A MODERN BREAKDOWN

The Engine has come to a standstill
A common occurence I fear
The Second was running in circles
While the Chief was scratching his ear.

The Junior said "what hs happened"
The Fourth said "I don't bloody know"
The 3rd said "it's really quite simple",
The ruddy main engine won't go.

The Junior made a suggestion
"Perhaps we have run out of fuel"
"not bloody likely as we bunkered last Easter
before we left West Hartlepool.

"It isn't our filters" said the Second
"we took them all out just incase"
and locked them all up in a cupboard
as we thought that would be the best place.

The fuel pumps were taken to peices
The Timing Chain checked link by link
The Junior even pumped the Bilges
Just to show that he could think.

Nothing accounted for stopping
The Engineers filled with despair
The Captain was really quite frantic
In fact he was pulling his hair.

The Third Mate said "Captain please tell me
What do these buttons do?
They really are quite pretty
We've got them in in red white and blue.

The Captain said "why are you asking"
"I tried them last night said the third Mate"
"But I didn't seeanything happen
Though the engine did stop I admit"

The Chief came up for a breather
The Captain said "Chief have some tea
and while you are here answer a question
that bothers yon 3rd Mate and me.

We have some gay coloured buttons
The purpose defects us you know.
But the Third Mate pressed yon Red one
And now the ruddy main engine won't go

The Chief became quite excited
His eyes started to roll
He said "Captain I think you have solved it
I beleive we are on Bridge Control"

The Captain said "are you quite sure Chief"
The Chief said "I am not often wrong"
There's one says slow ahead
Let's press it and sees what goes on"

The engines started to rumble
The ship started to move ahead.
The Chief said "My goodness gracious"
Well! Those wern't quite the words he said.

With the vessel once more in motion,
The Engineers started to cheer.
The Captain was so filled with emotion,
he even ordered some beer

Later the Chief and the Captain
were talking over a brew.
One said to the other "it really is amazing
what modern science can do"

Return Home

Take Me back to Ras Tannurah

Chorus

Take me back to Ras Tannurah,

Or Juaymah as you please,

30,000 Tonnes of Propane,

Fill her up and check the tyres please.

15 Hundred Tonnes an hour,
We'll be gone before you know,
Going back to Northern Europe,
Back to Radio One and snow.

All these funny regulations,
Observe Saudi protocol,
Take the posters off your bulkhead,
Goodbye woman and Alcohol.

2 days now we've been at anchor,
Swinging round and round the pick,
Everybody's started shaking,
And Coke and Fanta make me sick.

3 days now we're going crazy,
Seeing things that aren’t even there,
Yellow Rabbits climbing beer trees,
And cargo heaters in the air.

4 days now, oh this is torture,
Not sure if we can take another day,
Every day we dream of drinking,
They never seem to go away.

5 days now, we plead for mercy,
Wakin' shakin' in the night,
Sniffing Glue and smoking toothpaste,
And majic mushrooms are so hard to light.

And now at least we hear we're berthing,
Soon the DT’s will subside,
Drop that Green Flag from the yardarm,
And fling the fridge doors open wide.