Chapter 43
"Illana! Girl what you doing here?"
"Well hi to you too."
"Sorry, come on in." Kris stepped aside as Illana made her way in.
They headed over to the couch and sat.
"So why are you here?"
"I need a reason to visit you?"
"Well no, but you hardly ever come over."
"I do so!"
"Shut up. So anyway, what's up?"
"Not much, was just driving around and I thought I'd visit. What'd you do today?"
Kris studied her for a minute before responding. "Nothing really. Josh called and we hung out and every...Illana what is wrong?! You look like you're gonna burst into tears!" Kris demanded.
She sniffled; she wasn't sure how she'd made it here. Her eyes had been watering the whole drive, fortunately she'd been able to dry them enough before she knocked on Kris' door. She shook her head. "I don't know what I've done Kris."
Kris scooted closer to her on the couch. "What do you mean? What did you do Illana?"
She bit her lip and looked up at Kris. "Vanessa called me a short time after I got home this morning. I was over at her house all this time."
"So what happened?"
"She told us why she'd been acting so distant and cold towards Nick. It's a long story, but it had to do with her parents and everything. She asked for our forgiveness."
"So...that's a good thing right?"
She nodded. "Yeah."
"There's something else."
Again she nodded. "Vanessa, she...she asked Nick for another chance."
"What!?"
"Yeah."
"So what did you do?"
"I left."
"You left?"
"Yeah, I had to get out. I couldn't breathe. I mean the night before we'd...we'd..." She shook her head. "I had to get away, I left the house and Nick followed me." She took a breath, it was becoming harder and harder to talk.
"Go on."
"I told him that this was the chance he'd been waiting for. Vanessa wanted him back and that he needed to be there for her. I..."
"You...what Illana? What?" Kris asked fiercely.
"I let him go. I let him go back to her."
"You what?! Illana! Why?"
"I had to Kris! It was the right thing to do. It's what he'd been wanting, and I didn't help him by flirting and messing around with him. He owed this to himself."
"Is that what you wanted?"
She looked away. "I dunno."
"That's not an answer. Yes or no, is that what you wanted?" Kris pressed.
She couldn't lie any longer, she couldn't. She shook her head. "No, no that's not what I wanted."
"What then Illana? What did you want?"
"Him! I wanted him Kris and I let him go...I let him go." She whimpered, the tears she'd been holding tumbling down her cheeks. "I let myself do what I said I wouldn't after Matt."
"What's that honey?"
"I fell in love, and now I've lost him." She cried, barely able to speak, she buried her face in her hands, the sobs racking her body.
Kris reached out, taking Illana in her arms and held her tightly.
"Kris...what did I do? He...he told me he loved me and I let him go!" She cried harder.
Kris' eyes widened and she shook her head. She'd never seen Illana like this, she never cried. She was always so strong for everyone else, even with her break from Matt. It'd never effected her like this. "You can still go back and talk to him."
She shook her head, calming a bit. "No, I can't do that. I won't. I did this, and now I'm going to have to live with it. He'll be happy with her."
Kris pulled away and looked at her, grabbing a tissue and handing it to Illana. "Can you handle that?"
"I don't know, I have no choice now." She sniffled.
Kris sighed heavily.
"I'm sorry Kris...I just had to let that out."
"No problem sweetie, that's what I'm here for. You know I can't stand to see you in pain though."
"I know."
"You need to talk to him Illana. It's not going to go away."
Illana stared at her. She couldn't talk to him, she didn't want him to hear the ache in her voice or see the longing in her eyes. It'd be too hard.
"You're going to have to see him sooner or later Illana."
She closed her eyes. She'd see him again, and she'd be reminded all over of what she'd lost.
