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Twilight Zone
I was laying in bed the other day trying to take a nap and out of no where the number NORMANDY 30134 pops into my head … whoooaaa, that was my parents phone number when I was like 5!!!! LOL. For those of you that don’t know, or don’t remember, when I was young (ok reallll young) you didn’t need to dial 8 numbers to call your neighbor. You only had to dial 5, then came a time when you had to add a pre-fix, in my case it was NORMANDY, which in time became NO, and then became 66. Anyyyway, along with this flash from the past I start seeing faces of my childhood friends and remembering some of the things we did, I swear it was like some bizarre Twilight Zone episode … dooo dooo dooo dooo dooo dooo.

Ok, I admit, I’m really, really bad about keeping in touch with people, especially my childhood friends whom I still adore and care about, probably more today than I did when we were together a hundred years ago. I don’t see my ‘buds’ much, about once every 10 yrs or so, but I think about them from time to time, wondering what they are doing, how they are doing, and, do they ever have their own Twilight Zone episodes?

For example, does Margie remember ... That she was one of the very first people I met when my parents moved us into our new house on 830 Hewett Drive, I was 5 or 6 at the time. Does she remember the nights we made tents out of the picnic table and camped out, then ran about the neighborhood ringing doorbells? Errrrr, nevermind, we NEVER EVER did that, I swear!!! Or the nights we spent in her bedroom in the basement? Bet she doesn’t remember cleaning her fingernails every night like she was possessed. I told her once that she should just bite them like me, was soooo much easier than cleaning them all the time ….. lololololol I swear it’s a wonder that girl still likes me after 50 years!!!

Then there was Patty. She was probably the second person I met. She and her family were really the Walton’s BEFORE anyone knew about the dang mountain! She had like 50 brothers and sisters and her bedroom was in the attic! That girl, even to this day, is a dang amazon, she’s like 20 feet tall and still as thin as a reed. Wonder if she remembers the time that dim witted dolt, whatever his name was, chased me down, wrestled me to the ground, then sat on me to give me 100 kisses while Patty helpfully counted all one hundred of them for him.  Terrific, this dolt was putting boy slobber all over me and all she could do was giggle and count!!!   Thank God she could count to 100 or I probably would still be there at that fiends mercy!!!. I think I should be mad about that, but she tried to teach me to dance once (not that she succeeded), so I think I’ve forgiven her for her treachery that day … well ok, maybe not … lol

Then another one of my dearest friends was Chris. This girl was blonde BEFORE blondes knew what it meant to be a blonde. When we were older, we shared a house for awhile. I have never been able to figure out why I did that, since I spent considerable time as a child cleaning her room for her so she could find her bed. I swear I must have had brain damage when I agreed to live with her. She loved to eat artichokes, I have no clue why. She would lie on the living room floor, reading a book, slurping n’ sucking on this thing that looked like a green stump from a botanical experiment that went very, very wrong, then smack her lips. She made enuf racket eating it to wake the dead. While she was slurping away I would always try to ignore the fact that this thing, that  she obviously enjoyed, should have been in the trash instead of on a plate.  Every dang time she would eat one, I would take it as long as I could, then finally screammmmm ... ‘COULD YOU STOP MAKING THAT DAMN NOISE!!!!!!’ LOL every time I said that, she would look at me with her big eyes and say … ‘What noise?’ Blonde Moment, she had a lot of those, Oh boy did she ever!

Then of course there was Mary-Alice, who’s family took the old fashioned idea of "make your own money" to a new high. They raised the bar even before we knew a bar existed!!! Instead of selling lemonade like the rest of us, Mary-Alice and her family had a GIANT freezer in their basement, so they made popsicle’s out of juice cans, how inventive!!!! For a measly 2 cents you could get the small one, or for a whopping 5 cents you could get the large one.  I always wondered where they got the dang sticks from, she'd never tell us ... confess Mary-Alice, its time to tell us all!!!  When I think of Mary-Alice, I see her at the side door asking, ‘large or small’??? I’m sure they are all millionaires by now, they should be, I ate enuf of the damn things and so did everyone else in the neighborhood!!!

So many other faces flash before me that have touched my life, MaryBeth (who is still so sweet, she actually writes to me to give me the ‘girl’ news, and, cad that I am, I rarely write back), Sandy, Kathy, Gail, Nancy, and too many others to name. In my Twilight Zone episodes I always see them as they were, all of us with our brownie/girl scout uniform on, selling cookies, going camping, making stuff that only our parents would appreciate or love ... lol, fond memories, and I’d like to take this opportunity to say ……. THANK YOU, I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!

Did I mention boys? Heck ya, I had male friends (I do NOT consider the dolt that slobbered his boy germs all over my face as a friend, fiend that he was) … I’ll save the boy’s for another day … Happy wondering, until next time ...09/10/04

Red Haired Wondering
Last weekend my brother came to visit again, I guess he's decided that his two little sisters need some watching.   Sorta makes me (ready ... here it is, the word you'll come to hate ... lol) WONNNDERRRR just what that ol fart has up his preverbal sleeve now.  Not that I mind him coming to visit, we always have the best of fun, I get taken out for a great dinner, compliments of him, get to tease him un-mercifully (that in itself is a MAJOR perk), our dad comes over for the big event, and my sister glows with mischief like she was 16 again.  All in all, a pretty good deal I'd say :-)

My sister and brother are like two peas in a pod, they think alike, act alike, and ... omggggg they BOTH have red hair!!!   Seems to me that this red-headed family thingy is highly overrated.  Most of my  family, except me of course, have some color of red hair.  Including my very own son and daughter (the traitors)!!!  When we were younger those two Howdy Doody look alikes would tell me I must have been adopted because I was a brunette.   Humffffff, big deal, all that red hair, who the heck would want it anyway (do all non-redheaded people say that?)??  Along with all that red stuff bobbin away in the wind like Woody Woodpecker you usually get such fair skin that it burns to a crisp when exposed to the sun for any length of time (ouchie) and MEGA amounts of  brown spots called freckles (ughhhh).  No matter where those two were, you could always see them ... cause that red hair of theirs shined like a beacon for miles, just waiting fer an ol peep to come up to them, pinch their cheek and say 'oh what lovely hair you have'.  Or you heard the neighbors telling your parents ... 'I know that was one of your kids George, NO ONE ELSE has hair that color' (one point for the brunette ... yesssss, saved again .... hahahahaha)

When my son was 5 he went off to school, the very first day he returned home in tears ... awwww you ask why???  Well it seems as though he was teased something fierce about his red hair.  He decided then and there, we was going to change his hair color to ... green!!!  (heeee heeee heeee, another point fer the non-redheads among us).  Oh ok, so now that he's older the women seem to go ga-ga over him, the old peeps chase him about trying to pinch his cheek and everyone that meets him says something about his lovely red locks. 

Now it seems as though my lovely blond haired daughter is even getting into this red-headed family thingy here.   When I visited over the holidays, you won't believe this, HER hair has started to turn strawberry blonde!!! Is there no end to this red-headed conspiracy???  Who will be next???  Spunky, Jazzie or Dustin?  I can't wait to find out as I head for the hair dye counter for a bottle of red to join in the family fun.  ;-)

Until next time ... happy wondering :-)  03/04/00

You Want What ?
When I was young (ok no cracks here please, I WAS young once) ... oh about 17 or so, I had the privilege of again following in my older brothers footsteps.  My brother had joined the Navy which meant ... his position at the Pharmacy where he worked was now available (oh boy, a money making opportunity!!!)  Because I knew how well Fred was liked by the owner, I went in and was able to convince him that even though I wasn't my brother, I could be just as valuable an employee as he was.  Lo and behold with that simple statement, he gave me a job.   

I had been there for a couple of weeks, just having a good ol time, selling ciggy's, candy, newspapers, and working behind the cosmetics counter.  But ... there was one counter I was banned from ... the medicine counter ... grrrrrrrrr.   Having been told many years by my parents that I could do anything I really wanted to do, I approached the pharmacist and told him that I should be allowed to handle the medicine counter also.  After all ... I COULD do it and how hard could it be anyway?  Aspirin, cold tablets, cough medicine, etc., you ask ... I get it off the shelf and a sale is made ... what's the big deal?   Sounded easy enuf to me.

I was working one Sunday afternoon when a man came into the Pharmacy, he roamed all over the store for about 10 mins then finally headed back to the "counter" .. you know ... THE counter, the medicine counter!!!  I thought to myself ... YESSSS ... finally ... and made a bee line to be of perky assistance to my very FIRST customer at my new station. I slided into position, put on one of my very best smiles and asked him if I could help him.  He was very quiet, he looked at me and politely asked ... "Is the pharmacist here, I'd like to talk to him?"  I, being sooo proud to be at THE counter, said to him ... "Sir, I CAN assist you, just tell me what it is that you need, I will be happy to get it for you, no need to bother the pharmacist." and gave him another big smile.  The man looked down, let out a small sigh, then leaned over and said softly .... "I'd like some prophylactics please".  Uhhhh??? I beg your pardon?" I said.   He repeated his request ... wellllll, errrrrr, ummmmm  ... I thought to myself WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?  OMG I'm in trouble now, my very first time at THE counter and I have noooo clue what this man is asking for!!!!  Ok, I CAN do this I thought to myself ... "ummmm sir, does what you want go by any other name?"  The man sighed again and said "Maybe you should let me talk to the pharmacist" ... I told him again ... "Sir, I CAN help you".  "ok" he said, "they are also called rubbers".  "Rubbers???  Rubbers for your shoes?"  I asked,  "Ohhh they are up at the front of the store with the umbrellas" I told him ... "why didn't you say so in the first place".   Smiling now cause I knew what he wanted ... geesh, what a fancy name for a pair of rubbers ... profa whatever and what's with all the whispering??? 

By now man was turning abit red and I still hadn't made a sale yet.  He again asked to talk to the pharmacist ... I then waved my hand behind me at all the different products on the shelf and told him ... "Sir, just tell me what it is you want and I can get it from the shelf for you, but the rubbers you want are up at the front of the store".  I thought to myself, is this man stupid or what???  I just told him what he wanted to know and he is STILL asking for the pharmacist.   About that time, the pharmacist overheard my discussion with the rather red faced man and came over and told me to go to the other counter and he would help the man.  I tried to tell him that I WAS capable of doing this as he was physically shooing me away to another part of the store.

Welllll, after the man left the pharmacist came looking for me.  He said, "why didn't you come get me to wait on him?"  I tried to explain to him about those profa thingys, then he said they were rubbers, but he didn't even go LOOK at the rubbers we had up at the front of the store.  So like it wasn't my fault he didn't know what he wanted.  The pharmacist looked up at the ceiling for a minute, then at me.  He then said words I'll NEVER forget ... "You are banned from "THE" counter, You can ONLY work the other two counters, UNDERSTOOD???"  I tried to reason with him, it wasn't MY fault, but he wasn't interested in what I had to say ... I was banned from "THE" counter cause of that guy and his stupid rubbers :-(.

It was years later than I found out just what he was asking for ... ooooohhh that poor man ... if you ever happen to read this, pls accept my most heart-filled apology for what I must have put you through.   I just had nooooo clue that such things existed or what they were used for ... oooo no wonder he was turning red!!!!  tisk tisk.

Until next time .... happy wondering.  04/25/99

Move Yer Clocks Wondering
I just changed my clocks last week and lost an hour and  I tell you it is a major pain!!! Like just who's brilliant idea was this to move our clocks forward anyway?  Back ... forward ... back ... forward, makes me dizzy all this moving ... and for WHAT I ask you???  Its not like the sun pays any attention to it cause it is still rising n' setting on the old schedule and in another 6 months I just gotta change the clocks back again. 

And it's a pain ya know.   I don't really mind changing them forward cause that's relatively easy ... press one little button and zippy do dah it's done.  However, the draw back to this plan, is ... ya gotta change them back!!!  You sit there holding the little button down on the clock watching the numbers roll by ... 1 ... 2 ... 3 and just as it approaches the right number we ALWAYS have to yell at the kids, the cat/dog, or go hooo ra for Jerry ... then ... oppppssss .... dang, missed it!  Sooooo now you go round n' round again ... lookie, Judge Judy's on a roll, ooppssss ... DANG!!!   You keep trying until you finally manage to let your finger up just in time to move the clock back one lousy hour.  After this major operation you have a tendency to sorta fergit about changing the rest of the clocks in the house.  Really, like who will care that the oven, TV, VCR or the dang microwave doesn't have the right time on it for the next 6mos? 

Soooo like what's the big deal anyway?  Ya, ya, I know, its really so the kids don't have to go to school in the dark and all, but hay .... now here's an idea ... let them go to school an hour later instead!!!  Seems to me that that is just as good as turning our clocks, whadda think?  Shall we suggest it to the clock makers of the world?  And while we are at it, we should be able to go to work later also .... ooooohhh boy, I like this idea!!!    Lets start a petition, whadda say?  :-)

Until next time, happy wondering :-) 04/11/99

Country Wondering
I was talking to someone the other day and they were telling me that they lived in the country and how terrific it was and wouldn’t ya know … it got me to wondering. They were going on n’ on about how great it was to be there, ya know … peaceful, fresh air and all that stuff. Welllll I tell ya, this ol city gal lived in the country once and it was quite the experience. We had an acre of land to ourselves out there in the boon docks and there were a total of 6 houses on our 3 mile road. Across the street was 15,000 acres of state land, to the left and behind me was a rather large dairy farm, and to the right of me were 2 horse farms. Ahhhhh the lovely smells of country living …. ya right!!!

Now, I’m not saying that the "country" life isn’t wonderful, but it sure was different than living in the city. For example, one day I was outside doing the "farmer" thang checking on my growing veggies and wondering just how much longer I had before I would have to start canning. Oh such fun canning ya know (NOT) just cause we wanted real good ol country food to eat. Here I was wandering about the yard and I heard this noise, it sorta sounded like far off thunder. I looked up at the sky, looked clear to me … I looked all about and thought … hummmmm what is making that noise? Just then, coming over the top of the hill I spied this rather large cow running for it’s life cause it had just escaped from the dairy farm behind me. The cow saw me and must have decided I was its long lost calf cause it changed direction and headed right for me. Welllll, let me tell you … this city gal KNEW that she didn’t want to be trampled by an irate cow, so I took off running for the house with the cow in hot pursuit. Lucky for me I made it to the porch and in the door just ahead of the cow.  To this day I have no clue who took that cow away cause I was IN the house and down the stairs to the basement like someone had shot me in the behind with an arrow … and that’s where I was staying FOR LIFE!!!

Then of course there was the time I was peacefully sleeping on a Sunday morning and my aunt, who had stayed the nite, came to my room and said "honey, you need to come downstairs, there is a mule in your yard". I figured she was just kidding me, now if she had said there was a cow or a horse I would have believed that, but mule noooo way. Well, I was really tired so I told her I’d be down in a bit. Awhile later she came back and said, "you really need to come downstairs". So, I got up and followed her downstairs to the living room, she pointed at the window and said "look out there". I went to the window, just to prove her wrong ya know, and guess what? Surprise, surprise!!!! Lo and behold there was now a mule in my yard looking IN my window at us like we were bears in the glass cage at the zoo. I looked at my Aunt and asked her how long it had been there, she said "oh … long time now and it won’t let me out of the house either". I looked at her and asked her if she was kidding me, she said no, she wasn’t kidding. Terrif, trapped in the middle of no where by a mule that came from only gawwwd knows where and just WHO do you call for help anyway???  Ohhh sure, just try dialing 911 and explaining it to the cops.  Ummmm yes, ahhhh I have a mule here that is keeping me prisoner in my house, could you come out and take it away???  Does the phrase "wanna go see the nice people at the funny farm lady" mean anything to you???

Not only did the above happen to me while living in the "peace and quite" of the country, but the field next to me caught on fire (almost burning my house to the ground), got robbed (first and only time), snowed in for several days, almost froze to death when the oil furnace decided to quit working, ran down a telephone pole in a snow storm, had a deer try to jump across my car then it slid down the windshield and banged up the car trying to get off, and a variety of other things. Needless to say, I had to move BACK to the city ... for some REAL peace n’ quiet!!!

Until next time, happy wondering :-) 12/03/98

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