You have an undiscovered talent that could be very helpful to the overall health of public broadcasting

You have an undiscovered talent that could be very helpful to the overall health of public broadcasting, but it won't make you any money. NPR lovers will pay hundreds of dollars to hear you recite tongue twisters during pledge drives. Practice this one: "I slit a sheet. A sheet I slit. Upon the silted sheet it sit."

You are going to discover the skeleton of a heretofore unknown species of dinosaur in a remote area of the Grand Staircase/Escalante National Monument. This creature is remarkable for the size of its coprolites, many of which will be preserved in the same rock formation. You can name it Fibrosaurus if you want to, but resist the temptation to sell the fossil to a rich collector in Shanghai.

Don't ever tell your friends that anything might be wrong. They all mean well, and each one will demand that you read another book on spiritual wholeness or alternative herbal remedies. Tell 'em you've got a fifth of "Good for What Ails You" in the cabinet and that'll do just fine, thank you.

In your great-grandfather's estate, you'll find an antique Flobert rifle from the 1890's, complete with a box of ammunition. Don't shoot it. It was a piece of junk then and it's a rusty piece of junk now. Even the 1909 Sears catalog said, "Don't buy a Flobert. Buy a good gun."

Clear Channel is about to buy the sole remaining radio station in America. After that, they'll own them all. That means you can abandon any hope you ever had of getting your song on the radio