| Some stories courtesy of me and my friends, written using a game explained here (I make no apologies for the quality of these stories; the nature of the game makes them funny usually only to the people playing them, and their being funny depends largely on the time of night at which they are played, or if they are being played in a car on a long trip): Pac-man met Chelsea Clinton in a hot tub filled with cheese soup. He said, "Seldom do I have the pleasure of seeing someone as attractive as you." She said, "Excuse me, that's my pet squirrel." Then he went to the store to buy a tuning fork for her, and she screamed "Oh no you didn'!" And they sat down and read the Bible. The End. George Cloony met Meghan Griffin-Walker in the Cuff. He said, "That's a lovely dress you almost have on...what keeps it up?" To which she replied "Po-po yo?" Then he licked all the frosting off the cake and she screamed. And they went and baked cookies which looked like Joan Crawford in a slutty dress. Val Kilmer de Flurindurstin met Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds in a toy store. He said, "Looks like rain today, eh?" She said, "how could I have known you were allergic?" Then he shook his head and she said to him..."is cottage cheese good on crackers? And they spent the night under their comfy electric blanket. Dom met Katherine in an igloo. He said, "Your eyes are like two silver frying pans." She said, "I wish it would snow." Then he punched himself in the face, and she used the damn pencil as Kevin had instructed. And they did the hokey-pokey till sunrise. Finis. Brock met me in [my] armchair. He said "Thomas Aquinas was a sexy man, ooh baby." And [I] yelled, "that spider is eating your nose!" Then he shined his shoes, and [I] slurped [my] cheese soup very ungracefully, while he watched, wincing. And [we] got niceguy coffee at Starbucks while discussing conservative political theory. The End. A priest met Theresa in an elevator. He said, "your tongue is bumpy!" to which she replied, "These dried fruit-bits taste like raisins." Then he jumped overboard (from the ship they had got on in the preceding minute) and she clipped her toenails. Then they went to eat some empanadas. Another priest met Daisy Duck. He said, "I like spaghetti." She said, "I feel I should dance the tango right now." Then he threw the olive from his martini into the abyss, and she spit in his soup! Then they sang "I'm a little tea pot" and danced a jig. A college professor met Shannon. He said "Would you like some tomato soup?" and she said, "no, they don't fly like that anymore." Then he took her by her shoulders and shook her fiercely, and she climbed into her treehouse. Then they made a bonfire out of her ex-boyfriend's old pictures. Josh met Judy Garland. He said, "You sound like a tripped out chipmunk when you sing Joy to the World." She replied, "wow, that's great!" The he screamed, and she giggled flirtatiously. Then they looked at each other in complete disgust before parting ways. The End. One more for the road: John Stuart Mill met a chemistry professor in Patrick's underwear drawer. He said, "Excuse me, officer, that's my nightstick." She said, "flying squirrels aside, you're not so bad." He did a somersault and a backflip, and she hailed a taxi driven by a platypus. Then they drank espresso, ate applesauce, and made plans for next year's Mardi Gras. |
| Formula stories |