. Everything was getting hard to see. As I began floating up from the castle, I swore I could hear the sounds of screaming coming from my bathroom. I woke up and saw that I was in Sunnydale. I was home. Three hundred and fifty years of waiting, of hoping. And I was finally home. I ran as quick as I could to the mansion, praying to God that there was something of my Angel left. I threw open the doors, and ran inside. He was just standing there, like he had been waiting on me. Like he knew I was coming this whole time. "Angel." I hoped he knew. Knew it was me and not one of his fantasies. He had to know. He walked over to me so slowly, I had to hold my tongue to tell him to hurry up. But when he did get to me, and I saw all the sorrow in his eyes, I wanted to beg back the years we had lost. Take back Acathla. But there where no time for regrets now, and the love pouring off him brought me back to the present. "Buffy." He fell before me onto his knee's and clutched my stomach. He held onto me so tightly I had to fight off the urge to tell him I still needed to breathe. He looked up at me, and I smiled at him. A true smile that I hadn't let show it seemed in forever. I sank down to the floor with him and we held each other while we both cried. "Are you still my girl?" It sounded so trivial, so possessive in that moment in time. He was assured of everything else except of my love for him. "Always." And with those words I gently pressed my lips to his. End of Ending 2 BA Main Main