23 septembre 2005

Neil Davidson

(CP) - Chris Sheppard's world changed in July 2004 when he was hit by a truck in his native Kamloops, B.C. The professional mountain biker's body never recovered.

Unable to perform at the level he was used to and tired of constant pain, he decided to cheat and injected himself with EPO, a banned substance that improves endurance. It was his decision alone, he said.

"It's just me and the devil that's on my shoulder," he said in a phone interview with The Canadian Press on Thursday from Oregon. "No one ever told me how to do it or this and that. I chose my own road and there it is.

"I've disappointed so many."

The decision to dope wasn't easy. Sheppard, 32, says he had been clean in 17 years of competition.

"At some point of time, those devils come up," Sheppard said in his first public comments on the case. "Had you not been hit by the car, you could have been on top of your game again this year . . . You fight those battles. You're like 'No, no, no, you don't have to do that (cheat).'

"And then my will just sort of broke. I was feeling depression. I was driving my girlfriend away, just fighting this battle every day on the bike. Unfortunately I chose the wrong way.

"You know what, it's a total cop-out. But for me at the time, it just seemed like the logical choice."

When he gave in, it was all too easy. EPO was available on the Internet. So was how to use it.

There was no shortage of stories about high-level riders who had used EPO. Spanish cyclist Jesus Manzano provided explicit details of his doping in lengthy interviews in Europe - what was out there and how to take it.

"I wish I didn't read that article," Sheppard said.

"I'm so thankful I did get caught. What if I had screwed up ?"

He injected it for the first time on May 28 of this year. The next morning there was a knock at his door in Kamloops. It was an out-of-competition drug test.

He says he feels relief now. "It was like it was meant to be."

Earlier this month, the Canadian Cycling Association released details of Sheppard's positive test for EPO, a substance that builds endurance by boosting the amount of oxygen-rich red blood cells.

An arbitrator agreed with the findings and Sheppard was banned for two years and was stripped of government sports funding for life.

He became the first Canadian to test positive for EPO.

On Thursday, Sheppard and his lawyer put out a release acknowledging he had cheated. He asks for no sympathy but says he just wanted to get back on the right path.

"I guess living with myself was part of the reason," he said of his decision to admit guilt and speak out. "I've spent 17 years working so hard at what I do, knowing that you can choose two different paths in sport - one can be a clean way and one can be the not clean way."

He says the 2004 accident is no excuse for his behaviour. All athletes experience injuries, pain, hardships.

But it seems clear the crash was the catalyst that sent him astray. At the time, the Canadian team veteran was "basically between the No. 1 and No. 2 rider" in North America.

"Just on top of the world in my sport."

That changed in an instant.

He was training when a truck ran a stop sign. He tried to get out of its path, but couldn't.

"After the fact, you can slowly see what happened in your mind," he said. "Perhaps one of the lasting visions just before my head hit the ground - and this usually comes up when I sleep - there's (a vision of ) a Monroe shock."

The jacked-up 4x4 truck was turning left. Sheppard saw the shock absorber close up as he was driven into the wheelwell.

His helmet was cracked in 22 places. His back "all mashed".

Sheppard says he suffered post-concussion syndrome for eight to 10 months and still has problems with short-term memory and lack of focus that played havoc with his workouts.

"I wake up every morning and I can remember that truck hitting me. My back . . . flares up every single day. Every day my heart goes over 145. My breathing makes my whole back hurt."

EPO is the same substance that American star Lance Armstrong has been accused of using at the 1999 Tour de France. Armstrong has denied the allegation.

A form of EPO does naturally occur in the human body - in the form of a hormone produced by the kidneys - but the doping test differentiates between natural and other forms of the drug.

EPO is associated with endurance sports and the drug has been seen in cross-country skiing.

There was a hearing on the doping case and Sheppard's lawyer contested the validity of EPO testing. While Sheppard is now admitting he cheated, lawyer Bob Cameron said he felt Sheppard "was well within his rights" to require the Canadian Centre for Ethics in Sport to prove the doping allegation.

They did. The arbitrator rubber-stamped the drug test and Sheppard was banned. He opted not to appeal.

"I'm going to be OK. . . . I'm a person who doesn't deal with loss well," he said. "But my friends and family, although disappointed, have offered me a lot of support.

"I feel extremely bad (about) my fellow competitors, to family and friends. But I appreciate the ones that do understand. I don't fault those who don't understand."

His employer, the Haro Bike team, didn't understand. They released him from his pro contract.

For now, Sheppard is trying to get healthy. And he hopes to turn his passion for cycling into something else.

While he says top riders can compete late into their 30s, he also seems to think his time has come and gone.

"My racing career is definitely over. I'm just reflecting right now, and trying to figure what path I'm going to take."

It appears he has started to find his way again.

Asked what advice he offers after his experience, he says: "No matter what the circumstances are. Don't give into temptation.

"Work hard. Believe in yourself."

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