Wishmaster
[DVD Info]

In 1127 AD a Persian ruler named Ahura Mazda had a Djinn (pronounced GIN). Forget the stories of fun loving genies. Those were fabricated to ease people’s fears of genies. A Djinn hates humans. He has to grant wishes but he interprets them how he wants (call it artistic freedom) and they usually end with people dying in horrible ways. On the third wish the Djinn can (and will) release all other Djinn’s that are stuck between time and space (y’see they were made after the angels and before humans…so they get the space in-between it all) but it can only be wishes by the person who awakened him. While he was having a party he wished for something (I couldn’t make it out) and the party went really bad. Skeletons jump out of people’s bodies and attack people, people turning into alligators, and whatnot. The spiritual advisor was on to this Djinn and formed a stone in which he entrapped the Djinn to keep him from harming humans any further.

America…present day…Alexandra Amberson (Tammy Lauren) is a jewel appraiser (and young girl’s basketball coach) is given a red opal (that was found after a drunk construction worker dropped a statue of Ahura Mazda and smashed it into a million pieces) to (what else) appraise. When looking at the stone she sees something in the middle of it. She takes it to her friend who has some special equipment to look at it overnight. While he’s using lasers to check it out, the stone suddenly explodes and blows up the laboratory with it, leaving this guy mangled on the ground. While he’s lying there dying, this thing (which looks like those cabbage things from Dragon Ball Z [y’know…that Vegeta and Napa send on Goku…man I’m lame… ~_~]) crawls out of the stone and asks him if he wishes the pain would go away. When he says yes, he dies right there on the spot making the Djinn (Andrew Mivoff) able to change to its real form.

Unfortunately for the Djinn the person who awakens him is now psychically attached to him and can see every murder he makes. Alex sees him kill her friend and runs to see him. But he’s already dead. The Djinn starts to hunt her down so he can get his three wishes out of her. Will Alex be able to find out about the Djinn in time? Even if she does…how can she kill something that’s immortal?

Instead of proving someone who knows the truth about you wrong...prove them right.
After murdering someone by result of drinking on the job...a good homer-esque slap to the forehead should show enough remorse
The death of your enemy runs cheap...just a cigarrette and a handshake'll do.
Bums are spiteful towards pharmacists.
A small piece of glass can take off half of someone's face.

"That which is eternal cannot die...but if it's any consolation, my dear Alexandra...that hurt like HELL!" ~Djinn.

The Djinn is soooooo stupid. If he's going to be psychically connected to the person who he needs to get 3 wishes from...maybe he should hold off on murdering people until their third wish. Just a thought.

Alexandra wasn't very easy on the eyes for some reason. She bothered me...she'd just be super quiet and then start screaming and freaking out and swearing (like that'll do anything against a DJINN). She reminded me a lot of the girl who played that girl in Star Trek...she's on Boston Public now...what's her name? Anyway...she was annoying...

I was surprised. The movie played very quickly…it just starts with mass murder and doesn’t stop until the end. It was fun to watch all the artistic ways the Djinn took people’s wishes and how stupid people were to pour out their desires to a total stranger (who looked like an uglier version or Dane Cook…he was a good glare-er though). My favorite Djinn-related-death (D.R.D) would have to be the guy whose skeleton came out of his body. It was HILARIOUS! Especially when it just jumped and clang onto some guy’s back and the guy started spinning around. Ahahaha. Good times. This is definitely NOT a serious horror movie (it’d probably scare a 6 year old). It was just the horror movie industry flexing their muscles. It was pretty gory but it wasn’t scary at all (and whoever was in charge of the music overdid it a bit). I was, however, impressed with their perfect blend of cheese, one liners, and gore. Hehe, just take it at face value and you should enjoy yourself. Because of this, the jury gives this flick:

(Amused)

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