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I just can't Make Myself Like the Food at Hattie B's |
Imagine this: you're feeling hunger pains, you're too tired to drag yourself up the stairs to your room to fix something, and besides, even if you did you had already eaten every last Ramen noodle in there three days ago anyway. You've already exhausted your Den account, and you've already checked every garbage can on campus. Nothing. Slowly, your eyes drift over to the Hattie B. Strother cafeteria. Almost against your will, your feet start marching in that direction.
As you walk in, you think that this might not be so bad after all. And then you see it.
The menu says that what you see is King Ranch Chicken. What you see looks as if someone took all of the leftovers from the last couple off weeks, added in some fresh roadkill, and switched on the blender. In fact, you're not entirely sure that it's not breathing at the very moment, and you don't know that there is actually any chicken in that particular dish.
You pause for a moment, the hesitation showing in your eyes. Finally, you give in because, frankly, you're getting a little weak. Maybe this wouldn't have been so bad if you hadn't waited for the last three days to do it, but now comes your moment of truth: to eat, or to fall into a coma and die of starvation. You have to admit that starvation does have its perks, namely not having eaten the King Ranch Chicken.
Just as you're about to give in and say, "I'll take that,", you glimpse out the window and see the crew of Fear Factor setting up for their final stunt, the one where they're going to feed contestants goat testicles wrapped in frog intestines and soaked in arsenic. One of the contestants miraculously died in the last stunt. It wasn't miraculous for them, per se, but now you have the chance to get a meal elsewhere.
Chow down.
Seriously, every time I eat in the cafeteria, I get sick. I have to really force myself to go in there. I don't blame the workers; after all, they just cook the prepackaged food. I blame the school for signing a 50 year exclusive contract with the same people who supply the airlines with in-flight food.
Ugh.