Chapter 26
"So yeah, this whole thing is just getting more and more confusing." Nick moaned.
"Sounds like it. So you don't talk much to Vanessa then?" Brian asked.
"Not really, I tried and all. She just didn't seem to want to."
"And she caught you with Illana last night?"
"She didn't catch us. We weren't doing anything, and even if we were, not like she should care."
"I wouldn't be so sure about that Nick."
"Why? It was her idea that we break up."
"I know, but how would you feel if you saw her sitting on the couch with someone and they tell you they're just hanging out?"
"I wouldn't care."
"Yeah right."
"For real though, I wouldn't." He really wouldn't care he realized. Had you asked him a few months ago, he would've disagreed. Not now though, things were different now.
"Why?"
"Cause I just wouldn't. She's free to do what she wants; she told Illana that she'd met someone last night. Good for her. I hope he's strong enough to deal with her shit."
Brian looked at him shocked. "Man! What's happened to you? You act like you're over her or something."
Nick shrugged.
"Are you over her?"
Nick looked at him and was about to respond just as there a knock at the door. He got up and opened the door. "Illana!"
"Hi, the gates were open. I need to talk to you."
"Nick, I'm gonna take off. Hi Illana." Brian smiled.
"Oh hey Brian. I'm not interrupting anything am I?"
"Nah, you're fine. You sure you don't wanna stay Rok?"
"Yeah, got some things to do anyway. See ya later Illana, bye Nick." He waved and walked out. Illana stepped in and waited for Nick to shut the door.
"I hope I didn't disturb you two, really."
"You're fine, we were just talking. So what's up?"
She looked at him a moment, taking her bottom lip into her mouth.
"Lana? Baby what's wrong?" Nick asked concerned.
"I...called Vanessa at work just now." She walked away from him to the middle of the room, her back to him.
"You did? How'd it go?"
She could feel the tears burning. Why in the hell was she crying? She never cried, and she had no reason to. Swallowing hard, she turned and looked at Nick, the lump in her throat got bigger. "I...it's stupid really." She sniffled.
"What happened?" He walked over to her.
"She was none to pleased. God I can't believe this. She said..."
"She said what?"
Illana lifted her eyes to him. "She said I tried to steal her boyfriend and then she hung up on me."
Nick stared at her for a minute. "Huh?"
"Yeah I know."
"But I'm not."
"I know. Go figure." She shook her head and went to the window. "I just don't understand her Nick. I guess it's like the saying goes, you don't know what ya got till it's gone."
"Amen."
She looked at him and smiled, turning back to the window she let out a sigh. She felt arms wrap around her waist.
"Try not to let it bother you so much. She has no right to be upset, we did nothing wrong. And still, it shouldn't matter to her Lana. I can do whatever I want. Hell, she was with some other guy and that's supposed to be ok but I can't hang out with a friend?"
She shook her head. " I know this Nick, I know what you're saying is right. She's my friend though, I just feel like I'm betraying her."
"You're not." He leaned in close, resting his chin on her shoulder.
She turned her head to look at him and laughed. "You're amazing."
He raised his eyebrows. "I am?"
She nodded. "Yeah, you are. Were you like this with Vanessa?"
"Like what?"
"You know, all supportive and nice and...sweet."
He laughed. "Wow, I guess so. I never really thought bout it. Aren't all guys supposed to be like this?"
"I dunno. Matt wasn't."
"Ahh the ex. Matt wasn't a lot of things was he?"
"No, he wasn't. I swear he just messed me up."
"How?"
"He just didn't do the kinds of things boyfriends do ya know? The things like asking how my day was or massages or anything like that. He just never did it."
"That sucks. What a lousy boyfriend."
She smiled and turned, breaking apart from him to sit on the ledge of the window. "Tell me about you and Vanessa, how it used to be."
"Wow, well Vanessa was a totally different person in the beginning that's for sure. She was more open, we used to hold hands and I mean...wow we couldn't keep our hands off each other." He grinned.
Illana rolled her eyes. "Uh-huh!"
Nick chuckled. "It was funny cause she would..."
She watched as he talked, and couldn't help but smile. He'd slipped into the mode everyone sees on TV, the cultured, well-groomed young man answering a question. She'd seen some of the earlier interviews, and how awkward and shy he'd been. The transformation had been amazing.
She looked into his eyes, and her heart started beating, she shook her head. No, it couldn't happen, it couldn't. It was too soon, and she promised herself she wouldn't. She wouldn't let herself fall in love, not again. As she watched Nick, she realized it was too late.
I'm afraid I'm starting to feel
What I said I would not do
The last time really hurt me
I'm scared to fall in love
Afraid to love so fast
'Cause everytime I fall in love
It seems to never last
"Lana...heeellllooo!" Nick waved a hand in front of her.
"I'm here! I'm listening."
"It's not that interesting." He laughed.
"It is!"
"Sure it is." He smiled and she melted. Damn him. "Please, go on."
"Ok, so anyway..."
She just wanted to watch him talk, to watch his lips move. The little things he did too, his hand movements and gestures. They were driving her crazy. It was like whenever he was around, the fear would come back. It was exciting at the same time, but it worried her. Her reactions to him, her racing heart and shaky hands, she hadn't felt like that since Matt. She knew what it meant.
But everytime your love is near
And every time I'm filled with fear
'Cause everytime I see your face
My heart does begin to race
Everytime
"Ok I'm stopping now."
She smiled. "If you insist."
Nick studied her for a moment, his blue eyes searching for something. She looked down, staring at the carpet. Reaching out he took her hands in his, pulling her off the ledge and over to him.
She couldn't look at him, she couldn't. She was so confused. She wanted too much to be able to love again, to let it in. But she was afraid, afraid of being hurt again. She promised herself she'd put distance between them, but it was so hard. She felt Nick's fingers rest below her chin and lift her head, forcing her gaze to his.
"So much hidden in those dark eyes. You're a lot like me Lana, you hide a lot. Too much maybe. Maybe you need to learn to trust, to trust me." He whispered.
One half wants me to go
Other half wants me to stay
I just get so confused
I'm scared to fall in love
Afraid to fall so fast
'Cause every time I fall in love
It seems to never last
"I do trust you Nick"
"Do you? Do you trust that I'm your friend? Cause all I see is fear in those beautiful eyes. Is it me? Are you afraid of me?"
She turned her head, looking away.
"Lana?" He urged, turning her face to his again. "Look at me."
She brought her eyes to his again.
"You don't have to be afraid of me. I'd never hurt you."
And as she looked into his eyes, she knew he wouldn't.
But everytime your love is near
And everytime I'm filled with fear
'Cause everytime
My heart does begin to race
Everytime
Sliding his arms around her waist, he pulled her between his legs, closer.
"Nick..." She started.
"Shh baby...shh. Just let it happen." He murmured.
She tried to pull away, but he wouldn't let her. She had to get away, away before she got hurt.
"Don't run from me Illana. Please, trust me."
I'm scared to fall in love
Afraid to love so fast
'Cause everytime I fall in love
It seems to never last
She tried to calm her heart, but it wasn't happening. And now as he reached up to cup her face in his hands and gently wipe the tears that were falling from her eyes, she knew she'd fallen. Fallen so hard for someone that she shouldn't have. She moved closer, her head lowered as Nick's mouth lifted to meet hers.
"Just trust me." He whispered a second before his lips covered hers.
Everytime your love is near
And everytime I'm filled with fear
'Cause everytime I see your face
My heart does begin to race
Everytime
Everytime your love is near
And everytime I'm filled with fear
'Cause everytime I see your face
My heart does begin to race
Everytime
He pulled her closer; he could feel her hesitation and her fear. She was so afraid of being hurt. Just like her, it'd been hard on him too, and he'd sworn that he wouldn't rush the next time. What was happening between them was so beyond anything they could control now, they had no choice but to succumb to it. No choice, and he didn't want one.
His lips moved softly, gently over hers. She let herself fall, she let herself melt and become one with him. There was no turning back with her now. He stood, pulling her with him, holding her tightly. They pulled away and looked at each other.
The fear was gone as she looked at him. Maybe he was the one; maybe he was the one that would change everything she'd ever known. Maybe he would let her trust and keep her heart safe. Maybe...
Could it be that this will be the one that lasts
"I'd better go." She whispered.
"Ok."
"Goodnight Nick."
"Goodnight Lana." He looked into her eyes, a glimmer of hope there now, and he smiled. She smiled back and took his hands in hers.
"Thank you."
The fear does start to erase everytime
He smiled, leaning down to kiss her again. She smiled one last time before turning and walking away.
Oh could it be that this will be the one that lasts
For all my times
For all my times
Everytime- By Janet Jackson
