Is it just me, or was everyone on a boat in the '60's?

Boats, or 'Flap Jacks' as they were slangly dubbed, seemed commonplace in the 60's. If you were somebody who was anybody, you were on a boat. If you didn't have a boat, you were an outcast. Most likely your life was cut short due to ridicule and persecution. Now, we all know that ridicule and persecution – alone can't harm you, but when pummeled with fishing rods, broken wine bottles and planks, it is only a matter of time before your blood fills the waters in a vibrant cascade of red.

The 60's! A time of peace and boats!

Now, I know what you’re thinking. "Wow, the 60’s must have been a great time to live!" Well, yes and no. There are many advantages to being on a boat for a decade of your life. For instance, you had a captain to whom you looked up to. He ran the boat and made life bearable. He sang sweet, sweet songs to pass the time and his breath smelt of honey and vanilla blossoms. Captain Joe (as depicted in the photo to the right) is a perfect example of what a captain should be. His stout legs give ample leverage to his abdomen/chest. Every once in a while the Captain needs to take a break and rest his captains quarters with a nice ‘sit-down’. Don't take this as a sign of weakness. Oh no.... the captain's gonna be just fine!

There were also many activities boaters could participate in. Why, here is just one example of some exercises people would do to get their blood flowing.

But times weren’t always so happy. Sometimes people would die. On the boat, if you can believe that! Diseases ran rampant from boat to boat. With all the talk of ‘Free Love’ nobody was bothering to bath properly between sexual enjoyments. ‘Boat Hopping’ as it is now called, was the main reason for the death of 3 US Presidents! And if that’s not enough the treatment was almost as brutal as the sickness itself.

Horse injection of mescaline left the patients with boils on their bodies and hallucinations. Once such hallucination was drawn on a tablet of paper and placed in a bottle. We found said bottle.

It is said that the dead often saw George Washington just before they died. Along with this picture is a short story told by the artist.

Feb. 13, 1967
-- Poor Richard is talking to me among garbled speech and the frightened smile his face now holds. His talk is only of George Washington. “Dear George, why doest though love another? Breath down my neck and make me feel alive again! What is this weird feeling in my pants? Is it right for a man to love another man? Only George Washington can tell you!” I cannot make out the rest and I have left out incoherent words for your benefit.

This is the only 60's I remember

We recently caught up with 3 individuals to enquire of their memories on a boat.... in the 60's. Victor, Cyle and Brutus recall their fondest memories.

Victor: Do you guys remember being on a boat in the 60's? I seem to remember at one point in the 60's where everyone was on a boat. They all got sea-sick and had to shove a couple of sugar packets under their boat to keep from 'rocking'. Those were some great times...

Cyle: Yea, I barely remember the boat rockin' 60's. I do remember our parents standing on the boat, calling out to us...We were at the other end of the boat, playing. We used to hide the sugar packets so the adults couldn't find them. wow, the 60's. All I can remember is boat.

Victor: Hey, you remember that time when the boat almost turned over and everyone aboard started falling in the water? (Smirking with a far off look on his face) I broke my leg when some fat guy in a pair of water trousers slipped on a (classic) banana peel and ended face down on the lower part of my calf. (shaking his head smiling; coming too).... haha... those were the best boat times.... BOAT!!

Brutus: I remember urinating in the mess hall of said boat!

Cyle: I puked in there.

Brutus: I once skated on my own diarreah in there...

Cyle: I shit worms everywhere.

Brutus: I am afraid of worms....but not leeches...

Victor: I spat a penny 20 miles in the air and won the 'Blue Ribbon for Spitting'.... ribbon.... I pinned it to some old man's genitals.

Cyle: I shot an apple out of my ass and into somebody's arrow....

Brutus: I once spooned a honeydew melon out with my member!

Cyle: I laid the entire length of the L&N railroad with my testicles.

Brutus: One time, I forced my science teacher to dry hump the science lab skeleton!

Victor: On the Boat?

Brutus: well, of course, silly! You were there commenting loudly that you really needed cotton candy to enjoy the show!

Cyle: You forced the teacher with a gun, but I did it before you, with a spork.

Brutus: I used a spork to gloss my anus one chilly November day!