Miss Deborah Leigh Johnson
I had come to Richmond Hill because though it is a very small town out in the middle of no where, they had an excellent computer-programming course. And it was free.
My Grandmother died about three years ago, and she left me a small amount of money, that was tied up in a trust account at the community college in Richmond Hill. I have no idea of what her involvement was with the college, but none the less, if I wanted the benefits of the little trust fund, I would have to take one of the graduate courses that the college offered. It was the only way. So, coming from an economically challenged background, I jumped at the chance to study computer programming with the possibility of graduating without being saddled with thousands of dollars of student loans to repay.
One of the benefits of this college was that they had their own domain. One of the first things that I did was to get myself one of the free e-mail accounts that the students were entitled to.
Then about a week after I was getting settled in, I learned that the roommate that I was to share my dorm apartment with, was in no uncertain terms, a cretin. He was a huge guy that made me feel like a wimp. He was 6' 2", 230 pounds of solid muscle. I am only 5' 4", almost and I only weight 135 pounds. Needless to say, Jerry has a rather condescending attitude towards me.
Sure, he likes me when I am helping him with his academics, but aside from that, I am sure that he wishes that I would just disappear till the next time that he needed my help.
All things considered, by the end of the first week, I felt quite isolated. I was sort of used to that, as geeks like me do not usually have a great active social life anyway, but none the less, I had set my heart on having things be different when I had gotten away from home. They were not though, so I sort of steeled myself to live a not too satisfying existence, till I could graduate in three and a half more years.
To compensate, I gravitated towards the domain's chat rooms. I used the handle of dj17, my initials and my age. That is done quite often in chat rooms. I had found this one chat room that I really liked. It seemed to have a lot of the other students on it quite often. I made a couple of friends; one of them was even a girl.
But one night, I made an unusual friend. His handle was jacob43. We chatted often, and over the next few days, I found that though there was a lot of difference in our ages, that I liked him. He was a very interesting man. He was a very strong almost dominant kind of personality too. It was the kind of personality that you tend to associate with successful business men.
We got to know each other over a week or so. We had even sent pictures of ourselves to each other. Jacob was tall, black hair with white at his temples, and he looked very fit and muscular in the tan slacks and yellow gold shirt that he wore in his picture. Then he asked me one night if I would go into a private chat with him. I said okay, and we entered the private chat room.
I was surprised when he told me that he was really interested in what a young guy like me thought about girls and dating and stuff like that. He asked me the kinds of pointed questions that made me really think and try to define some of the things that I thought and felt.We would go to a private chat room after that whenever we happened to be on the channel at the same time. It was not too long before I unburdened myself to Jacob about my frustrations of sharing a room with Jerry the Jock as I called him.
Jacob thought it was pretty funny, but he suggested that we meet one night for supper. He said that if we met, and we thought that we could get along, he might have a suggestion for me that might solve my problem, and maybe save me some money to boot. That was all the incentive that I needed. I agreed.
We met the following night at a restaurant that was just off campus. I knew Jacob the moment that I walked into the place. He was, to say the least, a commanding presence. He was not a lot taller than me, only five inches, be to my mind, he seemed to tower over me.
He white toothed grin was infectious when he smiled and stood up to shake my hand, when I had walked over to his table. He made small talk to put me at ease immediately, and I soon found that I was liking my new found friend very much. He had hundreds of jokes too, and he kept me in sore sides all night long.
Near the end of the night, he got a bit more serious. "Well, I am glad that I met you Doug. I have a pretty good sense for sizing people up, and I think that you and I could get along together. Here is what I propose."
"I live in a three bedroom house, okay? Since my daughter moved away seven years ago, and with my business doing as well as it is, I do not have time to keep the house up to scratch, if you know what I mean? You do not like where you are living now. So, I have a suggestion. Why don't you move into my house? In stead of paying rent, you can take care of things like the housework and cooking the occasional meal? That way, you can get away from Jerry Jock, and I get to have my house taken much better care of?"
"Wow. That is pretty generous Jacob."
"Why don't you come over to my place now, if you do not have other obligations, and take a look at the place? I can show you where you'd be staying, and you can tell me if it would be too much work for you?"
"Sure. Great. Is it far off campus?"
"How about three blocks? Is that too far?"
"Heck no. That would be perfect."
He drove me over to his house. It was a modest two and a half story older home that was very near to the campus. Better, it was on the west side of the campus, the side of the campus that was closest to the lab buildings where I took most of my courses. He gave me a tour of the house. It really did need a good cleaning, I could see that. Then he showed me the room where I would stay. I was taken aback a bit, as it was a very feminine room, but it was the most beautiful bedroom that I had ever seen before. It had paneled French styled doors that led out onto a small balcony that overlooked the wood lot behind the housing development. The walls were all pale pink, and the wood work was done in white. The carpet was a thick soft pile in a pale gray colour. The room was huge. The furniture was all kind of an antique mode. The bed was actually a four poster, with a canopy no less. There was a large long dresser with a huge antique mirror on it. There was a large dressing mirror on a wooden stand in one corner. There was also a very adequate work station with desk, book shelves and a two drawer file cabinet. There was also a very delicate looking wrought iron vanity desk with a large round mirror on it that even had lights all around it. I was really impressed with the room.
"Well, Dougie, here it is. The only thing is, if you decided to accept my offer, you would have to leave everything the way that it is now." "Leave it the way that it is?" "Yeah, like the furniture? Oh, and here," he led me over to the louvered doors which when opened, showed a fairly large walk in closet, "Like, you would have to leave all of Sandy's clothes and stuff here too. She will not be back for them, but someday she might appreciate that I kept everything for her. Like, leave all her things in her drawers and stuff. I would not like for you to pack all of it away, know what I mean? Can you live with that Dougie?"
I gulped. I could not believe that I was being given the choice to live in such a magnificent room, even if it was so femininely appointed. "Sure, I can live with that. It sounds like a pretty good idea too."
Then Jacob looked at me with a long intriguing look, as though he were trying to assess something. "You know, you are about the same size that Sandy was. I know that everything in here might be twenty years out of style, but if you wanted to use some of her things, that would be fine with me, as long as you are careful and do not rip anything."
"Use her things?" I was dumbfounded. I did not know what he meant.
Then my face flushed with a humiliated shame as I understood what he was saying. "Jacob? Do you think that I am the kind of guy who gets off on wearing girl's clothes?"
"I do not know if you are or not, Dougie. I really don't care if you are or not. I think that if you were though, that you would probably be a kind of pretty girl. All I am saying is that I know that you do not have a lot of assets, so you are probably in need of some things. If some of Sandy's stuff can be used by you, go ahead and use it. That is all that I am saying."
I looked at him intently. I could tell that he kind of wanted me to wear some of his daughter's things, though I could not for the life of me figure out why he would. He did not strike me as being gay. He did not give me the impression that he got turned on by boys wearing girl's clothes. I knew there were guys out there like that, but Jacob did not seem to me to be like one of those guys. True, I had never met a man like that, so I had no way of judging for sure. But he seemed like a normal enough kind of guy to me.
"Well, I guess that I can live with that. And hey, maybe there is a pair of jeans or something in there that I might be able to use?" "Dougie, I want for you to use anything that you want to use. Ahhh... If you are a transvestite, that would not bother me at all." "Transvestite? What is that Jacob?" "That is what a boy who likes to wear girl's clothes is called." "Oh. No, I am not a transvestite." He smiled at me in a way that made me feel as though he knew something about me that I did not know about me. "Well, if you are, I am just saying that I will not be upset if I come home some day and find you watching television in the living room, and you are wearing a dress, okay? Now, enough said about that. I guess that what I am really saying is that I want for you to treat this like your own home, okay?"
"I guess I can live with that. It will sure save me a lot of money, not to mention get me away form Jerry Jock." "Good, so we have an agreement, the two of us? You will look after my house for me, and in return, you will get free room and board?" I grinned and shoved my hand out to him. This arrangement could save me close to $300 a month. I could just imagine what I would be able to do, if I was able to get some bucks together. I could, for one thing, buy a far better computer. The idea of actually having more than two hundred dollars to my name at one time was intoxicating to me. This was a golden opportunity for me, and I leapt at it.
Jacob helped me to move the next day. I felt kind of ashamed of myself when we started to load my stuff into his car. My computer boxes were bigger that the boxes that I had for everything else that I owned. I could sense when he saw what I actually had, that he kind of felt sorry for me too. I did not want him to feel sorry for me. Sure, I was poor, as was most of my family, but I had always managed to make my own way, and to keep myself out of trouble. But, I was secretly delighted because what Jacob was doing for me was going to drastically change my life style.
Only, I did not realize just how much it was going to change my life style.
It only took an hour to transfer all my stuff from the dorm that I shared with Jerry Jock, to my new ultra feminine bedroom. Jacob had come at ten in the morning, between my classes. He had to leave right away, and he told me not to wait up for him, as he had a board meeting for a charity that he worked on that night. He said he would not be home for supper either, so I was just to settle in and get to know where everything was, and to learn how to relax in my new surroundings.
I moved all my boxes into the room, then hurried off to my next class. After that class, I went to the student union office and made the arrangements so that they would no longer be deducting dorm rent from the monthly stipend that the trust paid out to me. The trust paid out nearly $500 a month for the ten months that I attended classes, and it would be adequate to pay that for the full three and a half years of my course. By then, I was assured that the trust would be empty. Besides, even if there was enough in it to have a balance, the balance would have reverted to the general treasury of the college.
I considered myself to be one very lucky person. Off all the grandchildren who might have been able to attend the college, I was the first one to come along with the grades to take advantage of what my grand mother had done. I still did not understand about the finances, but as long as I got the monthly cheque and my tuitions and books were paid for, I would be very happy.
I could not do it the first or the second semester, but I knew that in the third semester that I would also be able to get a part time job, so I knew that I would be able to get some where with all for myself.
I do not know whether it was the release of emotional stress of not having to live with Jerry Jock anymore, but after my last class that afternoon, I went home to my new room, and I lay on the bed, and zonked out. I was exhausted. The following morning was Saturday and I did not return to conscious thought till well into the mid-morning part of it.
Needless to say, I was shocked for a few moments when I opened my eyes and found myself in a very feminine room. I looked around, and relished the sensation of the satin coverlet on my skin, though the lace trim of the pillow shams tickled my cheek and neck a bit. I felt absolutely elated when it finally dawned on me that I did not have to wake up and be nice to my jocko roommate. I also no longer had to live with the fear of displeasing him, and risking the threat of physical violence.
As my awareness of my new found living situation began to become a reality to me, I was delighted, and I felt happier than I have felt for a very long time. I roused myself, amazed to discover that I had slept in my clothes. I could hear no noises in the house, and I wondered if maybe Jacob had left the house already.
I roused myself to my feet, and once again looked around the ultra feminine room. I did not know why, but I found that the muted pastel colours was very pleasing to me. I felt warm and comfortable.
I went downstairs to find that I was indeed all alone in the house. I had a light breakfast then went back to my room. I needed to get unpacked and get my computer and my school study station all set up as soon as possible. I busied myself for the next three hours doing exactly that.
When I went to put my meager supply of under clothing in a drawer, I was intrigued with the piles of silky pastel coloured underwear that I encountered. Jacob's words about using any of her clothes that I wanted to use came back to me, and I blushed with shame. I felt shame because I was a boy, and while looking at the pretty lingerie that was just inches from my fingertips, I felt a desire to know what it would feel like to wear such pretty things.
Boys were not supposed to feel that way. I softly closed the door, and I wondered to myself, how long I could hold out before I yielded to the temptation to put on some of the intimate pretty lingerie. I knew that I would do it some day. But I also knew that my training as a boy would resist the desire. I knew only too well what societal feelings were about boys who dressed in girls clothes was, and it was not positive.
Where I had grown up, that kind of male was considered to be one of the lowest life forms that populated the earth.
I did not want to become one of them, but my fingertips retained the sensation of how soft the silky panties were. It was like I could feel the delicate material on my hands long after I had closed the drawers.
I busied myself in the closet hanging up my threadbare supply of outer clothes. As I did so, I was acutely aware of the seemingly endless supply of pretty feminine clothing hanging row after row. And the scents of perfume in that small room were over whelming to my sensibilities.
Since I was in there, and since I knew that Jacob would expect me to be curious anyway, I looked through the racks of dresses, skirts, blouses, sweaters, blazers, coats and shoes. Sandy had obviously not been much of a pants wearer as there were only three pairs of dress slacks and one pair of blue jeans in the entire closet. She did have two pairs of shoes thought that almost looked like a guy's loafers though. Idly, feeling a twinge of guilt, I slipped one of my feet into one pair, and was amazed to find that the shoes fit me.
Not only did they fit, but the high instep of the shoes pushed up against the arch of my foot, and it felt really nice. In fact, it was the most comfortable shoe that I had ever worn. I hoped that Jacob would not be too upset, but I doffed my scruffy beat up old things in preference of the pair of brown leather loafers with the three quarter inch heels. Excepting for the slightly higher heel, they looked like a pair of guy's shoes.
I felt a wave of delicious naughtiness flow through my psyche as I walked about the room, knowing that I was wearing girl's shoes. I just could not get over how comfortable that they were. I idly wondered in a lox moment, that if Sandy's shoes fit me so well, how would her other things fit me.
I blushed with shame. I thought of myself actually dressing myself up in her soft sexy lingerie and one of those pretty dresses that I had just been looking at. Not wanting to pursue such thoughts, I decided to make myself busy. I completed hooking up my computer and stowed all of my text books neatly at the work station.
I sat for a moment, looking at the blank screen. The thought occurred to me that Sandy had probably sat in the same place, wearing the same shoes that I was wearing. I blushed anew.
I went down to the kitchen, and set about to tackle the mountain of dirty dishes piled on the side board, and packing away the take out food cartons. Jacob ate well, but he was an obvious slob. He needed a woman to take care of him, I thought, before I realized that I was doing what a woman would do for him, and I was doing it while I was wearing a pair of woman's shoes.
I lost track of how many times I had blushed that day. I was so embarrassed by these strange thoughts that were so easily coming into my mind. I did not want to become a fairy, but I could not deny the reality that I was starting to act like a fairy. After all, only fairies wear girl's shoes all day, right? And, I suspected that I was even starting to think like a fairy.
There was an old saying, that idle hands were the devil's workshop. I determined that I would keep myself as busy as I could whenever I was at home. I knew myself well enough to know that I if I did not keep my hands busy, that it would not be all that long before I might actually be standing in front of a mirror, and seeing what I looked like wearing a pretty dress. I shuddered. But I was aware that this desire was a growing thing in me.
By nine that night, the kitchen was probably cleaner than it had been since Sandy had left home, so many years prior to my arriving to fill her shoes, so to speak. I could not help but to giggle a bit at my self-repricating humour. It was true, I was filling his daughter's shoes, and taking care of him that way that I am sure that she had when she had lived with the handsome business man.
I went to bed, exhausted. Jacob had not come home, and he had not called. But then again, I was not his wife, was I? I should not expect him to call me to tell me what time he was coming home. None the less, I had left a garden salad and a tuna salad sandwich on the coffee table for him.
It took about a week, and I soon realized that Jacob spent very little time at home. I did one room a day when I got back from school, and by the end of the week, the house was looking like a normally lived in clean home. I liked having the physical work to do, even though it was housework.
All was going well, except for one afternoon a week after I had moved into Jacob's house. I was in the computer lab and I was working on a project. Crystal Roy came in. Crystal and I had sort of become friends. She was cute, and read head with this really curly hair that she had given up on trying to control when she was eight. She had green eyes and she was the epitome of the Irish Colleen.
We were working on the same project, and I was a bit further advanced than she was. So because I liked her, I was helping her get up to scratch with her lab work.
She dropped a pencil, and suddenly I heard an "Oh gawd..." "What is it Crys? Did you hurt yourself? You bang your head or something?" "No." When she straightened up, she was looking at me with a perplexed and curious expression in her eyes. "What is it Crys?" "You. You are wearing girl's shoes." I had forgotten to change my shoes before I left home. I suddenly realised that I had been wearing girl's shoes almost all the time. I tried to bluster. "No I am not. What would make you think that?" "This." She stuck her foot out to align it beside mine. She was wearing virtually the same style of shoe that I had on. I could not tell her that she was mistaken. She had bought herself girl's shoes, and mine looked exactly like hers.
"So? Why are you wearing girl's shoes?" "I... Uhhh... I have a problem with fallen arches, and my roommate suggested that I try wearing these, because of the high instep." She looked at me for a long moment. "I think that you wear girl's shoes because you wish you were a girl." "What? Crys!!! How can you say such a thing?" "Just look at you. Your hair is thick and shiny, and is better kept than half the girls in school keep theirs. You have fine delicate girlish features. Your complexion is to die for. You are prettier than a lot of girls are, Dougie. I... I bet you like to wear panties under your jeans too?" As she said that, my mind flashed back to how I had felt a week or so earlier, when I had been in the panty drawer in my room. I blushed. "You do, don't you? Look at the way your are blushing, like a shy little virgin girl."
Her words smashed into my psyche. It was like being hit in the face with a two by four. I suddenly realised for the first time in my life that I really did look a lot more like a girl than a boy. I was seventeen years old, and I had not even started to shave yet. I did not even have peach fuzz. And as for been delicate, she was right about that too. I had always been teased for looking like a girl, but I had usually fought to try and assert my maleness.
But I could not fight with Crystal to assert my maleness. She knew what I really was. I felt tears beginning to burn at the edges of my eyes. I did not know what to feel. I had never realised what a girl like Crystal must think of a guy like me, and now I knew. I knew only too well.
She noted that I was about to cry, and she hugged me. She told me that my secret was safe with her, that she would never make fun of me and that she cared a lot for me. She told me that it was a rare thing for a girl to find a guy who was sensitive as she was, and that she cherished my friendship because of it. She told me that she had only understood my feminine nature when she saw that I was wearing the same style of shoes that she was, but that she had always been drawn to me because I seemed so sweet compared to all the other boys that she knew. I did not know if that was supposed to make me feel better, but it did. We finished the project and I went home. I still preferred the feel of these shoes to the ones I had been wearing. I had only seen Jacob once that whole week. He told me that he had to go to a technical convention that was in another province, so that was why he was not around. He told me that he had to go again to a different one on the following Thursday too. At least, he seemed really happy with out living arrangement, as he told me that the house had not looked so good since his daughter had moved away.
So, Thursday night, I was at home, all alone once again. My homework was all caught up too, so had nothing important to keep my mind occupied with. Because I had been working hard to keep my mind occupied, I was already two weeks ahead of schedule on all of my lab projects.
I also knew that Jacob was not going to be home for nearly a week. The house was as spotless as though there was a loving wife living in it. I'd kind of reached an impasse. I had nothing to do for my mind, but to watch the television and that was pretty boring all too soon.
Often my mind would go back over the strange life new style that I was now living in. It was by far better than it had ever been. I had nearly a thousand dollars in my chequing account, something that I had never even thought was possible to me before. I had even bought some new clothes for school. I had no worries about what to eat, which was a relief to me. I had no worries about sleeping in a cold place either. And I did not have to share a room with Jerry Jock constantly mocking me.
There was only one fly in the ointment, so to speak. And that was that I knew that I desperately wanted more than ever, to try on some of those girl's clothes that were so abundant in my room.
It was becoming almost like an obsession, the more that I tried to put it out of my mind. I did not want to be a sissy. I had never thought of myself as being a sissy. But I wanted to know what it felt like to be able to wear some of those pretty and soft clothes. I finally came to the point where I was willing to look at my reflection in the mirror and admit to seeing a very girlish face there.
This morning, when I had brushed my teeth, I had looked at my elfin face, and I smiled and told myself that I was looking at a sissy face. It did not bother me to admit to myself that I was looking at a sissy face. In fact, it made me feel guilty because the idea that I might really be a sissy, made me feel really giddy and excited. I felt like I was on the verge of some strange new adventure. Finally, I decided that since it was safe to do it, so why not try it, just to experiment?
Feeling a sense of resignation to a fate that I did not seem to have any control over any more, I went up to my bedroom and took off my clothes. I stood there naked, in the girl's room. I could see the ultra feminine surroundings in the mirror, and I smiled at the little sissy I saw there in those surroundings. She was kind of cute.
This time I felt different being in that room in this manner this though. I felt weak kneed and strangely vulnerable in a way that I had never felt before. I kind of liked it too. I kind of felt like Sandy was in the room with me. I felt like her feminine personality was taking over me. I liked the way that felt too. I was giddy. My breathing was shallow. My hands were trembling. As I stood there and thought about what I was going to look like, wearing Sandy's clothes, I got the most intensely pleasurable sensations as my little penis began to grow into an excited erection. I could not believe that I was getting so turned on, just by the idea of wearing girl's clothes.
If that was what was going to happen to me, then I was going t enjoy it, I determined. Wit a last little flirty smile at the sissy, I turned my back on her, and I went into the bathroom to take a shower. In there though, I chose to take a bath, and I filled the tub with a delicate floral scented application of bath oils. If I was going to really do what a girl does, I decided that I might as well do it all the way, otherwise, why bother?
I did know that I did not want to put on the feminine pretty clothes without being clean and fresh first. It just would not have seemed right, somehow. Girls had always seemed fresh to me in a way, and I wanted to be as fresh as I could when I first became a girl too. It just seemed like a right thing to do.
Twenty minutes later, feeling exhilarated from the sensations of what the oils had done to my skin, I stood in front of the mirror again. This time, I was holding a pair of lacy pink silk panties in my right hand. I held it up in front of me. I smiled at the sissy. "Girl, if you put on those panties, you will be a sissy. You will be a sissy for life. Every time that you look at yourself in a mirror from now on, you will know that you are looking at a boy who wears girl's clothes. Is that what you want for your life?"
I had confronted myself with the ultimate truth question. For an answer, I watched my reflection as I smiled and bent over, stepped into the delicate silk intimate garment of a girl, and pulled them up my legs. The feel of the soft cool silk sliding up my ultra sensitive skin drove me wild.
This was the loveliest physical sensation that I had ever experienced in my life. I watched as the panties rose to my hips. I felt the cool silk wrap itself gently around my bum cheeks. I watched it conform to the curvature of my hips. I let the panty waist go, and watched as the panties bulged out obscenely as they tried to flatten my engorged cockette.
I have never before felt so erotically charged. For the first time in my life, I wished that I did not have a cockette, that I had a vulva there, so that those panties would curve around flatness, the way that they were designed to do. I also could not believe that I had actually found within myself the courage to break down all the years of conditioned training. I'd grown up to believe that what I was doing was wrong. Boys were boys and girls were girls, and ne'er the twain should meet.
Yes, it was wrong. But because it felt so good, I knew that I was going to do this over and over and over again.
I also knew that as long as I lived in this house, I would never again wear boy's underwear. I would be dawning girl's panties and camisoles from now on, under my school clothes.
I watched as sissy put on her very first bra. I stuffed two pairs of panties into each cup and admired the lace trimmed swell that I had created. I then wrapped a waist nipper around my waist, and laced it up the back as tightly as I could. I loved the discomfort of the tight lacing. It some how made me feel strangely secured. It also made my hips suddenly look more round like a girl's hips should be.
The waist nipper was black. I lowered my panties and let the garter straps fall down inside of them. I then sat on the edge of the bed, and for the first time, learned first hand why girls loved to wear nylons. If some one had ever tried to describe to me how sensuous and erotic the feel of the delicate material would be when it caressed and tightened against my skin, I could not have believed them.
Now I knew what a delight it was to wear pretty sheer nylon stockings. But then when I stood up and I felt how wonderful it felt to have the things grow taut all over my legs, I nearly swooned. This was a wonderful feeling. It was even nicer to me, because I also had the secret sense that what I was doing was verboten (a definite taboo to the uninitiated).
I was enjoying the feel of the tightness around my waist, the tautness on my legs, the silky material on my bum and ever so gently caressing the sensitive underside of my cockette. Not to mention the unaccustomed pleasure of the lace straps over my shoulders and around my chest, I stood and went to the mirror again.
I looked at my totally effeminated reflection for the first time in my life. "Girl, this is the real you..."
As I looked at myself for the first time, dressed in lingerie, I felt a really strange sense of peace coming into me. It was as though, for the first time in my life, I was feeling like I was a whole person. I had always felt sort of empty in a way, though I had not defined it that way, not till this moment in time. I felt like I should have been a boy, but allowed to be a girl, in order to be a whole complete personality.
As I marveled at how completely, excepting the excited throbbing bulge in the front of my panties, that I looked like a real girl would look in her underwear, another strange new emotion began to make itself known to my conscious mind.
I felt like a delightful bubble of something was forming in my tummy, just above where my cockette was straining against my first pair of panties. As I thought about what a nice feeling it was, the bubble seemed to grow and as it grew it seemed to move slowly up into my chest, and come to rest where my heart was, right under the lacy cups of my first bra. Then it seemed to burst, and it filled my body with an emotion of pure delight. I knew what it was.
It was my girl personality, and she was making herself known to me. I loved her too. She came with such a sense of sweetness in her, that I could not help but to love her. I also knew that I wanted for her to live and express herself through my life, such as it was.
With a nearly ecstatic grin in my face, I spoke to her. I even knew her name.