DISCLAIMER: I do not own DBZ or any of the lyrics
used in this fic.
A/N – Please remember that I am from Australia
NOT the US. This means that I spell certain words differently – do not flame me
complaining about my spelling, as I will not alter my spelling to the US style
to suit people. This fic is dedicated to VGChaos, my friend and follower!
Thank you to Nikoru and
VGChaos for beta reading!
Lyrics from: ‘Hold On’ by Limp Bizkit.
~*~
You keep your distance
I can't deny you
~*~
Bulma stared blankly at the empty space
next to her in the bed. She could hear the distant hum of the gravity machine
from outside, and tears welled up in her clear blue eyes. Just once it would
have been nice to wake up next to him.
Just once.
But that was too much to ask of her
prince. He’d told her time and again that he wasn’t going to be ruled by ‘weak
human emotions’ as she was.
He was a warrior.
He was strong.
He didn’t love her.
Yet, even knowing all this, Bulma was unable to deny Vegeta
anything he asked of her. No matter how cold he was towards her she would
always give in to him when he turned to her.
~*~
I got the feeling
Can't satisfy you
~*~
Why she gave into him again and again
Bulma didn’t know. It wasn’t as if Vegeta hurt her or threatened to hurt her if
she didn’t comply with his wishes - there was just something about him that
drew her to him, something in those endless ebony eyes that made her stay when
her common sense told her to leave.
She was like the proverbial moth being
drawn to a flame.
Vegeta needed somebody. Loath as he was
to admit it, Bulma knew that he needed somebody to be there for him. Maybe he
didn’t know it yet, but one day he would.
One day he’d know how much he needed
her.
Bulma got to her feet and winced; her
body was aching slightly from the physical activity she had engaged in with
Vegeta last night. She sighed as she saw the faint purple bruises on her waist
and rib cage.
She hated being so weak, so fragile.
She hated being the one who held Vegeta
back from completely giving into his Saiyan nature during sex. After all, she
held him back from complete enjoyment - he’d often said so in his crueler
moods.
~*~
I got your picture on the
wall
I got the picture long gone
~*~
So why did he stay with her? Bulma
pondered this as she padded gracefully into the bathroom, turned the taps on in
the shower, and stepped under the warm spray. She sighed gratefully as the
soothing stream of water hit her skin.
As she washed her body an image of
Vegeta’s face infiltrated her mind. He was so perfect. From his hair to his
eyes, and from his eyes to his gorgeous body he was the embodiment of
perfection. Every muscle was toned to perfection, and every inch of him glowed
with health.
He was so perfect.
Bulma turned the water off and stepped
from the shower. She took a soft white towel off the towel rack and began to
dry herself off. As she did she summoned up another image of Vegeta, this time
an image of Vegeta sleeping peacefully with his head nestled on her chest.
He was so beautiful when he slept. He
lost that look of fierce stubbornness and looked purely peaceful. When he slept
it was hard to believe that he had murdered countless numbers of people in his
lifetime.
Bulma wrapped the towel around herself
and walked from the bathroom back into her bedroom to stare at the single
picture of Vegeta that she had.
He looked happy in that picture; he was
actually smiling for once. Vegeta hadn’t looked like that in a long time. The
days when he would loosen up a little and smile were long gone; lately Vegeta
had only been cold and distant towards her.
Bulma looked back in the mirror and met
her own troubled eyes as she debated telling Vegeta her secret.
~*~
You keep your wishes
~*~
Vegeta stepped out of the gravity
machine and breathed in a lungful of the crisp morning air. He looked at the house
in front of him and slowly began walking towards it, his eyes guarded as his
thoughts turned to the woman. By now Bulma would be awake and, if he was lucky,
might even have started cooking his breakfast.
He should tell her.
Vegeta shook his head at the absurdity
of telling Bulma the truth. If she knew the truth she’d lose all respect for
him. She’s probably laugh. It was better that he kept his feelings to himself.
Vegeta nodded to himself as he opened the side door and slipped into the house.
He sauntered into the kitchen and was
met with the sight of the woman, his woman, setting plates of food down.
She looked up briefly and smiled slightly, a crooked smile as though she
couldn’t quite decide what to say to him, then she looked away again, and an
uneasy silence descended upon them.
Bulma put the final plate down and
stared at him nervously, backing away from the table to lean against the
kitchen bench. She took a deep breath and met his eyes squarely. “Vegeta, I
think there’s something you should know…”
“Tell me later.” Vegeta snapped,
ignoring the crushed look in her eyes as he sat down to eat. When would the
woman stop expecting more from him then he could give? He wasn’t about to
change his nature just to conform to her wishes.
No, he wouldn’t tell her - not yet.
~*~
There goes along the one
That kept me breathing
~*~
“It’s important.” Bulma persisted,
sitting down next to him and taking the fork out of his hand. “It’s something
that you need to hear.” Her voice wavered, and Vegeta looked into her face, and
for the first time he registered the uncertainty and fear written there.
She was afraid of him?
“This is probably the last thing on
Earth you want to hear…but…I can’t hide it from you anymore. You would have
found out eventually anyway. It’s not like I could hide it from you forever.”
Bulma nervously tugged on her hair and bit her lip, her voice wavering slightly
as she spoke.
Next to her Vegeta had frozen. What was
the woman trying to say? Had she been having an affair? Was she leaving him?
Vegeta’s breath caught in his throat, and his hands clenched into fists as he
struggled to contain his emotions.
She couldn’t leave him, he wasn’t sure
he could go on without her. He’d come to depend on the woman, had come to…
No.
He wouldn’t even think it.
~*~
I'm waiting for you
I know you're leaving
~*~
Bulma watched as Vegeta paled next to
her. His hands curled into fists, and she anxiously took a deep breath. She could
do this, she could tell him, she’d done it before after all. Back when she had
still been with Yamcha she’d given him this same speech.
The same speech but different, she’d
lied to Yamcha all those years ago. This time she wasn’t going to lie to Vegeta.
She’d been hiding the truth long enough.
This time she wasn’t going to be
deceptive.
This time she wasn’t doing this because
she didn’t want to admit the truth.
This time she was doing it because it
was the right thing to do.
“Well, what is it?” Vegeta had
apparently collected himself, but there was still something to his posture that
made her suspicious of his bland tone.
“What do you have to tell me?” he
prompted when she didn’t continue to talk. Bulma noted the defensive tone in
his voice, and a sense of wonderment descended upon her.
Was Vegeta afraid of what she might be
able to tell him?
~*~
I still adore you
You never need me
~*~
“Vegeta…I’m pregnant again.” Bulma took
a deep breath and lowered her gaze away from Vegeta, barely able to believe
that she’d finally said it. She didn’t want to see how he’d react. The last
time she’d given this speech she’d told Yamcha that she was pregnant to him.
But she’d lied to Yamcha - she’d told
him that Trunks was his son, and when she’d eventually admitted that she’d lied
about Trunks’ parentage it had been one of the most devastating moments of her
life.
Now she was afraid of what Vegeta might
do to her - mentally of course. He’d never hurt her physically. But mentally he
had only to say the same things he’d said when she had told him that Trunks was
his child, and she’d be devastated.
It wasn’t like Vegeta needed her; it
wasn’t as if he couldn’t find another woman to warm his bed with if he decided
he didn’t want to stay with her any longer. Or even worse - if he decided he
didn’t want her to have another child.
Bulma closed her eyes as perhaps the
most painful thought of all forced its way into her mind: Even if he left her
she’d still adore him, still love him and do as he asked.
~*~
Hold on
I've found another way to
let you go away
~*~
Bulma risked a quick glance at Vegeta’s
face, but she couldn’t read any emotion there. He was merely staring straight
ahead with a deliberately blank look.
“Is it mine?” He continued to keep his face
blank and his eyes off her as he asked.
“Of course it is!” Bulma couldn’t help
but look hurt at his obvious distrust of her, but then maybe she deserved it.
After all, she’d deliberately mislead them all when Trunks had been conceived.
It seemed like such a long time ago
now. Yamcha had been cheating on her, and she’d found out and had then cheated
on him in turn with a very obliging Vegeta.
She hadn’t expected to get pregnant
with Trunks. Her relationship with Vegeta back then had been merely an agreement
- nothing more. She hadn’t cared for him, aand he hadn’t cared for her. They had
merely used each other for their own reasons. But then…then she’d become
pregnant and had lied to everyone.
She’d broken her affair off with Vegeta
and had told Yamcha it was his baby. She’d been pleasantly surprised when
Yamcha had immediately asked her to marry him, but it hadn’t lasted. Yamcha had
cheated again, and Bulma had, in her anger, shocked everyone by admitting who
the father of her baby really was: Vegeta.
It was no wonder Vegeta was hesitant to
trust her. Now he was probably going to do what he’d done last time.
Leave her.
~*~
Hold on
You've found another way to
bleed my soul away
~*~
She was pregnant.
Vegeta watched silently as Bulma looked
away, her eyes already shining with unshed tears. Could she really blame him
for having to ask her if it was his? At least this time she had told him the
truth instead of lying to him as she had done before.
Vegeta ground his teeth at the memory.
It had been bad enough when Bulma had
abruptly broken off their very pleasant affair and had told him she was
pregnant to Yamcha, but it had been doubly bad when Bulma had admitted that he
was the father merely to hurt Yamcha.
It had hurt him to know that the woman
didn’t think he was fit to be a father and had thought the child would be
better off if she pretended Yamcha was the father. He didn’t know why it had
hurt then, and he still didn’t know why it had hurt. All he knew was
that he’d been angrier then he’d ever been in his life once the hurt had faded.
She had almost undone him all those
years ago. Somehow Vegeta had given her a weapon to use against him without
even knowing it, and now she had that weapon out again.
All Vegeta knew was that if this child
turned out to be another man’s he’d probably die just from the sheer knowledge
that the woman he trusted had hurt him this way yet again.
~*~
The things you told me
To hear you speak
~*~
“I need to know how you feel about this
Vegeta.” Bulma spoke tensely and looked back to him, her emotions bared to him
in those turbulent blue eyes. “I need to know how you feel about me.”
“I don’t know.” Vegeta ground out. He
tore his eyes away from her and stood up, half afraid that she’d trap him in
her eyes forever. “I need to think.” Vegeta took a step back from the table,
his own eyes wild.
“You know I love you Vegeta.” Bulma
snaked a hand out and caught his arm before he could walk away, her face
desperate. “Don’t go! Don’t leave me all alone again!”
Vegeta roughly pulled out of her grasp.
“If I planned to leave you I’d have said so!” He growled angrily, unfamiliar
with the feelings her pleading voice had aroused in him. He abruptly turned
around and stalked back out to the gravity machine. A defensive anger emanated
from him as he turned it on and began training hard again in an attempt to
block out his emotions.
Because he had lied to Bulma, of
course.
Not about leaving, but about needing to
think. The last thing he needed was to think, he wanted to clear his head. He
wanted to drive the voice of the woman out of his head as it echoed in his
mind. He didn’t want to hear that anguished tone in her voice when she’d begged
him not to leave her all alone again.
~*~
I'm burning slowly
I'm growing weak
~*~
Vegeta continued to train, sweat
streaming off him in waves as he fought his imaginary foes in a desperate bid
to drive out the woman’s voice. It was to no avail though; he couldn’t rid
himself of it.
She was in his system now; she was
almost a part of him, and she was making him weak. So why didn’t he leave her?
Why couldn’t he walk away before it was too late?
Vegeta stopped the gravity machine and
walked back to the house, his heart pounding loudly in his ears. He needed to
hear the woman say she loved him again, needed her to hold him and reassure
him. He paused by the door with his hand on the handle - how had he let the
woman become such a large part in his life? How had he come to need her so
much? When had he started craving her like a drug?
He opened the door and stepped softly
inside, half expecting to hear sobbing from the bedroom as he usually did after
one of their fights. But this time there was only silence. Vegeta walked into
the kitchen and halted in his tracks when he saw the woman still seated at the
table in the same position he’d left her in.
“Bulma?” He spoke her name softly as he
sat beside her and captured her gaze with his.
“Vegeta?” The question in her voice had
a deeper meaning, and Vegeta let out a breath he hadn’t known he had been
holding at the need in her voice.
She needed him too.
~*~
You bring me closer to
yesterday
Yesterday's a million miles
away
~*~
Bulma could only stare into Vegeta’s obsidian
eyes as he held her gaze, seemingly searching for something in her eyes.
“Did you think everything over?” Bulma
mentally cringed at the fear in her voice and wished she were stronger. Vegeta
wouldn’t respect her weakness for him, he wouldn’t appreciate that she feared
and worshipped him more then anybody else ever would.
“I trust you Bulma; I want you to know
that.” Vegeta’s voice was soft for once, but he looked down as though he was
ashamed of it. “When I asked if it was mine…could you blame me after last
time?”
“The past is gone Vegeta. It’s a
million miles away from where we are now.” Bulma scooted her chair a little
closer to him, craving his nearness like a drug.
“I know, but I can’t help but remember
last time.” Vegeta suddenly let out a harsh laugh. “And to think I mocked
Yamcha for being weak when he became so torn up over your betrayal.” He looked
up at Bulma’s face, not meeting her eyes - just studying her features. “The
thought of you with another man…” Vegeta trailed off.
“It hurts you?” Bulma put her hand over
his, not put off when he moved his hand away again.
~*~
Why can't you hear me?
Why can't I see you?
~*~
Vegeta didn’t answer immediately. “The
thought of you with another man, and the knowledge that you cheated before when
I was the other man makes me doubt you.” Vegeta watched the pain play
across her face and cursed himself mentally. If only Bulma could understand how
he felt without him actually having to say it out loud.
“You think I’d cheat on you?” A tear
slipped down Bulma’s cheek, and her voice caught in her throat.
“No, I don’t think you’d cheat on me.”
Vegeta ran a hand through his hair. “I’ve never trusted anyone in my life
Bulma, but I trust you, and I can’t help but be he a little apprehensive.” He
looked away from Bulma and took a deep breath. “You have the power to hurt me
Bulma, and I don’t want the person I trust to be the one who hurts me.”
“I’d never hurt you, I love you too
much.” Bulma wiped her tears away with her hand. “Do you…love me?” Her
voice was less then a whisper but Vegeta heard her and he glanced at her
furtively.
“I don’t know. I’ve never loved anyone
before.” Vegeta ground his teeth. Why couldn’t Bulma hear what he was trying to
say?
~*~
And I don't understand
What keeps me breathing?
~*~
“You say you trust me?” Bulma stood up,
moved beside Vegeta and drew him up until he stood next to her. Their eyes
perfectly level.
“Yes.” Vegeta nodded and tried not to
appear too tense.
“Then trust me enough to tell me how
you really feel about me.” Bulma brushed a strand of hair from her face
nervously.
Vegeta shook his head slowly. “First
tell me - what do you feel for me?” He swallowed, waiting for the woman to
demand he speak first.
She didn’t.
“I love you…”
Vegeta interrupted her and shook his
head impatiently. “No, what do you feel for me? How do I make you feel?”
“You make me feel every emotion there
to feel.” Bulma smiled wryly. “Sometimes you hurt me, sometimes you infuriate
me, but then in the next moment something you do will make me want to hold onto
you for ever and ever.” Bulma moved closer so that their bodies were touching.
“I wake up sometimes, in the middle of the night, and I’ll watch you sleep and
when I watch you all I can feel is love.” Bulma cupped the side of his face and
traced his jaw line. “Without you I’m empty, I’m nothing.” Bulma stared at him
expectantly, and Vegeta swallowed.
“When I’m with you I feel like a prince again.” Vegeta kissed
her hand. “And when I’m not with you I can’t breath.”
~*~
I'm waiting for you
I know you're leaving
~*~
“You can’t breathe without me?” Bulma
put a hand to her mouth in shock and swayed as though dizzy.
“I don’t know how to say this but…I’ve
been waiting for you my whole life and earlier when you said you had something
to tell me I assumed the worst. I thought you were leaving me…and I couldn’t
breath.” Vegeta lent forward and let Bulma take him into her arms.
Bulma hugged Vegeta tightly, trying to
wrap herself around him. “I never thought you felt so strongly about me.” She
whispered into his neck.
“I didn’t want to believe it at first.
I kept on telling myself it was just lust, that I was becoming attached to
being in your bed.” Vegeta shook his head; unable to believe he was finally
admitting everything to her. “But I couldn’t keep lying to myself. I knew that
I was becoming attached to you. Not to your body, but to you, all of
you.”
“I thought you just lusted after me.”
Bulma whispered, still in shock. “I was so afraid of telling you that I was
having your baby because I thought you’d leave me.” she admitted quietly.
“I couldn’t leave you.” Vegeta told her
quietly, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead.
~*~
I'll still adore you
You'll never need me
~*~
Vegeta sighed as Bulma rested her head
on his shoulder, content to simply be held by him as it was something Vegeta
had rarely ever indulged in. He closed his eyes as he sought the spark of new
life in Bulma but snapped them open again quickly.
“You’re almost five months pregnant!”
Vegeta exclaimed in shock and pushed Bulma away so he could stare at her
stomach.
“I know. I kind of put off telling you
for a while.” Bulma admitted and watched in amusement as Vegeta got down on his
knees and put his ear up against her stomach.
“How did I miss this?” he asked,
looking up at her from his position on the ground.
“You were too busy training.” Bulma bit
her lip and then added. “As usual.”
Vegeta raised an eyebrow. “I was too
busy convincing myself that I didn’t need you, fortunately it didn’t work.” He
put his head back against her stomach and smiled. “She’s going to be very
strong willed.”
“She?” Bulma began to smile. “Our baby
is a she?”
Vegeta nodded. “And she’s probably
going to be just as adorable as you.”
~*~
Hold on
I've found another way to
let you go away
~*~
“It’s not going to be an easy road for
me, or for you I imagine.” Vegeta stood up again and dusted himself off. “I’m
never going to be a chirpy loving husband towards you like Kakarot is to
Chichi. Neither will I be as devoted to my children as Krillen is with his
daughter.” Vegeta looked into Bulma’s cornflower blue eyes and felt himself
smirk. “But I’ll try my best to be as good a husband and father as a Saiyan can
be.”
“I have a feeling you’re going to be a
great father and a great husband in your own way,” Bulma giggled suddenly and
bit her lip. “I don’t think I’d love you as much as I do if you were any other
way. You’re my prince, and I like it that way.” She smiled flirtatiously up at
him through her eyelashes.
Vegeta looked at Bulma’s jubilant
expression and felt his smirk melt off his face. “This isn’t going to be a fun
ride for us you know. I don’t really know what love is. Maybe what I feel for
you isn’t love, and maybe it is. All I can promise you is that I’m going to try
to love you.” He spoke honestly and offered her a faltering smile.
“And I’m never going to let you go away
ever again.” Bulma leant forward and kissed Vegeta.
They stared at each other for an eternity
before Vegeta turned away. “I’ll be training.”
Bulma watched him go with her head
tilted to the side and smiled slightly when she heard the gravity machine start
up.
She knew Vegeta wouldn’t change over
night, but maybe tomorrow she would wake up next to him for once.
“I’ll be waiting.”
~*~
Hold on
You've found another way to
bleed my soul away
~*~