by VanessaSky
DISCLAIMER Joss Whedon lucky bastard
AN: Maybe will always be maybe when Buffy overhears Angel talking to Willow in Grad Day II, /Buffy's thoughts/ Buffy kinda loses it in here, so this is very much alt. Grad Day II ending
SPOILERS: Grad Day II
Please please let me know what you think.
Maybe it would have been better if I hadn't gone through the woods to get to the mansion. Maybe if the sirens hadn't scarred me off the main street, I wouldn't have gotten off the road and headed through the woods in the first place.
/But you did./
Angel's bedroom window was open, and all the while his voice was weak, I could hear him just fine. "I can't leave you. I was wrong, I need you." I saw the way he looked at Willow thinking she was me.
/Is that how he always looks at me? The voice turned darker, "think of the peace."/
"Oh you mean Buffy." Realization dawned on him as he tried to peer closer. "Willow, where's Buffy?" I saw the look of pain cross Willow's face, "she'll be here soon."
As Angel slipped back into oblivion I watched Willow get up and leave the room. I took that as my chance to give him a good-bye I might not be able to pull off later.
I cross the room wondering how he could look so weak and helpless. My Angel, my strong Angel looked broken. And all because Faith thought..../don't think about her, be with Angel./
Right, be with Angel. I listen to myself not thinking for one-second it's strange listening to the voice inside my head. I sit down on the bed gently not wanting to wake him. I don't want his protests of what I'm going to say get in the way of me saying it.
"Hi baby" I smooth a hand over his sweaty brow, and down the side of his face. /My beautiful Angel./ "I killed Faith, she deserved it after what she did to you." /He looks so peaceful when he's sleeping./
"Your going to live for me. This world needs you Angel, you can do real good here." /Get the knife, go on./ I pull Faith's knife out of my jacket pocket, and cut into my palm just enough to break the skin.
As the criminson blood appears I press my palm flat against the puncture hole in Angel's chest. He sucks in a gasping breath but doesn't wake. Some of the tiny poisonous lines on his chest give way to his flawless marble skin.
/Good girl, now you know what to do./ But it's not enough and after a few moments the dark purple lines return. /He will need all your blood. He will need you to survive. You know you have to./
His bite, it would hurt. But she knew Angel. He would never hurt her. /Even though he already has./ Knowing her, knowing him he would make it pleasurable.
/You know you want it./ It was true she did. To die in her lovers arms. To have that connection with Angel, that kind of power to pass between them. Maybe she had finally lost it.
Maybe she was finally crazy.
/Maybe I'm right. You want that peace, that darkness./ The room suddenly gave way to the study across the hall. Inside Angelus was leaning against the wall reading a book of old Irish torture methods.
/Think of the peace./
I was back in the bedroom with my Angel. I have Angelus to blame for this. For my fascination with this particular taboo that Angel had tired so hard to shield me from.
The things Angelus had said when no one else was around. Did Angel remember those dirty things? /If he did he didn't tell us did he?/
A moan from Angel's dying form brought me out of my reverie. /Time to go baby. Pack your things./
I put the knife back into my jacket pocket and noted that the cut on my palm had already healed. I climbed back out the window, just as Oz peaked into the room swearing he had heard voices.
I walked around to the front of the house, and saw Oz and Willow talking. Willow looked at me somewhat guilty. "We just checked on him, in there just now."
/Try to smile or they'll know./ "How's Angel?" Oz looked at Willow then back to me. "I think the pain is less....now." The implications of his words registered in my mind somewhere.
"Guys..um I need to be alone with him." Willow smiled, "sure, I'll try to find another cure." The words that where supposed to be reassuring, did nothing for me.
/You can try, but we've already decided what's best for My Angel./
I walked back into the bedroom, /our bedroom/, and sat down on the bed again. "Buffy its you?" I smile at him, "It's me."
"I didn't want to go..without seeing you." I shook my head quickly, that's not how this is going to go. /Tell him./ "Angel I can cure you." He looked in so much pain. Like this simple action would kill him alone.
"It's ok...I'm ready."
I wanted to cry. She hurt him so much. Put him in all this pain. /Focus, baby./ "Angel listen to me, sit up." He groaned again, but there wasn't much time.
/You have your chores, don't forget./
"Your going to live. You have to live." The look he gave me made me think he knew what I was talking about. "What do I...." /Keep it together./ "Drink.../Take your jacket off. Good girl./..drink me."
"No." The word I knew would fall from his lips when I suggested it. "It's the only way." /Stay strong./ "Get away."
For being as hurt as he is he gets up and pushes me away seemingly fine.
"It'll save you..."
"It'll kill you..."
/He knows./
"Maybe not...n-not if you don't take it all." This has to work, he has to understand. "You can't ask me to do this." /We won't let you die, my Angel./ "I won't let you die. I can't. Angel, the blood of a Slayer is the only cure."
I watch as his weak mind races for some other answer then the one I've presented him with. "Faith."
"I tried..I killed her." /She should be glad we did that much. I should have cut her open and cut out her..../
"Then it's over." He interrupts that voice within, and for the first time tonight I'm glad. I watch as he stumbles onto the table. I go over and gently pull him up. /My Angel is hurt. He needs to be in bed. Finish this./
"It is never over. I won't let you die. Drink." He's trying to stop me, but I won't let him. Thinking of nothing else to do I punch him.
/What are you doing?/
PUNCH
PUNCH
PUNCH, followed by a sound I had somewhat missed, GROWL.
/There's my baby./
I pull my shirt to the side and push his head into the smooth column of my neck. A place I know he could never resist. It takes him a minute, but soon the feeling gets to be too much.
And he bite's in.
I feel the power of his lips, his fangs imbedded in my throat so deep I never want him to remove them. I missed this feeling with him, like we only had each other, and that's all we needed to survive.
/This is heaven/
I feel us falling, and my body, trapped under the weight of his, is crushed to the floor. He continues his feeding, and I feel my climax fast approaching. Against his better intentions he's grinding his erection into me.
He knows what he's doing.
I finally reach it, the top of my climax, and after one more push I fall over.
I fall for so long, and so hard I don't remember who I'm suppost to be anymore. I fall into the darkness that's calling to me, it feel's safe there.
/We'll be just fine. He'll take care of us./
I feel liquid on my lips, but I'm so tired I don't remember what it is, I can't taste it. It flows down my throat, pushing me farther into the realm of sleep.
And I drink deep of the river that's being given to me.
/Think of the peace./
By the time my eyes open, I feel it's going to be a beautiful day. Even though the day is someplace I can no longer go to. I feel him lock his arms around me, and the gentle kiss he places to the now permanent scar I have on the right side of my neck makes me feel loved.
"Hello lover, been awhile." I smile, around protruding fangs that fall from my mouth. I should feel different, I know there's things I was supposed to do, supposed to take care of.
People I was supposed to save that I now will end up killing, and turning to make them see the life I gave up was no longer worth living. Maybe then they will realize why I allowed myself to fall into Angelus' waiting arms.
But then again maybe not.
The End
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