You're Worth It
Copyright 2003
She watched as he talked animatedly with the girl in front of him, smiling and laughing. Her heart sped up suddenly, chills of nervousness skittering along her spine.
Veronica didn't know exactly when it'd all happened, one moment she was laughing with him and telling him about her boyfriends, and the next she longed to have him look at her the way he was looking at the girl in front of him now.
Looking away, Veronica sighed heavily. Nick Carter had been her best friend for roughly six years, give or take a month or two. They didn't have the typical relationship by any means. They met by chance when her close friend introduced them one time at a club. She'd heard of him of course, and honestly, she was a major fan. She of course never told him that and he'd always assumed she didn't know that much about him.
She never acted like she knew or treated him like she did, and that's what she wanted. Once they got closer though, she teased him relentlessly about the girls swooning around him and he took it all with good heart.
As the time past, they grew closer and closer. She'd never had many close guy friends, he was the first. And they told each other everything, asked for advice and in a lot of ways, they were like brother and sister.
Here recently though, Veronica found herself thinking about him in a very unbrotherly like way. She wanted to always be around him, talking to him, looking at him, having some kind of contact. It wasn't like before, now it was necessary, it was a longing a need to be with him.
Turning her head to look at him once again, now it was harder, harder than it'd ever been. Watching him look at the girl like that made her feel as if she couldn't breathe. Shake it off, that's what she told herself. She'd shake it off and the feelings would pass, but they never did, they just continued to grow stronger and stronger.
Veronica straightened suddenly as Nick made his way over to her at a slight jog. Unconsciously her hands went to her hair, smoothing it down, then adjusted her shirt, sitting up suddenly to smooth her jeans out before sitting down carefully. She'd be calm and cool like she always pretended to be now, when she was anything but. Her heart was thumping so hard against her chest, she was certain he'd hear it if he listened hard enough.
I'm tugging at my hair
I'm pulling at my clothes
I'm trying to keep my cool
I know it shows
This was the norm now, whenever he was near her, she was always worried about how she looked. This from the same girl who months before didn't care if he'd seen her straight from the bed or with no make up on. Now, now that wasn't acceptable. She'd do anything, anything to have him look at her in that way.
"V, hey V! Guess what?!" Nick called excitedly, dropping down beside her on the bench.
She took a fortifying breath before responding. "What?"
"I think Jenna likes me, can you believe it? I mean, shit, I've liked her for how long now?" Nick announced excitedly.
Veronica felt her heart drop at his words, responding weakly. "Three months..."
"Three! That's right. Damn, what do I do? I mean, I can't just be like, let's go out ya know? That's a stupid thing to say."
She couldn't even look at him, looking down, she stared hard at her shoes, forcing the words from her lips. "Just...just ask her out Nick, why not? It's not a stupid thing to say."
"But how? I mean, what do I...should I just be like...let's go to a movie or..." He stopped suddenly.
"Sure, you could do that." She focused in on her laces, staring harder at the way the string had been braided together.
"Um, V?"
"Hmmm?"
"What are you staring at?"
She could feel her face starting to burn, one, two, three, braids. "Nothing."
"Are you...staring at your shoes?"
Five, six, seven rows. "N-no..." Her face was beet red, she could tell.
"V, what's wrong? You ok?" Nick asked, his voice laced with concern suddenly.
Oh god, what should she say?! What?! Everything was jumbled in her head, she couldn't think! "I'm ok."
"You sure? You don't look so good, your face is all red. Maybe you should get out of the sun." Nick replied worriedly.
Veronica groaned inwardly, he had to leave, he had to. She couldn't function any longer, couldn't let herself be embarrassed any longer.
I'm staring at my feet
My checks are turning red
I'm searching for the words inside my head
Gathering her courage, she lifted her head to look up at him. "Just go over there and talk to her Nick. Ask her out, take that chance. You'll be sorry if you don't."
Nick looked at her for a moment, his eyes narrowed. "You think so?"
She smiled sadly, "I know so."
He nodded slightly, "Yeah, I guess you're right. It's just...you know how I am about rejection and all. What if she says no?"
How could she possibly say no to such a great guy? Veronica wondered, she'd have to be crazy. "Then she doesn't deserve you or your time. Just give it a shot."
Nick smiled suddenly and her heart melted.
"You're great V, ya know that? I don't know what'd I'd do without you." He responded, giving her a lazy grin.
Nervous flutters filtered through her stomach and she shifted slightly, folding her hands in her lap, trying to appear calm and unaffected.
"Neither do I Carter."
Nick leaned over, resting his head on her shoulder, looking up at her. "But you looooove me right?" He grinned, giving her puppy dog eyes.
He had no idea.
"Yeah yeah, go on." She rolled her eyes, smiling as he stood and bounded back over to Jenna. Veronica's smile faded and she looked away again.
Cause I'm feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
Cause I know you're worth it
You're worth it
Yeah
Suddenly she was to anxious to sit any longer and she didn't wanna see anymore, couldn't. Standing, she made her way down the path in the park, listening to the birds.
It was too easy now, to let her thoughts get away from her. She could only imagine what he was saying to her and she'd gone over it in her head time and time again of what he'd say to her and what she'd to him.
So many words, so many thoughts. She'd give anything to tell him, to do what she'd just moments ago, told him to do.
If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I wanna blow you... away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down
On one knee
Marry me today
Yes, I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say
All Veronica wanted was to hold him, really hold him. She'd hugged him before, before all of this and taken it for granted. But now she had to hold back, never let him know that there was something inside her, a part of her that she so badly wanted him to see.
Why was she doing this to herself? Why did she bother? It's not like he knew or had any idea, and if he did, would he really care? All she was to him was another sister, another friend, he'd never see her like that, never. Maybe they'd be better off he didn't know, if he had no idea how she felt. It's not like she was saying anything for anything to change. She didn't want to loose him and admitting her feelings, would certainly change things and not for the better she feared.
If she couldn't be with him in the romantic sense, she wanted him as a friend first and foremost.
Oh she wished she could tell him though, she really did. She could feel the tears prickling the back of her eyes and she sniffled. She wanted to be with him so bad. It don't do me any good
It's just a waste of time
What use is it to you
What's on my mind
If ain't coming out
We're not going anywhere
So why can't I just tell you that I care
Veronica jumped a bit as she felt arms wrap around her waist, starting to walk with her. "What are you doing?" She whispered, knowing the feel of those arms anywhere.
"Walking with you." Nick replied softly, resting his chin on her shoulder.
"Ohh."
"You sure you're ok? You look so sad, something on your mind?"
She closed her eyes against his voice, it was like warm honey spreading over her, she wanted so desperately to tell him. "Nah, I'm cool."
"You'd tell me if there was something though...right?"
He deserved it, he really did. He was worth it all and then some.
"Yeah, yeah I would."
Cause I'm feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
Cause I know you're worth it
You're worth it
Yeah
"So then...tell me."
He knew her all too well, she smiled. "There's nothing Nick."
"Veronica..."
"What?!"
"Come on, I know better."
"You do huh?"
"Yes I do, you know I know when you're lying and you just said you'd tell me if something's wrong...so fess up."
She rested her head back on his chest and sighed heavily, the force of everything just crashing down on her finally, her body going limp against his. What didn't she want to say?
If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I wanna blow you... away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what
I want to see I want to see you go down
On one knee
Marry me today
Yes, I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say
"Aww, my girl. C'mere." Nick stopped suddenly, turning her around and pulling her into his arms, hugging her tightly. "I'm here for ya, you know you can tell me anything."
She rested her head on his chest, inhaling his scent deeply, squeezing her eyes tightly shut. Oh it was too much, much too much. Hesitantly she pulled away, looking down at his chest, running her fingers over his shirt lightly. "So, what'd Jenna say?"
Nick shrugged, "Didn't ask."
"Nick! Why not?"
"I was worried bout you."
"Me?! But why?"
"Something's wrong and you're more important to me than her. I just wish you'd talk to me." Nick said softly.
She chewed at her lip nervously. She just couldn't form the words, couldn't say them. "Th-there's, I mean...I just...you...you're...." Why couldn't she do this?! Why?!
"I'm...what? What are you trying to say Veronica?" He whispered.
Veronica buried her face in his chest, hugging him tighter suddenly, trying to tell him without words, hoping he'd feel her longing, her aching to be with him.
"Veronica..." He whispered again, almost painfully. "Baby..."
"Nick...please...I just...I want..."
Cause I'm feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
Cause I know you're worth it
You're worth it
Yeah
"What do you want Veronica? Tell me..."
Slowly she pulled away, staring into his eyes, her legs shaking and her hands fisting up in his shirt.
"You, I want you Nick."
Nick blinked, staring at her in apparent shock. "Me?"
"You, I want to be with you Nick."
"Veronica..."
She shook her head, "I know it's wrong cause we're friends and all, and I don't know when it happened, but I need you...I need you in a different way than I needed you before. I want you to look at me the way you look at all the other girls. I want you to want me the way...the way I want you. I...I've fallen in love with you Nick."
Nick continued to stare at her, his face blank of all emotion.
Veronica could feel the burning behind her eyes start up again, a mistake, she knew it'd be a mistake. She had to get away, looking away, she went to pull away, but he tightened his hold on her suddenly. "Please...let me go."
"Veronica..."
"Let me go Nick."
"Veronica, look at me..please."
There was desperation in his voice, soft pleading. Slowly she turned her head, lifting her eyes to meet his and suddenly, he smiled. But it wasn't like he used to smile at her, it wasn't a friendly brotherly smile, no, this was something more. This was the way she'd always dreamed of him smiling at her, of him looking at her.
"Veronica..." Nick whispered, bringing a hand up, gently caressing her cheek as his head lowered, looking into her eyes briefly... "I love you too..." he whispered before his lips covered her gently.
It was everything she imagined and more, so much more. She sighed dreamily as he pulled away.
"So, Veronica, wanna go to a movie." Nick grinned.
Veronica smiled brightly, joy exploding through her, wrapping her arms tightly around him, laughing as she hugged him tightly. "A movie with me? You sure?"
"Oh yeah, you're definitely worth it." Nick chuckled, pulling away and cupping her face in his hands, kissing her deeply.
Yes I'm wishing my life away with these thingsI'll never say
If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I wanna blow you...away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what
I want to see I want to see you go down
On one knee
Marry me today
Yes, I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say
These things I'll never say
Things I'll Never Say - Avril Lavigne
