"Cycles"
by Becca Boyle
Thief, thief
Stealing things to satisfy the need for attention.
Yet not getting the attention until I got caught.

   Repent, repent
Going out to steal again. I live for Christ on Sunday.
Never getting caught in my sins, for no one ever knew.

   Live, live
My craving for attention has killed my walk. 
So I live to feed my craving. My life is empty.

   Captive, captive
Living to feed my cravings keeps me in bondage.
Bondage seems fulfilling. At least this need bides my time.

   Sinking, sinking
Craving for attention pulls me deeper and deeper into this trap.
I don’t even care anymore. No one noticed me anyway.

   Death, death
I’ve sunk so low in this pit that daylight feels foreign.
Conviction is long gone, but I still ache.

   Aching, aching
This wounding act has left me isolated and alone.
What can I do?? Stealing no longer fills the void in me.
I’m all alone and no one cares.

   Broken, broken
God reached to me and said, “I care”
His brilliance blinded me, so I turned and hid.

   Hiding, hiding
I feel like a roach, that scurries away when light hits it.
Will this downward spiral ever end?
I’ve lost all hope.
   End it, end it
Suicide flits through my brain.
It seems like the only way out.
My life is gone anyway, why not end it for real?
No one would notice that I’m gone.

   Silence, silence
My world is crumbling around me
Yet no one pays attention to my need
How would they know? I’ve burned all my bridges,
leaving myself to face whatever this might be. 
I face it alone.

   Desperate, desperate
I long to tell someone, but there’s no one left to listen.
I could try God, but I don’t think even He cares.

   Seeking, seeking
There must be more to life than this!
I’ll scream at heaven until I get an answer, 
even if it’s an answer I don’t want to hear.
Is there anyone up there????

   Listening, listening
My voice is spent, my life is gone.
I have only questions, so I’ll listen for an answer.
I don’t think I’ll get one though.

   Waiting, waiting
I want to be free, but I don’t know how to accomplish that.
My bonds are so heavy, they’ve dashed me to pieces.
God are You listening? Not like I’m worth Your concern.

   Reaching, reaching
Then You were able to grab me. My eyes are so covered in silt
That Your brilliance wasn’t so blinding, so I stayed put,
Not knowing what You were going to do.
   Answering, answering
“I STILL CARE”
IT was all I needed to hear.
I started sobbing, finally I had the attention I craved.

   Whole, whole
You reached out and gently began brushing away the dirt I was covered in.
You loved on me, and cried with me, until our tears mingled together.

   Healing, healing
Knowing someone cares is slowly wiping away the loneliness I feel.
I lay my brokenness at Your feet. I am Yours, and I’m no longer alone.

    Together, together
You patched my life back together.
I am now new. You have filled the void that nothing else could fill.

   FORGIVEN, FORGIVEN
All the pain I caused is obliterated.
I AM FREE! My pain is Your pain and You’ve cleansed it.
You made me new and FORGIVEN!

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