CHAPTER TWO
Day 3
Deanna was back in her office waiting for Captain Janeway. It had been stressful yesterday, but a breakthrough nevertheless. Captain Janeway hurt. That became very clear during the session. It was the primary emotion that had hit Deanna especially after Janeway recounted her experiences of Commander Chakotay's behaviour towards her. Like a wounded animal, she'd backed physically into the deep armchair, ready to pounce if a threat persisted, if Deanna came in too close. It was a way of warding off imminent attack, to shield herself.
One moment the words poured from Janeway, heated, passionate, angry, and the next, aggression as she sought to defend herself, suppressing any attempt to reveal too much.
Deanna smiled grimly. A picture was slowly emerging, the tapestry of seven years travelling through the Delta Quadrant, of first contacts with friendly and hostile races, of battling to survive and of loyal crew support. Yet in every major skirmish, every major event, every stand-off, Commander Chakotay featured. Even though, Deanna could swear, Janeway hardly realised how much she revealed of her feelings for her first officer, ironically not through her account of the events, but the deliberate omission of his name at times. Her silences spoke louder than her words and those silences contained the hidden traumas Janeway was at pains to conceal.
She had no idea how much he influenced her emotional equilibrium. It was as fascinating to observe as when she had dealt with Admiral Nechayev in the very chair Janeway clawed like a tigress.
Janeway's eyes darkened a shade and in them Deanna could glimpse a raging moon. There was something deep in Janeway, something so enigmatic and so unspoken that without any kind of therapy, healing would be halted and Janeway could live out her days as a woman without any cheer or the relief of joy. It was why Starfleet Command had given Deanna such a specific directive…
This was her mission. To pierce through that reserve, to unlock the tragedy that Admiral Paris sensed, that she sensed from the moment of contact with Janeway. They wanted to see Janeway acknowledge her pain, to resolve trauma especially relating to her first officer before they were to send her into deep space again. Seven years in the Delta Quadrant had changed Janeway from joyful to joyless. There was something there…
Janeway had to acknowledge that she was human.
Today was going to be the final attempt. If unsuccessful, Deanna could only hope that Captain Janeway would seek counselling of her own volition.
Deanna breathed deeply as she gazed out her window. Janeway was a puzzle, a puzzle with pieces called Chakotay, the Delta Quadrant and a planet called Xerxes. The pieces were in disarray. Not missing, Deanna thought wryly. Just out of order. It would have been different had there not been Xerxes with its mystery surrounding it. Janeway would have delivered her reports and that would have been the end of it. Starfleet were ready to pin the medal of honour on her and elevate her to the Admiralty. But something in the way Janeway reacted to the air of secrecy around Xerxes caused the admirals to sit up and appoint someone to search for the missing link, if there was one. It was Deanna's assignment to find it.
Getting Janeway to reflect again on the events as they occurred was, she conceded, like revisiting hell. Janeway fought it like a tigress. None of the crew had shed any light that could shift a few pieces closer into alignment. None of the senior crew when questioned about Xerxes acted out of order or out of the ordinary. They merely corroborated the official logs and Janeway's account at the debriefings. Deanna gained the impression that they were telling the truth, that their version of it at least constituted plausible deniability.
When her door chimed, Deanna breathed in deeply again. Janeway stood just inside her door a few seconds later, a defiant look on her face.
"Please sit down, Captain," Deanna requested calmly. "I hope," she continued sincerely, "that we can be friends one day."
Janeway gave a tight smile and nodded, the defiant look somewhat dissipating.
"How is Commander Riker?" she asked as she seated herself in the deep chair.
"He is well, Captain and sends his regards. They're preparing to leave for space dock."
"You're not accompanying your husband?"
"Not on this mission. The Enterprise officers are acting as the mediating team between Auris IV and the Alcrosians…"
"You'll miss him, I'm sure."
There was a tone of wistfulness in Janeway's voice, of longing. Her eyes suddenly became softer, warmer. She remained quiet a long time. The warmth abated to make way for a narrowing of the eyes. Deanna had a feeling Janeway was strategising her next response. Perhaps how not to reveal too much of herself or certain key events in the life of Voyager, particularly relating to Xerxes.
"Will and I are bonded, Captain," she said with a smile. William Riker always contacted her regularly if they were not on the same mission.
"Bonded?" Janeway asked, frowning, unaware of the way she was wringing her hands and twisting the ring on her finger.
The ring, Deanna thought, had to be the key to unlock Janeway's heart.
"Yes. What about you, Captain?"
The wringing of her hands stopped suddenly.
"No."
"The ring, then?"
The mutinous look returned. Troi thought she'd just unhinged something as Janeway's eyes sparked angrily. But she was used to baiting and waiting. So she remained still until Janeway was ready again. Janeway twirled the ring. Then she penned Deanna with fire in her eyes.
"I found it on my finger the morning he left."
"A signet ring, Captain?"
"Yes."
Deanna leaned forward this time, curious to see the detail. Ornately carved around a flat oval surface, a strange symbol engraved on it. For a moment there flashed a vision of an officer in command red, standing at Janeway's side on the bridge of Voyager. It couldn't be possible, she realised, that a symbol could speak to her, convey something too deep and mysterious to mere mortals. This was a higher plane, a dwelling in places far beyond any comprehension. Was that why Janeway fingered the ring so much? Commander Chakotay was no longer with them, did not return with them to the Alpha Quadrant. In fact, all records and reports at the debriefings declared him to be dead…
"Captain," she continued in a husky tone, "you said you found it on your finger? How was that so?"
Another long silence in which Janeway shifted uncomfortably.
"Captain Janeway," Deanna Troi persisted, "there is a distinct correlation between this very beautiful ring and the timing of Commander Chakotay's passing. He died on the morning he left Voyager, didn't he? And after he left the ship, you woke and found the ring on your finger…? I'm asking because the ring does not feature in your official logs of the event…"
"What is there to know if you already have knowledge of it?" Janeway shot back.
"I can sense the hurt in you. I sense how you are trying very hard to block me out right now. The ring does not lie, does it? I feel there is more to what happened on Xerxes than what has been revealed at the debriefings or from the reports of the senior officers."
"What do you want me to admit to, Counsellor? That Chakotay is dead? He is, damn it all. Dead, you hear me?"
"I hear you, Captain. Tell me about Xerxes."
"No. You know the story."
"I know the surface of it."
"There is nothing under it!"
"Fine, then you tell me the surface…version…"
"Will that get you off my back and me out of here?"
Only if you play nicely, Deanna was tempted to say.
"Xerxes," Janeway started, "is a planet with binary suns. If we weren't so desperate for provisions and dilithium, we might have had time to appreciate its beauty…"
"Or moved on to another world in that system?"
"Rest and relaxation was something scarce. I - we felt the crew needed shore leave…"
"As I understand, Captain, the planet has a very unusual culture - "
"Culture? You call entrapment culture? Luring unsuspecting travellers to its surface and then…"
"Was there not something like that in Earth's mythology?"
"Xerxes was no lady, I can assure you, Counsellor, contrary to the seductress' charm of the sirens. They wanted to enslave men while Xerxes…"
"But Commander Chakotay," Deanna interrupted, seeing Janeway unsettled, "remained behind?"
"To pay for his deeds, don't you understand?"
Deanna didn't flinch when Janeway leaned forward in her chair and glared at her.
"Xerxes was devious. Beautiful and devious!"
"Then tell me about Xerxes…"
*
How could she adequately describe the beauty of Xerxes, fifth planet of the Xeroma System? They'd passed so many worlds in their long journey, stopped by so many, traded, bargained, rested, survived… D-class worlds and H-class worlds that were hostile, red, dusty uninhabitable planets…
Xerxes was beautiful.
Lush vegetation and mountain ranges that divided continents, silver snaking rivers, great lakes that they could see from their position in orbit round the planet. A world like Earth, so green, so complete with its natural resources, an abundance that accompanied the equally generous mood of its inhabitants, if the friendly face of their first minister was a template for every living being on Xerxes.
They'd been overjoyed and mesmerised. She'd instinctively grabbed Chakotay's hand and watched with fascination the way Xerxes swelled on the main viewscreen of Voyager's bridge.
"M-class planet with binary suns," Tuvok's voice droned. Before he could continue, they were hailed.
She'd stood up and moved just behind Tom Paris at the conn. Chakotay joined her.
"This is Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager…"
How many times had she greeted aliens with those words? They'd become mechanical, she'd realised, the words issuing from her as a mere progression of her thoughts.
"Greetings, Captain Janeway. You travel far from the bones of your people…"
"They've scanned us," whispered Chakotay next to her and she'd given a silent nod.
"I am Oberon Suhl, First Ambassador of the Xeroman Congress of Planets, and Chief Legate of Xerxes."
"Too many titles," grumbled Paris under his breath.
But she'd been too occupied with the friendliness of Oberon Suhl and too filled with the need for shore leave and provisions and refuelling Voyager to take Paris' off-side comment too seriously.
"What is your business here?" asked Oberon Suhl in a friendly voice.
The affability, the smile, everything about Oberon Suhl was a balm to their battered souls. They'd spent months in unfriendly space, fighting hostile aliens. She'd realised in those moments how much they'd needed to see a welcoming face, hear a pleasant voice.
It was only later that she comprehended the full extent to which they had been lured there.
"How was that so?" she heard Deanna Troi ask quietly.
"Everything, from the hostile worlds in that sector to finally reaching Xerxes. It was as if a giant hand delibrately planted Xerxes at the end of that sector so that no matter what you went through on your way there, Xerxes was the cool brook…"
"A cool brook?"
"Where a weary traveller could repose and drink, while unaware that the cool waters that slaked his thirst were poisoned…"
Deanna Troi remained silent, merely nodding that she continue her story.
She'd stated their purpose and an hour later she'd met with her senior officers in the briefing room.
"Captain," Tom Paris started, "it sounds too good to be true. They're too friendly, gushing, like the Sirkarians or…or…"
"The Monean Ocean World?" Harry Kim blurted. Tom shot him an aggrieved look.
"And since when did you turn into a grumpy old man?" B'Elanna, his heavily pregnant wife asked him.
"Since Oberon Suhl couldn't look one straight in the eye?"
"Captain, perhaps we should send a reconnaissance team down first," suggested Chakotay.
"That might be a very good idea," Tom added, nodding approvingly at Chakotay.
"Who'll go then?"
"Oberon Suhl requested that the command team meet with them," Janeway told them.
"Then the Captain and Commander go down first," Tuvok said. "Even," he continued, "if it is not regulation that the ship's captain and first officer be off the vessel at the same time. I would, however, suggest that as soon as it is safe, either Captain Janeway or Commander Chakotay return to Voyager…"
"And what if they deny us dilithium?"
"You saw how nicely they smiled, Starfleet," Harry piped up, the excitement in his voice infectious.
Kathryn knew their dilithium was almost depleted. If she didn't make contact and open negotiations….
"They have given us permission for limited mining rights on the northern continent - "
"Only for a few hours! That's hardly enough time," Tom Paris burst out. "Besides, I don't trust them further than my pinky. The planet may be beautiful, Captain, perhaps the best since…"
Tom had gone quiet. She'd once stripped him of his rank because he had been drawn to a beautiful water world in need. Then she had been the mistrustful one, prepared to fire on Tom and blow him to oblivion.
"I understand, Lieutenant Paris, but it is imperative that I meet with Oberon Suhl to negotiate for more dilithium. That is why Commander Chakotay and I will see the Chief Legate first and explore the area. We will let you know, Commander Tuvok, when the first crewmembers may beam down . Meanwhile, Seven of Nine and Mister Kim will do a full sweep of the planet and scout for any anomalies
"Captain," Chakotay said quietly, "I think it will be a good idea to take a shuttle."
"Yes, thank you, Chakotay."
"Also, that you return as soon as possible. I can remain down there - "
She nodded. Chakotay's suggestion sounded reasonable.
"Tuvok, the planet's defence systems - "
"Warp capability, Captain. A sensor grid is in place around the planet, most likely managing and controlling the weather patterns."
"As well as its defence system," added B'Elanna. "They seem very well protected."
"Captain…"
Tom Paris had look imploringly at her.
"Tom, I understand that you had been burnt once before. But your concern is noted."
Paris had nodded. Half an hour later she and Chakotay were preparing to leave for the surface. Once they were alone in the shuttle bay, ready to board the New Sacagawea he gripped her shoulders and turned her to face him. His eyes had been warm, kind.
"The crew seems concerned," he said soberly.
"I know. But we're practically running on empty, Chakotay. You know that. This is something I have to do…"
She waited for him to speak about making sacrifices again like he'd done so many times before. But he studied her pensively for a few moments.
"Is something the matter, Chakotay?" She felt suddenly wary. Was he going to jump down her throat again?
"Kathryn, there's something I want to ask, before we touch down on Xerxes - "
"Oh? What is it?"
"I…do you think we could make our…uh…association more binding?"
They'd begun to touch a lot in the last months, become comfortable holding hands, often kissing briefly to say goodnight. It had been such a slow, slow burn that had crept through her the last year or two that she hardly noticed how close they'd become, just sensed that they were. Since the episode in the void when he'd accused her of grandstanding, they'd been skirting around one another. It hadn't been the last time either, but she was comforted that he was there to pull her into line. After that she'd often relied on him, even if they had to heatedly defend their respective positions. Then the last weeks…
She couldn't prevent the trembling that had taken hold of her or been aware of just where they were.
"You're proposing, Commander? In a shuttle bay?"
"I am proposing, Captain. I'll go on my knees. If you like, I'll even - "
She'd looked at him, her heart suddenly overflowing with joy, aware of how his palm caressed her cheek.
"Chakotay," she'd told him, "we'll go down to Xerxes. I'll give you my answer once we're there. Right now…"
"Take your time, beloved. Take as much time as you need…"
"Commander Chakotay proposed to you?" Deanna asked, surprised.
Kathryn struggled to surface from her spoken reverie, Deanna's face coming slowly into focus.
"Yes," she whispered. "He proposed to me, but not there, in the shuttle bay, really. The real proposal came…"
Kathryn felt her throat thicken. The swelling in her chest hurt. The ache was unending.
"That was not in the official logs, Captain."
"No, it wasn't. It…wasn't…"
"Why did you seek to omit it from the logs and the debriefing?"
"It was…too private. We…"
"What, Captain?"
"Can one be overpowered by Joy, Counsellor? So much that you lose sight of any danger?"
"What happened down there?"
"You know what happened."
"Only as much as everyone was prepared to report. Commander Chakotay proposed to you. It was the happiest day of your life -"
"No, wrong, Counsellor. On that day everything died…"
**
END CHAPTER TWO