I'll Be Alright
Copyright 2001
He placed the picture down and sighed heavily. It'd been a few weeks already and yet he couldn't stop looking at the picture. He couldn't stop thinking about her. He stood, walking over to the window, looking out. How had things gone so wrong? When did everything get so out of control that he couldn't see what was happening?
He ran a hand through his hair. He'd been trying to rationalize the whole thing since it happened, but nothing was working. He shouldn't be missing her, she was to blame for the way things were, and yet he couldn't help the longing, the aching for that comfort he felt with her.
Two months earlier...
"So...what? You're gonna leave? Just like that, again?!" Nick yelled.
"I need time to think Nick, to know what I want."
"You do this all the time!"
"I'm sorry baby."
"You're...sorry?! That's it!?"
"What else do you want me to say?" She threw her bag over her shoulder. "I'll be back, I promise." She kissed his cheek lightly and walked out the door.
He stood there stunned and hurt. He should be used to it by now, but it hurt even more everytime she did it, everytime she walked out on him.
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He rested his head against the cool glass. He'd actually let himself believe that she'd be there for him, that she'd stay by him no matter what. Who was he trying to kid? It was all a lie; he was always lying to himself where she was concerned. Part of him wondered though, did he really miss her or was he just lonely for affection?
I've been thinking bout the times
You walked out on me
There were moments I'd believe
You were there
Do I miss you, or am I lying to myself again
I do these things...
(It's all because of you)
I keep holding on, but I'll try...
(Try not to think of you)
Love don't leave me lonely
He kept telling himself it'd be ok, he'd move on. There was always someone else, but he always came back to her and she always came back to him. Everytime he told himself he wouldn't take her back, that it was over, but it never lasted. She was comfortable, she was familiar and she was all he really knew.
I'll be alright without you
There'll be someone else...
I keep tellin' myself
I'll be alright without you
Oh...love's an empty face I can't replace
He stared down at the answering machine, remembering the messages on it, the ones that had come right after she'd left this last time.
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"Nick? It's AJ, Come on man pick up the phone...I know you're there. Why do you keep doing this to yourself? You know how she is and you still take her back and everytime this happens, you do the same thing. You're just asking for it, you can't see you deserve better, then you deserve it. Look, if you wanna talk, call me ok?"
"Nick, how ya doin' man? I guess from the fact that you're not answering the phone, she hasn't come back yet. Just give it up man, you're better off without her, seriously. Stop making the excuses and end it once and for all, you can do better. Call me."
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Brian had been right, he did keep making excuses about it. People would ask him why, what was going on, and he'd always have a different answer or a different reason as to why. They needed time apart, or he wanted to focus on his career, they wanted to pursue other things. They all sounded so hollow and they were all lies. They were his excuses for her and now he was tired of it. He'd done it for her, so that it'd be easier for her, and it had been, but it'd been hell for him.
But he went on, he put himself through it for her, but no more he decided. Enough was enough. He would stop it now, stop thinking about her. Stop thinking about her smile, about her lips, and how, how so badly he wanted to hold her.
People wonderin' why we broke apart
The great pretender here I go again
These things I do...
(It's all because of you)
I'll keep holding on but I'll try
(Try not to think of you)
All I wanted was to hold you
Turning, he walked back over to his bed, picking the frame up in his hands again and looking at it. All the anger, all the pain and frustration came flooding out now as he stared at the picture of the two of them. They'd been so happy then, but that was yesterday and it was over.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two Weeks Ago...
"I love you Nick, never doubt that. It's just not working; I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry." She whispered.
He stood there and watched as she left, no kiss goodbye, no hug. She left without so much as a backward glance, he felt his heart drop to the floor. She was gone, now what did he do?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He'd move on, that's what he'd do. The anger was consuming him as the tears of agony spilled down his face. He'd been a fool; a fool for opening his heart and letting her hurt him like she did. He was a fool for caring so much about her.
He stared coldly at the picture, lifting it up and slamming it down hard on the dresser next to the bed, the glass shattering.
He turned it over slowly, letting the glass shards fall to the carpet. He pulled the picture out, staring at it before tearing it vertically, holding her picture in front of him. He stood then, walking over to the garbage can.
"Goodbye." He whispered as a lone tear made it's way down his face. He tore the picture in half once, putting the pieces together and then tarring it again, once, twice, three times, letting the pieces fall into the can. He stared at them a moment longer before grabbing his phone, dialing.
"Hey...Brian, yeah man I'm better. Look, can we go somewhere and talk? I know, sorry I never called back." He looked over at the can.
"Yeah, yeah...I'll be alright."
I'll be alright without you
There'll be someone else...
I keep tellin' myself
I'll be alright without you
Oh...love's an empty face
I can't replace
I'll be alright without you
There'll be someone else...
I keep tellin' myself
I'll be alright without you
Oh...love's an empty place
I can still see your face
I'll be alright
"I'll Be Alright" By Journey
