Random thoughts -- Thursday, September 21, 2000
	I've been watching some of the Olympics over the past week. The gymnasts, as always, have amazed me. It's remarkable that human beings are capable of such grace and strength and skill. But to think of what they've given up to get there! It seems as if so many of them have, in a sense, given up their childhood. They've been pushed so hard and have had such focus and commitment from such an early age. Many of them left home as children in order to live at national training centers hours from their families. Some of the Chinese gymnasts only see their parents one day every six months. The Russians and Romanians, who field the dominant women's teams, also have their gymnastics boarding schools. I love what their athletes are capable of doing, but it seems as if no one should be asked to sacrifice so much at such a young age.
	Of course, the best athletes in many sports have been intensely dedicated since they were children. What's discomforting is that, so often, the dedication is instilled in them by their parents and coaches in ways that can seem pretty harsh. Brad Gilbert, Andre Agassi's coach, points out the tennis parents who quit their jobs as soon as the kid can pay the family's bills, so you have 15- and 16-year-old phenoms bearing an overwhelming and unfair burden. Once, after a loss at the U.S. Open, one child prodigy's parents were so angry with her that they didn't even let the kid take a shower before hustling her into the family van for the trip back home. And there are endless examples of parents who drive their children to achieve as a way of making up for what the parents failed to accomplish. Of course, this doesn't only happen in sports. I've read that mothers in Japan often have so many doors in life closed to them that their only outlet is to live vicariously through the academic successes of their children.
	I don't have children. I don't really plan to have any, although, of course, life can be unpredictable, so I don't rule it out completely. But my view of child-raising is a little unorthodox. It seems to me that parents owe more to their children than they often take responsibility for. The cliche is that parents give their children life, so the children owe them one. But this world can be a very hard and cruel place; the gift of life can be a mixed blessing. Furthermore, it's not as if a contract was entered into. Parents choose to have a child; the child doesn't have a say in that decision. So as I see it, if someone has a child, they've incurred a profound obligation. They've accepted the duty to do all they can to raise that child in an environment of happiness, security and love. Parents should give their children the best possible opportunity to become well-adjusted adults. I'm not saying that parents should spoil their kids rotten, or completely insulate them from the difficult realities they'll one day have to face. There's obviously a fine line between supportiveness and over-indulgence. And clearly, no one is perfect, and all parents will fall short to some degree.  But it seems to me that children need to be their parents' number-one priority, taking precedence over any other ambitions, hopes or aspirations.  The primary goal of any parent should be to raise their children well.  If the children can't come first in your life, then I don't see how you can be ready to be a parent.    I don't want to sound too radical here.  I certainly believe that, if a parent is in need, and a child is able to help, then that child has a profound obligation too.  My Mom right now is driving an old Toyota Corolla with minimal safety features.  If I get the Federal job I'm hoping to get, I'll get my Mom into a different car as soon as possible, and I'll drive the old Corolla.  But the reason I feel that way isn't just because she's my Mom; it's because I respect and appreciate the way my parents raised me.
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