Below, Vincent was staring into the mist of the falls. Ever since his harsh words to Catherine last night, they'd avoided anything but casual conversation. He shouldn't have said it, he knew it. Just hearing the words as they replayed in his mind caused him to shudder. How could he have said that to her? He loved her for who she was now. Her past didn't matter.
This was tearing them apart. They had endured so much, overcome so many obstacles, and survived unspeakable horrors only to have their own fears destroy them. It had to stop. Reaching out to her last night had not been to satisfy his own lust but to be a part of her. He needed to reaffirm his commitment to her, to assure her of his steadfast love.
When they were making love, they were truly one. United not only in flesh, but in hearts, minds and souls. They completed each other. Sex with Catherine was never about individual satisfaction, but mutual pleasure and reassurance. He never approached her with the thought of just physical release on his mind, but with the complete mutual bonding of two souls. He craved that more than the physical act of sex. He craved her simple loving touch upon his skin more than the wildness of orgasm.
He vowed to himself to make amends for his harsh words. They needed each other desperately right now. He stood up and, with renewed resolve, began walking back to the main hub.
When Catherine returned to the tunnels, she couldn't help notice the stares of the people she met. They weren't the friendly open smiles she was accustomed to, but looks of distrust and fear. 'You're being paranoid,' she told herself. 'No one knows.'
Over the next few days, tensions Below grew worse. Despite
everything Vincent tried, Catherine still retreated into her fear whenever he touched her. What's more, he'd begun to notice the strange looks and whispers that began whenever the two of them walked into a chamber. They didn't realize what was going on until they took the children down by the falls to swim with the other children.
The whispering started as soon as Vincent and Catherine found a place near the water and prepared the children to play in the shallow wading pool. When Vincent lowered Katie into the pool with her brother, the adults started removing their children without a word of explanation.
Vincent sensed the fear in them as they left the pool area. He couldn't understand it. He had seen it before during that horrible time of his illness and when strangers saw him for the first time. Perhaps Catherine was right. Maybe they had found out.
He said nothing about it that afternoon but he vowed to himself he would discover what was going on. His bond with Catherine was filled with her own fears and suspicions and he didn't want to add to them right now. As best he could, he concentrated on enjoying his family.
That evening when the family sat down to dinner, Vincent again noticed the stares and whispers. Even though Father and Mary sat with them, it didn't hide the fact that everyone else tried to put as much distance between them as possible. He was beginning to put things together and he didn't like what they were adding up to.
Later in the privacy of their chamber, Catherine sat on the bed staring into her hands. "They know."
Vincent walked over and sat down beside her. "I don't see how that's possible."
"It doesn't matter how. They're scared to death, Vincent. And I don't think I can blame them."
He reached over and took her hand in his. "Maybe we're just
being too sensitive."
"Come on, Vincent. Taking their children out of the water when Jake and Katie got in, no one wanting to sit next to us at dinner, they're avoiding us. They have to know."
"If they do, I don't understand their behavior. This is a
community built on trust and the concept of helping each other. For them to act so cruelly..."
"It's like Above when the possibility of AIDS infects a community - fear, prejudice, hatred, turn people into animals. They lose their humanity and compassion. I've seen it and read about it too many times," Catherine interjected.
Vincent considered her words carefully and decided he would
not allow fear to destroy his home or family. "I'll return shortly." He placed his finger under her chin and turned her face to his. "This will soon be over and all will be well. I promise."
The sadness in her eyes nearly broke his heart. "All will be
well," she repeated. "It sounds like something you'd tell Jake and Katie."
"I mean it, Catherine. I believe it."
"I wish I did," she answered.
Just outside Father's chamber, Vincent heard several familiar voices arguing loudly. He stopped to listen.
"She must leave!" William shouted. "If a disease like that gets started down here, it could kill us all. We have none of the modern facilities the world Above does to fight it. We would be helpless."
Again the roar of angered voices filled the room.
"Please, please be quiet!" Father shouted. "Listen to what you're saying. You're talking about Catherine. A member of this community. You cannot ask her and the children to leave. It is against all our beliefs."
"Is it not our belief to protect this community?" Cullen asked. "Have we not banished people if they threatened the community as a whole? This disease is a threat to us all."
Vincent could take no more. He burst into the chamber. "It
is not a disease you wish to banish, but my wife!"
The crowd was immediately silenced by Vincent's anger. William's voice was no longer filled with anger, only fear.
"Vincent, we're sorry but we have to do the safe thing."
Two strides put Vincent face to face with William. "And the
SAFE thing is to banish my wife and children from my home. How could you even consider such a thing?"
William feared being struck down by Vincent's powerful hands. "When the community is in danger..."
"When this community has been in danger, I have been there to protect it by whatever means necessary," Vincent finished for him. He then turned to look into the faces of people he considered his family. "You are my family, my friends. You ACCEPTED me despite my differences. You taught me the meaning of love and compassion. How can you show so little of that compassion to Catherine?"
He moved about the room, staring into their faces as he went. "When Catherine came into my life, you rejoiced with me and in the love we shared. She became one of us. She protected us from her own world. She protected and loved me. The children of this community adore her. You all respect her. She became my wife and gave me two beautiful children. She gave me a life I thought never to have. The love we share is all that matters to me."
A voice from the back was heard. "The love you share could
kill you."
Vincent turned quickly, unable to find the voice's owner. "If
that is the case, then I will die a joyful death."
Disturbed by the direction of Vincent's comments, Father
pleaded for calm. "Everyone, please. This discussion is getting out of hand. Please don't let some unfounded fears rule your common decency. Think about what you're saying."
The rumbling of the crowd grew louder until Vincent's booming voice shouted. "Enough! I will listen to no more of this. You DISCUSS and DO as you wish, but I warn you. If you ask Catherine to leave, then I shall leave with her."
Father was astounded. "Vincent, that's crazy!"
Vincent turned on him then. "THIS is crazy. I cannot stay where my wife is not accepted. If you cannot ALLOW Catherine to live here then I cannot ALLOW myself to stay."
The crowd was again silenced until Jamie stepped forward.
"Father, rumors have been spreading about this disease. We only know what we've heard. Maybe if you can tell us how it's spread, some of us wouldn't be so frightened."
"Thank you, Jamie," Father answered. "At least there is one
reasonable person here."
Jamie looked at Vincent then. "Please, Vincent, don't go."
Some rumbling was still heard in the back of the room. He looked at Jamie calmly. "Please don't ask me to choose between my wife and children and this community."
She placed her hand on his arm. "Catherine's my friend too. I don't want to lose either of you."
"I don't either." Father added. "I don't think any of us really do. Maybe Jamie has a point. We're acting out of ignorance."
"Alright," William commented. "What do you know about how this disease is spread?"
Father patted Vincent's shoulder then walked to the center of the chamber. "After reading the most current information available, I've found that it's not possible to contract the virus through casual contact. For example, you cannot get it by shaking hands, by someone sneezing or coughing, or by hugging someone. You can't get it simply by eating with someone who has it or by using the same bathroom facilities."
"The virus lives in body fluids such as blood, semen, vaginal
secretions, saliva, urine, and breast milk. It is spread from
person to person by intimate contact as in sexual contact. It is also spread by the use of contaminated needles or blood transfusions. Mothers can infect their children during pregnancy, at the time of delivery, or through breast feeding."
"What about Vincent?" Jamie asked.
"Well," Father answered with just a hint of a blush. "We know he's been exposed but so far he's been immune to most viruses. We can only hope that is true in this case. Besides, there is one fact we seem to be forgetting. Catherine has not been diagnosed as having the virus. She has only been thought to be exposed. The test results won't be back for a few more days. We don't need to be jumping to any conclusions. Take a moment to consider what SHE must be going through."
The crowd grew silent again as everyone considered Father's words. Finally, William stepped forward looking very ashamed. "We've been unfair to both you and Catherine. I hope you can accept our apologies."
Vincent looked at them all. "You owe Catherine the apology,
not me."
As Vincent walked back to their chamber, his thoughts returned to his wife. The fears of the community had been temporarily put to rest, but what of hers? She still would not allow any contact between them. It wasn't his own need he was concerned with, but her fear. He must get through the barrier she'd retreated behind.
Catherine had been pacing. A habit of her husband's she'd
adopted of late. Her imagination was running away with her as she envisioned scenes of her and the children being cast out and a forced separation from Vincent. 'Maybe it would be better for him,' she thought. To know that her love could kill him was more than she could bear. Perhaps leaving before she was forced to would be more humane for them all. Her thoughts were interrupted when Vincent walked in visibly upset.
"What happened?" she asked.
He looked at her as if he was debating just what to tell her.
"You were right. They know."
She took a deep breath and grasped the back of the chair. "How?" she asked without looking at him.
He shook his head. "I don't know. Someone must have overheard us talking."
She still couldn't meet his eyes. "I suppose they want me to
leave?"
Her fear pulled at his heart. "It was suggested, but after I
ASSURED them I would not allow that, they began to listen to the facts and not their fears."
"Perhaps they're right. Vincent, I can't stay here if they
fear me."
"Catherine, Father discussed with them the ways this disease
is spread. They understand now. They realize they've been unfair to you. Everything is all right."
Angrily, she slammed the chair against the table. "All right!
This damned disease is destroying everything!"
"No Catherine, not everything!" he shouted. "Not if we don't
allow it. Nothing could ever destroy my love for you."
"I've seen pictures of people with AIDS, Vincent. It's a
horrible, slow death. Living with that could destroy even the
greatest of loves."
"Catherine, if I abandoned you when you needed me the most, it was never love at all."
Catherine's words haunted Vincent he lay beside her that night. He had to get through to her somehow. So far his words had not been enough. Her fears were impenetrable. He rolled over and stared at her back and remembered the chance she took in that cavern when he was lost in the madness. Her words couldn't reach him that night, but her actions did. He decided the risk was worth taking.
He reached over and stroked her shoulder and arm tenderly. She responded by shivering and saying, "Please, Vincent, we can't. Not until we know."
"Catherine, I don't need to know the results. I know my heart. I love you and I will not let this come between us." Reaching under the covers, he slipped out of his lightweight underpants and tossed them aside. He then pushed himself up on one arm and forcefully rolled Catherine onto her back. "The results mean nothing to me. Whether you have it or not, I will not abandon you. I have no life without you."
He leaned down and kissed her deeply. She tried to push him away. "No, Vincent. NO!"
Her pleading voice was painful for Vincent to hear. "I won't let you be alone in your fear. All we have is each other and our children. We both need to be together again. You need to know that I'll love you no matter what. If you won't accept my words perhaps I can reach you the way you reached me in that cavern."
"Vincent!"
Her scream was cut short by Vincent's deep insistent kiss. She groaned and tried to push him away but he would not be moved.
As her hands pushed at him, he moved over her and pinned her down with his weight. He then grabbed her wrists firmly. "I love you, Catherine. Forgive me," he pleaded as he took both of her wrists in his right hand and pushed them into the pillow above her head.
"Vincent...don't! You'll be exposed."
She wasn't making sense. "I've been exposed since that first
time three years ago. Catherine...your fear is destroying your reason. I have to show you our love is stronger than the fear."
He used his free hand to begin stroking her body. His hand
traveled down the length of her gown and pulled it up around her waist. She struggled even harder. He could feel her hysteria but, as much as it was breaking his heart, this was the only path left to him.
He rose to his knees, then carefully forced one knee between her legs. She resisted, but was no match for his greater strength, "Please, Vincent, don't do this," she pleaded.
Tears began to burn his eyes. Maybe this wasn't the answer.
Maybe he'd gone too far. What if she never forgave him? "Catherine, can't you accept my love for you, my commitment?""
"You don't understand," she cried.
"Yes I do. I lived with that fear for years before you proved
me wrong. I love you. I need you. You need me."
Her struggles began again as he positioned himself in between her legs and she tried to push him away with her knees. Pressing his weight against her effectively pinned her down. He felt her squirm under him. He waited a moment then brought his left hand up to work at the opening of her gown. Finally, in frustration, he ripped the gown open and began tenderly caressing her breasts. His thumb moved over the sensitive tips until they hardened then he lowered his mouth to them. He might have to force this encounter, but he didn't want to cause her any pain.
After a few minutes of loving her body with his mouth, her
struggles eased and her body began to respond to his touch.
With this encouragement, he slid his fingers between her legs and massaged until he felt her moisture on his fingers. It signaled her body's readiness despite her mental resistance.
He moved his hand back up and took her right wrist firmly. In one smooth motion, he moved them down until they were even with her head. He then lifted himself up and balanced his weight precariously on his hands and knees.
"Vincent...please don't." Her voice was weaker and less
pleading.
Fighting back his tears he responded, "I love you, Catherine." His voice was a breathless whisper as he flexed his hips and penetrated her. She gasped as he kissed her neck and shoulder then began a slow steady motion..
It was important to him that she know he wasn't holding back, that there was no fear or hesitancy in his love. He vigorously used his whole body to move in and out. At times, he twisted his hips in a circular motion eliciting gasps from her.
As the pace quickened, he opened his eyes and looked at her face. Her head was pushed back, the veins in her neck clearly visible as the muscles strained. Her eyes were closed and her mouth formed a perfect O as her breath grew harsh and rapid. Her skin was flushed and softly glistening in the amber light. 'How beautiful and erotic she looks like this,' he thought until he saw the tear slide from her eye. He closed his eyes then and the tears began to flow.
He then concentrated on her body's rhythm, trying desperately to stay in control until she reached her peak. Harder and deeper he thrust until finally she arched up to him and her body convulsed then lay spent beneath him. Then and only then, did he allow himself release. He plunged into her until he felt himself erupt. Although he tried to maintain himself as long as possible, he felt himself slip from her.
His head was pounding. His heart beat so rapidly it frightened him. His breathing was ragged. His arms and legs were shaking. He opened his eyes and looked down at Catherine once more. She was crying. Regret tore at his heart. What had he done?
"I'm sorry," he cried. "I love you, Catherine." Releasing her hands, he slid his arms under her and rolled over onto his back bringing her with him. Fear raged within him. Could he
withstand her anger and rejection? To his surprise, there was no anger. She clung to him, burying her face in the soft mat of his chest. She began to sob and so did he.
They held onto each other for a long time in silence, sharing
their mutual pain. When he finally found his voice to speak, he whispered, "I'm sorry, Catherine. Please understand. I didn't want to hurt you."
Her voice was raspy and hoarse. "I understand, Vincent." Weakly, she raised her head and looked into his red swollen eyes. "I'm the one who's sorry. When I needed you the most, I pushed you away and hid behind my fear. I could only see what this was doing to ME. You are my strength, Vincent. I lost sight of that."
"You can forgive me for...forcing you?"
"You only forced me to see the truth. You went against
everything you believed in to prove your love to me. You risked everything to get through to me."
Her outpouring of love relieved his troubled heart. "It's
no more than you did for me."
"Sometimes I love you so much it frightens me," she replied.
"You always know what I need, what I'm capable of, even before I do. You helped me find my strength the night you found me and again tonight. You are my life, Vincent. 'Though lovers be lost, love shall not, and death shall have no dominion!"
"Catherine..." his words were choked off by his tears and the touch of her lips on his.
Later that night, Catherine awakened him and they made love tenderly. The fear was replaced with strength and confidence in each other and a stronger bond was formed between them. They slept soundly for the first time all week.
Friday morning found Vincent and Catherine actually enjoying themselves again. The members of the community who had been so adamant in their protests had offered their heartfelt apologies and support to Catherine. No one had given much thought to the test results until the message came that Peter had arrived Below. They all gathered in Father's chamber for the news. In Peter's hands was their future.
Catherine's doctor looked a little overwhelmed by the crowd.
"Catherine, wouldn't you prefer a little privacy?"
She looked around at all the expressing their concern for her and Vincent. Despite everything, they were her family. "No," she answered. "This concerns us all." Vincent took her hand in his and they both braced themselves for the worst.
Peter smiled broadly. "It's negative, you're okay, Cathy."
Her face erupted in a wide smile as cheers were heard from the crowd. She turned to Vincent and literally leaped into his arms as tears of joy streamed down her face.
Vincent couldn't say anything. He could only hold her tight and cry with joy.
Hours later, Catherine and Vincent stood on the bridge of the
whispering gallery listening to the voices. She leaned back against his hard chest and he wrapped his arms protectively around her.
It was Catherine who finally broke their silence. "These last
few days have opened my eye to just what people with AIDS have to face. Just the threat of having the virus nearly destroyed us. I can't imagine what they must endure every day of what time they have left."
"Sometimes, we must experience tragedies before we can show compassion for others," Vincent observed.
She sighed softly, "Yes."
That sigh said more to Vincent than her words. "What are you thinking, Catherine?"
"Oh, I was thinking about Tom and how unfair I was to him."
"You weren't yourself."
"That's no excuse for how I treated him. The anguish he must be suffering," she replied.
"Then perhaps it's time you made amends. It's never too late to right a wrong."
She smiled and kissed his hand. "You're right, my love. It's
never too late."
Several days later, Catherine walked into Tom's plush New York office. Although he smiled at her, she could see his shame and pain. She gave him her warmest smile and hugged him tightly.
Her actions surprised him and, at first, he was too stunned to respond. Finally, he accepted her embrace like a man dying of thirst grasps at a glass of water. "Do you know that's the first hug I've had since this whole mess started?"
"I believe it." she responded. "Considering what I've endured this week."
"You too, huh?"
She nodded.
"Cathy...are you all right? Did you get the test?" he asked
fearfully.
"Yes. I'm negative."
He smiled. "Great. I can't begin to tell you how hard it was
for me to tell you."
"I know. You did the right thing, Tom."
He chuckled sarcastically. "I wish I had done the right thing
then. If I'd used a condom or practiced a little self control after you...after we split up, this could have all been avoided."
"It's too late for ifs."
"Yeah. I'll tell you, Cathy, tracking down people and telling
them they may have a deadly disease is not the easiest thing in the world."
"Yes, but it was the responsible thing to do. Tom, I'm proud
of the way you've handled this. I don't think I could have done it."
He walked over to the window and stared out into the bright
sunshine. "Proud is a word I wouldn't use right now."
"Tom, I came here to offer my help and friendship. If there's
anything I can do, tell me. If you need legal advice, a shoulder to cry on, or just someone to listen, call me."
He turned to her. "You don't know how much that means to me, Cath."
"I mean it. Anything."
Tom took a deep breath. "I'll take you up on that, counselor.
That night in the sanctity of their bedroom, Catherine told
Vincent about her conversation with Tom and her offer of help. Her willingness to help reassured him of her recovery. "We'd all like to help. Perhaps you can guide us in that?"
"That's a good idea. This community, in particular, will come
in contact with the disease in time. We need to know how to deal with it."
"Considering what happened here, we are in as much need of
enlightenment as your world," came his insightful response.
"I think I'm the one who's been enlightened. I was so unfair
to Tom and especially to you. I hurt you terribly."
"Catherine, I can bear the pain. What I cannot bear is feeling apart from you, that feeling of being shut out of your life, your heart. If you are angry, scream at me. If you love me, tell me. If you are afraid, cling to me. Just don't shut me out."
She looked into his eyes then lifted his hand and placed it
over her heart. "This belongs to you. All of me is yours. If I try to shut you out again, you just force yourself back in. Whatever you do, I know you do out of love."
"Yes, Catherine, a greater love than I've ever known."
She studied him for a moment. "Vincent, I just thought of
something. We made love the other night, the old fashioned way."
He hadn't really thought about his fears until then. "Yes,
we did, didn't we?"
"Your fears are gone too!"
Her excitement filled him with wonder. "I guess your fears were more important. I didn't even think about what I was doing."
She smiled at him seductively. "You did that good without
thinking?"
He smiled shyly and shrugged.
"Do you think you could NOT think about it again?"
"Think about what?" he laughed.
She tumbled into his arms and thought was indeed no longer
needed.
© 1999 jogrant@carolina.rr.com