Secrets Exposed
Copywrite 2002
He stood there in the lobby waiting. Should he go up to the desk now? Well why not? The invitation did say for him to go to this hotel and over to the service desk for more instructions. To say he was confused and baffled would be an understatement.
He'd received the letter a few days ago and it instructed him to go to this hotel and over to the service desk to receive his instructions. There was no return address and no signature on the invitation. He was thinking it'd been some kind of prank, and he had intended to throw the invitation out, but something stopped him. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but somehow he knew it was real.
Turning, he started towards the desk.
"Kev! Hey Kev, wait up!"
He turned to see Brian coming towards him. "Brian? What are you doing here?"
His cousin stopped just next to him, shrugging. "Dunno, I got some invitation to come to this hotel and here I am. Leighanne thought it might be some sort of joke, but I thought I'd give it a go and see what happened. I hope this isn't some kind of media thing."
"You got an invitation too?"
"Yeah, says to come to this hotel and go up to the service desk to get further instructions. I feel like James Bond." Brian grinned.
Kevin chuckled. "Well, I got the same thing." He held his invitation out for him to see.
"Yeah? That's odd, I wonder what's going on."
"Hey guys! What are you doing here?"
Brian and Kevin turned to see Howie come up behind them.
"Kev and I got some invitation to meet here."
"Me too!" Howie exclaimed. "I have to admit, I was a little weary about it, but Pol thought it'd be a good idea to check it out, so here I am."
"I dunno, this doesn't seem right." Kevin muttered.
They were all talking amongst themselves, when AJ and Nick walked through the door.
"Hey guys, what's up?" Nick called.
"Are you here with the invitation too?" Howie asked.
AJ frowned. "Yeah man, was just talkin' to Nick bout it. S'up?"
"No one knows. We all got the same invitation with no return address right?" Kevin asked.
They all nodded.
"Alright, let's go up to the desk and see what we're supposed to do."
They headed over, talking animatedly about what they all thought it was. Kevin showed the receptionist his invitation and explained the situation. Nodding, the receptionist rounded the counter and made her way out from behind the desk.
"Right this way gentlemen." She announced, leading them down a long hallway to a room at the end. Unlocking the door, she motioned for them to go in. "Everything you need along with your instructions are in here." With that, she turned, shutting the door and leaving them alone.
They all looked at each other and then at the table. Starting over, they noticed five manila folders on the table and a plain business envelope lying at the center of the table. Reaching out, Kevin picked it up and opened it, pulling the plain white paper out and reading it out loud.
No one can help If they don't know
Read the stories in the folders
And help each other
They all looked at each other and then down at the table, noticing that on each of the folders, were one of their names. Sitting in their designated spots they all stared at their folders silently.
Kevin sat at the head of the table, to his left AJ and then Nick. On his right, Brian and then Howie, he wondered if the order was intentional. Further down on the table, a pitcher of water and some glasses were set out.
Brian was the first to break the silence. "So, uh, I guess we're supposed to read whatever's in here then."
They all nodded.
"Ok, if it's gonna explain whatever the hell is going on here, I say we do it." AJ announced.
Again they nodded and slowly they each opened their folder, staring down at the story ontop, "Sharing Secrets". The silence was once again broken when Howie gasped.
"What's wrong D?" Nick asked.
His face had gone stark white; slowly he lifted his gaze to them, pure fear and terror in his eyes.
"Who...who got this? No one was ever supposed to see this." Howie whispered.
"Chill man, what is it?" AJ asked, looking back down at the story again.
Howie shook his head. "Shit, you guys can't read this, you can't!"
"Come on Howie, it's just us. I thought we were like brothers. It's not a big deal." Kevin explained.
"Don't you get it?! It's a big deal to me!" Howie exclaimed.
They all stared at him intently, shocked by his outburst. It was rare when Howie would get excited or that emotional, he was usually so calm and laid back.
He looked away. Those were his thoughts, his private thoughts. He never thought anyone would get the chance to read them. They'd all know, they'd all find out how he felt. He wasn't ready to deal with that, to deal with the looks of pity and the humor in their eyes when they learned of his insecurities and hidden pain. It'd hurt the most from them.
"It won't be that bad. Look, if you really don't want us to, we won't. It's what we're supposed to do, but I don't think anyone want's to be uncomfortable here. I'd like to think you trust us enough to know that we respect you and whatever you've written here, enough to be mature about it." Kevin announced.
Howie swallowed hard, looking everywhere but at the four pairs of eyes that dared him to say no. "O-ok."
Kevin nodded and looked at all the guys. "I guess we should have some sort of organization with this. When you're finished reading, just..look up. I'm guessing we're supposed to be discussing it, so then if we have any thoughts or anything to say, we'll say them then."
They all nodded and looked down at the story, starting to read.
Howie shifted uncomfortably in his chair, looking down at the words he knew by heart. He didn't need to read it, didn't need to relive the agony and the pain that was put into each word, each phrase. No, he'd lived it all before and reading it, he'd have to relive it again, and he wasn't that strong.
The room was silent over the next few minutes, with the exception of the rustle of papers turning and throats being cleared. It was so funny to him, to be so worried over words splashed on a piece of paper, and from these men before him. Kevin was right, they were like brothers. They'd been through just about everything blood brothers could go through, and yet he still had that fear, that..reservation about sharing something so personal with even them, he sighed heavily. It wasn't like him, normally he just did what was expected, he had nothing to hide from them, except this.
Kevin was the first to finish, his gaze resting directly on Howie, never once drifting. Soon was followed by AJ then Brian and lastly, Nick. They were all staring at him; their eyes boring into him, demanding that he look back at them. Slowly he lifted his gaze to theirs again, only to find compassion, not pity in their eyes.
"Howie, man why didn't you say something before? How could you just...hold all this in?" AJ whispered.
He said nothing, just sat there, too numb to say anything.
"You didn't have to go through that alone. We were there; you just had to talk to us. We're your family too." Brian said softly, patting Howie on the back.
"Do you really think that fans are upset cause you don't use women? Cause you like the color purple?" AJ questioned.
"I don't think it...I know. Go on a website AJ! Look around! It's everywhere! I can't get away from it, but what am I supposed to do? You can only ignore something for so long before it just...tares you apart inside." Howie exclaimed, it all poured from him, he was helpless to stop it.
"I'm tired of it. Tired of being the exception, I hate being overlooked. Do you know how hard it is? To watch the fans think it's so cool that you love to shop, that you wear sunglasses and have all these tattoos. But when I dress nice or I like a certain color, I'm gay? Why do I have to be different?"
"You know the truth Howie. You have to ignore it. You don't have to prove your sexuality to anyone and you know that." Kevin explained.
"Don't you think I know that?! It'd be so easy to think like that. I don't do anything and I'm pretty much just admitting to it. It's a no win situation. Fans forget that we're human too, that words hurt us just like anyone else, that we're not always so strong, we're just people." Howie whispered.
"Hey D, as long as you're comfortable with you, you don't need to worry bout what anyone else thinks. You've made it this far man." AJ reasoned. "Besides, we got ya back."
He looked up at them, the four men he'd come to trust with his life and suddenly, it was enough he realized. No matter what happened or what was said, he always had them.
"I'll try not to pick on ya so much either." Nick grinned.
"Yeah, good luck." Howie groaned.
"But for real, you got a problem, talk to us man. That's what we're here for." Nick said solemnly. Howie nodded. "Yeah, I'll remember that.
"Ok, let's move onto the next one then." Kevin announced.
They all flipped the story over, looking at the next one, "Matters of the Heart." Brian inhaled sharply.
"Yours?" AJ asked.
"Yeah, it's..." Brian shook his head.
"Alright, let's get started then." Kevin went on.
They all started reading and Brian looked around the room, his eyes resting on Nick. He wasn't so much worried about what the others would think as much as he was about what Nick would think. He found himself oddly nervous at what Nick's reaction would be.
He bit at his fingers, a nervous habit he couldn't seem to break. How something so trivial as this, could put him so on edge was beyond him. Like Howie, he'd never thought anyone would ever read this. Just his thoughts on some things, some issues that were bothering him and he wanted to get it out on paper. He watched their expressions carefully, his eyes always coming back to Nick whose face was blank of all emotion.
This time Howie was the first done, then AJ, Kevin and again Nick last, his eyes lingering on the table.
Kevin sighed. "You've been thinking a lot about the whole wives thing too huh? I don't know how you and Leigh do it man. I mean, me and Kris have our share of shit, but you guys get it ten times worse for some reason."
"Yeah, the fans seem to have a real problem with Leighanne sometimes and I just don't get it." Howie announced.
"Don't think anyone does. It's to be expected, but like you said, no one's ever really prepared for it." Kevin agreed.
"Yeah and I think sometimes she just gets fed up with it all, and there's not much I can do, but then something will happen and a random fan will do some act of kindness and it overshadows all the bad crap and well, it makes it all worth it."
Kevin nodded.
"But Brian, bout what you said about me being strong, I dunno. You had your surgery and all, that's a big thing. I couldn't have done that." AJ announced.
Brian chuckled. "Well, you woulda had you no choice. But you, you asked for help and got it, that's a hard thing to do, took a lot of courage. I respect and admire that about ya. You wanted to change, and you did. How many people you know say they're gonna do something and then actually do it? Not many, but you J, you did, I couldn't be prouder." Brian grinned, looking over at Kevin.
Kevin looked down, not quite meeting his eyes.
"What I don't get, is why everyone has such a big fascination with the fact that religion is important to you." Howie commented.
Brian shrugged. "Everyone expects me to be this angelic, choir boy. They'd be surprised. I don't get what the big thing is though. Cause I love my family and my religion, it's the constant brunt of jokes amongst people and our fans. It's just something that's always been a part of my life ya know? Makes me who I am. I don't know either, people seem to think it's funny, everyone's got this preconceived notion about the way that I act or the things I say, when in reality, they have no idea. "
"Word, shit I mean come on. No one's perfect and just cause you religious and all, don't mean you don't like to let loose once and a while. I think it's cool that you got so much faith, something away from all the stardom as they call it. Ya gotta have something that's just yours." AJ agreed.
Brian looked over at Nick. "You've been awful quiet over there Nick. You got something to say?"
Nick shook his head. "No, not really. I mean, I get the part about me in there and all and whatever, it's no big deal."
AJ turned to look at him. "The fuck it isn't! What are you talking about? Brian's right, you have started to hang out with me and D more, not that that's bad or whatever, but you know. Come on, talk to him."
Nick shrugged. "Nothing to talk about."
Brian stared at him, slumping back in his chair. This was just what he'd been afraid of.
"You used to talk to me about what was bothering you before." He announced, the pain evident in his voice.
"Well if there was something bothering me, I'd talk to you about it now wouldn't I?" Nick asked coldly.
"No you wouldn't." Brian responded.
"Whatever."
"Come on Nick, you don't mean that. I mean, I know you like hanging out with AJ and me but let's face it. We're not Brian." Howie said softly.
Nick slowly crossed his arms over his chest in defense, staring hard at the table, his face void of any emotion, his voice oddly cold. "I don't wanna talk about it."
"You do realize this isn't going away right?" Kevin questioned.
Still he said nothing, just continued to stare hard at the table. It was unlike him to be so distant, even if he was upset; he usually let someone know about it. It took a lot for him to shut down and he always seemed to when it came to his and Brian's relationship lately.
Brian looked down, fighting back the tears that seemed to come from no where. When had it all changed? When had he lost his best friend?
Sighing heavily, Kevin turned to the next story "Confessions". "Let's continue."
"This is mine gentlemen. Read it and give me all ya got." AJ grinned.
"Leave it up to AJ to be the one who has to be different." Howie chuckled.
"Yeah, I cover that in there too."
Howie shook his head, and started reading.
AJ watched as the guys read his story. He was proud of that actually. He was glad they were able to read it. He wanted them to know, to know how he felt. Ever since he got out of rehab, he'd wanted to find ways of telling them what it'd been like for him. He couldn't seem to do it verbally, but once he started writing, it'd just flowed, it'd been that easy.
He wasn't worried, not at all. They'd lived it with him, they knew what it was for him, only this time they'd be able to get inside his head a bit, see how he was thinking during that time and how he was now. They knew almost everything about him, his emotions his feelings, sometimes he thought they truly were brothers, that by some miracle, they were all really related. Whenever anyone asked did he have brothers he told them yes, four.
AJ watched as they all finished, Brian smiling, Howie with a content look on his face, Nick a small smile on his lips and Kevin. Kevin looked almost in pain, as if something about what he'd written was too painful.
"So kids, what do we think?" AJ asked, looking around the table.
"I liked what ya said about me and you with Brian's surgery. I was thinking the same thing. No one really considered that we had a hard time with it." Howie announced.
"Yeah, it was almost like we didn't care. I mean, how could we not? Brian's our brother ya know, effected us just as much." AJ responded.
Brian smiled. "I didn't think you guys thought much about that anymore. I know it affected everyone though, don't think I took that for granted either. Then again, we all had a hard time with you going into rehab too man."
AJ nodded. "Yeah I saw it. I'm real sorry bout that guys."
"Nothing to apologize for. You got help, it took sometime and some doing, but you did it. We're proud of you." Howie smiled. "I also found the part with you being Johnny No-Name interesting. I mean, I think we all knew that taking that on for that time in your life wasn't a good thing."
"Yeah, I just didn't realize it at the time. Just digging myself a deeper hole." AJ agreed, he looked over at Kevin, he was being uncommonly quiet.
"Luckily it turned out well though AJ. You came out if it determined to change and you're on the road to having a great life. We're all really proud of you." Brian announced proudly.
"I thank ya guys. I couldn't have done it without you." AJ blushed. He never blushed.
"I have to say, it's nice to know that you don't really like being labeled the sex addict." Nick suddenly added.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, no more than I like being the sex symbol so to speak. Like you said, you start becoming it after awhile." Nick answered.
"Sucks don't it?"
Nick nodded. "Yeah, it does."
"I did also mention about you and Brian, what do ya have to say about that Nick?" AJ asked.
Brian looked over at Nick as well as the others. Nick pushed his chair back a bit, raising his eyebrow.
"You're a stubborn little shit aren't you?" AJ grated out.
He sat there, looking around the room, a bored expression on his face.
Kevin groaned in frustration. "We're not getting anywhere with him. Let's go on."
They flipped to the next story, "When You Loose It All."
Nick had somehow convinced himself that whomever brought them here, hadn't gotten their hands on his, but now that he looked down at his own story, he knew he'd been lying to himself.
He didn't care, he really didn't. He didn't have to talk to them, they'd read it and want to talk about it, but he didn't care. Nothing would change from it.
Nick looked around the room as they all read. Howie looked saddened and AJ looked almost disappointed, Kevin still had that pained expression he'd had since they'd started and Brian. He couldn't make out his expression; he was reading intently, his fingers clutching at the pages tightly.
Nervousness suddenly overwhelmed him and he pushed further away from the table, wiping his sweaty palms on his jeans. Suddenly it was too hard to breathe, too hard. When he looked up again, everyone was looking at him, everyone except Brian.
"Nick...I had no idea that..." Kevin wandered off.
"Yeah, surprise surprise." Nick responded bitterly. He hadn't intended to sound so mad, but he couldn't help it.
"Shit, didn't know that's how you felt man. You never would talk to nobody." AJ commented.
"Yeah well, it's not a big deal, you wanted to know so there it is. Can we move on please?"
"No, we can't move on." Howie announced. "You need to talk about this."
"And I told you all before that I don't want to. There's nothing more to be said."
"Why Nick?"
Nick turned his head at the sound of Brian's soft voice.
"Why didn't you say anything before?" He went on, his gaze still on the paper.
"Fuck this, I don't wanna talk about it I said!" He stood, walking over to the window, looking out.
"It was never my intention for you to feel left out. I knew things with us were gonna change, but I never thought it'd come down to this. I didn't know that..."
"Didn't know what? That I feel invisible everytime you two are together? That you're so far gone from me that I can't even talk to you? No, you wouldn't know that Brian." Nick spat coldly. "Doesn't matter now does it? You're happy, that's the important thing. And just like everyone thinks, I'll get over it. I'll move on. No big deal."
"You could've talked to me!"
"To hear what Brian?! What? That nothing's changed! That we're still the same, just that you're married now? Bullshit! It's not the same! We're not the same; we never will be again ok? Don't try to sugar coat this. I've dealt with this since you two started dating and I'll continue to deal with it now that you're married. Don't worry Brian, I'm a big boy, I can take care of myself now."
Brian stared at him, the words cutting through him like a knife. So much anger, so much pain in his eyes. Everything he'd been holding in finally coming out. He felt so bad that he'd let it go for so long. He looked over at Kevin who was looking equally guilty. They hadn't really talked about it. They could've, all the talk about him not wanting to talk about it, they could've made it happen, they'd done it before when it came to his family and to work, but no one wanted to touch this, no one wanted to hear what he was really thinking. It was better to just think he'd get over it and adjust.
"Not to worry AJ, you're getting married and I'll steer clear of you too, Howie you next. Where will that leave me? Alone as usual." He turned his head to look out the window. "I never thought, that I'd ever feel so alone, so...apart from everything, from you guys. You're the only older brothers I've known, and now that you're out, living your lives, there's no room for me anymore. I have no one."
He could see from the corner of his eye, Brian finally lift his head, his gaze upon him. Turning his head, he looked at him for the first time to see tears streaming down the face of the man he'd always thought of as an older brother, and his heart broke. He could see the years and years they'd spent together. The laughter, the tears, the anger all in those eyes.
Bringing his attention back to the window, he wasn't aware of the tears streaming down his face or the soft sobs that seemed to come from no where. The fogginess of the window brought it to his attention. Just when he thought he'd lost the ability to cry, to feel, here he was, twenty two years old and crying.
Suddenly, Brian stood, making his way around the table and over to him. He tensed suddenly, not sure of what to do; there was no where for him to go.
"Look at me Nick."
"Leave me alone."
"Nick..."
"I said leave me alone! I don't care anymore, don't you get it? I've had enough."
"Look at me."
Nick stood there, making no motion to move.
"I said look at me damnit!" Suddenly angry and frustrated, Brian grabbed Nick by the shoulders, whirling him around so that he had no choice but to look at him.
"Damn you Brian, I said..."
"I'm sorry." Brian cut him off.
Nick stilled, he couldn't have heard him right, he shook his head. "What?"
"I'm sorry, for everything...for the last five years, for just..." He sighed. "For everything. I'm sorry man. I knew how hard it was for you, we all did, but me especially. All this change, everyone growing and leaving and you with no one to turn to anymore. And me, I didn't help, I got so wrapped up in myself, I didn't even realize how alone and left out you must feel. I lost you somewhere and I-I never meant for it to happen and when I found out, it was too late, you were too far gone. I just...I'm sorry." Brian whispered.
"Brian..."
"I should've been there...after all we've been through and then what happened with the police and you just did it alone...all alone. I can't imagine what it must be like to just sit back and watch when it feels like everyone is leaving you."
He just stared at him, too stunned to wipe at his eyes, at his cheeks that were streaked with tears.
"I swear, I promise that from this point on, to make more time for you, to be there for you like I used to be, like I should've been for the last five years."
Nick exhaled loudly, bowing his head. It was taking all he had in him not to break down, too embarrassed. Though that never used to be an issue, with Brian he'd always felt comfortable enough to say or do anything, even cry.
"Come on man, don't, don't hide from me. I'm here ok? I'll always be here for you." Brian whispered, pulling him closer, his voice starting to shake. "Please, don't shut me out any more."
He could hold back no longer, the sobs taking him. Years and years of anger, pain and longing finally bubbling up from the place he'd hidden them, deep in his soul and in his heart, escaping him in the anguished cries that now filled the room. Suddenly he felt arms surround him, those same familiar arms that'd hugged him through their accomplishments and those same arms that'd hugged him when the pain of betrayal and hurt was so prominent in his life.
He clung to him, desperate to find that comfort and solace those arms always offered and he found it.
The three men watched the turn of events in stunned silence. AJ grabbed his hankie from his back pocket, wiping at his eyes before handing it to Howie who then handed it to Kevin. It was something they hadn't seen the two men do in what seemed like forever.
For a moment, they were transported back to when it was all so simple and hugs like that were common for the two. Before all the hurt, and the pain. When they were just two guys, when they were just brothers. It was a bittersweet moment, and none of them wanted to see it end, maybe not just for Brian's and Nick's sake, but maybe for their own too, a reminder of the old days before things became so complicated.
Nick reluctantly pulled away, wiping at his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt, staring hard at the floor. "S-sorry bout...yelling at you before. I didn't mean it, I was hurt and angry." He whispered.
"It's ok, I'm used to it by now." Brian chuckled softly.
Nick looked up at him. "Thanks."
"Anytime." Brian smiled.
Nick took a calming breath. Maybe things could change. He smiled at Brian, that unsaid communication there and they slowly made their way back to their seats.
"Ok, one more left." Howie announced, looking over at Kevin.
Three other sets of eyes turned to look at Kevin. He'd been uncommonly quiet throughout most of the stories. They'd all been used to his input on things, the usual voice of reason, but now, the voice was quiet.
Taking a deep breath, Kevin turned to the last story, "Strong Weakness." They'd all finally get to see, see what'd he'd been thinking for so long.
Leaning back in his seat, he watched as they all read. They'd become little brothers to him, even Howie who was only a few years younger than him. He'd always felt that responsibility for them and would for the rest of his life, no matter what.
One by one they finished, lifting their heads to look at him, shock on all their faces, well all except AJ who actually looked almost pissed. Kevin blinked; he hadn't been expecting that.
"Kevin, wow. How could you think this? How?" Howie asked.
"Easy, it's what I feel."
"You mean you hold yourself responsible for everything that's happened to all of us individually?" Brian responded.
"In some form yes."
"But you can't, none of those things were your fault." Nick announced.
"Brian's was." Kevin muttered.
"Kev, it was not your fault. You didn't cause the hole in my heart."
"No, but I coulda made you get the surgery sooner, before...before it got so bad. I should've..." He stopped, this was crazy.
"You did all you could. I don't blame you for that Kevin, I don't blame you for anything, neither does anyone else." He sighed heavily, they just didn't understand.
"Kevin come on. You're only human, there's only so much you could do. You did all you could. You knew this whole thing with my sexuality; you supported me constantly, helped me to deal with it all. You were there for me after Caroline died, you knew what I was going through, I knew I could come and talk to you about it and you'd understand, you knew what it was like to loose someone like that. You have no idea how those talks helped me, helped me to be strong, not just for myself, but for my family too. I don't think I could've done it without you." Howie finished.
Kevin looked up at Howie, the sincerity on his face and then over at Brian, the same expression upon his.
"Yeah man, what about me and my problems with my family. You said that you felt like you could've done more? There was nothing that could be done, nothing more than I could do, and definitely nothing more that you could do. You were there man, and that was enough. And Kevin..."
Kevin brought his gaze over to the blue eyes of the youngest of them all, the one he felt the most responsible for and waiting.
"You could never, ever disappoint me. I thought you knew."
"Knew what?" Kevin whispered.
"That I look up to you, everything you've done for us throughout the years, hell, in a lot of ways I wanna be just like you. You put up with a lot of shit, don't know where I'd be if it hadn't been for you a lot of the time. You've been my father when my dad couldn't be around, my brother when I needed someone to talk to, and my friend. You've always been my friend. And just like with the rest of the guys, I've learned so much from you. Sure, it hasn't always been easy, but that comes with the territory. I wouldn't trade any of those times for anything. You're an amazing guy." Nick finished.
It was more than a little overwhelming, something inside him felt ready to burst, he didn't know if he could take much more.
"Don't think I'm not gonna have my say. To be quite frank Kev, I'm a little pissed at ya." AJ announced.
They all turned their heads to look at AJ, but his gaze was focused on Kevin.
"I just don't understand it, honestly I don't. You could sit here and expect us to just...just let you think all this shit about yourself, cause that's what it is, shit. Kevin, god man you don't know do you? Just how important you are to all of us? You're the glue man, the fuckin' glue that holds us all together. No matter what anyone says, media, critics everyone, it's just us, it's always been just us. Sometimes you had to tell us the shit we didn't want to hear, even when you knew it'd hurt the most." AJ went on.
Kevin knew exactly what he meant, and he couldn't bring himself to look him in the eyes, couldn't do it.
"You tried, everyone tried to stop me, but I wouldn't listen, not until that night, that night that changed everything. I thank god every day for what you told me that night, I thank you every moment of the day for yelling at me and telling what I'd become. I might never have realized it and then it'd be too late and then what Kevin? What?! I wouldn't be here with you guys today." He stopped, waiting for some kind of reaction, when he got none his patience cracked.
"Don't you get it!? Do you hear what we're telling you? Shit Kevin you're it! We owe so much to you! You always trying to be the perfectionist, fuck it! We don't want perfection! We want you to understand that you're needed, that we expect nothing more from you than we do from ourselves. Screw this damn role you've been given, this role that you think you need to live up to. It's you Kevin, just you. That's all we've ever wanted, all we've ever needed. Stop beating yourself up for things you can't control and realize that you did what you could and no one blames you for anything. It's not your fault." AJ finished.
Dead silence in the room, so quiet you could hear a pin drop. The four guys looked at each other, wondering if AJ had gone too far when suddenly, there was a sniffling from the head of the table. The four heads turned to see, their leader, the quiet strength of the group break down, his head rested in his arms as he sobbed.
The other three watched as AJ stood, walking over and kneeling beside Kevin, wrapping his arms around him the best he could, hugging him tightly. Suddenly, Brian stood, making his way over, kneeling next to Kevin wrapping his arms around him, hugging him as well. Soon Howie followed and then Nick, coming up behind him, wrapping his arms around his shoulders from behind, his head resting on his shoulder. As a group they cried, as friends they cried, as brothers they comforted each other. Each in his own misery, gaining comfort from the strength of the others. So many secrets exposed.
**********
They made their way out the room, each with a folder in hand. Kevin shut the door and they headed out to the lobby and back to the real world once again.
The five guys looked at each other, each a little wiser and a little older.
"So, I guess I'm gonna head on home. Got some things to do. We'll get together soon right?" Howie asked.
"Yeah sure, maybe have a barbecue or something." Brian suggested.
"Sounds good." AJ agreed.
"Hey, we never found out who brought us together like this." Kevin said.
They nodded.
"Maybe it's better we don't know." Nick shrugged.
"Maybe we really don't need to know."
There was silence.
"Well, I'm gonna get going too. Don't forget to call and let us know what's going on."
"I won't." Kevin replied automatically.
They all looked at him and smiled.
"Later kids." AJ grinned, slipping his sunglasses on, walking off.
"Bye guys." Howie called, walking out along with AJ.
"Alright, bye Brian, Nick." Kevin waved, making his way out the hotel.
Nick and Brian looked at each other.
"Well, I'll see ya later then Brian."
"Yeah, I'll give you a call tomorrow, we'll get together ok?"
"Yeah, ok."
"Just us."
Nick blinked. "Really?"
"Yeah, really." Brian smiled.
"Ok!"
"I'll see ya Nick."
"Bye Brian." Nick watched as Brian walked off then looked down at the folder in his hand. Who would've thought such intimate thoughts could bring five guys even closer together. Turning, he slipped his sunglasses on and strolled out the door.
Will you listen?
