My Life as a Woman
I went away to find myself
and to look inward
for one year.
To look into the proverbial abyss
and see what those reflective inner waters
held for me and my higher understanding
of life as a woman.
Well I learned something very important about my true inner self.
And before that year away
I had never really realized this precious gift.
I learned that inside,
on a basic human level
I am Martha fucking Stewart.
GOD I LOVE TO DECORATE!!
IT ENERVATES ME!
It's the way I can define myself.
I grow to understand myself through doing it.
And goddam but I am good
at choosing just exactly the right paint colour
everytime
so fine,
well execept that one time
(punk rock hot pink!)
But that's what I want to do with my life.
I want to follow the lifepath of
The Interior Designer.
I can see myself posting wainscoting and
scattering antique dark woods
along the foyer.
I see giant leaded glass dormer windows.
and SKYLIGHTS.
With big indoor solariums!
Chinese character drawer pulls
on all the bureaus.
And those big heavy ceramic coffee mugs
you can only buy at Starbucks.
I want to recline in Lime Green and Leopard prints!!
I want celestial themed wallpaper trims,
you just 'peel and apply' them!
You know,
I grow my own kitchen herbs religiously?
They're so delicious in everything!
Like stir-frys and pastas.
And I've got my own tool box now.
I call her Big Red.
I've got 2 different hammers,
the smaller one's my favorite.
It's lightweight too,
it's a Lady's hammer.
You know, I recently converted a former
meat refridgerator into a bedroom
with my half brother Joe.
We painted the walls Renoir Blue
and then hand applied adhesive tiles
over the concrete floor.
That room was
12 feet across by 28 feet long.
I have a candle for every occasion, you know?
And sometimes even an incense to match it.
Sister, I have seen the depths of my womanly soul!
It was purple crushed velvet with gold upholstery tassels.
And it was cinnamon scented
with this flirtacious little fun fur trim at the bottom...
...it had snaps because it was older than velcro.
It was strapless.
And vintage.
And shiny.
And on sale.