Miner's Massacre: The Curse of the 49er
[DVD Info]

After receiving a map and a piece of gold in the mail from her younger brother, Claire (Carrie Bradac) and her husband (? Boyfriend?) Nick (Sean Hines) gather their friends and head for Sutterville where her brother sent the letter from. Axl (Stephen Wastell), a goofy, ex-military type and his girlfriend, Tori (Sangie), a girl with a bipolar attitude and a chip on her shoulder are in one car. Hayden (Rick Majeske), a very greedy stock broker and his girlfriend, Rox Ann (Elina Madison) arrive in another. When they meet up, they stop in an abandoned town to look around. There they meet a weird girl named Eve (Alexandra Ford) who decides to join them on their travels.

After some searching, the group comes across Claire’s brother’s cabin where they find the second half of the map they received in the mail. They decide to follow the map thinking that her brother is waiting for them there. Eve freaks out, predicting certain doom and runs off. They follow the map and find a bunch of gold but it seems they have awoken the ghost of Jeremiah Stone, the ghost of the 49er. Will they escape with their lives and the gold? Or will the ghost of the 49er extract hundreds of years of built up revenge.

Pigeons are really scary.
When walking in large groups it's easy to get separated.
Having sex with Rox Ann is a dirty job, but someone has to do it.
Throwing a roll of toilet paper at an enemy is a great battle tactic.
Cars spontaneously combust for no real reason.
If you stab someone in the back, there will be no blood on the weapon.
No matter where you've been hit...mass amounts of blood will instantly come out of your mouth.

"You stole his gooooold and he wants it baaaack!" ~Aunt Nelly.

Oh man...

Alright…this movie could have been decent if they had…I dunno…tried a little harder? First of all, they don’t suspend any mystery. They show the miner being resurrected (for no apparent reason) in the first 2 minutes of the movie…had they put a little thought into it…and left it a mystery…everyone would have thought it was the sheriff. Oh well…I don’t think that could have saved this movie anyway. The acting was…terrible. Not just terrible…it was…so incredibly awful. The special effects were even worse (you could imagine the crew standing by and throwing sticks and dirt on the actors when there was an “explosion”). The story was a little slow and you didn’t care wither anyone died or not…they don’t really even dwell on the miner’s motives. Oh well. Because of this, the jury gives this flick:

(Bored and Unimpressed)

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