Strangeland
[DVD Info]
Two girls, Tiana Moore (Amal Rhoe) and Genevieve Gage (Linda Cardellini), are hanging out one night. Genevieve goes into a teen chat room and meets Captain Howdy. He invites them to a party at his house. Tiana is unsure. They don’t even know this guy. Duh, everything they need to know about this guy is right here in his profile…see? Perfectly normal.
48 hours later, both girls are still missing. They’ve been kidnapped by Captain Howdy (Dee Snider) who kidnaps teens he meets in chat rooms and he tortures them and sews their mouths shut…helping them get to an elevated point of spirituality. When Tiana’s body surfaces (literally) Genevieve’s father (who also happens to be a detective) tries to find the owner of the 00 septum gauge that was found with the body. Although Detective Gage (Mike Gage) hasn’t been properly introduced to the 21st century, he follows Captain Howdy to the Internet. Will Gage be able to find his daughter and catch her kidnapper?
Drunk rednecks know how to make perfect nooses.
Robert Englund in a speedo and cowboy boots watching porn is...gross.
"Are you crying? Jackson, Jackson...there's no crying here." ~Captain Howdy.
Ahh...Dee Snider...you had so much potential...I weep for you.
Mmm...more...see below...this grievence thing is mostly to complain about actors and stuff.
Y’know…I’ve been watching The Practice on FX lately…and if any of the story lines have any validity…then this movie wouldn’t have worked. First of all…when Gage is going to check out Captain Howdy’s place…he goes to the basement…BREAKS in, and then proceeds to sneak around the house until he finds Howdy, and then shoots him. Gage…did not have a warrant to search this guy’s house…so therefore…Howdy would have not gotten arrested (no I’m not spoiling this…this happens in the beginning). He would have gotten acquitted. But I might be a lawyer someday…so I’m nit picking. Anyway…this movie has a LOT of potential…but it really fell short. The Detective didn’t really seem to care that his daughter was missing (and he was put on the case…aren’t they not supposed to do that? ‘Cause you are emotionally involved?), Captain Howdy didn’t really seem to have any purpose (at least that first half of the movie) and he came off as preachy, and what was up with Gage’s partner? He was always so angry. Although, I’ll warn you…I was eating during the first 10 minutes of the movie…and all that piercing and killing and sewing up of mouths…made me kinda nauseous…if I hadn’t been eating I dunno if it would have made me as nauseous. In the end…none of the characters were real…they were very 1 dimensional. You don’t really end up caring what happens to this girl (since no one else really seems to care either) and I really felt sorry for Howdy in the end. This was a tamer, more 90’s version of “House of 1000 Corpses” …maybe rock stars should stop making movies. Don’t get me wrong, I love Dee Snider… (I have a soft spot for him) but this film was wishy-washy and the story lost its steam about half way through. They really took it in the wrong direction. It had a lot of potential…ah well. Look for a small role by Robert Englund (known best for playing Freddy Kruger) and a humorous sign in the lynch mob that says “We’re not going to take it.” Ahaha. Still…it didn’t save this movie. Sorry Dee. Because of this, the jury gives this flick:
(Disappointed)
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