It’s a very odd sight, two elves and a man sitting around a slide projector, eating butter popcorn, Doritos, and drinking oj. Especially when one of them is, in fact, dead. But then, this is a mst. Vel (an elf, female, oldish who likes pina coladas and getting caught in the rain), Boromir (Stud-ly male type, Man dude with a passion for battle) and Legolas (A Sagittarius who likes knitting and flower arranging-

Legolas: (indignant) Ai! I think not! Vel, quit it.

Vel: (mutters) Spoil-sport.

Boromir: (agitated) Can we get on with this, please?

Vel: Alright, alright, hold your hotties! (Starts to prepare slides)

Legolas: Hotties?

Vel: Never mind. Here we go, you chaps ready?

Vel: (Grinning) excellent!

The first screen comes up, and the lights slowly dimmed (Ain’t it great what technology can do these days?) until the room was in total darkness.

Silence. Then…

Boromir: Has anyone seen my Doritos?

Legolas: (Sighs dramatically) I think they are over here somewhere… (fumbles in dark. Pause) Sorry Vel.

Vel: (Coughs) No problem. Shall we start?

Boromir: Legolas, hand off my knee!

Legolas: Ai!

Author's Notes: Wow, check it out, I'm branching out again.

Legolas: (author) I am going to have to prune in the next couple of days.

Vel: (author, amazed) And I only cut myself back last week!

I had this really funky idea, so I'm going

Boromir: (hopefully) away and leaving Middle-Earth in peace?

with it.

Boromir: Blast!

Anyway, on with my ranting - here goes nothing...

Legolas: Deep breath…

Vel: Count to three…

Boromir: and… wait for it… RANT!

First of all, what is it with everybody and Legolas?

Legolas: Tell me about it!… wait, does this mean…

Vel: (Pats him on the back) You’re safe for this one mate.

Legolas: Yes! (Leaps out of chair and does victory dance, only stopping when he knocks over Vel’s OJ.) Sorry.

Vel: Forgiven, I’ll drink yours.

I mean, I love Legolas to,

Legolas: Well, I was almost safe.

but hey, what about Boromir!?!?!

Vel: Well, he is dead for starters.

Boromir: (Mutters) You just had to bring that up, didn’t you?

Boromir is the most mysterious and complex character of all!

Vel: Like a rubix cube!

I think it sucks that he died!

Legolas: Sucks? Sucks what?

Vel: Just keep reading, and try not to cry too much Boromir.

Boromir: (Shudders) I have a funny feeling I won’t like what is about to happen…

So here I am, going on my way

Boromir: (Sings) From misery to happiness today

Legolas and Vel: uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh

and writing a BOROMIR ROMANCE!!!

Boromir: (Falls to floor dramatically) NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Vel: (Studies screen) Did we beat her in exclamation marks?

(regular disclaimers applied, Aria Shadowfox belongs to me!)

All: …

Vel: Shadowfox? (Closes eyes briefly) It’s going to be a looongg Sue.

All Soul's Night

"Love is the flower of life, and blossoms unexpectedly
and without law, and must be plucked where it is found,
and enjoyed for the brief hour of its duration."
...D.H.Lawrence

Vel: (Hades) *Rolls eyes* Aich, verse!

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

ONE:- In which her heart is stolen

Vel: In which Eeyore loses his tail and Pooh finds one.

Aria Shadowfox watched from her window as the gates of Rivendell opened wide

Vel: (Sings) Come inside, it’s Rivendell… no, it’s still not right, is it?

and through them rode a trio of Elves,

Legolas: A trio?

Vel: Larry, Curly and Moe.

a trio of Dwarves

Boromir: (Aria) One, two, five…

Legolas: Three sir!

Boromir: Three.

and a trio of Humans.

Vel: And the number of the counting will be three…

Her eyes flashed over the first group

Legolas: (eye one) Beat you!

of a few moments,

Boromir: Of a few moments?

Vel: I think that’s a for… yes, definitely a for.

as well as the second, but her silver violet eyes

Legolas: (snorts) Silver violet?

Vel: The author couldn’t make up her mind over which one she wanted.

lingered on the last. On one of them in particular.

Vel: (Cackles evilly) And this is where all the fun starts… MWHAHAcoughspultterHAHA!

He had long

Boromir: (Hopefully) Legolas?

dirty

Boromir: (Confused) Aragorn?

blonde

Boromir: (Desperately) Legolas?

hair and wore a round shield

Boromir: No!

strapped to his back. A long sword stood starkly at his side,

Legolas: (Sword) Hey, look mum, no hands!

and his presence seemed to demand

Vel: (Author) Payment, for subjecting him to such tortures as the love of a Mary-Sue.

something - what, she couldn't be certain.

Vel: (Aria, musing) Sunsilk, or Pantine Pro V?

"His name is Boromir of Gondor child," Elrond's voice came from behind her.
"Boromir of Gondor,"

Legolas: (Elrond) No, Boromir of Gondor child.

she whispered.
"You would have him steal your affection daughter,"

Boromir: (shifty) Mwhaha! I have her affection!

Vel: Of course. They are always Elrond’s Daughter. He really needs to work on his birth control methods!

the elven lord question.
Suddenly Boromir looked up, and his eyes locked with hers for a moment.

Boromir: (author) Willing her to fall out of the balcony and plummet to her death.

Vel: (Boromir) You are getting sleepy…

"I would have him steal my heart," was her quite reply.

Boromir: Ewww… what would I do with that?

~ * ~

"My Lord?"
Elrond turned to the servant

Legolas: What servants? Since when does Rivendell have servants?

and spoke, "Send my youngest in, I wish her in this meeting."
The servant bowed and left. Elrond's attention turned to the half oval of council members

Vel: Who vs. the Lothlórien Lions in this week semi-Final. The winner will get to play The Condor Gondor’s in the Grand finals for this wonderful lounge-suite.

and he sighed

Legolas: Sigh.

only slightly.

To his right sat Aragorn son of Arathorn, then the first Lord from Gondor,

Vel: (Puzzled) First Lord from Gondor?

Legolas: (Equally confused) I don’t remember him.

Boromir: (Scratching head) I didn’t think Gondor had a ‘First Lord’.

followed by Boromir, the one who had so easily caught his youngest daughter's eye,

Vel: (Author) As it was lobbed across the field.

when none had caught it before.

Boromir: Slippery little sucker.

He scanned the rest of the council, three humans, three dwarves, three elves, one wizard, one hobbit and one ranger.

Boromir: I knew Aragorn wasn’t human! Dirty, smelly, oily ranger-type person.

Legolas: I really think she has her numbers confused.

Oh, they made quite the group. Another chair was brought in and sat next to Elrond's own.

Vel: (author) the music began, and soon the council was involved in a challenging game of musical chairs!

He paid this no heed

Boromir: (Frodo, thinking) Spoilt-sport elf.

as he pondered the council and what was to be decided here.

Legolas: (Elrond) Chicken or fish?

Legolas: (Author) after Boromir had tried to throw them to Gimli, but as we all know, Dwarves can’t catch-

Vel: Are you still upset about the ketchup?

Legolas: (Indignant) It left a red stain on my white shirt!

watching the council from behind the pillars at the entrance, "Meriadoc Brandybuck and Peregrin Took, what have you gotten yourselves into?"

Boromir: (Merry) A barrel of pickles?

"Lady Aria," Merry exclaimed, nearly

Boromir: Knocking the barrel of pickles over.

falling over.
She smiled at the pair, "I won't tell Merry, just promise to stay quiet?"
"Of course," Pippin said, jumping in

Boromir: to the pickle barrel.

She moved past them, pale violet skits billowing

Boromir: Skits?

and entered the area in which the council was to be held. She walked forward and noticed that all had gone silent when she entered.

Vel: (Frodo to Gandalf, whispers) Her skit’s undone!

Aragorn stood and bowed slightly as she passed

Vel: (Author) Knocking her unconscious

Boromir: (hopefully) Thus ending the fic?

Legolas: (Shaking head) One can only hope.

and she gave him a slight smile.

Vel: (Aria, thinking) He REALLY needs to wash his hair.

She stopped in front of Elrond and spoke, her voice echoing like wind chimes, "You sent for me Father?"

Vel: Father, father, father…

Legolas: Echo, echo, echo…

Elrond smiled at his daughter's entrance, and grinned to himself as he saw Boromir's jaw drop,

Legolas: (Author) And roll across the floor.

"Yes child, I wish you to join us within this meeting, your cool head I believe will come in handy."

Vel: (Twitches) Poor… grammar… overload!

She smiled and blushed before seating herself next to him. He patted her

Boromir: (Author) Head and gave her a doggy biscuit.

hand and began the meeting.
Aria had spaced out during the beginning of the meeting,

Vel: Drugs man, just say no!

but she snapped out of it as Boromir stood and began to

Vel: Break dance!

(Boromir stares at the Elf)

Vel: (Defensive) What?

speak, saying that they should use the ring against Sauron. Her eyes widened at his proposal

Legolas: (Arai) I do!

and she stood, "You cannot wield it!" Everyone looked at her

Vel: (Frodo) Her skit is still undone.

and she continued, "This ring was made for Sauron alone, none can wield it but him! It's evil would engulf you and tear you apart, and Middle-Earth would fall into darkness."

Legolas: (Eyebrow arched) Cheery fellow, isn’t she?

Vel: (Snorts) Optimism, pass it on.

"I want naught but to hold the power to protect my people," Boromir replied in shock.
Aragorn stood, "What Aria says is true! Not one of us could wield it's power without turning to Sauron and betraying those we love."

Boromir: (Yawning) Bo-ring! Vel, can you pass me the popcorn?

(Vel hands empty popcorn box across)
Boromir: Thanks. (Pause) Hey, no popcorn! (Pulls out dripping hand and makes a face.) Only butter.

Vel: There is actually popcorn in there, just fish around for it.

Boromir: On second thoughts, not thirsty. (Pause) Legolas, have you got a moist towelette?

Legolas: (Offended) And why would I have a moist towelette. (Waits for answer, but receives none.) Okay, yeah I do. (Pulls packet from pocket) But not a word to the dwarf!

Boromir: (Crosses heart and wipes hand)

Vel: Back to the story…

"And who are you to say such a thing," Boromir inquired, "You are but a Ranger!"

Boromir: (Shudders) Dirty, smelly, oily ranger-type person!

"This is no mere Ranger," Legolas Greenleaf, Prince of Mirkwood said, standing, "He is Aragorn son of Arathorn, heir of Isildur."

Boromir: (Folds arms, unimpressed) Your point being?

Vel: (Stares) You really have some issues to work through here.

Boromir stared as a ripple of whispers broke out around the circle.

Legolas: (Musing) An odd phrase that one, a ripple of whispers broke out around the circle? Very odd.

Elrond stood, "We have no choice but to

Vel: (Elrond) Sacrifice my youngest daughter to appease the gods!

Legolas: And there was much rejoicing.

destroy it! One of you must take the ring into the very heart of

Boromir: Aria, which I now posses.

Mordor and cast it into the fire's from whence it came. Into the

Vel: Kellogg’s Cornflakes box!

fire's of Mount Doom."
Soon an argument broke out over who

Vel: Ordered chicken and who wanted the vegetarian…

would do this and Aria watched silently as Frodo stood

Vel: On the First Lord’s head in order to get the last fish.

and shouted, "I will take it!" All movement stopped and the Hobbit continued, "Though, I do not know the way."

Legolas: You see, we can actually pinpoint where our first mistake was… here!

Boromir: Mistake? We won, remember.

Legolas: Minor detail.

"Then I will guide you," Gandalf the Gray said, standing behind him.
Aragorn stood, "On my life I can protect you - he knelt in front of Frodo - You have my sword."
To the shock of everyone Aria stood, "You have my bow Frodo Baggins, I will protect you."

Legolas: Hey, she took my part. I got up here!

"And you have my bow also," Legolas said moving over to them.

Vel: (Chuckles) You’re just second best now!

"And my ax," Gimli son of Gloin said.
Aria looked over at Boromir and walked over to him, holding out her hand, "Will you ride with us Boromir of Gondor?"

Legolas: (Indignant) She’s just waltzing in here and taking over the show, isn’t she?

Vel: Legolas, she is a Mary-Sue. It’s in her script.
Legolas: (Mutters)

He looked at her hand and then took it

Legolas: (author) from her, and tucked into his pocket.

Boromir: (Winks) That’ll be handy!

"I will go as well, for if one of each people goes, then one of Gondor should as well."

Boromir: Makes sense. If the noose is around my neck, might as well leapt off the horse.

A sudden rustle came from behind the group and a startled look appeared on Elrond's face as Samwise Gamgee leap forward, "I'm going to, Mr. Frodo!"

Vel: Curse you PJ!

"Of course," Elrond said, "For we cannot not separate you two, even when Frodo is summoned to a secret council meeting."
Aria spottoed Merry and Pippin

Boromir: …

Legolas: Spottoed?

Vel: Eh… it’s a type of foot fungal disease, very contagious? (Grins hopefully)

look at each other and run out, Pippin shouting, "Wait! We're coming too!"
"Ten companions," Elrond spoke,

(Vel whips out her ‘Naturally Nine’ flag and sets it up beside her)

"Alright, you will be know and the Fellowship of the Ring."

Vel: (Stops slide machine.) And so ends chapter one. Thoughts?

Boromir: This is going to be slightly more difficult than the last MST.

Legolas: That is because you are the Mary-Sue’s lover… have fun! (Grins teasingly)

Vel: Anything else?

Boromir: Ahh... yeah. We need more Doritos! (Hold out empty packet)

(Vel rolls her eyes) Alright, I’ll get some. (She leaves the room when the doorbell rings. Silence.) … Do you want me to get that?

(More silence)

Vel: Fine. (There is the sound of the front door opening, then a pause) BOROMIR!!!!

Boromir: (Sinking into his chair) I guess that’s the Chinese delivery boy?

Legolas: I would definitely agree.

(Vel come in with a bag of Chinese food and a packet of Doritos)

Vel: Boromir, your Doritos. (Chucks them to him) Legolas, it seems you and I have Chinese to eat! (She grins wickedly as Boromir whimpers)

Legolas: Excellent! Any spring rolls?

Vel: (Searching) Yes… and we have sizzling beef, crispy skin chicken, fried rice and… fortune cookies!

(She hands one to Legolas and Boromir and reads hers)

Vel: ‘Even an Ant has a shadow.’ Hey, that’s really deep!

Legolas: (Reads) ‘Beware Man bearing wooden mallet’… well ain’t that the truth!

Boromir: (Reads) ‘A foolish mistake may cost you your life today, take great care.’ (Scrunches it up and throws it away) Huh, what do they know, I’m already dead. Vel, can I please have some beef…. Pleeeaassseeeeeee???

Vel: (Sighs) Alright, here. (Chucks him a plastic bowl and some chopsticks.) Enjoy.

Boromir: (Muttering) Chopsticks. That’s low Vel, that’s real low. (Starts to ‘eat’, or at least tries to)