Chapter 40
Staring hard at his door, she urged herself to knock, to call out, something. She didn't deserve this chance she knew, but she had to take it, had to. Reaching out, she knocked lightly. "Nick?" She called softly. There was silence and Nyla was sure he didn't want to talk to her, when suddenly she heard his voice softly through the door.
"Come in."
Taking a fortifying breath, she opened the door and poked her head in to see him lying across the bed. Slowly she made her way in and shut the door softly behind her, just standing there.
Nick lifted his head and looked at her in confusion. "You can come closer Nyla, I'm not gonna bite you."
She made her way over and stopped by the foot of the bed, staring down at him.
"Have a seat." Nick called, patting the spot next to him.
Nyla sat carefully, wringing her hands together like she always did when she was nervous. She stilled when Nick reached out and placed his large hand over hers, stilling her hands.
"Relax Ny, relax."
She nodded, taking another calming breath.
"Was there...something you needed?"
Nyla turned her head and looked down at him and he looked up at her and her eyes welled up again. "I'm sorry" She blurted out.
Nick continued to stare at her silently.
She rushed on, worried he'd stop her, looking down at her hands. "I'm really sorry, I mean it. I should've asked you, I know I should've. I was so hurt and upset and...that's not an excuse I know. It's just, I knew you were gonna deny it, I knew it, so I figured why just have you lie when I knew the truth, or so I thought. And part of me...part of me didn't want to hear that I could be wrong, that I'd made such a colossal mistake and that it was my fault that...that we were both hurting so much."
He watched her carefully, watched her struggle to speak and realized she was being as honest as he'd been and it was hard to hear, but he was glad she was telling him.
"Nyla?"
She brought her gaze over to his slowly.
"Did I ever, ever do anything that made you think I was cheating before? Anything?"
She shook her head, whispering, "No..."
"Did I ever make you think you weren't enough? That I needed anyone else but you?"
"No."
He sat up slowly, turning to face her. "Nyla, I'm not saying this to hurt you, I just want you to understand what it's like for me. Nyla, god...you hurt me so bad, more than anyone's ever hurt me because I loved you so much. I mean, you never even asked me, never gave me the benefit of the doubt, I thought you knew me better than that." He announced softly.
She wrapped her arms around her stomach, trying to stop the pain. Slowly she closed her eyes, remembering the look in his eyes as he explained to her, pleading with her to understand what he was going through, what she'd put him through.
"I know you were hurting and what it looked like, but you could've asked me Nyla, we'd always been honest up until then, what happened?"
She shook her head, she didn't know, she really didn't.
"When did you loose so much faith in me Nyla?" He asked softly.
"I-I didn't Nick, I don't know what happened, I'm sorry...I'm so sorry." She choked, putting a hand to her mouth, trying to stifle her sobs.
"Nyla, it's ok."
She shook her head; "N-no...I'm sorry...sorry Nick." She managed to get out through her tears.
"Nyla..."
"No...Nick, you're absolutely right, I was so wrong... and I treated you so bad. I'm gonna make it up to you, I promise and maybe someday...someday you'll forgive me."
"Nyla...look at me."
She shook her head 'no'.
"Nyla come on, look at me." He turned her, lifting her head and gently wiping her tears away. "I forgive you."
Slowly she looked up at him, her eyes wide in shock. "Wha-what?"
"I forgive you."
"But...how? Why?"
"Cause I know if it were me in this position, you'd do the same and well...it's the past and it's over and done. I just want it behind us so we can go on with our lives, I think we both deserve it and I know that...that you didn't want to hurt either of us and that you were scared. The best lesson we learn in life is forgiveness."
"I don't deserve it Nick, I don't deserve your forgiveness."
He nodded, "You do."
She just stared at him.
"I think you've been punished enough, we both have. It's time it was over."
Her chin quivered, he was giving her a second chance and no matter what he said, she didn't deserve it. She looked down, the tears streaming down her cheeks.
"Oh Ny...come here." He whispered, pulling her onto his lap and into his arms suddenly.
She hugged him tightly and she realized it was the first time they'd hugged or had any real physical contact since they'd broken up. "Thank you Nick." She whispered, crying softly.
Nick held her tightly, his eyes closing. The feeling was overwhelming and he knew she needed it as much as he did.
Slowly he pulled her down with him on the bed, still holding her. "It's gonna be ok Ny, it's gonna be ok now." He whispered before both of them drifted off, holding each other tightly.
