Shattered Cherry Blossoms

My name is Hiroshi. Hiroshi Arioshi. I’m Japanese/English, resulting in blue eyes and black hair. Some sort of genetic thing, but I don’t really care how it happened. What am I here to tell you? The story of my one true love.

The true love I had.

The true love I lost.

I regret it now. I regret it with all my heart. But I was only 18 then, what do you expect? I carry the guilt with me all the time. Ayako, my wife seems to understand. But I know that she will never understand this pain…

Back in High school when I was a Senior, I had it all. I got above average grades; I had girls who crawled on the ground I walked on. I was part of the Basketball team, and I was known as the Ace in school. You would think I had it all.

All except one thing.

Love.

Where did I find it?

It my rival’s arms…

Hiroshi walked into school with a pleasant smile on his face. Humming a tune he had heard on the radio, he smiled a greeting at the other students. Walking into school, he looked around him with interest. Today after school, there would be a game against another school, Kairo. He was ecstatic actually. It had been a long time since the two schools had fought, and Hiroshi was already feeling the sense of excitement pump through his veins.

“Good morning Hiroshi!” came a loud voice. There stood another Senior dressed in dark blue with shortly cut black hair.

Hiroshi himself was 190cm in height, rather slander with extremely spiked up hair… it almost seemed to defy gravity itself! He had a very mellow personality, friendly without seeming too cheerful, and a support to the whole basketball team. He was the ace, he was their captain, and he was their friend.

“Good morning Jun~” he yelled back, approaching his best center player with a grin. “Are you prepared for the game today?”

Jun grinned. “Of course! This time, we will surely beat Kairo.”

Hiroshi chuckled. “But you’ve got to remember, they’ve got good players on their side as well. There’s Munich, their center, Heru, their point guard…”

“And Mitsui, their small forwards.” They both said at the same time.

Mitsui was the only man who could actually match Hiroshi in speed, stamina, and skill. They had been ‘friends’ since grade school, where they had met at their first basketball practice. Both had only been 10 then, and had improved greatly.

It would be unwise to call each other friends. They were more then that. They didn’t care for each other, yet they visited each other every day if one was in the hospital, they took care of each other when the other was sick, they fought viciously, they played against each other with all of their might.

They were rivals.

“Okay, we’ll be playing Shoyo as soon as they arrive.” Came the voice of Munich, center player as well as captain of the team. “I want you all to give it all you’ve got. Understood?”

“Munich, you know we’ll win.” Came a soft voice. It was Mitsui speaking. He was a tall student, only a Freshman with floppy black hair and intense brown eyes. He rarely spoke, yet when he did people listened. He was Kairo’s ace, the best player. He had been nominated for Most Valuable Player in the District.

“Mitsui, try to keep in that arrogance.” Came a cheerful voice.

Everyone turned to see Shoyo’s players enter the gymnasium. They were an impressive group dressed in blue and white, the school’s colors. Hiroshi grinned, and watched as Mitsui’s intense eyes followed him around the room.

“Well then…” Hiroshi started, looked around.

“I challenge you.”

The gymnasium had been quiet before, yet when those three words were announced, the whole world seemed to die down. Each player could feel their heart beat against their chest, could feel the sweat prickle down their back.

“Excuse me?” Hiroshi asked, turning towards Mitsui. His eyes widened when he saw the look on Mitsui’s face. 

“I. Challenge. You. Hiroshi.” He said, his voice softer then ever, yet everybody in the room heard the four words.

“Mitsui—“ he started, unsure. This wasn’t the man he remembered. Something about him was… different.

“What? Chicken?” he taunted. Hiroshi saw a sudden look of desperation flit across his face, and he smiled.

A thin

Determined

Smile.

“Your on.” He said softly.

At the end of the game, the score was 16-14 Hiroshi had won once more. Yet it had not been an easy match, and Hiroshi knew that Mitsui was improving. They sat against the wall, watching the others play. It had been a tiring match, and both knew that if they were to play again, they wouldn’t be able to give their best.

“Hiroshi, Mitsui, why don’t you go change? Its 8, and I don’t want your parents to think that you’ve been kidnapped.” Came a voice. Both turned to see Kairo’s manager standing there, watching them.

Hiroshi smiled. “Thank you.” He got up, and walked slightly unsteadily towards the changing room. He turned with a grin. “Coming?” he asked.

He turned his back onto Mitsui, and walked into the changing room. Pulling off his shirt, he turned on the tap and let out a sigh of gratitude. Water. A few seconds later, he heard the shower next to his get turn on to full blast, and smiled.

“Mitsui, do you have any soap? I forgot mine.” He said cheerfully. It was a old line he used every time Mitsui sulked. He stood there, waiting for the age old answer.

“Idiot.”

Hiroshi grinned a smug little smile. “Come on Mitsui, a kingdom for some soap, a kingdom for some soap~” he whined in a little voice.

Mitsui seemed to sigh, and a small white bar was passed over the stalls. Hiroshi reached for it with a grin. The next few moments when by quietly, and by the time Hiroshi was out of the shower, Mitsui was already changed and waiting for him.

He changed quickly, brushed his hair back up with gel, and grinned.

“Come, why don’t we walk home together?” he asked. “We live close to each other, besides, you know that I don’t like walking alone.”

Mitsui just stared at Kaede in silence, and walked out the door. Kaede frowned, and followed. By the time he had reached the Mistui’s side, they were at the school gate. Kaede looked up at Mitsui, and sighed.

“Mitsui…” he started hesitantly, causing the other player to stiffen slightly. “Is.. is something wrong?” he asked quietly. “Its just that, you don’t seem the same.”

At that, Mitsui let out a harsh bark of laughter, causing Hiroshi to look up with surprise. Mitsui looked down at Hiroshi for a moment, and then looked away. Suddenly, he stopped, causing Hiroshi to screech to a halt.

“Would you believe me if I told you?”

This caused Hiroshi to stiffen. There was something about the way Mitsui said it… as if he was exhausted. As if… he had been suffering.

“I’m your friend.”

This caused Mitsui to laugh; yet it came out more as a sob. “That’s the problem idiot.” He said softly, using his old nickname for Hiroshi. “You’re my friend…”

Hiroshi approached Mitsui, unsure of himself. What was happening? What was wrong with him? As he placed a hand on Mitsui's shoulder, he flinched away. “Mitsui, please, tell me.” He said softly. “I can’t… I don’t want to see you like this.”

Mitsui stared at Hiroshi for a moment, stared into his cornflower blue eyes and muttered three words. “I love you.”

***

Hiroshi arrived back into school with a slight smile. He was still shocked by yesterday’s words, yesterday’s exchange with Mitsui. He didn’t know what to say, what to think!

“Hiroshi!”

Hiroshi turned to see Jun walk towards him with a smile. “Morning Jun. What happened yesterday?” he asked softly, and tried to paste a smile on his face.

“I tried calling you, but no one would pick up the phone. We had a tie, so they’ve asked for a rematch today.”

Hiroshi froze in his tracks. “Today?” he squeaked out. “Today.” He said once more, his voice more firm. “Do I have to go?”

Jun frowned. “Are you alright? Of course! Your out captain aren’t you?” He leaned forwards. “Say, you don’t look so well? Did you get any sleep last night?”

Hiroshi almost laughed at that comment. Of course not, he had been up all night thinking about what Mitsui had said to him. “A little bit. You know what its like with the exams coming up.”

Jun nodded. “Ah, yes, I do know.” He winked. “Don’t worry, with your grades, and the way the teachers seem to fawn over you, you won’t have any problem at all.”

Hiroshi smiled back. “So, everyone is going to the match tonight?”

Jun nodded. “Well, everyone who was there yesterday, but yeah.”

Hiroshi nodded, yet he had a faraway look in his eyes. Mitsui… they would meet again.

Hiroshi entered the Gym and looked around. He spotted a familiar figure dribbling a ball across the court, and made his way towards him. “Mitsui!” he called out.

Mitsui paused, and turned towards Hiroshi. Hiroshi noticed with some satisfaction that he wasn’t the only one with rings under his eyes. Hiroshi approached him with a grim, yet hesitant look in his eyes. They stared at each other in silence.

“Yes?” Mitsui was the first to talk. His eyes seemed to be trying to send Hiroshi a message by themselves. Yet Hiroshi just stood there in silence, and Mitsui sighed. “About…” he paused, and seemed to shudder. “About what I said yesterday… I’m sorry if I scared you… I just had to tell you…” he said softly, his voice becoming quieter, yet filling with so much more emotion. He stared up at Hiroshi. “I just had to know…”

Hiroshi stared at Mitsui for a moment. “Why don’t we go talk outside?” he said softly.

Mitsui nodded, realizing that they were starting to draw a crowd. They walked up a few flight of stairs towards the roof, and locked the door behind them. Sitting against the door, Hiroshi looked down at his hands.

“Since when?”

Mitsui looked down at his hands. “Two years ago… but I was never sure. I never really noticed girls, yet I never thought that I would fall for a guy… remember, at the bus stop?”

**Flashback**

Hiroshi grinned at Mitsui as they stood in the bus stop. “Well, the rain seemed to have lessened.” He said. “Listen, why don’t I run back into school and grab an umbrella? Wait here!”

Mitsui waited for a moment, and watched as Hiroshi appeared 10 minutes later, soaking from head to toe with a black umbrella. He seemed so pleased with himself, and Mitsui couldn’t help but smile back. Hiroshi paused for a moment, then a delighted smile appeared on his face.

“Mitsui! You smiled!” he sounded pleased with himself. “I made Ice boy here smile! You should smile more often.”

**End of Flashback**

Hiroshi paused. “But….”

Mitsui placed his head into his hands. “Don’t you think I’ve tried stopping? Yet each time I saw you, I fell in love with you. I know it’s not normal, but I can’t help it Hiroshi. I’ve been falling for you since that day, and… I just couldn’t keep it to myself anymore!” he looked up at Hiroshi with pleading eyes. “Please… please tell me you return the feeling.”

Hiroshi sat there for a moment. He… loved me? I’ve only thought of him as a friend until now. A friend who I could laugh with, who I could make jokes with. He… loves me? Hiroshi sat there for a moment, not knowing what he was to do. All he wanted was to run away, to hide until all this was over… yet he wasn’t a coward. He… Mitsui, the silent ice boy who never said a thing, who always competed against him… was in love with him?

Yet… yet underneath all this confusion, all this… he couldn’t help but feel a sense of completion. He had always known Mitsui would end up being his friend, a close friend yet still a rival. This was different… this was a feeling of completion and… and…

Happiness.

“…Hiroshi?”

Hiroshi looked up at Mitsui, and saw his friend’s brown eyes plead with him. “All… all…” he said softly, and turned so that they were face to face. “All I want is that this moment would never end…” he started. “I guess that I did care for you as well but… now I know…”

Now I know what complete happiness is…

For the next few months, life was heaven and heaven was life. We spent each waking moment with each other, we went to the park, to the theme parks, to the swimming pool, and we took goofy pictures and dressed up for clubs. I don’t think anyone else really knew what was going on between us. Sure, people teased us all the time, but no one really took us seriously… I thought life was great. I went off for college, and was to return during spring to spend it with Mitsui.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think…

…that my happiness wasn’t supposed to last.

Mitsui once asked me if I believed in fate and destiny. I said yes and no. I believed fate had pulled us together, but that we made our own destiny.

Destiny…

Was this what God had in plan for me since the start?

Mitsui watched expectantly as peopled started to pour out of the airport. He smiled, and fingered the present he held in his hands once more. Kneed was returning from his first year of college today, and he couldn’t wait until he showed him what he had done while he was away. Grinning, he looked for a familiar spiky hairdo and spotted it.

“Hiroshi!” he yelled, and waved.

Hiroshi waved back, yet there was something about him that seemed uneasy. He was dressed in simple jeans and a T-shirt with a jacket and a scarf. Collecting his bags, Kneed made his way towards him yet seemed to be looking for someone else.

“Did you miss me?” he asked, smiling.

Hiroshi nodded, slightly distracted, causing Mitsui to frown.

“Hiroshi?” he asked hesitantly.

Hiroshi turned to Mitsui, and had a pained smile on his face. “Mitsui… there is something I have to tell you…” he said softly.

Mitsui stilled at the softness in Hiroshi's voice. “What is it?”

“Honey, who is this?” came a soft voice.

Mitsui turned to see a small, dark haired woman dressed in deep blue approach them from behind. She was a small little thing with big brown eyes behind silver rimmed glasses. She smiled, and took her glove off. Mitsui looked up at Hiroshi suddenly, and felt his chest compress.

“Honey?” he asked, feeling dizzy.

Hiroshi paled, and seemed to swallow. “Mitsui… this is Ayako… my wife.”

***

Mitsui sat there, leaning against the wall. Tears were flowing down his face, and he couldn’t stop them. Hiroshi was married? Every time he ran that sentence through his head, he felt himself grow harder.

“Mitsui.”

Mitsui tensed when he heard that achingly familiar voice. He remembered they way the voice had caressed him name, the way it had made him laugh as if the world was theirs to conquer. Yet now… now it wasn’t like that.

“Mitsui…” the voice seemed pained and full of desperation. Mitsui looked up and saw Hiroshi standing there, watching him. “Please… after all that we’ve been through…”

“Was I just a joke to you?”  He asked sharply. “Just a joke? Just someone whom you led around because you pitied him?”

“No!” Hiroshi yelled, surprising both of them. He sat down next to Mitsui, and placed his hand on his shoulder. “Never think that. I loved you then Mitsui…” he hesitated. “I love you now as well.”

Mitsui stilled. “Then why her Hiroshi?” he said, his voice full of hurt, of anger, of the pain he felt because of the betrayal. “What happened in the four months you were away? What caused you to forgot me, and married this girl?”

Hiroshi stayed silent for a moment. “My family.” He said, his voice cracked. “My family happened to me Mitsui… they found out about you. They found out I was… was…”

“Gay?” Mitsui spat out the word. “I thought you didn’t care about what others thought.”

Hiroshi laughed, yet it was a laugh drained of mirth. “I am their only son Mitsui, they cannot have any more kids. I am the last in line of their blood. I have to marry, have to produce offspring. Mitsui, I tried… I tried so hard to make them see. I told them I loved you…” he sighed. “Yet they had already chosen out three girls for me.” He said quietly. “It was either I married one of them, or I never saw you again. They could do that Mitsui, they were powerful enough…”

Mitsui stared at Hiroshi for a moment. “But we could have still called each other…” he started.

Hiroshi shook his head, his eyes full of fear. “Don’t you know what I mean? Mitsui, they wanted to kill you to make me marry a woman. They never cared about the love we have for one another. They only want me to be normal… they would have killed you Mitsui…” he paused. “Ask me… ask me why I chose Ayako.”

Mitsui almost sobbed. “That’s the last thing I want to know.”

Hiroshi pretended to ignore him. “Why did I choose her? She reminded me of you. When we first met, she was quiet, she didn’t speak a word to me you know. She was as silent as you were, then she has those brown eyes… when I stare into those eyes, its not her I’m seeing, its you.” He turned his eyes towards Mitsui. “Its you I see when I look into those eyes, so even if we can’t be together, I’ll still be thinking of you Mitsui. No one can replace you.

You don’t know what it was like. Ayako seemed to understand. She knows about you, about the why I feel for you, yet she’s still willing to accept me the way I am. She knows this, and I know this. My body may be hers Mitsui…

But my heart and soul are yours.”

***

Hiroshi sighed as he entered his house. After speaking to Mitsui, he had walked, and had thought quietly for a while. “Ayako, I’m home.” He called out. When he entered the house, he saw Ayako watching him with terrified eyes. “Ayako? What is it?”

She pointed at the television screen. Hiroshi turned to see the news channel on, and frowned.

“What does this have to do wit—“ he started.

Then he saw two large, intense brown eyes through the TV screen. He paused, and tried to increase the volume.

“…. Mitsui Hashimi Yota died today, 3 am in the morning in Rugiya Park. It is said that he committed suicide by taking an overdose in drugs….”

Hiroshi heard nothing else, and let out a scream, a scream full of agony, pain, betrayal, and confusion. He moaned, and felt tears run down his face. “Its not true… I just talked to him a moment ago. I felt his hand, I saw him smile at me for the very first time this year. I heard his voice…

He said he understood me…” Hiroshi sat there and started to sob. “IDIOT! You told me that we’d grow old together! That we’ll live a long life and compare grandchildren! You promised… you promised me a rematch with the old team…” he sobbed, and hit the ground with his hand. “You said that you’ll always be by my side….

Idiot….

Idiot…

Idiot…”

“Hiroshi…” Ayako said hesitantly.

“What?” he asked, his voice so incredibly soft.

“He... he called while you were away… “

Hiroshi got up. “It’s a joke, isn’t it? It’s a late April fools joke isn’t it?” he said, his eyes filled with tears, and they seemed to plead with Ayako. “Please… please tell me it’s a joke… he can’t be dead… right?”

Ayako watched her husband for a moment, watched the pain in his eyes, and remembered that he was only a college student dealing with the grief of someone he loved with all of his heart. She shook her head. “I’m sorry… but he called, he called to say that he needs you to come down to the park… where you two first…

Kissed.”

She didn’t need to say that, as he was already out the door towards the park.

***

He walked into the park, and headed towards the third three to the left. Then he turned right, and then left into a small path with cherry blossom trees on each side. He headed to the third one on his left and crouched on he ground. There was a small lump in his throat, and he couldn’t help but start crying once more…

**Flashback**

“Hiroshi? You promise that we’ll always be together, no matter what happens?” Mitsui asked drowsily. He was lying down on Hiroshi’s lap, and Hiroshi was running his fingers through his hair.

“Of course! Why wouldn’t we be together?”

“Suppose something happens… Hiroshi, do you believe in fate, destiny, and love?”

“I believe in love, because that’s what we’re feeling right here… in our hearts. I believe in fate, because that’s what brought us together in the first place… but destiny? I believe that we make our own destiny. You know what?”

“What?”

“I believe that we’re meant to be together, even if we weren’t suppose to be together, we are, so no one can part us…”

**End of Flashback**

On the ground he saw a shovel, and a gray stone. Picking up the shovel, he quickly dug the area the gray stone was in, and pulled out an envelope as well as a neatly wrapped gift. Sitting down, he opened the letter.

Dear Hiroshi

I guess destiny does exist… and that someone does want to keep us apart… remember the first time we came here? We had a cherry blossom fight, didn’t we? We were so happy then… I guess your wondering, why I’m doing this?

Because you idiot, I love you.

I don’t want to be in your way.

I remember all of the time we spent together… I remember and cherish every single moment. Even the times we fought, even the times when it seemed as if nothing would go our way. I will miss you Hiroshi, I can’t promise I’ll watch over you, because I don’t know what its like.

But I want you to promise me Kaede that you will stay with your wife for as long as possible. I’m sure that she loves you, and I know how I’d feel if my loved one died…

So I guess I’m sorry for leaving you. But you see, this is the only way. What else could we have done together? Live your life with Ayako, and be happy. Try your best to forget about me. When it’s your turn though, I’ll be waiting for you, and maybe life can be happy again.

I admit I took the cowards way out, but Hiroshi, remember this…

There is such thing as Destiny…

I’ll try my best, so that the next time we meet, we’ll be together, always.

So Hiroshi, don’t follow me, live. Live with your wife, have darling little children with brown eyes, or blue eyes… I guess I do have a few regrets...

I’m sorry I never told you that your eyes reminded me of the bluest oceans, that when you smiled, you made me feel as if I was the greatest person in the world. I’m sorry we won’t be able to play basketball, I’m sorry I never told you how great you were. I’m sorry I never had the guts to tell you that when we were apart, I missed you like crazy…

Do you want to know what the box holds?

Don’t open it.

Why? I want you to keep it with you like this Hiroshi until your first child reaches his 10^th birthday. Then open it. Please.

Hiroshi, you will understand when the time comes… but until then,

Sayonara

Mitsui

Hiroshi shuddered, and wiped the last tears of his face. “Mitsui… I promise.” He whispered. Sealing the envelope, he closed his eyes for a moment. Opening them, they were filled with fierce determination.

I never ended up keeping the first half of the promise. I never forgot him. He was always on my mind. I could never look at a cherry blossom without remember the great times we had… I can’t play basket anymore, its too painful, since that was the way Mitsui and I had met in the first place.

I don’t know if that caused a sudden change in me. My parents and I never spoke again, I lost contact with all of my friends, and the only companion I have is my wife and our darling son. Tragedy… you’d think those stories were made up? Well, I’m living proof that they do exist. Every time I close my eyes, I see him. Grief… what is grief? I have been grieving all my life. Life isn’t worth living anymore…

Tomorrow is my sons’ 10^th birthday…

“Ayako, I have to… go someplace for a while…” Hiroshi said softly. “I have to open up the box.”

Ayako’s eyes were filled with understanding. “Hiroshi, before you go…” she said, and hesitated.

“Yes?”

“I want you to know, what ever you do, remember that I love you, and I support you all the way. Don’t worry, we’ll be fine.” She said. Hiroshi shuddered. There was something about that way Ayako said it that made him think… he shook his head, refusing to dwell on it.

He made his way back into the park, clutching the small package at his side. Sitting under the cherry blossom tree, he smiled. Mitsui had been cremated, and his ashes scattered over the park. He sat down at the tree.

“Mitsui, its my son’s 10^th birthday now. I did try to forget you, but its hard Mitsui… its hard trying to forget the one person you love… we named our son Mitsui, after you. He loves basketball as well…  Mitsui, I can’t forget you.”

With that, he sat down and leaned against the tree. Opening up the box, he looked in and opened the small photo album. Flipping through the pages, he looked at each photo of him and Mitsui together ever since grade 5. He touched each photo tenderly until he reached the last page, where he found an envelope.

Dear Hiroshi,

Wish happy birthday to your son/daughter for me. I hope that by the time you’re reading this, you’re more okay with my death. Honestly? I think that I’ll be here looking after you because face it; you can’t take care of yourself.

I wonder what you look like now. Do you still have your odd hairstyle? Or have you grown your hair? Do your eyes still resemble the ocean? Or have they darkened in color? So many questions, but so few answers…

Hiroshi, I want you to remember that life always has to end. That was my time, yet life isn’t only about living and dying. It’s about experiencing new things. So please Hiroshi, live. Live for me, for your children, and tell our story to the world.

Remember, when its your turn, I’ll be waiting for you. So wait for me until then… okay?

Mitsui

Hiroshi looked down at the familiar handwriting, and got up. He sighed. “I promise Mitsui… I promise…”

Hiroshi sat there for a moment, crying when he heard a voice behind him.

“Idiot.”

Hiroshi paused, and turned to see Mitsui watching him with amused eyes. “Mitsui… but… how…?”

Mitsui chuckled. “Do you really want to know?” he asked. He smiled, causing Hiroshi’s eyes to widen with amazement once again. “When I died, I did look after you Hiroshi… but while I was looking after you, I discovered new worlds. Words Hiroshi, where such things are dragons exist…” he smiled. “And you know what happened? They saw me. I became human then and there again. Do you know why? Because I loved you Hiroshi, and they felt my love, so I became human. The love I felt for you made me human…” he held out his hands for Hiroshi to walk into, and Hiroshi started to cry again. “Hiroshi, they want me to stay in that world… I can’t keep this body in this world any longer… please… will you come with me?”

Hiroshi watched Mitsui for a moment, and he remembered Ayako’s words… she would always be behind him…  he looked up at Mitsui. “Ask me again.”

Mitsui frowned.

“Ask me whether I believe in Destiny.”

Mitsui smiled. “Do you?”

Hiroshi smiled back. “I do, I really do… and now, its my turn.”