| lyrics |

what's my age again?
Tom: This song's really hard to play.
Mark: Give it up for Tom
Tom: It's really hard to play. I would appreciate it if you don't listen to me for the next two and a half minutes, alright. Shut the fuck up!

I took her out it was Friday night
I wore cologne to get the feeling right
We started making out and she took off my pants
But then I turned on the TV

And that's about the time that she walked away from me
Nobody likes you when you're 23
And are still more amused by TV shows
What the fuck is ADD?
My friends say I should act my age
What's my age again?
What's my age again?

Then later on, on the drive home
I called her mom from a pay phone
I said I was the cops
And your husband's in jail
This state looks down on sodomy (sodomy)

And that's about the time that bitch hung up on me
Nobody likes you when your 23
And are still more amused by prank phone calls
What the fuck is call ID?
My friends say I should act my age
What's my age again?
Where is my Asian friend? It's the slow pretty part!

And that's about the time she walked away from me
Nobody likes you when your 23
And you still act like you're in Freshman year
What the fuck is wrong with me?
My friends say I should act my age
What's my age again?

And that's about the time she broke up with me
No one should take themselves so seriously
With many years ahead to fall in line
Why would you wish that on me?
I never want to act my age
What's my age again?
Where is my Asian friend?
What's my age again?
Where's my Asian friend?

Mark: Fuck yeah!
Tom: Hey Mark, I'm starting to get sweaty. And contrary to what most people think, I think I look better wet. I've been campaigning this for about two years now. So throughout the show, you will see me getting sexier and sexier as it gets hotter and hotter. You know?
Mark: And...
Tom: And what?
Mark: If you watch close enough, you might watch Tom getting fatter and fatter as the show goes on too.
Tom: Why would I be getting fatter?
Mark: 'Cause...
Tom: Boobies!
Mark: Oh geez. Stop it. No
Tom: Man, you are too young
Mark: You're way too young, gosh. Let me tell you why you're gonna get fatter and fatter, because dog semen is full of calories.
Tom: Yeah, don't eat dog semen. We hear that there's uh, there's uh... it's the number one cause of bad breath.