BLONDE JOKES
Bucking Blonde

This blonde had a near death experience the other day.

She climbed on top of a horse, and all of a sudden it started moving.
She was a little frightened, this was her first time, but she kept on the horse. Then the horse started going fast and got out of control, and the blonde couldn't stay on, she fell of, but her foot got stuck, and she was dragging on the ground.
She started screaming, and was in great pain.

Then the wal-mart manager came outside and unplugged the horse.
Legally Blonde

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. "Honey, are you okay?" he asks her. "Yes" she replies. "Then what are you doing?" he asks. "I wanted to prove to you that not all blonde women are dumb and I wanted to do it by painting the house." she replies. "Then why are you wearing a ski jacket over a fur coat?" he asks. "Well," she replies "I was reading the directions on the paint can and it said.....
FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS."
Q: how can you tell if a blonde is having a bad day?

A: her tampon is on her ear and she cant find her pen!
The Blonde & the Cellphone

A young man wanted to get his beautiful "blonde" wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cellphone.

She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone. The next day the blonde goes shopping.

Her phone rings and it's her husband, "Hi hun,"he says "how do you like your new phone?"

She replies: "I just love, it's so small and your voice is clear as a bell! But there's one thing I don't understand though."

"What's that, baby?" asks the husband.

"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"
Q: How do blonde braincells die?

A: Alone.
Q: Why don't blonds play frisbee?

A: It hurts their teeth.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer?

A: The joystick is wet.
Another Suicide

A blonde decided to commit suicide by hanging herself from a tree in the park.
A few days later, a man was walking his dog and spotted her hanging from the tree. He asks the blonde what she is doing and she replies, "I'm hanging myself." "You're supposed to put the noose around your neck, not your waist," said the onlooker. "I tried that," replied the blonde, "but I couldn't breathe.
Bird Shit

A blonde was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over her.

The blonde says, "Good thing I had my mouth open, or that would've hit me right in the face!"
Q: A blonde and a brunette jumped off a bridge, who hit the ground first?

A: The brunette, cos the blonde stopped to asked for directions!!!
Q: What's blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette, blonde?

A: A fake blonde doing cartwheels!
Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?

A: Fourth grade
Q: What do you call a blonde who has dyed her hair brown?

A: Artificial intelligence.
Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?

A: Gifted!
Q: Why do blondes smile when there's lightning?

A: Because they think they're getting their picture taken!
Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?

A: 144 blondes.
Changing bulb

Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911:
Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb.
Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?
Blonde: Yes.
Operator: The power in the house in on?
Blonde: Of course.
Operator: And the switch is on?
Blonde: Yes, yes.
Operator: And the bulb still won't light up?
Blonde: No, it's working fine.
Operator: Then what's the problem?
Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and hurt ourselves
Q: How do you know when a blonde is going to say something stupid?

A: She opens her mouth!