KISS YOU TIL YOU WEEP

Disclaimers: None of the characters are mine, but I think I've made that very clear many times before!
"Kiss You Til You Weep" ~ Paul Gross
"Then He Kissed Me" ~ The Crystals
Feedback: ballynihinch@hotmail.com



Up against this wall,
Right here in this corner
Or anywhere at all
Or anywhere we are
Lay your body down,
Down upon these stones,
This beach has grown cold, my love

“When are you leaving for California?”

Sam looked up to see Donna lingering about the doorway to his office.  She tried to act casual and blasé, but it wasn’t exactly working.

“Are you okay?” he asked in return, standing up from his desk.  It killed a tiny piece of her that his voice could still hold so much concern about her well-being.

“Yeah, I’m fine.  Just tired and…at sixes and sevens, I guess.”

“You should probably come in.”  He smiled, but it never reached the baby blue of his once-sparkling eyes.  Donna winced for a brief second, knowing she was responsible for that barrenness in his face—that face that had grown to mean so much to her.

Sam came around behind her to shut the door and pull the blind over his shared window with Toby’s office.  She took a deep breath—if Sam was shutting out the rest of the world, this conversation really was going to be rough…not that she hadn’t already banked on that.

“You don’t have your flight booked yet?”

“I’ll leave tomorrow, maybe the day after.”  As he spoke, Sam moved around back behind his desk, immediately putting a barrier between them.  “Things are still being sorted out about the campaign office.  The sooner I get there, the sooner the DNC can begin the campaign in full force.”

“That makes sense,” she replied softly, slipping down into the chair opposite him.  “It, ah…it’ll be…weird…without you here.”

“Maybe.  But also very convenient.”

Donna winced visibly from that particular barb.  She couldn’t bring herself to look at him after that.  “I had come here hoping to make you understand, but I guess all I can do is take whatever it is you have to dish out and just keep saying how sorry I am.”

“Okay.”

“I am sorry, Sam.  Truly, I am,” Donna declared, only now having the courage to meet his eyes.

“Yeah,” he sighed, running a hand up the back of his hair.  “I know you are.  It’s not like any of us planned for things to get this muddled…even you and Josh working together couldn’t be that diabolical.”

Donna decided to ignore the backhanded compliment and cross the next hurdle as soon as possible.  “Can you ever forgive me for running out on you like that?”

“Do you mean in the woods, or just generally?”

“Both, I guess.  I never wanted to hurt you, but things just…changed.”

A sardonic smile lit up his face.  “Or you could say they just went back to the way they’ve been for the past four years.  I was a blip on your screen, and now you can go back to perfecting your Josh-Radar.”

“That’s what you really think of me?”

Her eyes bored into his own, full of hurt rather than rage.  She watched closely as he took in her entire physical state—the way she was practically curled up in his chair as if every word he said was causing bodily harm.  Whatever he had meant to say in a scathing retort was never spoken.  She could tell the exact moment he lay down his defensive act.

“Once he got his priorities straight, I never really stood a chance, did I?” he asked in a voice as soft as brushed velvet.

Donna didn’t know how to answer and shook her head as her eyes brimmed with tears.  “I’m so sorry.  The words aren’t enough, but they’re all I have right now.”

Sam tilted his head back, exhaling deeply, and stared at the dotted ceiling.  “I could be a total bastard about this whole thing,” he said, “and say you lied to me from the very first night we spent together.  I asked you then if you were in love with Josh.  And you told me in absolute certainty that any spark had flamed out a long time ago.  Was I wrong to believe that?”

“No,” she whispered, her hands pressing against the skin of her face to stop the tears.  “I thought it had.  I thought it was over.  I moved on with you.”

“Don’t,” he said sharply.  “Don’t look back.  I can’t take it if you try to placate me right now.  I might have lost some dignity, but please don’t take away my self-respect as well, okay?”

She nodded, eyes wide from the feelings that overwhelmed her.

“I could be a complete asshole over all of this,” he continued, “and I could go through the rest of my life hating you and hating Josh.  But there’s a problem with that.”

“How can there be a problem at your end of this?” she asked in a confused, lost voice.  “You’re the injured party here, not me—certainly not Josh.”

“The thing is, this small part of me can’t be anything but ecstatic and overjoyed that you and Josh finally found each other.  I’ve tried to exorcise it, but it won’t go away.  I think it’s the best part of me, Donna, so I’m not going to fight it, no matter how much I want you for myself or how desperately I wish I could blow off my years of friendship with Josh.  It’s that little part that leaves the rest of me no other choice than to be happy for you—for both of you.”

Before either knew what had happened, Donna vaulted out of her chair and threw herself against Sam’s steady chest.  They hugged violently, Donna sobbing into his shoulder, Sam holding her so tightly that he thought he might break her in his desperation to make this moment last a lifetime.

For some strange reason, Donna felt like she was experiencing a New Year’s Eve countdown.  She found herself straining to cram so much emotion into a space of time that dwindled with each passing second. 

“Thank you, Sam,” she whispered.  “Thank you so much, for everything.”

He didn’t say anything, merely held her in his arms, her face buried against his neck.  In that final moment of holding her, he at last was able to let go.

They broke apart.  It was as if the stroke of midnight had come and gone, and with its passing so too went a large part of her pain.  A part of herself would always feel regret—if not for choosing Josh over Sam, then certainly for the role she played in hurting one of her dearest friends.  But the overwhelming feeling right now was peace.

“So,” Sam said in a much jauntier tone, “will you come visit me in Orange County?”

“Before or after you win?”

“Before,” he answered quickly.  “And stop jinxing me!  Or else I might just pull this silly caper off, and then where would I be?”

“Working down the street as a Congressman and future President making the country a better place for all who live here?” she sassed.

“Nice.” 

This time, the smile did touch his eyes.  Donna gave him a wink in return, opened the door and walked out into the bullpen, shutting the door behind her.  The click of the latch closed the circle.

********

Josh had been on the Hill for most of the day, using the post-election honeymoon period to the President’s best advantage.  By the time he got back to the West Wing, he was exhausted.

“Josh!  Where have you been?”

He looked up to see the Chief of Staff bearing down the hallway towards him.  “Stuck up in some windowless office with Orrin Hatch for longer than I could bear.”

“Windowless?”  Leo began to laugh.  “He did that on purpose.”

“Don’t I know it,” Josh lamented dramatically in return.  “It’s never about elephants or donkeys with senators—it’s about showing up anyone else who presumes to imagine they’re a big shot too.”

“Are you a big shot?” Leo deadpanned.

“Leave me alone,” he grumbled in return.

“Well, good job at any rate.  You can head off for the night.  I already let Donna go…she looked absolutely exhausted.”  Leo leaned in to stare at Josh’s face, as if he were looking for something hidden there.  “You’ve been working her too hard for almost a year now.  I want it to stop.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Leo,” Josh blenched.  He could only think of how he had loved her luscious body only a few short hours ago.  There was no way in hell that Leo could be making a double entendre—right?  He dismissed the thought immediately.  “Donna’s not tired.”

“Seriously, Josh,” warned his boss, “get a grip and quit riding the poor girl into the ground.  You two are one of the best teams around here and I’d hate to have to reassign her…or you.”

Josh visibly swallowed.  “I’ll take that as a serious threat.”

“I would hope you would!”  Leo rolled his eyes and then walked through the bullpen towards CJ’s office.  “Get out of here, Josh.  I don’t want to see you until tomorrow.”

“Wait a minute!” Josh called out.  “You sent Donna home?  It’s not even five o’clock yet!”

Leo turned and glared.  It wasn’t the pitbull glare that was reserved for times of true peril, but it was enough to basically send Josh scurrying into his office.  No need to piss off his boss anymore than necessary just now—especially if he wanted to let Leo and the President in on his relationship with his assistant sometime before Inauguration Day.  Right, if home was where Leo wanted him, home was where he was going to be.  The question was, was Donna at his home or hers?

********

I’m right here in your eyes
You’re right here in mine
And the dodger’s on the wall
I swear

********

She could hear the key turn in the lock and the sound made her grip her knees a little tighter.  If every muscle in her body wasn’t clenched, she was sure that she would fly apart all over the apartment.

The door creaked slightly as it swung open.  That was new.  He should really call the super about that.

“Donna?”

“I’m right here.”

He walked in from the hallway and saw her curled up on the couch.  Balled up might have been a better word.  She watched him just stand there for a moment—the uncertainty on his face was plainly visible.

“Leo told me he sent you home.  Was anything wrong?”

“I just had a hard day,” she said, her voice barely raised above a whisper.

“You see Sam?”

If she spoke another word, the tears would overwhelm her, so she only nodded in response.  Looking back, she thought she must have telegraphed some kind of sign because Josh shed his coat and backpack in one swift move and then was there next to her on the couch, encasing her in his warm embrace.  And this was Josh—she could hit him with a 2x4 half the time and he wouldn’t be able to pick up on subtle hints.

“How ugly did things get?” he asked softly.

“Ugly enough.  And then it wasn’t ugly anymore.”

Josh pulled back slightly.  “Is that some girly way of saying he hit on you—because I’ve already clocked him once.  I’ll do it again if you want.”

Donna rolled her eyes and sighed before snuggling back into the crook of his shoulder.

“I think it’s done.  No, I know it.  Anyway, I don’t want to talk about it now.  Tell me about something—anything.  Just talk to me.”

He chuckled, unable to stop the smirk from spreading across his adorable features.  “Someday, years from now, I’m going to remind you that you actually told me to open my mouth and start talking.  I think this is a first and you’re damn straight if you’re thinking I’m going to take full advantage.”

Josh paused, gloating over his own verbal prowess.  There was no way that Donna could let his head get that big this early in the night.

“Ow!  What the hell!” he squealed as she pinched his side.  She grinned impishly at him.

“Don’t get too cocky.”

“I thought you liked me cocky.”

“Oh god.”

“Damn straight.” 

Josh leaned back against the sofa, assuming the ultimate masculine pose of relaxation.  Donna was so caught up in the moment of just being that the thought of a counterattack never crossed her mind.

“Donna?”

“Mmm…yes?” she lazily replied.

“Three words: revenge is sweet.”

She turned quickly in his arms.  “What?”

Before she knew what happened, he had her pinned down on the couch cushions, tickling her within an inch of her life.  While one hand kept her immobile, the other undid the buttons of her blouse, so that it soon lay forgotten on the floor.  His fingers danced across her ribcage, up the sensitive curve of her hips to the sides of her breasts, ravaging her nerves with a torture that was both pleasure and pain.

“Josh!  Stop!” she giggled uncontrollably.

“No, I don’t think I will.”

His squirming hands had now reached her armpits, which was one of the most ticklish places on her entire body.  She kicked at him, desperate to get away.

“Careful,” he chided.  “We wouldn’t want to hurt anything that might come in handy later.”

If she could have stuck her tongue out she would have, but just at that moment, Josh swooped down and planted a breath-stealing kiss on her tender lips.  His mouth sweetly ravaged hers even as his hands made the rest of her body tremble with adrenaline and frustration. 

“I’m not going down without a fight!” she yelled, tearing her mouth away from his kiss.  She quickly reached behind her head and grabbed one of the pillows and smacked Josh in the face with it.

He reared back, slightly stunned and smacking his lips.  It was all the room she needed to make her escape.  She tumbled to the ground, landing on her hands and knees, and then ran off through the kitchen to his bedroom, still laughing at their mutual crazy antics. 

From the heavy tread sounding behind her, Donna knew he was chasing her.  It was just like her flight to the Bartlet’s barn all those weeks ago, when he had first touched her in that most intimate of ways.  Looking back over her shoulder, she could see from the sparkle in his eyes that he was thinking of the same memory.  He was also closing in on her.  She jumped onto the bed, bouncing on the springy mattress and then fell against the pillows near the headboard. 

Josh loomed at the foot of the bed, his hands already undoing the Windsor knot of his tie and starting on the buttons of his shirt.  Not wanting to be outdone, Donna slowly unzipped her skirt at the side and shimmied it down her body, watching intently as Josh’s eyes dilated with desire.

“Oh, that’s your plan is it?” he asked, panting slightly from the chase across his apartment.  “We’ve gone from a tickle fight to a strip tease?”

“Are you actually complaining?” she retorted.  As if to emphasise her point, she ran her hands down her legs, taking her skirt with her, so that he was left staring at her in bra, panties, garters and stockings.

“God, I’ve missed looking at those,” he swore, motioning towards her legs.  “I guess this is your surrender, huh?”

Donna shook her head, smiling in a way she hoped was sexy and alluring.  “I think I just won,” she purred.

“Oh, you do, do you?”

“Yes, Josh,” she whispered, deftly unsnapping one of the garter belts from her hose and peeling the stocking down her leg.  “Don’t you agree?”

“Oh, I’m all yours,” he mocked, raising his arms in defeat even as he edged closer to her reclining form, intent on having her naked in seconds.

From the way he practically tore his shirt and pants off so that she could trace along his naked skin with her own talented touch, Donna knew this was one fight he had no problem losing.

********

If you ask me I will tumble
I’ll fall down on my knees
And I will meet you at the altar, baby,
Kiss you—kiss you ‘til you weep

********

There was a unique sensation she only felt with Josh that shot from her fingers down to her toes whenever he entered her.  It drove her absolutely wild.  It was something Donna always wanted to feel for the rest of her life.  As her hips rose to meet his powerful thrust, she tilted her head back into the pillows, unable to do anything but smile and close her eyes in bliss.

“God!  Donna!”

Josh’s lips kissed every part of her skin that they could reach as he drove faster and faster into her welcoming warmth, seeking the completion that he had previously showered on her with his hands and teeth and tongue.

Her hands drifted up from where they had been clutching the best ass in politics and entwined themselves into his sweaty curls.  She opened her eyes and saw his beautiful brown ones looking back at her.

“Oh, Josh,” she mouthed as her own release began again.

He stopped moving just before reaching his pleasure peak and watched his woman climax beneath and around him, amazed at his control and even more astonished at the vision of Donna coming.  When she finally opened her eyes, he smiled and spoke before resuming the push and pull of his hips.

“I love you,” he whispered.

As soon as the words were uttered, he lay his head in the crook of her shoulder and rode her to completion.

They collapsed in a sultry tangle of sweat and sheets and satisfaction.  For a few minutes they dozed, only becoming half-awake when Josh’s softening cock slipped out of Donna’s body and they instinctively tussled playfully over who had to lie closest to the wet spot.

In an act of extreme physical effort given their past exertions, Donna climbed on top of her lover and pressed down with all her body weight, effectively keeping Josh away from the dry side of the mattress. 

“Ha!  Pinned you,” she crowed in victory.

For the second time that night, he happily surrendered, shrugging his shoulders before reaching up to cup her head and draw her close to his heart.  They lay entwined together for soft minutes in the dark night; the only movement was Josh slowly running his hand down the long column of her back. 

It was his quiet chuckle that made her look up, past the square of his jaw, to see what was so funny.  Josh looked down and answered her unspoken question.

“I was just thinking about all the years that we’ve missed out on this.  I must have been blind not to realise aeons ago how much I have loved you from the very beginning.”

“I second that!”

“Or,” he continued nonchalantly, “maybe I should date my undying love from our April anniversary.”  He paused, waiting for some kind of reaction. 

He had expected violence, but what Donna did was a thousand times more threatening. 

“Josh,” she whispered in soft, mellifluous tones while drawing circles around his stomach with one lone finger.  “Are you really sure you want to pick that fight with me again?  Because we both know, I won hands down the last time.”  She punctuated her final sentence by letting her finger drift down lower so that her imaginary designs were now tantalising his quickly hardening cock.

He paused, thinking.  With extreme tact he took a long look down the length of his body to watch her wandering touch.  “Oh.  Right.  The red lights thing.”

“The red lights thing,” Donna agreed.  “Smart boy.  You wouldn’t want me to take that back or anything, right?”

“Absolutely right.”  He rolled slightly on his side, so that she slipped off most of his body and gave him access to her own valleys of temptation.  “So,” he asked casually, his hands beginning to stroke a tender nipple, “when did you first fall in love with me?”

“Well, let me think.  It might take a while to pinpoint the exact moment—there are so many bad images to overcome at the beginning of knowing you.”

“Hey!” he barked, his hands falling away from her breast.

Donna raised an eyebrow.  “Need I remind you of the whole ‘dating Mandy’ thing?”

“Oh.  Right.  Well, after that then.”  His hands picked up where they had left off.

“Excluding moments of lust during Bartlet For America, I guess it would have to be the morning when I threw that undershirt at you in your office and you wouldn’t put it on until I mentioned how all the girls would swoon over Sexy You—or something to that effect.”

The cocky dimples dug so deeply into his face, Donna worried for a scant second that they would be stuck that way.  “Sure you weren’t just talking about yourself?” Josh asked in his low, sexy, I-wanna-make-you-come voice.  “Cuz, I’ve always thought that would be really sexy.”

“What, me fantasising about you and a bunch of squealing pre-pubescents who only know your name because they got stuck doing an evil in-depth civics project in the eighth grade?”

“No, not as such.”  He tweaked her sensitive aureole just for good measure before bending his head to lave it with a velvety hot tongue.  “I meant,” he said against the soft skin of her breasts, “I thought it would be really sexy if you had dreamed about the two of us and then—you know…”

She didn’t quite know how to react to that specific suggestion and looked up to the ceiling for guidance.  “Did you ever—you know—when thinking about us?”

“Hell, yes!”

The moan that escaped from her sent them both into a tizzy of fresh arousal.  “You’re right,” she breathed, “that is rather hot.”

“Really?”

“Mmm-hmm.”

“Sweet.”

“It’s—you know—just a tad dirty.”

Josh loomed above her as soon as the words left her mouth and kissed her until she thought she would weep into oblivion.  He pulled back, minutes later, and gave her a quick wink before scampering off the bed and into the bathroom.

“Josh!  What are you doing?”

She was answered with the sound of water running in the shower.

He strode back and claimed her from the bed without a word, pulling her into his arms honeymoon-style.  Just before they entered the bathroom, he left off nibbling at her neck and gave her a smirk-filled look.

“I just figured since we both have such dirty thoughts, we might want to get clean.”

“Or come up with more dirty images to play with?” she giggled.

“God,” he smiled, shaking his head as he carried her into the billowing clouds of steam, “you’re just perfect, aren’t you?”

********

Each time I saw him
I couldn’t wait to see him again
I wanted to let him know
That he was more than a friend
Didn’t know just what to do
So I whispered ‘I love you’
He said that he loved me too
And then he kissed me

********

“Sam!  Wait up!”

The familiar voice jarred Sam out of his thoughts and back into reality.  He looked around the busy airport terminal, half-hoping that he was just imagining things.  A few more steps and he would be at the security detail, so if this was anyone from the office coming to say goodbye, they really were cutting it close to the wire.

He saw the face calling to him and for a brief second thought he was going out of his mind.  Shouldn’t he be the last person in the world to come and wish his old friend a pleasant flight?

“Josh?”  There was genuine surprise in his voice.  “What are you doing here?  Where’s Donna?”

Josh stopped only a few feet away, immediately looking guilty.  “I had to come.”

“Why?”  Sam quickly saw the hurt that raced across Josh’s face.

“You’re…I mean, come on!  You’re my buddy, my pal—my buddy.  God!  I’m starting to sound like some old war movie here.  Help me out, okay?”

“I get it, Josh,” Sam said, his mouth somewhere between a grimace and a toothless smile.  He looked toward the metal detectors and teams of security guards scanning baggage.  “I’m going to have to leave.” 

It took a few seconds for them both to realise that neither one was moving.

“I feel awful about this,” Josh said lowly.  “I brought you in after Nashua and it’s been—Christ, these past four, four and a half years have been just amazing, for all of us.  And now, because of the way things are, I feel like I’m forcing you to give it all up.”

“Josh.”

“Don’t get me wrong here, I love that you’re going to run in Orange County.  In a way I can’t believe that the thought didn’t strike you sooner.  If you don’t get your ass in gear and throw your hat in the ring and run for office, how the hell am I ever going to become your Chief of Staff?”

Sam gave a small, wistful smile.  The hours the two of them had spent late into the wee hours of the morning at the office, drinking beer, feet up on desks, talking about the days to come when they would be running the White House from inside the Oval Office.  It had been a great dream.

“I’m only leaving for a few months,” he said.  His voice took on a new tone, something more personal and meaningful.  “Then, with even just a small, paltry amount of luck, I’ll be working down the street in that other big white marble building, still making you pull your hair out at my latest bill proposal or committee rider—that is, if you have any hair left by then.”

It took Josh a moment to take in the sassy quip, and when he did his jaw fell open. “Watch it!” he warned.  “Don’t mock the hair, Golden Boy.”

They both smiled, relaxed for the first time in the conversation.  But Josh knew that more had to be said.

“Donna would have been here, you know, if…”

Sam just nodded.  “Yeah, I know she would have.”

“It’s not like she and I planned any of this.”

“It was a surprise when she and I got together too.”

Josh’s face hardened at the reference to Sam and Donna being lovers.  “I have to be honest,” he confessed stonily.  “I hate that you were with her.”

“You didn’t have sole rights to her or anything.  Josh, I’m gonna be honest too.  “You took Donna for granted for so long.  It was so aggravating to just stand by the sidelines and see you throw away opportunity time and again.  That first night that—things happened—she was so upset about you being off in Hawaii with Amy.  If you hadn’t been such a jerk for so long, she and I would never have taken things to the next level.  So don’t think I acted alone—we all had a part in this one.”

Josh looked at the floor, thinking.  “I was a jerk, wasn’t I?”

Sam didn’t answer; rather, he rolled his eyes and sent Josh a sharp look.  It said it all.

“I’m sorry, Sam,” Josh apologised.  “And believe me when I saw it’s hard for me to ever say sorry to anyone—ever.”

Sam nodded again, acknowledging the difficulty Josh had always had in admitting he was wrong.  “I think it’s a good thing that I’m going now,” he said.  “I honestly wish you the best…but for the next bit, I really need to keep my distance.”

“Yeah.”

“And I swear to God, Lyman, if you ever hurt her or make her feel second-best ever again, I’ll pulverise you.”

Josh’s eyes were bright when he met Sam’s glare.  “Point taken,” he said, smiling with just a touch of dimples.  “I love her, Sam.  This is the real thing.”

“I wouldn’t have backed away for anything else.”

The two men paused, searching for something else to say.  At last, Sam decided the bridge had been mended.

“I’ve got to get going,” he said, nodding toward the security gates.

“Yeah, sure, of course.”

“Josh, I’m glad you came here today.”

“So am I.”  Josh shoved his hands in his pockets, not wanting to seem all girly and emotional at the thought of Sam leaving.  “Will you be back for the Inauguration?”

Sam smiled easily at that question.  “I wouldn’t miss it.” 

“Good.  So…I’ll see you then.”

“Josh,” Sam laughed, rolling his eyes at the little drama going on between them.  “Josh, we’ve been best friends for almost ten years.  I’ll always turn up as your bad penny.  It’s my m.o. in life.”

“Same for you, buddy.”

“I’ll see you in January.”  Sam began to walk backwards, heading for the gate.

“You better believe it!” Josh called after him. 

Simultaneously, they each raised a hand in farewell.  Then Sam turned away, not looking back.  Josh rolled his eyes at his friend—Sam always had been slightly obsessed with Orpheus and the whole damn Greek mythology thing. 

Once Sam had passed through the metal detector, setting it off of course, Josh nodded to himself and headed back to the office.  There was a certain person waiting there who needed to know that things were going to be all right.

********

I’m so sick of cryin’
This wound that never heals
Tell me ‘bout this lightning, my love
Tell me you don’t love me
Tell me I don’t feel
We know you can’t strike twice

********

He watched for a long while as the plane slowly pulled away from the ground, his face pressed against the window of the plane.  Places always looked smaller when ascending to a height of thirty thousand feet. 

Somewhere deep inside, he had actually found the strength to leave.  It surprised him.  For a long time, he thought he would never leave DC—that it was where he belonged more than anywhere else on earth.

And, most surprising of all, he’d been able to leave and let go without any loose ends still drifting behind him.  Everything had sorted itself out, and though he was bruised and battered, he would most definitely survive.  Hell, he’d do better than that.  Even if he didn’t win the seat in the House, he probably would be offered his own talk show on CNN: ‘Live with Sam Seaborn’ or something equally ridiculous and wonderful.

He shifted in his seat, unable to find the sweet spot of supreme comfortableness. And he knew there was a reason for that too.  If he was honest with himself, and sooner or later he wouldn’t be able to hide behind a cloud of denial, he knew that DC was no longer his town.  Whether or not he won the election didn’t really matter anymore because win or lose, he wasn’t going back to the West Wing.  That chapter was closed.

Things were the way they were always meant to be.  Josh had Donna…Donna had Josh.  They were in love.  And, try as he might, Sam couldn’t begrudge them their happiness in finally finding each other—if for no other reason, he’d been pushing for it to happen for so many years before…well, before things changed.  There had been nights alone in his apartment when he had been awake, staring at the ceiling, trying to hate his best friend and…whatever term Donna now fit in his own private world.  But he couldn’t do it.  Maybe he was too much of a nice guy, or too decent a friend, or perhaps just plain aware that nothing could separate those two.  True love, destiny, call it what you will—tampering with state diplomacy was one thing, but even Sam had to admit that he couldn’t take on Fate and expect a fair match.  And in some skewed little way, that was what he had done.

Things were the way they were always meant to be.

Pulling away from the window, Sam finally let the words sink down deep inside him, and was rewarded with the most simple and enchanting sense of calm and grace.  It was a new day…it was a new world…and, if nothing else, the cynic in him could never deny the existence of true love ever again.  In its own queer way, the thought brought its own sense of peace.

He shifted again, taking note that the ground had now disappeared beneath a carpet of clouds.  Leaning his head back, Sam closed his eyes, exhaling deeply.

And he smiled.

********

The first thing Donna did when Josh arrived back at work was to follow him into his office and shut the door behind her.  It was getting late, nearly time when she normally would whine about having pizza or some kind of take out brought to her for dinner—but today her mind wasn’t even contemplating food.

The weight of Sam leaving had rested heavily on her all day, as had her decision to not see him off at the airport.  When Josh had told her he was going come hell or high water, she thought it best.  What bothered her now was that she couldn’t read how it went from the look on Josh’s face…for once the man had a wonderful poker face.  Figured.

“You saw him off?” she asked.

“Yeah.  It went really well.”  Josh walked to the other side of his desk, pausing first to brush Donna’s hand with his own, and sat down in his chair.  He hadn’t exactly gone out of his way to make eye contact.

Donna approached him again but sat on his desk in front of him, making sure he couldn’t look away.  Another time, this would have been the set-up for a mutual fantasy to play out, but she was determined to see things settled first.  Friendship, then foreplay.

“Don’t take this the wrong way,” she said in a soft voice, “but I’m really going to miss him.”

Josh looked up and nodded, not quite smiling.  “I will too.”

“Have you heard any news about a possible replacement?”

“Kind of.”  Josh leaned back, rolling his eyes up to the ceiling as if he couldn’t believe he was talking about Sam Seaborn’s replacement.  It didn’t sound right.  “A while ago Sam told Toby and me about the guy who ran Wilde’s campaign in Orange County.”  He shrugged his shoulders and sighed deeply.  “I just can’t picture anyone else taking his place right now.  Not even for a few weeks or months.”

Donna let her head drop down, unable to hide how awful she felt.  “The old gang has broken up.”

“I know.  Feels odd, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah.”  She bit her lip, trying to suppress an overwhelming urge to start crying.  The trigger could have been Sam leaving for California, or things finally working with Josh, or hurting Sam the way she had…it could have been a thousand and one different things, but something inside had started to ache, like a bruise that would be mottled shades of green, yellow, and black by morning.

“Are things okay between the two of you now?” she asked, somewhat hesitantly.

“Don’t worry.  We understood each other.”  He took the risk of patting her leg in gentle reassurance.  Just the touch of his hand on her skin made her feel better…but she still felt the weight of blame heavy on her shoulders.

“I made a real mess of things this time, didn’t I?” she asked, her voice wavering in a mad effort to maintain control of her roving emotions.

“Don’t,” Josh replied, his tone terse.  “Don’t say this—any of this—is your fault.  It all just…happened.  Did you plan to get involved with Sam?”

She shook her head.  “No.”

“Did you scheme that whole dunk tank scenario to get me to kiss you?”

“No.”

“Did you tell off Amy because you wanted me?”

“Yes.”

He smiled.  “Let me rephrase.  Did you plan to clock her months in advance even though by then you and Sam were a couple?”

“Definitely not.”

He paused, his voice lowering with seriousness.  “Did you always know things weren’t going to work out with him?”

“Not really,” she replied, biting her lip from the threat of a rushing tide of memories.

“Did you know that day that you would wind up that night in my bed, in my arms?”

“No,” she vowed strongly.

“Then,” he replied, his eyes burning into hers with sincerity, “you can’t take all the blame on yourself.  Shit happens, Donna.  We’ve all seen it before—this time it just happened to land on us.  But I don’t blame you for me and Sam briefly falling out.  Neither does he.  And you shouldn’t beat yourself up anymore…I won’t have it.”

He stood up and cupped her jaw in the palm of one hand, forcing her eyes to look straight into his.  “You hear me in there?”

She gave him a small smile and leaned into his touch for a moment. 

“I love you.”

“I know.”

Donna rolled her eyes.  “You just had to have a Han Solo moment in there, right?”

“Did you honestly expect anything less?” he chuckled.

“Never.”

“Would you be stunned if I told you I want you for the rest of my life?”

Donna looked at Josh in a most quizzical manner.  Her jaw was a fraction away from hitting the floor.  “Are you serious?” she whispered, her voice a mere hollow of its usual tone.

Unable to resist, Josh leaned in and winked before gently reaching for her chin and tugging her across the desk so that his lips at first only brushed hers before pressing for a stronger kiss that left her weak in the knees.

“How’s that for an answer?”  Even the splendid appearance of his dimples didn’t hide the fact from Donna that he was smirking.

“How’s me never letting you see me naked again until I decide whether or not you’re a complete jackass?”

She looked like the fat cat among the plump pigeons as the smirk vanished from his face and his eyes grew wide with fear.

“I’ll tell you what that is, Donnatella Moss.  It’s plain cruelty, that’s what it is!”

She replied sweetly, smiling through clenched teeth.  “Then the next time you even think about hinting at some kind of romantic proposal, it better be in all seriousness, or else you’ll get hit where it hurts.” 

“I will definitely remember that.”

“Good.”

With that little round of banter finished, she hopped off the desk and walked back to the bullpen.  “You’ve got to call Senators Hatch and McCain in the next hour,” she yelled on her way back to her desk.  She waited until she was out of sight before biting the corner of her lip from excitement and indulging in a giddy smile.

“Figures,” Josh muttered.  He leaned back in his chair, hoping he didn’t look like a complete lovesick idiot and then booted up the free cell game on his computer so he could think about what would happen next.

********

Then he asked me to be his bride
And always be right by his side
Felt so happy I almost cried
And then he kissed me

********

Feedback?  ballynihinch@hotmail.com