Chapter 38
She stared at him, he couldn't be serious, she wasn't in the mood and she most certainly wasn't ready to confront it. Shaking her head she closed the bag and stood.
"Don't Nick, just don't." Turning, she started for the stairs.
"Nyla! Come on, you said you'd tell the truth."
"I don't wanna talk about this Nick." She rushed, moving quickly towards the stairs.
"Stop!" Nick ran ahead of her, cutting her off. "Stop it! I have a right to know, you break up with me without ever telling me why, I have the right to know."
"No, I don't have the energy or the strength to get into this with you, drop it." She sidestepped him and started towards the stairs again, when Nick reached out and grabbed her arm gently, pulling her back. "Nyla...please, talk to me, tell me what happened to us." He pleaded.
She looked at him, if he wanted to know, then fine, she'd tell him. Yanking her arm away, she walked away from him and over to the fireplace. It'd all been so hard, and now he wanted her to bring back all those memories that she'd tried so desperately to hide, to forget.
Her hands tightened to fists, so much pain, so much anger and she'd relive it all again, do what she couldn't the first time, what seemed like years ago.
Nick took a step towards her then stopped, he wondered what she was thinking, to say he was nervous would be an understatement, he was beyond nervous, so much so he was shaking. He wanted to know though, he'd been waiting almost a year to find out and he would tonight, no matter what.
"Nyla?"
"Ya know, I kept telling myself it's just better that we ended things the way we did, that we didn't need to hurt each other further with harsh words and memories, but it seems that's what you want...then, so be it." She turned, looking at him. "I know."
He blinked, "Know what?"
"God Nick, you must've thought I was really stupid, back then and even now." She shook her head, looking away, staring out the window sadly. "I've never been hurt like that, never and what was worse, you caused it."
Nick felt his heart drop, what had he done? "What? What did I do?"
He sounded so sincere, she was dying inside and they'd just begun.
All alone on a Sunday morning
Outside I see the rain is falling
Inside I'm slowly dying
But the rain will hide my crying, crying, crying
And you...
"It was the Sunday after Memorial Day, we'd gone out the night before to a club and whatever. I came over that morning and you were just getting in the shower." She stopped, staring hard out the window.
He remembered that, and he also remembered that when he got out, there was something different with her, she seemed distant, cold, totally unlike her. He took a few steps forward and stopped again, he wanted so badly to be close to her, he could see her pain, feel her tension and he wanted to stop it, maybe now he would be able to.
"I walked over to the couch and sat to wait for you, I had my hands...on either side of me on the cushions, and I...my hand, it was on the edge of the one cushion and the one next to it...." She could feel her throat starting to close; her eyes drifting shut as she remembered what happened next. "My fingers brushed something, something soft. I picked at it and finally pulled it out." Her voice faded as she slowly opened her eyes. "I looked down in my hand to find...a pair of women's underwear, only...they weren't mine." Slowly she brought her gaze to his, her eyes welling up. "They...weren't...mine."
Nick shook his head in confusion then stilled, the realization hitting him hard, his heart dropping again and then suddenly pounding hard against his ribs. 'No, oh god no...'
Nyla rushed on, angry tears blinding her vision. "What could I do? What could I say? And just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, the phone rang...that's right Nick, she called. When I picked up, she asked who I was and I asked who she was and she said a friend, then she said she must've had the wrong number and hung up."
This wasn't happening, it wasn't. "Nyla, wait, I can explain..."
"No! No, I don't want your damn lies do you hear me?! Don't!" A single tear escaped and fell silently down her cheek.
Don't you know my tears will burn the pillow?
Set this place on fire
'Cause I'm tired of your lie
All I needed was a simple "Hello"
But the traffic was so noisy that you could not hear me cry
He felt sick, dizzy; reaching out he grabbed at the couch. He never thought it would come up, he never though she'd find out. If she'd only let him explain, let him tell her the truth.
"And when I could stand no longer, and sat back down, I found a piece of paper with her number on it under the table. Damn you! How could you cheat on me?! How!?" She screamed, all the pain she'd been holding in came pouring out at last. "I loved you! I loved you with everything I had and you used me! You hurt me and you used me! I loved you Nick!"
"Nyla...please..please." He whimpered.
"I've never been so hurt Nick, and I never thought you would hurt me like that. I didn't understand it then, and I don't understand it now." She exclaimed. "Not you, anyone else...but not you...not you Nick."
I gave you my love in vain
My body never knew such pleasure
My heart never knew such pain
And you, you leave me so confused...
Now I'm all cried out, over you
Nick watched as she stormed by him, no, he wouldn't let it go like this, she needed to know the truth and he'd be damned if he'd be accused for something he didn't do. Maybe it wasn't too late.
"Nyla, Nyla wait...listen to me."
"Leave me the hell alone! This is why I didn't want to tell you, to hear you deny what's so obvious."
Again he was in front of her blocking her.
"No, you will listen, you are going to listen. I'm not gonna let you walk away from me again, no, you're going to know the truth." Nick stated fiercely.
Never wanted to see things your way
Had to go astray
Oh why was I such a fool, baby
Now I see that the grass is greener
Is it too late for me to find my way home?
How could I be so wrong?
Nyla stared at him, she couldn't listen, listen to him explain a moment of weakness for him, she didn't want to hear it.
Nick reached out, placing his hands on her shoulders, looking right into her eyes. "Nyla, I didn't cheat on you, I've never cheated on you."
She struggled against him, "Let me go!"
"Nyla listen! Listen to me! I'm not lying; I never cheated on you! Let me explain!"
"Nick..."
"Before we had gone out on Saturday, my friend James asked if he could use my house to have a friend over, said that his girlfriend was gonna be at their apartment and that he wanted to hang out with some guy friends. I told him it'd be ok, I didn't know that...that..." He shook his head and went on. "When I got back to my place that night after I dropped you off, I went to check my messages and I noticed on the coffee table an empty condom wrapper. I was pissed and I called him up and asked him why he lied to me and told me he was having guy friends over when it was really his girlfriend, why bother telling me his girlfriend was gonna be at their apartment when he brought her over to my house to mess around with?" Nyla just stared at him, staying silent, Nick went on.
"Do you know what he told me Nyla? He wasn't with his girlfriend that night, he'd met some girl at this club and invited her back to my place, telling her that he lived there. The number, her number you found...she gave him her phone number, I'm thinking he probably put it in his pocket and it fell out of his pants when...well. So when she called, he'd probably given her my phone number so his girlfriend wouldn't catch him. He asked me later if I'd found a piece of paper he lost by the couch."
"Nick I..."
He went on,"I threw the wrapper out, I thought they had cleaned up after themselves, I didn't know anything about the underwear, I swear I never even saw it or else I would've gotten rid of them. Nyla...please...you've got to believe me."
She shook her head, it couldn't be, it couldn't. "Why didn't you tell me Nick?"
"I didn't know you knew!"
"I asked you!"
"You did not!"
"I did! When you got out the shower, I asked if there was anything you wanted to tell me and you said no, nothing. You could've told me then."
"I didn't tell you cause nothing happened, nothing for you to be worried about. I didn't cheat on you so why should you know that my friend was an asshole who was cheating on his girlfriend? But you couldn't come right out and ask me could you Nyla? You couldn't trust me enough to be straight out with me right? Didn't give me the benefit of the doubt, you just...left, walked right out on the relationship and left me all alone." Nick whispered suddenly, all the fight draining out of his body as he stared at her sadly.
Nyla stared at him blankly, trying to registered what'd he'd said.
"This wasn't my fault Nyla, I never wanted it and I won't take the blame for it. You left me...you broke my heart without even telling me why, without so much as an explanation." A tear slipped unknowingly down his cheek as he continued to watch her. "Look into my eyes Nyla, look and you tell me if you still think I'm lying."
She felt her heart drop as she looked into his eyes, at the pain and the agony and hurt that lie there and she knew. "Oh Nick...I'm sorry." She whispered, the tears streaming down her cheeks.
Leaving me all alone...
Don't you know my tears will cause an inferno?
Romance often fades, why should I take the blame?
You were the one who left me neglected
Apology not accepted
Admit to the broken heart you've collected
"I loved you Nyla, I'd never hurt you. I wanted to be there for you, I wanted to support you, how could I ever cheat on you? How? You were everything to me; I didn't need anyone else. But you...you had so little faith in me and you backed out the first chance you got, you...you hurt me Nyla." He murmured.
Everything she thought she knew came crashing down on her, she'd been wrong, so wrong and lost one of the most important people in her life.
"I have nothing left Nyla, nothing. I've hurt for far too long and cried too many tears, I don't know what to do anymore."
I gave you all of me
How was I to know
You would weaken so easily
I don't know what to do
Now I'm all cried out over you
"Nick...I'm so sorry." She didn't know what else to say, nothing would ever be enough, she hung her head in shame. They'd still be together right now if she'd only asked him, if she only trusted him enough to ask him.
Nick reached out and lifted her head, wiping the tears away. "Nyla." He whispered, his voice breaking.
"I'm sorry Nick." She said again, trying desperately to hold back her sobs, trying even harder for him to understand, to believe her.
"So am I Ny, so am I."
I gave you my love in vain
My body never knew such pleasure
My heart never knew such pain
You, left me so confused
Now I'm all cried out
Now I'm all cried out
Over you
Please forgive me baby
All Cried Out - By Allure feat. 112
