Thursday 7:12am
Josh,
I decided to write now because I'm sure you're too hungover to come up with any properly witty remarks. When will you learn, Joshua, that I am always right? You should have stopped after the third beer.
(And yes, I *did* ask CJ to look out for you two idiot boys. Someone had to since I wasn't there. I'll be talking to CJ about snitching on me soon enough though.)
Almighty and All-Powerful? I have my uses? If you could see me now, you'd know how hard I'm laughing at you. You are not either of those things, Joshua. I think last night proves it. I, on the other hand, have more power than you think. I'll just let you mull over that one over for a while.
Pastor MATT stopped by yesterday and I discovered that he really is the most fascinating man. Do you know he went to college on a baseball scholarship? He was even considered for the majors, but by then he had realized that the church was his true calling and went to seminary instead. We talked for hours and I don't think we had a single one of those awkward silent moments that you sometimes get with new friends. Anyhow, he's taking me out to dinner Friday night. How do properly accessorize a full leg cast so it doesn't ruin the line of your dress? Perhaps I should ask CJ.
Damn! I just realized I don't know exactly when Sam is supposed to get here. What if he arrives on Friday? Perhaps Matt wouldn't mind if we took him along? But I was really looking forward to this date, the first I've had in a long time. Hmmm... I'll worry about it on Friday.
Aisling has a nice... smile? I'm almost positive that wasn't what you were about to say. And she's a brunette? Just your type. Really, Josh, you should go for it. It's bound to fall apart sooner rather than later. And then when Leo chews you out for losing yet another temp, you can blame it on that.
-Donnatella
ps. Are you sure you were at CJ's last night and not Toby's? That would explain a few things.
pps. What's going on with the trade talks? I know that's what all your meetings have been about. And yes, we even get big national newspapers here in Madison that cover things like that.
ppps. What do you mean you don't date ANYONE anymore???
~~~~~
Thursday 7:35 am
CJ,
I can't believe you told Josh I wanted you to look after him and Sam! I asked you not to. What else have you been telling him CJ?!?
I really hope you didn't mention my leg. I have an appointment with the specialist on Saturday morning and I'm really hoping that there will be some good news and I won't have to talk to Josh about it at all.
But... just in case there is bad news... can you be around on Saturday afternoon? I don't want Josh to sink into a funk and if you're there, you'll be sure to snap him out of it.
-Donna
ps. Is it true that Toby has stuff at your apartment? I thought you were seeing Ranger Rick?
~~~~~
Thursday 8:00am
Donna,
Okay, I admit the sensitive system thing slipped out. But it was a perfect opportunity to mock him, Donna, and I know if you'd been there you would have done the same thing.
Besides, I have dried Josh-drool on my home computer's keyboard and may never work from home again, all because you asked me to take care of him. So you need to cut me some slack, here.
Anyway, we have bigger problems. Aisling is, by the way, cute and petite and brunette. But not mouthy. In fact, she does whatever he says, sort of the way you used to for about a day and a half before you got to know him.
The reason I'm telling you this is because Josh has been snapping everybody's head off except hers. He's downright ornery. In the mental health funding allocation meeting, Larry almost started crying and Ed looked ready to kill someone.
Aisling, though? Is apparently very helpful. Thoughtful. Organized. In fact, he seems to be turning the somewhat overrated Lyman Ladykiller Charm on her. I've pointed out that she's probably at least twenty years younger than him, but the man is convinced he's attractive to her. The poor girl doesn't know where to look, I'm sure.
Any idea what brought this on? Because frankly, if it's a mid-life crisis, I'd rather he bought a sports car.
On to other things. I'm sending you a rich, handsome, unemployed Democrat to brighten your Midwestern existence. Sam is planning to drop by for a few days next week. It was easy for me to convince him that California sunshine is exactly what the doctor ordered for you.
You tell me how that works out and I'll tell you which men keep what in my underwear drawer. ;) Deal?
As to Saturday afternoon, of course I'll be wherever Josh is. Can you give me a heads-up after the appointment, though? Because I want to make sure that if you need to talk to him about a worst-case scenario, he'll be somewhere free of press damage. Also want to make sure that Aisling doesn't bring him a gourmet coffee beforehand.
I'm glad to hear you're healing as well as you'd hoped, but I'm also seriously keeping my fingers crossed for you with this doctor's appointment. I'll be thinking of you the whole time.
Love,
CJ
PS: Who told you I have men's clothing at my apartment?
~~~~~
Thursday, 4:15pm
Donna --
You have power? Compared with mine? This I would like to see. But not today. Today I'm in hell. You want to know about the trade talks, well here it is in a nutshell: Why can't we just scrap NAFTA and take over Canada so that I can tell them where to shove their softwood lumber? Anyway, as I'm reminded constantly around here, I shouldn't bother you with work stuff when you're recuperating -- and apparently having an oh-so-busy social life.
So Pastor MATT had a baseball scholarship? From what school? Who was scouting him out? And what red-blooded American male would give up a chance to play in the Show? Just what kind of a man is he????
As for your "date" thing, why don't you wear that little red number you used to be so fond of? That way, when he picks you up, he'd know straight off that he's dealing with a scarlet woman! And, while you're at it, don't start scaring poor Sam with your feminine wiles while he's up there visiting. That's the last thing I need. He's coming up to be NICE to you, not for you to confuse the hell out of him.
Oh, and don't go snarking on Aisling either. She's none of your concern! One second you're apparently sending her emails outlining why bring me caffeine makes her an awful employee and then you're egging me on to date her? What's with you? You tried that once with Joey and your attempts at misdirection totally backfired and I saw through it.
Besides, my sex life is also off-limits to your prurient little mind. If I decide I want to date Aisling or anybody else, then I will! I might not have your track record for picking up, but I can still make the ladies swoon when I want to. You want to see me "go for it?" Game on! We'll see what falls apart faster--me and my wonderful new assistant with whom I share this fascinating mental connection and sense of humour, or you teaching Sunday School alongside Pastor 'What Would Jesus Do' Matt. Next thing your Heathcliff photographer will stop by -- maybe he can take a photo of me and Aisling that I can send along to you! You like getting real mail, right?
In fact, if you're having such a good time off there in Madison, maybe you should think about staying there PERMANENTLY!
-- J.
~~~~~
Friday, 1:19am
CJ --
If Donna writes/says anything to you about some 'date' thing she has tonight, I don't want to hear anything about it!!
So make sure you note down every detail and get right back to me.
-- Josh
~~~~~
Friday, 8:15 am
Don't worry, Josh! I'll be sure to get all the details!!! Isn't it good to hear that she isn't languishing in the backwoods?
Right. Like I'd actually do that for you. You want something from me, be a man and face me.
CJ
~~~~~
Friday 8:18 am
YOU HAVE A DATE?!? I totally want details!
~CJ
~~~~~
Friday 9:20 am
Josh,
I'm going to ignore most of your last email with the assumption that the trade talks, mental health conferences and your hangover were all working in conjunction to addle your mind.
However...
Don't you dare say that Sam is only visiting me out of pity! He's a dear friend and I sincerely hope that you aren't also implying that I would try to seduce him the first chance I got. That's low, even for you.
Go ahead and date Aisling. As you've said often enough, it's none of my concern. If you think that dating a 22-year-old, fresh-out-of-college nymph whom you "share this fascinating mental connection and sense of humour" with is a good idea, I can't stop you. After all, I'm simply your absentee assistant and have no right to interfere in your personal life at all. It's not like we ever... oh, never mind.
And you may not have to worry about the last thing.
-D
~~~~~
Friday 1:13pm
CJ,
I'm so sorry about the way Josh has been behaving. I'm afraid it's partly my fault. I goaded him into thinking that he and Aisling would make the ideal couple. I *know* it was a stupid thing to do, but the words were out of my mouth (or into my computer, as it were) before I could stop them.
Regardless of what happens with Josh and his latest infatuation, I'm not sure that staying in his office would be the best course of action. There was a period there when I first woke up in the hospital that I thought... but now it seems like I was just imagining things. And I'm not sure I'd be able to keep up with him physically anyhow. The breakneck pace with which he roams the halls of the West Wing will be nearly impossible to match with a bum knee.
I know that Toby's been short-staffed recently -- what with Bonnie on maternity leave and Ginger cutting back on her hours to pursue her Masters degree -- and I was wondering if you might bring up the possibility of me transferring to Communications to him?
Thank you for sending Sam. I'll give him a kiss from you when he arrives. :) And I will most certainly tell you all about my dinner with Matt as soon as I get a chance.
Love,
Donna
~~~~~
Friday 7:30 pm
Donna,
Okay, I've calmed down a bit now about the whole date thing. But I really wish you were here so that I could smack you around.
When are you going to accept that Josh is responsible for his own actions? He's a powerful man, but he's also a dumb kid. You didn't make him act like a jackass to everyone in a ten-mile radius of the West Wing, and you didn't "goad" him into hitting on Aisling. If he took your comments the wrong way, then that's his problem.
His really big problem, apparently. Are you sure about this? Because I know Toby would leap--okay, Toby never leaps, but it makes an interesting visual picture, doesn't it?--at the chance to have you. Um. Have you in his office. Ah. You know what I mean. Apparently I'm all about the visuals today.
Look, you have a lot on your plate right now, so I'm going to ask you to think about this for a few days before I talk to Toby. Go to the doctor, hear what he has to say. Enjoy your date with whoever he is, and let Sam take you to lavish, expensive places on his dime when he comes to visit. The man loves to shop--play your cards right and you could probably get a new I-have-a-full-leg-cast wardrobe.
And ignore Idiot Boy. Do you still want me to track him down for tomorrow afternoon?
Love,
CJ
~~~~~
Friday 10:33pm
Hi CJ,
It's 10:30 on a Friday night. How would you say my date went? In all honestly, it wasn't a date so much as it was a friendly dinner.
The pastor at my parents' church -- Matt -- stopped by earlier this week to visit me. Do you know he was almost a pro-baseball player? With the Sox. Wouldn't Josh and Toby have a fit if they found that out? You know what rabid New York fans they are.
Anyhow, Mom came in and ... well, let's just say he could tell that my current living arrangements were driving me nuts. So he offered to take me to dinner.
That's all there was to it. Really. Besides, I get the distinct feeling that he's not interested in women. Ya know? I'm not sure what that means for a pastor of a Protestant church, but... anyhow, it wasn't really a date. It was, however, a very welcome chance to escape the sweet yet oppressive concern of my loving parents for an evening.
Ok, I've told you all about my "date." Now spill about what other visuals you have of Toby from first-hand experience. ;)
And I'm looking forward to Sam's visit. I have my eye on this rather luxurious green silk dress I saw downtown. Do you think he'd be willing to help me find the perfect necklace and shoes to go with it? And do you think maybe I should introduce him to Matt?
Ok, it's rather late by Wisconsin standards and I have to get up early for all the doctors' probing. Keep your fingers crossed!
Goodnight,
Donna
ps. I'd really, really appreciate it if you were around to keep Josh from having a nutty. God knows, he can't afford to piss anyone else off. Is there anyone in the West Wing besides Aisling that's still talking to him?
~~~~~
Saturday, 4:45am
CJ --
At what point exactly do I make you my first phone call? Does an email count?
I think I better come over and see you this afternoon.
- Josh
**This is from the home computer of Aisling Lawrence -- Brunettes of the World, Unite!**
Continued in part three...