Various Comic Situations Reports and Occurences.

  • Not Otherwise Specified
  • Don't Panic, Write a Report



Not Otherwise Specified.....



A Hiccup on the Jungle Telegraph as the following extract from A/S Rederiet Odfjell's House Journal shows long Chains of communication open up interesting possibilities.



The Captain's note to the Chief Officer:

Early tomorrow morning there will be a total solar eclipse at 0900hrs. This is something that cannot be seen every day, so let the crew line up in their best clothes on deck in order that they may see it. To mark this rare phenomenon I will myself explain it to them. If it is raining, we will not be able to see it clearly. In that case the crew should gather in the messroom.


The Cheif Officer's note to the Second Officer:

On Captain's orders there will be a total solar eclipse early tomorrow at 0900hrs. If it is raining, we will not be able to see it clearly from deck in our best clothes. In that case the sun's disappearance will be fully observed in the messroom. This is something that does not happen everyday.


The Second Officer's note to the Third Officer

On Captain's Orders we shall fully observe in our best clothes that the sun dissapears in the messroom at 0900hrs. The captain will tell us if it is going to rain. This is something that does not happen every day


The Third Officer's Note to the Bosun

If it is raining in the messroom early tomorrow, which is something that does not happen everyday, the Captain in his best clothes will disappear at 0900hrs.


The Bosun's Note to the Crew

Early tomorrow at 0900hrs the Captain will disappear. It is a pity that this does not happen everyday.




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Don't Panic, Write a Report


The following report from a ships master is reproduced by kind
permission of the anonymous author who appears to be gifted with remarkable "sang-froid".



It is with regret and haste that I write this letter to you, regret that such a small misunderstanding could lead to the following circumstances, and haste in order that you will get this report before you form your own preconceived opinions from reports in the world press, for I am sure that they will tend to overdramitize the whole affair.

We had just picked up the pilot, and the apprentice had returned from changing the "G" flag for the "H" flag. And, it being his first trip was having difficulty in rolling the "G" flag up. I therefore proceeded to show him how. Coming to the last part, I told him to "let go". The lad, although willing is not too bright, necessitating my having to repeat the order in a sharper tone.

At this moment the Chief Officer appeared from the Chart Room, having been plotting the vessesl progress and, thinking that it was the anchors that were being referred to, repeated the "let go" to the Third Officer on the Forecastle. The Port anchor having been cleared way but not walked out, was promptly let go. The effect of letting the anchor drop from the pipe while the vessel was proceeding at full harbour speed was too much for the windlass brake, and the entire length of the port cable was pulled out by the rocks. I fear that the damage to the chain locker may be extensive. The braking effect of the port anchor naturally caused the vessel to sheer in that direction, right towards the swing bridge that spans a tribituary to the river up which we were proceeding.

The swing bridge operator showed great prescence of mind by opening the bridge for my vessel. Unfortunately, he did not think to stop the vehicular traffic, the result being that the bridge partly opened and deposited a Volkswagon, two Cyclists, and a cattle truck on the foredeck. My ship's company are at present rounding up the contents of the latter, which from the noise I would say were pigs. In his effort to stop the progress of the vessel, the Third Officer dropped the starboard anchor, too late for it to be of practical use, for it fell on the swing bridge operators control cabin.

After the port anchor was let go and the vessel started to sheer, I gave the a double ring "Full Astern" on the Engine Room Telegraph and personally rang the Engine Room to order maximum revolutions. I was informed that the sea temperature was 53degrees and asked if there was a film tonight: my reply would not add constructively to this report.

Up to now I have confined my report to the activities at the forward end of the vessel. Down aft they were having their own problems.

At the moment that the port anchor was let go, the Second Officer was supervising the making fast of the after tug and was lowering the ship's towing spring down onto the the tug.

The sudden braking effect on the port anchor caused the tug to "run in under" the stern of my vessel, just at the moment when the propeller was answering my double ring for Full Astern. The prompt action of the Second Officer in securing the Inboard end of the towing spring delayed the sinking of the tug by some minutes, therefore the safe abandonmnet of that vessel.

It is strange, but at the very same moment of letting go the port anchor there was a power cut ashore. The fact that we were passing over a "cable area" at that time might suggest that we may have touched something on the river bed. It is perhaps lucky that the high tension cables that were brought down by the foremast were not live, possibly being replaced by the underwater cable, but owing to the shore blackout it is impossible to say where the pylon fell.

It never fails to amaze me, the actions and behaviours of foreigners during the moments of minor crisis. The pilot, for instance, is at this moment huddled in the corner of my day cabin, alternately crooning to himself and crying to himself after having consumed a bottle of gin in a time that is worthy of inclusion into the guinness Book of records. The Tug Captain on the other hand reacted violently and had to be forcibly restrained by the steward, who has him handcuffed in the ship's hospital , where he is telling me to do impossible things with my ship and my crew.

I enclose the names and addresses of the drivers and Insurance Compnaies of the vehicles on my foredeck which the Third Officer collected after his somewhat hurried evacuation of the forecastle. These particluars will enable you to claim for the damage that they did to the railings of the No1 Hold.

I am enclosing this preliminary report, for I am finding it diffiuclt to concentrate with the sound of Police sirens and their flashing lights

It is sad to think that had the apprentice realised that there is no need to fly pilot flags after dark , none of this would have happened.

For weekly Accountability Report I will assign the following Casualty Numbers T/750101 to T/750199 inclusive.



Yours Truly
Master



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