Chapter 50
"Thanks Nick, we appreciate you doing this. We're glad as I'm sure the fans were, that you were able to reschedule." The DJ smiled.
"Not a problem, I'm glad to do it." Nick grinned, shaking the man's hand.
"We'll see you again soon!"
"Thanks, bye!" Nick made his way out and sighed. He had been glad to do it, but he wasn't there like he should've been, his mind was elsewhere.
All last night it was all he thought about, she was all he thought about. He hated to think of her going through that all alone, granted she wasn't really alone, she had her family of course, but still. He'd promised he'd be there, and yet he wasn't. Of course he had responsibilities, but Nick couldn't help but think that this was more important, being there for her was more important.
Making his way down the hall and out the building, he got into the van that was waiting for him and slumped back in the seat. He could always call her, but what good would that do? And it's not like she'd tell him she needed him, and maybe she didn't. Maybe he was just feeling guilty for leaving her like that.
Nothing felt right though, he knew he had no reason to feel guilty and that he had things to do, but they weren't helping, they weren't helping him to forget. It felt like he was letting go again some how, like he couldn't manage to hold onto her again. It was like he'd found her again, only to loose her somehow. It hurt, his heart hurt.
Lately I've been trying
To fill up my days since you're gone.
The speed of love is blinding,
And I didn't know how to hold on.
My mind won't clear.
I'm out of tears.
My heart's got no room left inside.
He knew he couldn't go on anymore and act like he didn't care, he couldn't. He was lying to himself and to everyone else with his pretending. He'd always dreamed of spending the rest of his life with her, but that'd all come to an end when she broke up with him. Now it all seemed in reach, like it could happen. She couldn't be lost to him, she couldn't. And if he'd gone all this time without her, searching to find her, he'd do it again, he'd find her.
How many dreams will end?
How long can I pretend?
How many times will love pass me by,
Until I find you again?
Getting out of the van once they arrived, he made his way into the conference room and sat, waiting for the meeting to start. He had to have faith; he had to have hope. He couldn't give up, not when he'd gotten this far. Things would have to change he knew, and people would end up getting hurt, but he knew he'd be hurting them more if things didn't change.
Nick knew now all that he'd held back for so long, he couldn't hide it anymore. What was left for him to do? Could he really take the chance and risk everything on that chance? He couldn't forget that the feeling might not be mutual, that she may not want it like he did, but he just couldn't let go, he couldn't forget her. She had to know how important it was, how much they needed each other. He could feel it, in her touch, see it in her eyes and remember that night that they'd shared not too long ago.
Will the arms of hope surround me?
Will time be a fairweather friend?
Should I call out to angels,
Or just drink myself sober again?
I can't hide, it's true.
I still burn for you.
Your memory just won't let me go.
There's so many things he'd do differently, so many. He'd hold her tighter, watch her sleep, touch her more, tell her how much he loved her, she'd never have a doubt in her mind, it'd never happen. Three years would've stretched on to four and five and then forever.
He would've told her about that night would've mentioned it, anything. Nick knew it wasn't his fault and he knew he'd done nothing wrong and he also knew that Nyla knew. He couldn't help it though, couldn't help but feel somewhat responsible.
So many things he'd do differently, and if he had a second chance he'd do them. He'd do everything he should've done in the first place.
I'd hold you tighter,
Closer than ever before.
No flame would burn brighter,
If I could touch you once more,
Hold you once more...
Standing suddenly, he made his way for the door.
"Nick! Where are you going?" Phil called, following him out the room.
"Something came up."
"Just like that? You're leaving the meeting just like that?" Phil screamed.
"Yeah, I gotta do this."
"You can't just walk out on a meeting Nick!"
"You don't need me, I'm just sitting there. You've never needed me for this shit before and you know it. Why the sudden interest?" Nick called, making his way towards the door of the building again.
"Leave Carter and I'm gonna slap a fine so big on you your head will spin." Phil cried.
"Do it." Nick muttered, walking out the door. He had somewhere to be he had someone to find.
How many dreams will end?
How long can I pretend?
How many times will love pass me by
Until I find you again
Until I find you again...
Until I Find You Again - Richard Marx
