The Rants of the Great Unwashed
Unfortunately, it appears that some of you chimps out there have developed enough manual dexterity to type on a keyboard, although I am sure that it's the Staff Nurse that figures out how to send these things to Mr. Verafides. Nevertheless, Mr. Verafides, being the great lover of freedom that he is, has decided that these responses need to be posted in the name of our holy First Ammendment, and in honor of Good Mr. Jefferson.
Thomas Jefferson would approve of our First Amendment Defense.
So here we go. Hold your nose as we plunge into the heathen masses! *Bzzt*
Begin Transmission
Re: Non aver l'Website d'Francais!!
Entre vouz l'Website por l'homme, l'Misterie, et la Menas qui'q'est la Verafides! La c'est avec d'Site quis la Nexusse d'Fort Sumter Intellectuelle, et.. Ne pas! J'parle ne tauteaux pas! Il son que non aver l'homme d'Chien rouge, avec les Lesbiennes d'Tozze foucault por quas c'est non moi! L'REVOLVER, sil vous plait! L'REVOLVER!
- Merle
Unemployed Maitre'd
(1968-2002)
Re: Your Alien Theory is TOTALLY Wrong!
Hey Dumbass. I'm sick and tired of this stupid Alien garbage. Why the $^% would anybody believe this garbage? What are you you people, mentally retarded?? Everybody knows that the World Trade Center wasn't blown up by Aliens, you knuckle-dragging intellectual bottom-feeder! All scientific evidence points in the entirely opposite direction, and you choose to ignore it in favor of your own silly theories! What the hell? You must have the brains of a chihuahua that's been left in the sun too long. Any thinking person would have realized that the WTC was really attacked by a giant Pufferfish with a cloaking device. It was developed by the CIA in the 1950's as a possible counter to Russia's Giant Fiddler Crab technology uncovered by Hungarian spies! If you'd ever bothered to READ the history books instead of just pulling this stuff out of your ASS, I'm sure you'd have seen all the declassified documents and then realized that this Pufferfish (Codenamed "MegaPuff") was really the main culprit. Giant Fiddler Crabs, it's natural enemies, are hard to come by these days, and its CIA keepers grew too lazy, so one day it escaped. Seeking hard things to chew on, it attacked the WTC and framed the Muslims for it. (Everybody knows that Muslims are one of its naturally enemies!) For a moment, when the explosions occurred, it was temporarily blown out of cloak mode, and witnesses spotted it. Here is their reconstruction by a New York Graphic Arts Firm:
I think the evidence pretty much speaks for itself, dumbass!
- J. E. Reedhauer
Mawauki, Hawaii
The Russians are Pimps!
In this day and age, why, Tolerance is just too durn commonplace. Everybody wants to love those damn Ruskies, and make paddy-cakes with their Stalinist butcher brethren in Eastern Europe! Well, I say that if ya wanna go and do that, you might as well go out in the middle of the ocean and look for the Seven-Headed Monster of the Apocalypse. Yer just chasin' rabbit trails, ya pinkos. Go buy a Winchester and be a man. Shoot something for Pete's Sake, and then eat it! That'll keep you out of bed with those pansy Ruskie-loving peaceniks.
Hang on, I'm getting a little heady about this. Better relax. I just get so worked up about those American-haters and their hidden agendas. Oh, Charleton Heston, God Bless you!
My understanding of the Russian Pimpiciousness came to me in a dream, actually. Because of its accuracy, this dream was no doubt produced by the top-secret Micro-chip that the CIA implanted in my brain during that attack of "Appendicitis" I had last year. We all know about that stuff, don't we? The pinkos can trigger that with satellites that beam radiation through the light sockets and into your body while you sleep - that's why I sleep encased in Glad plastic baggies.
In my dream, I was visited by the ghost of Russian Playboy Uri Elbadorovic Smenkalivnovaskarov. He looked exactly like this:
He spoke to me of the Russian situation these days. Just like he did in this picture - isn't he cute? The scarf gives him that debonair look that the Russian ladies must say "Il shevnczy Prokovna!" over every time. I tell ya, what I wouldn't give to be that good-looking. But he's a pinko commie like all his brethren, so I guess I'm better off in the Land of the Free, where women are complicated and unfairly mock Scarves and Fashion-tinted glasses.
Anyway, I digress. Hee-haw gets my blood boiling sometimes and I just get on here and write whatever I remember, and that ain't fair to you people who don't know the specifics of my engagement, nor the subtle nuances of Commie Propaganda. So anyhow, Uri tells me some stuff, which is all true, honest to goodness, because why would I lie about this stuff - I mean, really!
Here is what he said:
*******
Uri: Iiiiii am the ghost of Uri the Russian Playboy. I have come to give you an omen. An omen of evil things to come for you and your country!
Me: Wha.. what do you want with me, oh benevolent Playboy of Russian Antiquity??
Uri: Your country will soon be invaded by the Russia Mafia. They wish to set up an American version of their fiendish russian website www.russian-women.net. This must be stopped at all costs!
Me: but... What can a Freedom-Loving non-pinko like me do about this?
Uri: grlbr....*fades out*
Me: URI! Speak to me! Can you hear me?? URIIII! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
**********
And that was all I have heard from Uri. But it's enough to go on. I mean, if this isn't hard-core evidence of a Russian Mafia conspiracy, what is?
Through my own research, I have managed to cobble together enough general data to profile these miscreants. For a copy of my informational Pamphlet "Russians are Pimps", write me at:
RAP, 10928 Freeblockington Road, London, UK SE3149
Thank you for the opportunity to get the truth out.
- JP Bumblehocker