What's Yo Mama's Name, Child?
An occasional
newsletter for the Parslow Family, their heirs and successors under law Vol.1, July 2000
Well, here it finally is, folks -- the long promised Parslow
family newsletter. Since this is the
protoype,
and basically a one-person effort, I'm
hoping everyone will come up with suggestions for changes, improvements,
new content, and most especially A NAME
for the damned thing! Of course, it
goes without saying (but I'll say
it anyway) that you need to contribute to keep
it going. We need the following to make
it good:
n A music and movie editor
n Contributions of original work; movie,
book and music reviews; hot Web sites and hyperlinks; humour etc
n Your news; contacts with relatives and
friends; coming events and significant dates
n Everybody's e-mail address -- the one you
access the most. If necessary, work it
out with the kids who's
going to be the "official
correspondent"
I'll be sending out a feedback form as a
separate HTML document. As well, just
e-mail me at vlps@gil.com.au with
your comments and contributions. Don't forget to let me know if you have trouble receiving or
opening this newsletter.
Contents
What's what with
who n' all that
Go and Ask Your Mother/Father!
What's what with
who n' all that
The Old Folks at Home
Can’t keep them old fogeys down. Vic and Gill are back from their annual winter
migration to the South, this time to Merimbula, on the NSW south coast between Eden
and Bega. Auntie Marie went along again to act as chaperone—mainly to keep Vic out of the clubs.
However,
if Vic’s postcards were a fair guide, I suspect Marie was aiding and
abetting. No doubt
you’ll hear ALL about it for yourself next time you make a charity visit to the pathetic old duffers. Oh,
don’t forget to comment on the new paving, will you?
Rockin’ Rowland Terrace
[This space temporarily vacant while Chris rests his pathetic old ballbag’s creaking
mortal remains at Rainbow Beach, and Kerry pretends to be having a complete break—
in between feeding, cleaning, amusing and refereeing the yard apes, and tenderly ministering to her
spouse. Bet she’s having a whale of a time].
Moffatt Street Fookin’ Taxi Services
Tony the Demon Cabbie is now permanently assigned to MaxiCab 1048, so be warned.
The new arrival is occupying much of his time—I speak of course of his motorised golf buggy. It makes
him look even more like Fred Flintstone than ever, and has supplanted the motor-mower in his affections.
Vicki has finally seen the last of discipline reports, parent grievances and selection reports—until the
next bloody lot. Revolting, this business of earning a living. Also have put away beads, sequins, lycra,
tulle, glitter paint etc until next Eisteddfod, having transformed the Petit Pois into a mignonette lettuce for
her Solo Speed Tap premiere. Frannie took a turn at being a stage mum for a day. That, and her tiara
collection,
have finally turned the poor girl’s head—she’s signed up for tap dancing
classes with Miss
Janine. By the way, readers of the “Australian” on Thursday 15 June weren’t hallucinating, that really
WAS Frannie on page 15.
Cecily the Prodigal Daughter is free from durance vile at last, eating like the Proverbial and pandering
to cravings for cheese-and-chicken rolls, macadamia ice-cream, dill pickles and corn dip. The visible bulge
below her
waist is, I suspect, the effect of more than one carnal appetite.
The House of Usher, Lingard Street
Well goodness, who knows what evil lurks behind the Red Door of Lachlan’s Den o’ Doom,
let alone what’s going on further up the path. Lance, as usual, seems to be flat out preoccupied
with Burke and Wills—apart from a Big Day Out with his dad at the races last Saturday. Ipswich Cup Day, and
didn’t that turn out nice? Still, I believe Emil went home a happy punter.
Steph’s work is keeping her busy, despite being stalked by a Doppelganger with mysterious intentions.
Lachlan was last seen heading off to meet a grrl, gosh shucks! Brodie, at least, is making the most of the
school holidays: big day out today with a mate, doing lunch, getting a hairdo, catching a movie (and I thought
that was
girl thing!)
O’Hanlon St Refuge for Wayward
Children & Maladjusted Animals
This fortnight’s big news in the Harris household was the Ipswich Junior Eisteddfod—and
specifically Isabella’s part therein. Four solo performances in the Under Eight age category
Song & Dance (Tap), Solo Tap, Waltz Tap and Speed Tap—earned her a Special Mention
and a Highly Commended, as well as some very positive comments from the Adjudicator.
Highlight
for Leonie, though, was a compliment from the
adjudicator on the costume she made for Bella’s
song and dance (“Zippedy Do Dah”)! {Meanwhile, a dedicated relative, who for reasons of modesty will remain
un-named, and who is still removing stray sequins from unlikely places on her person, burned the midnight oil
to create a glittering, frothy lettuce-green frou-frou of a costume, and had to be contented with the Pea’s off-hand
comment to a dressing room full of competitors and parents that “Aunty V***i was good for something”! Hrrmmphhh}.
As for what the rest of them have been up to, your humble editor neither knows nor cares (although I dare
say that the junior stud muffins have been spending much time with gurlies, as usual, and their big-nosed father
drinking much BEER).
Hellslide Chasm
Find out for yourself what the young’uns have been up to! Latest issue of the Hellslide Chasm News
is
available on your mailreader now, in full glorious colour and stereo sound.
Our Overseas Correspondents
Marcus is keeping quiet since his return to Japan—only one phone call home, and very
very little said. Curious. Phone home, you bad boy!
Eddie Stafford and Our Ivy both called this week. Everyone is well, and Eddie & Jean’s younger son Gary
and
partner Lisa are expecting their first child in the coming fortnight.
Fran’s cuddlesome feller Jim continues to deluge his “lickle
squirrel” with cards, phone calls and surprises.
Ain’t LURV grand?
You Must Remember
This…
Birthdays coming
up!
– 18
July: Stephanie (44)
– 23
July: Cecily (21!)
– 28
July: Christopher (48)
– 1
August: Lachlan (20)
– 5
August: Lance (46)
Coming Events
and Important Dates
– Twenty-first birthday celebration for Cecily! We're
planning for a lunch/dinner at Brothers' Club
or similar venue, either Sat 22nd
or Sunday 23rd July, (depending on opening times etc). We'll
book
tables
and pay for a (limited) bar tab, guests to buy their own meals etc. Hopefully Tony will be able to arrange
MaxiTaxi
transport for those who won't want to drive.
We'll let people know a.s.a.p. about final arrangements.
All About Spoon
Collecting
REJECTED DR. SEUSS
BOOKS:
1. One Bitch, Two Bitch, Dead Bitch, You
Bitch
2. Herbert the Pervert Likes Sherbert
3. Fox In Detox
4. Who Shat in the Hat?
5. Horton Hires a Ho
6. The Flesh-Eating Lorax
7. How the Grinch Stole Columbus Day
8. Your Colon Can Moo - Can You?
9. Zippy the Rabid Gerbil
10. The Cat in the Blender
11. Marvin K. Mooney, Get the Fuck Out!
12. Are You My Proctologist?
13. Yentl the Lentil
14. My Pocket Rocket Needs a Socket
15. Aunts in My Pants
"Little Golden Books That Never Made It"
1. You Are Different and That's Bad
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3. Dad's New Wife Robert
4. Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share
5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
9. All Cats Go to Hell
10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
11. Some Kittens Can Fly.
12. That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
13. Grandpa Gets a Casket
14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
17. Strangers Have the Best Candy
18. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
19. You Were an Accident
20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
21. Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
22. The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan
23. Your Nightmares Are Real
24. Where Would You Like to Be Buried?
25. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
26. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
Couch Potato
World
you
could do worse than consult the Household Cyclopaedia at http://members.xoom.com/mspong/indx_c.html.
Found
this site while looking for a recipe for clove cordial for an e-mail
correspondent, and what an
extraordinary
place it is -- Enquire Within Upon Everything, indeed!
:
The
Yartz
Movies, videos and music --
reviewed by our panel of guest experts.
Reader reviews and comments for
forthcoming editions will be
welcome. We rate all Objets de Yart on
(1) All-round Quality -- 4 :
(2) Entertainment Value -- ® or
O: (3) Parental Irritation Factor -- K : and (4) Age Appeal
9 VIDEOS
q Happy, Texas Prison escapees find themselves stuck in
the town of Happy, Texas and
become entangled
in the lives of the townsfolk. Wayne
Wayne Wayne finds himself coaching the
town's entrants in
the state kiddie talent quest, while the closet gay sheriff becomes inamoured
with his
accomplice. Very silly, but very
funny. The nonsensical story is lifted
by genuine charm
and quirky humour. 44 ®®® K All ages
q Drop Dead Gorgeous Life-and-death competition in a teen beauty pageant. Silly story and trite
plot, without the
naïve charm of "Happy, Texas".
Black humour and lots of tiaras fail to lift this
"Heathers" clone. Kirsty Alley has a few good moments. 44 ®® K 18 & under
q
Letters from Death Row Odd and hard to
categorise one-man effort: written, produced,
directed by and starring Brett Michaels, of
"Poison". Quality moments and
a twist at the end
never quite work. A
curiosity for Michaels fans. 44 ® K Fans only
¸ MOVIES
q
Angela’s Ashes A gloomy view of
an Irish childhood earlier this century.
Robert Carlisle is
excellent as the father. Fans of the book may have mixed views. A fine movie, but the general
feeling is “get over it”. 444 ®®® J
Mainly adult interest
Go and Ask Your
Mother/Father!
Here's an Advice Column peculiarly suited to our
particular needs and inclinations.
q
Send in your despairing, desperate,
deranged, disgusting or damn-fool queries, anonymously
if you
wish, and addressed to Mum or Dad as you deem fit.
q
Our panel of experts will refer your query
to an appropriate Mum or Dad. We won't
tell you which
Mum or
Dad though -- it could be any parent of suitable gender amongst the whole idiot
mob. You just
have to take your chances, cookie.
q
Then have hours of fun trying to work out
just who was responsible for the load of drivel you got in reply,
while
the other Mums and Dads decide (a) if it was their child who asked such an
appalling question, and
(b)
whether they would have given exactly the same reply.
ME! Let's All Talk About Me!
[Nah,
let's not, I'm buggered. You all just
pick on me anyway. Feck off, go on.
Oh, all right, since you insist…here's something to be getting on with].
Germoline's Chicken Liver Stuffing
Well, it's a filling I use to
make savoury pancakes on Pancake day,
when the family like to have pancakes for every course, but it goes
very well in ravioli, as well.
You need:-
chicken livers,
finely chopped sweet onion or shallots
garlic chopped finely
chopped almonds, or cashews, or any other nuts you like. I think
peanuts are a little too strong-tasting for this.
single cream, or nowadays I use half-fat crême frâiche, if you can get
that in Oz.
1 tablespoon of brandy
herbs of your choice. I usually use sage, and marjoram or oregano.
Method (easy peasy)
Gently fry the chopped onions in a little butter and olive oil, until
they are transparent. You don't want to let them colour.
Add the chicken livers and stir well, then add the garlic. If you're
using dried herbs, add them now, if fresh, wait till later.
Continue stirring until the chicken livers are cooked (they should
still be a little pink inside and soft.
Remove from the pan and chop finely, or food process. Don't let it
become a paste though.
Return everything to the pan, warm through again, add the fresh herbs,
taste it and add salt and pepper as required and a tablespoon of
warmed brandy.
Flame the brandy.
Add the creme fraiche and the chopped nuts, stir and cook gently,
stirring constantly, for a couple of minutes, and then allow the
mixture to cool. It should have a thickish consistency.
You can then use this as a
filling for ravioli, pancakes, (covered
with a bechamel sauce and baked in the oven), or even vol-au-vents.
I've deliberately left the quantities a bit vague, to allow for
individual tastes, but for 8 ozs. of livers, I would normally use 1
medium onion or the equivalent in shallots and 2 small cloves of
garlic. You need to add the amount of cream or crême fraîche to bring
it to the right consistency, so you have to use your judgement on
this.
We usually only have this in pancakes once a year, as it's one of
those things they eat far too much of, on Pancake day, but it's a
family favourite as a ravioli recipe even with my husband who doesn't
really like pasta.
A bechamel sauce is nice with the ravioli, but a little olive oil or
butter is fine..
[Go on then, I dare you].
Last Revised: 8 July 2000
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