Wednesday, 3:13pm
Dear Donna,
I am an asshole.
I can fix this.
- J.
~~~~~
Wednesday, 7:17pm
Dear Sam,
I'm a fuck up. A screw up. A moron.
Look up a rock and hard place in the dictionary, and there's my picture.
Aisling is great -- smart, fun, pretty. Did I mention sexy? Her parting words to me the other day were, and I quote, "You won't see me later because I'll be sitting on your face." Like, wow.
But here's the thing. I just got this email from Donna today and it's driving me nuts. Because I think she's saying one thing, but I don't want to come straight out and ask her and be an ass...again. So, I'm going to ask you the thing instead. And then I'm going to ask CJ. And if I get the answer I'm thinking I might get, then I'm totally screwed -- and not in the way Aisling mentioned earlier.
So here it is: is there any possible way that Donna is in love with me? Despite all the other guys and the telling me to date other women and the snarkiness at times and this Pastor Matt thing...am I that blind? Does she love me...like...like that?
See? I'm screwed.
- Josh
~~~~~
Wednesday, 7:20pm
CJ -
You're going to hit me for asking this, so smack away.
Is Donna in love with me? Seriously?
- Josh
~~~~~
Wednesday 7:30 pm
Josh,
You're a jackass. I don't tell you that nearly often enough.
-CJ
~~~~~
Wed 8:20pm
Uh, Josh? I really want to help you. I do. And I'm perfectly willing to try to get Donna to talk to you, but I really don't feel comfortable answering this. It's something you need to talk to *her* about.
I'll see what I can do about getting her to reply to your emails. Maybe that will help.
Good luck -- you're going to need it, I think.
-Sam
(And you don't have to worry about Matt - nothing's going on with those two. I swear.)
~~~~
Wednesday, 11:34pm
Hey Buddy,
Well, Aisling and I are history.
She came over tonight and said she thought it might be best to end things right now, considering that I have "a lot of stuff to work through about your non-brunette assistant" and that I "really need to air it all out, otherwise you're a waste to womankind." Seriously. She just came around and said that. Then she gave me this really hot kiss -- we're talking tongues, hip-to-hip, all-consuming action here -- thanked me for moving her to Toby's office and said she'd see me around. She must be really mature for her age, because there was no awkwardness or bitterness on her part. Then she was gone, leaving me leaning against the doorframe to my apartment with my jaw hanging open.
It was perfect timing, really, because I'm not in any place to be seriously dating her, despite the fact that she was really cool. And an amazing kisser. What are they teaching girls in college these days???
But that's not why I'm writing to you. I'm writing because I just want you to know that I'm going to try and figure this out...and then I'll get in touch with Donna. Just *please* don't let her walk away from me forever...at least, not yet.
I need time, Sam. So I need you to distract her -- keep her occupied until I get this straight in my head.
You have your mission.
This message will self-destruct in ten seconds...
Well, not really, but...yeah. I'm an idiot.
Keep me posted on what's going on up there.
- Josh
~~~~~
Wednesday, 11:48pm
CJ --
Just so you know, Aisling and I have split. It was her idea and I totally agreed. There are no hard feelings or awkwardness, and she's really keen to be working for Toby, so that part of my screwed-up life is figured out.
Thanks for all your help a.k.a. violence in the past few days. It's gotten me thinking, at the very least.
See you tomorrow.
- Joshua the Jackass
(but at least I'm a Democratic Donkey)
~~~~~
Thursday 12:01 am
Josh,
Thank you for telling me. You seem philosophical about this, so I won't ask if you're okay, but if you are figuring things out, then as your friend, I'm happy for you.
CJ
~~~~
Thursday 12:20 am
Donna,
I just got confirmation of a piece of information you may or may not want to know. But I'm going to go with my instincts and tell you.
Josh got dumped. He just emailed me to tell me Aisling cut him loose, but in fact it was Aisling who came to me earlier in the day to ask me what I thought of the idea, given that we'd just completely reorganized our staffing for her and Josh.
Of course I told her that she had to do what was right for her, and she assured me that she likes Communications and adores working for Toby, which I can't believe, though now I think about it, Toby hasn't been complaining either, not even in a token sort of way, so he and I might need to have a conversation about that. On the lighter side, she also tried probing for information, saying she sensed Josh had unresolved issues, and it was almost amusing watching her try to play me.
Anyway, I don't know if this will make any difference to your decision to resign, but I thought you should know. I realize the issue between you and Josh wasn't Aisling, it was that Josh is an emotionally-stunted jackass. That doesn't change, regardless of whether or not he's dating someone else, so maybe it doesn't matter at all.
I hope I was right to tell you. Tell Sam hi for me.
CJ
~~~~~
Thursday, 2:47am
Donna,
Okay, have you started unplugging the phone when you go to sleep? I tried calling and I got a busy signal the whole time and I KNOW you can't be talking that much at 2am to someone else, so what's up? You've probably done it because you knew I'd call -- and you didn't want to speak to me. Okay. I get it.
But I know Sam is making you look at your emails, even if it is "under duress", so I think I have a pretty good chance of getting through to you this way.
It's late and I can't sleep. I'm so jumpy it almost feels like the panic attacks are coming back, but I know that's not it. It's quite simple why I'm feeling this way -- it's because I can't stop thinking about what you wrote to me in the afternoon. It's all I can think about...talk about...dream about...
You slept with Colin because you couldn't have me?
Really?
That is so NOT pathetic at all.
But you never said anything -- you never grabbed me and said "Josh Lyman, this is how things are going to be from now on!" I would have known what to do in that scenario. As someone once told me, I need to be hit over the head. Well, CJ has done her fair share of that this past week, but now I guess it might as well have been you.
I'm going to bed now. Go and see if the phones are out -- thank god you don't have dial-up anymore out there!
But before I go, you wanna hear something really pathetic? Remember Cliff? Remember Amy? Well that's dumb, how could you forget either of them? But remember the beginning of me dating Amy? The ensorcellment? The bragging? Just think about that one for a second.
So if you think you can just run away and forget all about me and quit your job and never see me again, you've got another thing coming. Because if you even THINK about doing that, I'm going to follow you, hunt you down and not let you go until you realize that I'm in...woah.
Sleep well. I'm sure you already are.
- J.
~~~~~
Thursday, 9:33am
Dear CJ,
I'm in love with her. Oh holy hell.
- Josh
~~~~~
Thursday 9:40 am
Josh,
I'd say, "Congratulations, Jackass," but I think this means that Toby won the pool. Apparently he was the only one who didn't vastly underestimate you.
But seriously--I'm glad you realized it. I know it's scary, but it will get easier if you give it time. So...
Congratulations! I assume you're going to try and fix things now. If you manage it, I'll be very happy for you both.
CJ
~~~~~
Thursday 1:15 pm
Leo,
Don't fire him. I have my work cut out for me as it is.
CJ
~~~~~
Thursday 1:59 pm
Josh! Do you want more punishment from me? Is that it? Did you really tell the Venezuelan ambassador to sell his oil somewhere else? Because Danny Concannon has the story and I haven't got the time, the energy, or the bargaining chips to get him to round-file it.
How about you put down the damn phone, leave your office, and help out around here? Leo knows about this, Josh. You're on a short string.
CJ
~~~~~
Thursday, 2:15pm
Donna,
The phone still isn't working. Did you cut the line or something?
I'm pacing in circles, here. You've got to get back to me. I'm serious, Donnatella. I've never been more serious in my life.
- J.
~~~~~
Thursday 6:22 pm
Dear Josh,
Do you know there are over 1.6 million dairy cows in Wisconsin? I think I saw over half of them when Donna and her parents dragged me on several cheese factory tours today.
I know you're desperate to talk to Donna, but maybe you shouldn't try calling so much. Her parents have taken the phone off the hook because they got tired of hearing it ring. You're not exactly their favorite person right now. Even the cats are starting to hiss when they hear your name.
If it makes you feel better though, I think Donna's starting to thaw. I'm not sure what you said to her in your last email – she's still checking it regularly, you know – but I swear she even smiled a little this afternoon.
I'm here until Sunday morning. I'll try to get her to email you before then.
-Sam
(I won't be around for the rest of tonight. Matt invited me out to see the Madison Moo play baseball. (http://madisonmoo.jvlnet.com/index.html))
~~~~~
Friday, 1:57am
Dear Donna,
Look what you've done to me. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I'm absolutely useless at work. I can't do anything except think about you.
Come on, you're killing me here!
You won't take my calls, my emails go unanswered. Donna, it's been two days! Why won't you talk to me? Maybe you're done talking to me...
What is it you want to hear? That I can't go on without you? That my life has turned to shit within an instant because you're leaving me? That you totally consume me? That you're the most infuriating, impossible, demanding, brilliant, awe-inspiring and amazing person I've ever known?
I have nothing left, Donna. I thought nearly losing you in Gaza would be the end of me. I was wrong. This is a thousand times worse, because now I *know* that you hate me, that you blame me, that you want nothing to do with me. At least when you were in that hospital bed in Germany, I could look at you and touch you and say things to you that I knew you must be hearing *somewhere* in that wicked mind of yours.
Do you know what it did to me, seeing your eyes light up when Colin entered the room? Do you have any idea??
If I've been blind for all these years, it's because you blinded me.
I don't care if you come back to yell at me or just work with me or because of something finer. I've never been good at this -- you know that. I missed out on all the Casanova classes...I doubt I even rate as a Gomer. I just need you, Donna. Stay with me. Please. Stay. Come back.
I have nothing left, except this:
I love you.
- Josh
TBC...