Chapter 26
Bending over, she stretched and then straightened, arching back and letting her arms fall to her sides limply, shaking them out. She'd let Nick rest; she couldn't sleep any longer. She hadn't really slept much that night anyway, she kept waking to check on Nick, then was up earlier to call her Mom. She was exhausted, but too wound up to sleep.
She'd dance. She hadn't danced in longer than she'd like to remember. But dancing always seemed to relax her, calm her down. Nyla could always think better when she was moving, doing something.
Dancing had been something she'd done all her life, from as far back as she could remember. It'd become more and more a part of her life as she got older and then she met Nick. Nyla had been worried at the time that he'd demand her give up what she loved in order to support him, but that wasn't the case, it'd been the opposite. He'd supported her and encouraged her to do more and more. Always there to cheer her on, he'd made her recitals and rehearsals when her could. He turned out to be her number one supporter and her number one fan.
Nyla smiled at the memories then sighed, shaking her head to clear her thoughts. Turning, she shuffled through her CD's picked out one and put it into her stereo. Standing in the middle of the room, she started to move as the music played.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Nick made his way over to the room and stopped outside the door, his fist poised to knock, when he heard something, sounded like music. He didn't know what stopped him, but there was something different. That music, he'd heard it before, or at least something similar to it. Knowing that knocking would be feeble at this point, he placed his hand on the knob and slowly opened the door, poking his head in and looking around. He stilled.
He hadn't seen her dance in what felt like forever. God but how he loved to watch her dance then and even now. It was like watching music, so graceful and perfect, emotional. She always used to belittle her dancing to him, compared it to his singing. They'd gotten into many arguments over it, while Nick insisted on going to her practices and performances, she always told him it was necessary and that it wasn't a big deal, but he never accepted that, never. He always supported her, always and for that, she'd been grateful.
Nick remembered one time when he'd surprised her at one of her recitals. He'd told her he wouldn't be able to make it because he wouldn't be back from tour on time, what she didn't know was that he'd managed to pull some strings and was able to leave right after the last concert in order to make it on time.
Nick would never forget that look on her face as he walked through those doors and sat.
He looked through the small window in the door at her, watching her dance proudly. He loved her so much, everything she did. Nick knew of no one else who put as much effort, as much feeling into their dancing as Nyla did. She moved effortlessly with the group she danced with, flawless as usual. He smiled as they came to a finish and everyone left the stage but her and suddenly the auditorium went black. He knew she was changing quickly. She'd been practicing her solo for months; over and over she'd practice. Nick had never been as sick of a song as he had been of that one. A song by a band called Bond, he'd never heard of them before he met Nyla. They were a four-girl group who played classical music, with modern backing. But he dealt with it, the way she dealt with BSB songs over and over again.
Suddenly a spotlight shone down to the very center of the stage and there she was, poised to start. Taking a deep breath, he pushed the doors open and sauntered through, slowly making his way down the aisle. He smiled as he heard the familiar tune start and watched as her head slowly lifted, looking straight out.
Nick held his breath, as she looked the crowd over quickly, stopping when her eyes met his. Even in the darkness of the auditorium, they could see each other clearly. Her eyes widened and a slow smile spread over her lips, pure delight. He winked slowly, finding a seat and sitting, his eyes never leaving hers. Longing, it was longing in those eyes, so strong and so deep it took his breath away. It was mutual, and as much as he loved to watch her dance and as much as he wanted to watch her dance now, he wanted to hold her, to kiss her even more. But he'd have to wait.
She started to move, slowly at first, then faster, keeping in time with the music. Soon Nick was lost in the song and in her movements as was everyone else in the room. Not a single head was turned from her; no one made a sound, no one moved. No matter how many times he'd witnessed this, he never got used to it. It was different that what he was used to. The screaming, the fainting and crying, that was the norm for him, but this, this was beyond his realm. He'd never get this kind of attention, this kind of hold on people, and he didn't know if he could ever do it justice like Nyla did, his Nyla. Nick's heart was racing by the time she finished, there was a full ten seconds of silence after she came to an abrupt end before the crowd cheered, standing and clapping loudly, assorted whistles and excited murmurs filled the room and she stood, bowing and accepting what they offered graciously. No one else could see what he did though, the anticipation, the need that shone in her eyes. He could see it, even from this far away.
She smiled, and turned, making a hasty exit stage left and Nick stood suddenly, making his way behind the crowd that was still clapping and then backstage. He couldn't get to her fast enough. He was stopped by one of the security guards, he tried to tell him, but he wouldn't listen. The guard was just ordering him to leave, when she appeared, calling out to him. Nick smiled and made his way past the guard and into her arms, hugging her tightly, swinging her around.
"I can't believe you're here!" She laughed.
"Surprise!"
"Thank you so much for coming."
"You looked amazing out there." He whispered in her ear, hugging her tighter. And she had, she always did.
Nick rubbed at his eyes, it seemed like it was so far away, when really, it was only a moment ago. She stopped right after they broke up, and he never really knew why. He knew how much she enjoyed and loved to dance, how much she meant to it. When he'd found out she'd given it up, it bothered him more than it should for someone who was no longer an important part of her life.
He still hurt so bad, so bad. He woke up some mornings after they'd broken up and wondered how he'd make it another day without her, without her touch, her body.
Nick was never really the emotional one, well, not in the public eye anyway. During those times though, he often felt like he would break down at any moment, break down and show how hurt and upset he was. It was a miracle he was able to hold on the way he did. Only those closest to him knew how hurt he truly was.
Here's another morning without you
Here's another day, will I get through it
Without breaking down?
She danced feverishly, as if trying to get away from something. She hadn't done this in so long, but it felt good, it felt familiar. Nyla knew that after Nick and her had broken up, she had to stop. She didn't want to admit it, but a lot of the reason why she had kept on dancing for so long was because of Nick. He inspired her, he encouraged her, and he actually paid attention to what she did and supported it. He made her want it, not just for him, more importantly for herself.
But now, now there were too many memories of them associated with dancing, too much pain, the loss she felt on an everyday basis, that and the loss of something else she couldn't name.
He wasn't sure if he ever fully recovered from it, from the loss of her. She'd taken a piece of him, a piece of his heart with her forever. He'd never get it back and he'd never feel the way he felt about her with anyone, not even Celeste. Nick couldn't remember a time he'd felt so alone, so lost. She'd been that part of his life that he always though would be there, she made him feel whole, she guided him and he really was lost without her.
Haven't seen the sun since you've been gone
Like my heart I lost it when you left me
And it can't be found
Nick had to push himself to move on and to try to start over, a new relationship a new beginning. It'd been hard, too hard sometimes. He kept thinking of her, of what they had, but it wasn't enough, it'd never been enough. How could it when he'd lived those memories, when he'd experienced them? It'd never be enough again unless he was with her, and that was no longer an option.
How can I go on?
Baby, I've been living on memories
Of you and me
Sometimes he'd dream at night and he could still feel him inside her and her around him, her body holding him tightly, her arms, and her lips. Those nights when they'd just hold each other and plan their future together. Those days where they'd stay at home and just be with each other, holding and touching.
He blinked, the images fading. All in his head, that's where they were, the images and memories, locked in his head and in his heart. All the love we made All those tender nights And those endless days, they're all here inside Nick hadn't realized it was so bad, so hard. Watching her now was bringing up everything all over again. He was sure it was done and that he'd closed the book on it, but he was wrong, dead wrong. Only she could stop the pain, the hurt, but she wouldn't, she couldn't now.
Baby, can you stop the rain from falling?
Won't you chase my clouds away?
I'd give anything to see the sun again
Only you can stop these tears from falling
I can't face another day
Baby, can you stop
Can you stop the rain, oh,
Even now, he was in a relationship, she was there. He'd be out with Celeste and he could hear her voice, her footsteps and he'd turn, but she wouldn't be there, she wasn't there anymore. He'd look up into her eyes, only they weren't hers, and stupid he felt after. But he would swear if you asked him, he'd tell you she was there, right there behind him or just in front of him or left of center. She was there, but she never really was.
Tied up in knots and torn apart by the shadows and memories of an elusive love, just out of reach.
Everywhere I go I hear you there
Following my footsteps like a shadow
Of my broken heart
Sometimes it's a pair of passing eyes
Or it's just the way someone is talking
And there you are
He couldn't believe he was alone in his feeling. In three years time he'd come to know Nyla in ways that she didn't even know herself. She had to feel it; she had to be as lonely as he was all those nights. Didn't she run her hand over the bed, feeling for him the way he felt for her?
She hurt, she had to. Nick could see it in her eyes and feel it in her touch that was now so rare. Am I all alone? Don't you ever wake up and reach for me
Where I used to be
Is there any chance?
I just can't believe you're not lonely too
Just for me and you
If she'd given him one more chance, just one, she'd see. She'd see how wrong she was and how right they were for each other. They belonged together, somewhere in the back of his mind he knew this, even if he wasn't ready to admit it out loud or to her. It was too much to say it now and he wasn't in the position to. If only she could remember, remember what it was like and how much they meant to each other. He'd give anything for one more chance, he wasn't done loving her, he'd never be done. If you were here for only one night
Baby, I know you'd remember
Cause loving you once wasn't time enough
I know we can make it together, together
He could feel his eyes burning, but not with fever, with something else. Something he'd held back for far too long, something he'd continue to hold back because he wasn't ready to hurt again. Watching her made the hurt that much sweeter, that much stronger.
Reaching up, Nick wiped at his eyes and swallowed hard. He'd go on though, without her like he'd been over these last few months and no one would know. He watched as she finished, straightening, he clapped. She really was amazing.
Baby, stop the rain
Won't you chase the clouds away
I'd give anything to see the sun again
Only you can stop these tears of mine from falling
I can't face another day
Baby, can you stop
Can you, can you stop the rain
How can I live without you, baby?
How can I let you go?
Chase my clouds away
Can You Stop The Rain- Peabo Bryson
